I'm in the back of English class right now. I haven't been paying attention at all. The teacher must think I'm taking notes, or he feels sorry for me. I've been getting that a lot lately, and only you know how much it irks me. If everyone would just act like life was normal, maybe I could believe it. Ugh. The pitiful glances people give me in the halls! Maybe they are just confused 'cause they have never seen me without you. Yeah, we'll go with that, because I hate the alternative.

I waver between resigning to the truth and trying to run around it. Maybe if I ignore it, the world will set itself right again.

I should start writing another high point of our time together. Well, not exactly a "high" point for me, though you may beg to differ on that terminology. It started when you suddenly became infatuated with that blonde girl. I was ticked, seeing as you always told me I was pretty, but she was everything I wasn't. She had flawless porcelain skin, bright blue eyes, and hair the color of leprechaun's gold at the end of a rainbow.... at least that's how you described it while I died of laughter. You asked me to talk to her for you, and I did. I even got her to go out with you. Wow, I must be a miracle worker! Or she had no brain. As much as I would like the former, we both would probably agree on the latter.

While all that was gross and annoying, it wasn't the problem. That predicament occurred because I wasn't told the date of your plans, or that you would go back to yours afterward. That Saturday I was just sitting at home really wanting to watch some SpongeBob. Since mom doesn't believe in cable, that would mean a venture to your house - a feat I had fulfilled many times for similar purposes. (sorry for the pretentious words. You know I get hyped about English)

Wanting to see if you would join me for the marathon, I threw open your door, hoping to scare you. Haha well I did. Oh, boy did I! But I think I scared myself more.

Both your little fourteen-year-old selves were sitting on your bed, crisscross-applesauce like the nerd you are, but you coincidentally were also –as much as I hate the term yet for lack of a better one- sucking face. When the door hit the opposite wall, you pulled apart. Stark white, you stared at me, wide eyed. After the shock wore off, though, you looked more terrified than anything. The girl glared at me, crossing her arms.

"I thought you said you two didn't have anything going on?" she questioned, turning to you.

"We, uh, we don't," you stuttered, chuckling nervously as your eyes shot back and forth between us. Now in my wiser years I know why you were terrified! What human wouldn't be when stuck between two hormonal girls?

It has come time for me to admit another mistake of mine. I really shouldn't have done what I did next, but I really hated that girl.

"Did he taste of Cheetos?"

"What!?" the girl squeaked, turning to you for explanation.

Your pupils dilated before focusing on me. I was already dead in your eyes, so why not have some fun?

"Yeah, I was just wondering if he tasted like Cheetos to you, 'cause-"

"Ugh! You lied to me!" she screamed in your face before stomping out.

The silence was literally making my chest concave, and mom was already making fun of me for how flat it was, so I decided to break the silence.

"What's up with your hair?"

You fingered the straightened strands falling to the side of your face. "I straightened it," you muttered.

"Why?"

"What is your problem!? Gosh, you're so annoying!"

"Hey! You're the one who kissed me! AND I got you the date in the first place!"

"Why do you have to bring that up!? And you kissed back!"

"So? Maybe I just felt sorry for you!"

"I could have got the date by myself anyway! If I knew you would just sabotage it, I would never have asked for help." Tears brimmed your eyes, and you sniffed, rubbing angrily under your nose. "She said it would look better like this. I look older."

"I like the curls."

"I don't care what you like!" you screamed, throwing a pillow at me.

I wanted to run, but that didn't work so well for me last time. "Ashton?" I whispered, crawling onto the bed and sitting in front of you. You looked away, blinking rapidly, and pulled your knees to your chin. I smiled and poked your sock clad feet, but you ignored me. "Hey, Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just wasn't thinking and-"

"You never think!" you yelled, a vein becoming prominent in your reddening neck as you kicked out at me.

You missed, and I know it was on purpose. You were the type that captured the bugs to let them go outside, except spiders. We both let our moms handle those.

"Ash?"

"Go away!" You still weren't looking at me.

"No. I will not leave this time."

"Come back tomorrow. I'll be better then."

"But we never know if we have tomorrow." I pouted even though you couldn't see me. Little did I know that I pretty much just prophesied our future. At the time, I didn't know what would happen, what our future held. I just wanted to see your hazel eyes clear. "If we don't work this out now, we might not talk for months."

"Fine. Then come back next year. I don't care. I just know I hate you."

As soon as you said the words, you looked up at me sheepishly, begging me not to have heard, but I did.

"Love you too, Irwin," I said softly, crawling off the sheets. I wrapped you in a hug while you still hugged your knees. You refused to look at me.

When I passed through your front door, it was the last time I would do so for almost a year, and, frankly, that was the worst year of my life. It may have been even worse than now, because you cut me out willingly. A choice in the matter can mean a lot.

Well, the lunch bell just rang.

Wish me luck? Yeah, you do.

Love you too Irwin,

~Sierra.

"Can I help you?" the teacher asked as he straightened his desk. I shook my head and shoved the papers into my bag, careful not to rip them. Finally lifting my soar neck I looked around to find all the other students gone. Maybe that would mean the halls would be fairly empty as well. I hoped.

My wish was not to be anyone's command, because the hall was still packed. It parted like the red sea as I trailed down toward the library. I wasn't hungry, especially for anything the school had to offer. As I stepped through the doors into the book filled room, I hooked my finger into my belt loop and tugged my jeans up.

I sat at one of the study tables and memorized the grain of the wood. Running my finger over an indention, I smiled as I remembered Ashton carving it in with a pen while I was supposed to be helping him with math. In the corner sat my name, Sierra, and just below it resided Irwin.

My phone vibrated, and I glanced at it. The screen displayed a message from Luke, and a short while after two more followed from both Michael and Calum.

"Sisi?" a soft voiced questioned as if asking permission.

I shook my head, pulling out a fresh sheet of paper

"Sisi, you don't look well. Please eat." Kat laid a half eaten sandwich in front of me, and I brushed it aside, placing the paper in its place.

"Fine. Kill yourself. See if I care," she said, walking away.

"Maybe I will."

"Sierra!" she screamed, earning a dirty look from the librarian.

"I'm joking."

"That's nothing to joke about!" She slammed her fists on the table. "Gosh! I just care about you! Why can't you understand that!?"

"It doesn't seem like it! All you do is try and make me feel better!"

"That's what friends do!"

"No. Friends understand each other, and if you understood me, you would know to just forget it and act normal."

"How am I to just forget it, Sisi!? I loved the boy too! So did Calum and Luke and Mikey! You act like you're the only one going through something!"

"Well I still love him. He understands."

"In the name of all that is in existence, the boy is-"

"Katrina Base! I shall have to ask you to leave," the librarian cut in, offering me an apologetic look before escorting my 'friend' out.