---Chapter XIX: Hide and Seek (Part 4)---

-=-=-

"'Ello there, love! How lovely to see you here~"

The young redheaded was surprised at the Brit's cheerful greeting. "Y-Yeah."

Nodding, the Brit continued, "What's your name, poppet?"

"...I'm America."

And all too quickly, a knife was placed under young Allen's neck. The strawberry blonde teen, swiftly grabbed him and restricted the American's movements. Struggle and Allen's throat will face the cold blade of the Brit's knife. The one who had the upper hand, however, kept his grin the whole time, maybe even wider. But his cold words were hollow and full of spite,

"I know."

-=-=-

  -=-=-=-=-

//Allen's PoV//


Ah. That scene again.

Watching the events unfold in front of me felt sickening. A memory, nothing more. A memory from a long time ago. Yet, the feelings. The feelings could still be felt. I could feel the dark, welled up emotions that was swirling within the deranged Brit that rested a cold blade by my neck. I could feel the anger. I could feel desire to kill.

I could feel the hate.


Pure hate.


For me.


How funny that was. He felt the same feelings I had for myself.


And just by looking at my younger self from a distance, I could see how the light in my eyes dimmed more than ever. The younger version of myself didn't move, but his sides trembled slightly. Eyes watering, trying his best not to let it trickle down his cheeks in utter vulnerability. Trying to reason out why everyone hated him, why he hated himself. But there was no other reason for him to reason out. His eyes already accepted defeat, fate.

The memory was still so fresh to me, no matter how many years, decades, had passed. I could still remember what I said, with that cold blade under my neck.


"Go ahead."


Just minutes after I was finally free from being just a mere reflection, the world instantly showed me how it didn't want me. The person who looked just like me didn't accept me. Neither did this stranger who painfully looked like the cause of all my loneliness and desperation. It wasn't fair.

The moment I started existing, all I felt was pain.

And it was the worst kind. The kind you don't see. The kind you don't hear. The kind that tries eating your consciousness. The kind that voices out how useless and pathetic you are. The kind of pain that only hurts something as abstract as what they call 'emotions'. Feelings.

I'd rather feel the pain that pierces through my skin, my body. Much so that I would become numb to it. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted it all to stop.


"Go ahead...and kill me already."


I could feel my own throat form a lump as the buried emotions from the past slowly resurfaced because of the memory playing before us. I was just standing, clenching my fists, gritting my teeth. Just...hating myself for being that way. For being so, so weak.



The strawberry blond Brit in the vision before us began moving his hand, steadying the knife at a dangerous angle. Just hurry up and end it all already--

"STOP!!" someone shouted out, breaking me away from my own muddled thoughts. The source of the voice was this (h/c)-haired girl, with panicked (e/c) eyes. "Allen! What's going on?! What's Oliver going to--?? Can't we do something, I--.... Allen!!" her voice started to crack, trying to choke back the sobs.

"Is he going to--to..?" Without thinking, she ran towards the translucent forms in the memory playing, only to just pass through them. She couldn't do anything about it.

It's useless.

It's useless!


Why...are you trying so hard?


"It's just a memory, dollface." I gave a heavy sigh. "Stop wastin' your goddamn tears."

Despite being tear-stricken, the girl managed to give me a glare. She's angry. Having someone feel that about me wasn't new.

"It's not a waste if it's someone you care about, idiot!"

The way she worded her concern made me chuckle a bit. Really, no matter how much you try to remember the weights and the burdens that had troubled you for countless years, this girl somehow has this indescribable and unfathomable magic that fucking destroys the darkness in you. How does she fucking do it? What the hell. She's not perfect. Back then I thought she was pretty annoying. Someone who geniunely cares for others more than she cared for herself---I think that's goddamn stupid. I wouldn't do it. But she does.

She's no saint. She's no saviour.

Giving us a form of hope, of light in this damned world we've come to know...it won't make us forget the horrors of our past. It won't make us forget the pain. It won't make us forget the evil that lies within us.

But the fact that we met her here helped us blur the memory and numb the pain.

It's pretty fucked up. Hah.


"C'mon, doll." I tugged her sleeve. "Cryin' yourself ugly when you don't even know what happens next is stupid, y'know?"

"H-Huh..?" she muttered as she wiped her tears. Looking up, she directed her attention back to the memory before us.


The strawberry blond Brit in the vision before us began moving his hand, steadying the knife at a dangerous angle.

And as he drove the knife towards young Allen's neck,

he stopped in a split second before the blade touched the skin.

"The desolation in your voice said it all." The Brit sighed as he dropped the knife and loosened his grip on the young redhead. "You're not the one I should kill. You're like me, aren't you..?"

"L-Like you..? Who even are you?" young Allen asked, slightly coughing from the pressure on his neck earlier. "...What are you..?"

"I'm an embodiment of one's chaotic mind, of one's weaknesses and dark, spiteful thoughts and emotions." The Brit explained soullessly. "The version of themselves that they truly are, but couldn't accept to be because of their selfishness and pride."

"We're beings that could never be saved because we are what the world had never wanted."

The young redhead takes a step back, still confused by the other's words. The strawberry blond Brit's features softened. "The fact that there exists a being other than myself...makes me feel torn between relief...and anger. You don't deserve this at all." The Brit raised his hand, making the smaller one flinch momentarily. "You haven't been out in this world enough to know that something the complete opposite of us exists."

Young Allen expected to be hit, but what he received was a gentle pat on the head. It's a foreign action to him, but he gradually looses his tension. "In this world, there exists kindness. We cannot be truly kind, I honestly believe we can't. But...maybe we could be ourselves and cheat our way to show others something that we ourselves do not deserve. It'll only be until there, I suppose, since we can never be saved from being who we really are."

Clenching his fists upon understanding what he meant, young Allen met with the Brit's eyes. "How are you so sure we can't be saved from....from this...?" he asked.

"Do you want to play hero, little one?"

"N-No..."

"Then what do you want to be..?"

"I don't know yet...but someday...I'll make sure to save you when the time comes."

"My, how ambitious. We'll be feared and hated by everybody come that day. I wonder if we're even allowed to dream?"

"Someday for sure."

The Brit let out a deep breath. "We'll bring chaos to this world...maybe even to the point of destroying it. Maybe by then...we can rebuild it to a world where we can be free from who we really are. But for now..."

"...we need to wait in the shadows, until that someday comes."


And at that, the memory fades.


"He didn't..." (Name) managed to murmur under her breath. "He didn't hurt you..."

I simply rolled my eyes. "Makes me feel more pathetic, if ya ask me."

"No no...what you two talked about..." She wasn't able to finish what she was saying as her facial expression turned into a sad one. I was about to feel irritated at that when she suddenly brought her hands to her face, giving both her cheeks a loud slap. I was taken aback. "What the heck was that, doll?"

"The 'you' that you used to hate in the past...is not 'you' anymore," she told me softly. "You're Al. You're rough around the edges, sure. You curse a lot, much to Ollie's disliking, yes. You still hold a grudge against the First Players because of what they've done to you, I know.

But I've seen you smile. I've seen you laugh. I've seen you joke around. I've seen you turn red. I've seen you care for someone other than yourself. I've seen you protect them. I've seen you wanting to save the others; to save me. You're not some self-righteous hero, no. That's not you."

"Then who do you think I am, doll?"

"You're Al. You guys don't really need to be 'the other version'. You're inimitable. You're your own original.

You're you." She gave me arm a reassuring pat. I could help but laugh. "Goddammit, dollface. I thought I already told ya I didn't like these cheesy sobfest moments?"

Chuckling a little herself, (Name) playfully punched my arm. "I know, I know. Thanks for ruining the moment, Al."

"You're welcome, doll." I took her hand in mine. "Now, let's find a way outta here."


"Yeah, let's g--AAAAHHH!!"


Without even giving me time to react, a grey alien-like creature had already attacked (Name) and causing her to be driven backwards due to the force of the attack. I was holding her hand, so I managed to wrap my body around her before we fell to the floor with a loud thud. It felt like the old floorboards could break below us any moment. "(Name)?? Dollface?? Are you alright?!" I shouted frantically, checking her for any wounds or injuries. She's wincing slightly, but I don't think she got badly hurt.

"You fucker! Who the fuck do ya think gave ya the right to mess with us?!" I shouted as I charged towards the creature with my nail-studded bat. I managed to hit its side and dodge another attack from it. These bastards just come out of nowhere and think they can fuck us up. Hah.


"I'm no self-righteous hero. If I need to kill to protect," I reached inside my bomber jacket and pulled out a gun. In one swift motion, I shot the monster right in the middle of its forehead. With a screech it began dissipating in the air. "...I'll kill."



With a small groan, I turned around to see (Name) massaging her side. "Ah..damn. I didn't expect that."

"Doll, you alright there?"

Giving me a thumbs up, she spoke, "Yep. I'm stronger than you think, Al. Hahaha!"

"Nah, I already know you were, dollface."

As she opened her bag, she took out some food and began eating some onigiri that was still packed in there. "The fact that ya can somewhat get all better by eating that shitty rice ball still confuses the fuck outta me."

"You and me both." Once she finished eating, I expected her to close her bag so we can go...but instead, she took out more onigiris and even cans of beer. "Doll, this isn't the time for a victory party."

"Quite the opposite, Al." Her gaze shifted towards the ceiling, which raised my guard up thrice as much as it was because I felt the rumble growing into a heavy shake.

Just as we suspected, different variations of the horrid grey creature began appearing all around us. I couldn't help but smirk.

"Oh, it's on."

~


You know I don't give a damn about what's "right"
Or pleasing everyone around me
Cause I know this world that brought us life
Wasn't made to keep everyone happy

The rules and laws that countries come up with
In front of me, they're all shit
Cause there are people that I've gotta protect
And if you get in my way, you're dead


"I'll make sure none of these creepy-ass monsters hurt us, doll." I told her as I shot the creatures one after another. Some hits, some misses. Shit, I got used to fightin' with the others that my skills got a little rusty. Hah. "Not like it'll be a problem," I chuckled as I took down another monster.

"Al, catch!" From the corner of my eye I saw (Name) throw a can of beer towards me. Catching it just in time, I turned back to her direction and winked. "Thanks, dollface."

Giving me a thumbs up, she smiled. "We can handle these guys, no probs."

"With you there, I'm sure we can." Reenergized after downing the cool liquid, I reloaded my gun and tried to shoot at the creatures with as much precision as I could.


We were made to exist in this world for all the wrong things. The world where we had existed in...it wasn't made to keep people like me happy. We weren't allowed to feel the feeling that we were made to destroy. Those First Players...those countries...they binded us in their goddamn laws as if they were holy and righteous. Hah! Fuck the rules. Fuck the laws.

I don't give a shit about those as long as I can protect the people that matter to me.




You see I'm tired of trying to justify
Every decision that I make
If it's to save the people that I stand by
You better believe what I say

"Stay in the lines, don't make a scene"
Heroes try to tell us what's right
But when push comes to shove, you'll know what I mean I'm ready to start a fight


That memory from earlier, it reminded me of something that I had thought of for so long.

-=-=-

  "Do you want to play hero, little one?"


"N-No..."


"Then what do you want to be..?"  

-=-=-

 I'm no hero.

I don't follow the goddamn laws. I'm not even binded by those, anyway, since our existence isn't technically recognized. But, even if it was, I still wouldn't care.

I'm no self-righteous person.

I won't do the "right thing" because I don't even know what the "right" thing is.

I won't help someone just because they need help.
I won't save someone just because they're in need.

I'm selfish.

I've hurt for the sake of hurting.

I've done so many wrong things.

I'm not perfect.

I'm no good.

I'm not good.


I don't think I'll ever be.


I don't think I'll ever change.


But despite the fact that I've already viewed myself as the lowest of the low, the darkest of the dark, the most hated of the hated...


"Al, you okay over there?" I heard her call out to me.

Out of bullets, I dropped my gun and picked up my nail-covered bat; swinging it at the monster's leg, causing it a good amount of damage. "I'm alright, (Name)."

From the corner of my eye, I could see her sigh in relief.



...despite the way I am, there are people who still care.


"You know, doll, I've realized something." I voiced out loudly as I was trying to fend off the few remaining creatures.

Holding out a riceball for me to bite on to regain some strength, she asked, "What is it..?"

After swallowing the food, I replied, "I ain't a hero. That shit ain't me. That hamburger bitch already self-proclaimed himself as the hero. That ain't gonna be me."

"Well, who are you gonna be, then?"


Forcefully hitting the monster with my bat caused it to dissipate in the air, causing me to smirk at my accomplishment.


"The anti-hero."




I'm gonna be the anti-hero
Feared and hated by everybody
I'm gonna be the anti-hero
So, I can save you when the time comes

I'm gonna be the anti-hero
Feared and hated by everybody
I'm gonna be the anti-hero
Yeah


"Al..." (Name) smiled at me warmly, her eyes gave a small twinkle. "I think that suits you perfectly."

I felt my heart throb for some unknown reason. Okay, maybe a known reason. Well, shit. I can already imagine Luci-boy's reaction when he finds out. Hah!

Just like him, I'm not gonna let myself lose something so important.



Righteousness is a thing that I hate
Cause it doesn't do any good for anyone
And everyone thinks everything is OK
If they just obey

I don't want to think about what they see
When they look up and see evil me
You see, love isn't what I need
As long as I can set you free



But maybe just like him, it wouldn't matter as long as she's...safe and happy.


We don't know yet, though. We are selfish, after all.


Or at least we'd want to be when it comes to her.


Ah, I'll leave that thought for later. We need to get away from these fucked up monsters and from this hellhole of a mansion first.

Just two more and we're in the clear. "Let's get this over with, ya shitfaces."

Another heavy hit at the creature's side caused it to audibly hiss. With another whack, it disappeared. One down. I turned to my right to where the other one was.

The monster shot out some weird attack, but was way off the mark. "What kind of aim was that, bitch?"

It didn't try to attack me again.

Oh shit no.

The impact of the creature's attack was enough to bore a hole at the ceiling above the area (Name) was standing. I quickly dashed towards her. "Get out of the way!!"


The wooden ceiling gave away and came crashing down on us.



Oh bum bum bum, watch out here I come
I said bum bum bum, you all better run
Oh bum bum bum, watch out here I come
So run!

"Stay in the lines, don't make a scene"
Heroes try to tell us what's right
But when push comes to shove, you'll know what I mean I'm ready to start a fight

I'm gonna be the anti-hero
Feared and hated by everybody
I'm gonna be the anti-hero
So, I can save you when the time comes

I'm gonna be the anti-hero
Feared and hated by everybody
I'm gonna be the anti-hero
Yeah


"(Name)...are you okay, doll?!" I asked frantically. I was able to cover her from the falling debris, but I had to make sure.

She was breathing heavily from the rush of adrenaline, but she replied, "Y-Yeah...I'm alright. Thanks, Al.."

Standing up and dusting our clothes off, I coughed. "Ugh. What the fuck was that all about?"

"...The monster's...gone." (Name) noticed. "It must've did that to create some sort of diversion to escape."

"Or...or was it...?" I managed to say as I picked up a piece of paper that stuck out from the debris.

Intrigued, the (h/c) haired girl leaned closer to inspect the paper, as well. "It's..you don't think that's blood...do you?"

"Smells like it." I frowned as I notice something unsettling about the scent. Turning the paper to the other side, the both of us gained confused expressions on our faces. "It's just a single letter."


L


"It's just the letter 'L'? What..? Do you think it's some sort of message?" she wondered aloud. She could be on to something, but what would it mean..?

With a shrug, I decided to hold off thinking about it for now. "Let's just hold on to this paper for now, dollface. We gotta move outta here before the whole hall collapses on us."


"Yeah, let's..." she trailed off into a softer volume as we suddenly heard...footsteps. Heavy footsteps.


And a cold, eerie breeze suddenly rushes through the hall.


Covering my nose and mouth, I suddenly shifted into a protective stance in front of (Name). "That...ain't right. Wind wouldn't be able to enter here...the whole place is sealed shut...." I thought.


One heavy footstep.

And another.


"Come out, come out, wherever you are~... Just kidding."


And at that, everything suddenly became pitch black.


"I already know you're here."