This chapter was inspired by a Hetalia fanfiction where Romano and Spain were in the middle of the Arizona desert for some reason. I tried to find the fanfiction and the author who wrote it, but I can't seem to find it for some reason. If anybody knows what I'm talking about, send me a link so I can properly credit them for inspiring me to make a similar chapter here. Anyway, continue reading.

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Arizona. The 48th state is essentially a desert inhabited by old people. Contrary to their elderly population, she's one of the youngest states in the Union, having become a state in the early 20th century. Compared to the others, she's known to be a mischievous imp who gets into all sorts of trouble. As a result, New Mexico somehow ends up on the short end of the stick whenever he gets involved with her shenanigans. Which funnily enough, he got arrested for the first time in his life because of her.

Like every country in the world, there are laws that dictate the order and civility of society. America and its federal laws are no exception. The States of America, too, have their own laws that only apply to the land within their borders. Some state laws are understandable such as tax laws and school laws. However, there are some state laws that are beyond bizarre, known to be ridiculously silly and outdated. And one of the most famous involve a cactus and New Mexico in handcuffs.

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"Mucho... calor..." New Mexico wiped the sweat off his brow as his sore legs trek down the only road through the blazing desert.

Trudging ahead of him was America. He used his brown suit jacket as a canvas to shield him from the sun's rays which didn't help much. The sleeves of his damp, not-so-white, buttoned shirt and brown pants were rolled up to the elbows and knees. His golden blond hair was frazzled with sweat and particles of sand. He kept rubbing his sapphire blue eyes constantly, trying to get the sweat off his brow. In his mind, his biggest mistake was skipping out on his fitness goals. After walking for nearly an hour, he wanted to stop and rest. Sadly, they couldn't. They needed to keep going.

"Damn it! I can't believe we missed our train!" America whined.

"We wouldn't be here if you hadn't wasted time munching on burgers," New Mexico grumbled.

Both country and state were on their way to visit Arizona. Unfortunately, due to a certain fat-ass, they missed their train. Rather than wait for the next train, America thought it would be a great idea to drive there instead. Midway through their road trip, their black Ford came to a halt. Unable to stand the 108°F summer heat, the hood vomited up steam and sputters before dying on them. The nearest gas station and payphone was in the town they were heading. Left alone on a two-lane, dirt road, the two had thought on waiting for any passing vehicle willing to help them get to the next town. However, after twenty minutes of waiting, America and New Mexico found out why few cars traveled down this rural road.

In a few hours, the sun would set and the chilly temperatures of the night would set in. Rather than waste time hitchhiking for a ride, America and New Mexico decided to walk down the road, hoping to make it into town before the desert became cold and dark. Unfortunately, they were traversing the Arizona desert in the summertime.

It was the Devil's crotch. It's nowhere close to Satan's armpit in the South or Lucifer's ass crack in Nevada, but it still felt like hell nevertheless. If there was a breeze, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. Sadly, there wasn't. The air was hot like an oven, slowly burning them until they were burnt to a copper crisp. Not a cloud in the sizzling sky was there to block the brutal sun's rays. Just a bright blue day and a giant, white ball of inferno cooking them up like eggs on baked, red dirt. 

The Arizona desert, although wondrous to any tourist looking over the Grand Canyon, was a horrible place to be for any hopeless, lost soul. Life in Arizona was as deadly as its flora. Barren, flat land decorated with dead, beige shrubs and thousands of spiky, artichoke green cacti. There was no watering hole or an oasis for miles. Only wasteland. You had to be tarantula or a scorpion or else you're going to die. If you happen to be an unprepared idiot who somehow got stranded here, your survival in this hostile environment is low. Very low.

Our two young travelers are already running out of water, already seeing why few people wanted to risk their lives going through here. They could only hope they don't encounter any coyotes or rattlesnakes before they reached the town. That's if they're able to get past their fatigue and dehydration first.

"Dude! Is that a gas station up ahead?" America appeared excited for a second.

New Mexico squinted his eyes at what he was pointing at. "No. That's a bunch of cacti," he grumbled.

"Are you sure? I swear I saw a bunch of people over there."

"No. That's a cactus."

"What about that?"

"That's a shrub."

"But-"

"America! There's no one here! We are nowhere near a gas station nor the town!" New Mexico yelled in an irritable manner.

America turned to him worryingly. "Dude. Calm down. Are you alright?"

New Mexico drooped like a dead plant. "Sorry... It's the heat. It's getting to me..."

"It's alright, dude. I'm feeling heated myself." Alfred wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead.

He nodded. "We better hurry and get to town."

The two agreed.

They walked onward, enduring the heat waves that hit their their backs and necks. The heat should've cooled down slightly. Yet, it seemed the day had gotten more intense. The whole world looked like it was melting, almost like it's evaporating. It was important they stay hydrated. Unfortunately, they already drank the last amount of water in their water bottles. Things are starting to heat up, but not in a good way.

America groaned, "Need... water..." He kept blinking his eyes, beginning to see dark spots cloud his vision.

"Hang in there, America. We'll make it town. We just... We just need to persevere..." he mumbled, unaware he had passed America who lagged behind him.

"So... tired... So... thirsty..."

"Persevere. Keep walking and persevere, America." New Mexico's eyes came up off the ground.

The silhouette he thought he saw in front of him was not there anymore.

"America?" He frantically looked around and saw the nation lying face down on the ground. His eyes widened. "America!" He rushed to his side. "America! Stay with me!" He screamed, trying to shake the nation awake.

America blinked his eyes, squinting them to see New Mexico's tanned face. "Go on... without me. I'll be fine..." He made a small chuckle which didn't reassure Alvaro whatsoever.

"N-No! No! You're not going to die on me. Not like this. Not like this." New Mexico's eyes watered.

"Water... Need water..." America whispered before passing out.

New Mexico bit his lip. He attempted to get America on his feet. Unfortunately, he wasn't strong enough to carry the nation over his shoulders, leaving him defeated.

'I can't leave him like this. There's got to be another way...' He gritted his teeth.

He wasn't going to ditch him, especially not temporarily.

He scanned the area around him. Nothing, but desert for miles. Not a car in sight. Not a human within walking distance. Not even a pool of water he could use to help rejuvenate their spirit. What could he do? Think, Alvaro. Think!

He scanned his surroundings once more. Again, a land of red sand and dirt. Only a forest of dry shrubs and saguaro cacti...

'Wait a minute! Cacti!' He stood up, feeling hopeful once again.

The young state searched his pockets. He pulled out a small pocket knife, and went ten yards off the dirt road. He trudged into the desert, passing by a small, spiky, dark green bush before approaching a twenty-two foot tall saguaro cactus. The cactus had eight curved arms pointing toward the sky, covered in thick, rubbery, army green skin lined with millions of sharp, tiny spines. At the top of some of the arms were white flower buds. And on top of the tallest arms were ruby red fruit no bigger than natural strawberries. As much as Alvaro wanted to pick the fruit off the cactus, he was, unfortunately, too short to get them. The state could only stare up at the cactus as a Gila woodpecker flew to the top of the cactus with ease, somewhat mocking him as it plucked a red fruit off the cactus like a cherry.

Unable to get the fruit, New Mexico went with his backup plan. He recalled cacti having stored gallons of water within its trunk. He went up to the lowest arm that was two feet above the ground, about three feet long and eight inches wide in diameter. All he needed to do was cut the cactus open and cut out some of its moist innards. Seems simple enough.

The Gila woodpecker went inside a hole on the right side of the tree, chirping with amusement at the desperate Hispanic American trying to save his friend dying from thirst.

"Okay. How am I going to do this?" he muttered to himself.

Never in his life had New Mexico cut open a cactus, especially with a pocket knife. The spines were a big problem. Getting a hundred needles stuck in his hand is the last thing he wanted to do. Yet, he might not have a choice. His inexperience won't stop him from saving Alfred. He needed water, and he needed Alfred to get back on his feet.

Taking a deep gulp, New Mexico carefully plunge the three inch blade of his knife into the cactus arm's spiny skin. Inch by inch, he carefully moved his blade around the arm. Inch by inch, he made progress. About halfway into cutting the cactus, a wispy, clear liquid started to dew along the cut, making him more determined to continue cutting.

Eventually, the small blade finally ripped through the final piece of skin. With the knife, he pushed the top section of the cactus arm, and the chunk fell onto the ground. The arm that remained revealed a green, chlorophyll circle surrounding a white, spongy tissue. He couldn't help, but give a hoot to this accomplishment. He sawed into the exposed white tissue, cutting out chunks out of the cactus. Again, he couldn't help, but cheer for joy.

"Thank God! We're saved!" New Mexico plopped a chunk of cactus meat into his mouth. The acidic bitterness made him spit it out immediately in disgust. "Yuck! Bleh!"

"Freeze!" an authoritative voice shouted behind him.

He flinched and froze.

"Drop the cactus and put your hands up where I can see them!"

Right away, he dropped the cactus chunks and raised his arms in the air. He had no idea what was going on, but he wasn't the least upset. In fact, he was ecstatic.

"Thank goodness! My friend! He-" He was about to turn around, and meet his savior.

"Don't move or I'll shoot you!" the officer warned.

The cock of the gun forced New Mexico to nervously look away. "P-Please don't shoot! My f-friend! My friend's dying, and needs water. Please help him!"

"Forget about your friend. You've committed a crime, mister."

"W-What? What crime? I didn't do anything."

"Tell that to the judge, lawbreaker."

"B-But I was thirsty! There was no water a-and my friend passed out on the road. He's in need of help. Please, officer! I don't care what you do to me. Save my-"

He couldn't help but turn around. He was desperate to save America. He wanted the officer to sympathize with him. He was in for a shock.

Standing in front of him was a teenager. She wore a brown cap and police uniform alongside a pair of sunglasses that helped protect the fierce nature in her eyes. The fiery copper-head giggled seeing his jaw dropped onto the ground.

"Don't worry, bro! America is in the back of the car. He already drank two of our water bottles, so he's completely fine." Arizona smiled.

Alvaro let out a sigh of relief. "Thank good- Wait a minute! What are you doing with those cuffs?" He pointed to the pair of metal cuffs she twirled around her left index finger.

"You, sir, are in big trouble."

"Me?! I was dying in the desert!"

"No excuses! You broke a law, therefore you're a criminal." She tried to sound tough, but with her prepubescent voice she sounded like a child playing an officer. He couldn't take her seriously.

"What law? I was only cutting a cactus!"

"Exactly! That cactus is protected under law and you, sir, are going to prison for it."

"P-Prison?! What?!"

"Twenty-five years at a maximum, young man!"

"Twenty-five years! That's insane!" he exclaimed, turning pale at the thought of being in a cramped, prison cell.

"You should've thought of that before cutting up that cactus."

"It's not my fault! I was dying of thirst! How am I supposed to know such a dumb law exists?"

"Dumb?! Sir, the saguaro cactus is sacred around these parts. What you're doing is the same as murder!"

"Murder! I was trying to save America!"

"Yeah, right. Tell that to the judge when you see him." She cuffed his wrists.

"Cut the act! You know me. Just let this slide, and take me and America into town."

She grimaced. "This is not an act. And of course I'll be taking you to town. You're going to the local jail, mister." Arizona got her baton out and poked at his back. "Now walk!"

He scoffed in disbelief. "This is crazy!"

"Says the crazy dude who cut a cactus. Now walk!" She poked him again.

"Aria! Listen to me! Oof!" He tried to convince her, but he was given another poke by the baton.

"It's Officer Arizona, sir. Now respect my authority and walk!"

Unable to convince her, New Mexico made the walk of shame back to the police car with Aria giggling behind him. Fortunately with pleas of mercy, he was only sentenced to a week of community service in addition to a hefty fine by the Arizona judge.

Lesson to be learned kids: Never cut a cactus down in Arizona unless you want to go to prison for 25 years. Also, bring lots of water whenever you're travelling.

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While there is a law in Arizona that protects the saguaro cactus, a sentence of 25 years isn't likely. It's still a class four felony, so those who do break do the law are most likely going to be sentenced for 3 years and 9 months at a maximum. There are ways to cut down a cactus in Arizona like getting special permits, or exceptions whenever the cactus poses as a potential hazard to humans. Without a doubt, the saguaro cactus is a sacred plant to Arizona. Of course, this isn't the only state law that's weird or outdated. There are also local level laws within the state that are as weird and outdated as the state laws. I hope to cover such laws in the future, so until then feel free to search up these laws on the Internet.

On another side note, drinking water out of a cactus is mostly a myth. The water within the cactus's flesh is too acidic for human consumption. Anyone who tries to consume it can do more damage to their body, inducing vomiting, diarrhea, or temporary paralysis. However, there are some exceptions. Both the prickly pear cactus and one species of barrel cactus is safe to consume for water. Also, the cactus's fruit is safer to consume, and are a better source of hydration although they're only available at certain times. Overall, just bring lots of bottled water whenever going to a desert. In fact, just don't get stranded in a desert. That's actual better advice now that I think about it.

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Feel free to vote or leave a comment on your thoughts of Arizona or place suggestions for future chapters on Arizona (history, facts, etc.)