Jealousy

Requested by lost1in1love

He became distant.

He became something I yearned for every day.

It was a compelling feeling that made me want him to be by my side all the time.

He said he loved me, but he never touched me.

I wanted that feeling of his body on me, just one more time.

I wake up gloomy, not in the mood for anything. He would not hold me at night. It was cold. Shivering, I wrapped my arms around my torso to put some heat upon  myself. It did not help to warm the insides. My heart wanted him, so badly, but he did not want me that much. He still claims he loves me, but he never showed it. He avoids me at bedtime, and when I ask him why, he always says the same thing: "I don't want children."

I could understand his statement, but it did not mean he could avoid being intimate, especially with his spouse. I lied back in bed, feeling numb. Arthur went to work again. Ever since we got married, he became a workaholic. I was stuck home, doing nothing. I wanted children so bad, to nurture them and to care for them, but want I want more right now is for him to touch me in the most loving way possible.

I sighed. That was never going to happen. As I slowly got up, I had received a text message. I grabbed my phone from my nightstand and read the message. It was from Alfred, one of Arthur's adopted kid that went rebellious and left him at such a young age. He was the only other person to know about mine and Arthur's private matters.

I wanted this so bad. I wanted someone to understand how I feel, and honestly, Arthur was not going to listen to me. I got up and got ready to see Alfred.

I put on something simple, sweatpants and an over-sized t-shirt. It was not much. I headed out, not wanting to let Arthur know of my whereabouts. He was too busy working to notice how I feel. I sighed. I was close to having a divorce from him, but there was something that was stopping me from doing that. I still loved him.

I went out of the house and walked my way over to Alfred's place. He stood outside the doorway, waving at me like that little dork he is. It was a bit entertaining to see him be all this way, and it made me wish that Arthur was that way. However, life cannot be the way I want it to be so I have to live with the disappointment my entire life along with the longing for someone to hold me and to touch me intimately.

I was having depressing thoughts again.

As soon as I stepped onto the porch of the mansion, I was engulfed into a hug. It was a bone-crushing hug, too, and it made me feel safe. Butterflies erupted in my stomach. There was this feeling that was a bit far-fetched for my kind of thinking, and it was weird. He had his arms wrapped around me like I was his closest friend, in which I was. I smiled, knowing that I am happy to have him hold me so dearly.

He sensed my mood and took his arm off of me, a cold presence filled the spot he let go of and I instantly missed it. I did not do anything, though, because that would have made me too obvious for something very unlikely of me asking someone I am not in an intimate relationship with. He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes. I felt a little uncomfortable by his gaze, but I stared.

And, oh, my God, look at his eyes. They made feel so helpless. (helpleeEEEeEEEEeeEeEEEssssss~ sorry.. HAMILTON KILLED ME)

"Yo, dude," his voice began. It was so smooth, so renowned, it made my legs feel like jelly. It was bad for me to say, but it was the truth. I have never felt like this for a long time and I missed it so much. "Are you alright?" He lightly shook my shoulders. I looked up at him and began to cry. The tears cascade down my face as my body shook in the swirls of emotions. He slightly panicked and grabbed me gently, holding me in his protective arms. I cried into his chest, my heart being shattered into millions of pieces.

He did not say anything, which was ironic of his reputation. He pulled me inside his house. I don't remember anything that happened after that but I remember laying down, crying with an arm wrapped around me.

The next morning, I awoke. I felt sort of relieved by the sleep, but there was a new feeling that stirred inside me. I felt icky, yet I felt really satisfied. (YoU WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED. SATISFIED. HE WILL NEVER BE SATISFIEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD). I opened my eyes and horror struck me.

I was not clad in my clothing. I was bare, I was naked, I was exposed. Next to me, lying on the bed, was someone that I had not wanted to see. It was Alfred. My heart was caught in my throat. I must have done something bad. I must have done something I should not have done. What would Arthur think? What would he do?

So many questions filled my head. I slowly got up, my legs sore. I put on my clothes and ran outside as quietly as I can. I ran. I ran as far away as I possibly could. There was one place for me to go to at the moment. It was the park. 

I breathed in a deep sigh. I sat at the bench, letting the warmth of the rising sun hit me across the face. I had to squint my eyes to protect them from the ultraviolet rays. My head rose to the sound of jogging. I turned my head and to my surprise, it was Arthur. He looked to be jogging to keep his physique. If only I could have that in bed with me every night, pleasuring me.

It was not an odd thought for a married person thinking about that about their spouse.

He did not even glance back at me. I tried everything to get his attention but he just continued his fast-paced jogging, ignoring me. I gave up and sighed, going home. I wanted to get away from everything at the moment.

A few weeks later, I had something very strange happening to me. I would feel sick sometimes. This morning, I threw up my breakfast because I was not feeling well. I tried to figure out what was wrong, but looking up symptoms on the internet was a sure fire way to think to yourself that you are going to die. Instead, I went to the doctor's office, one who was an expert at this kind of thing.

Hours had gone by, the doctor and I had discussed what could happen. He suggested I take a test, just to be sure, and sure enough, I took his advice. I went and grabbed myself a pregnancy test from the pharmacy. When I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom to take the test.

I was so shocked to see the results.

I was positive.

I was fucking positive.

It was still too early to receive this kind of news, but it was nonetheless too scary for me to continue on like this. I felt the need to die on the spot right there. I don't know how he is going to react to this news. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I got out of the bathroom, ridding the evidence, and waited in the living room for Arthur to come home.

He came much later than usual. It was weird to see him. He seemed to have lost all the spark he had for me whenever he looked at me. It was as if he was not happy with me anymore. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was not making the situation any better. When I got up, he finally looked at me in God who knows how long.

He had something he wanted to tell me, I could tell from the way he looked at me. I have been married to him for years and this is not the first time I caught him doing something behind my back. I held his gaze before he darted his eyes away and tried to make his way into our bedroom. Before he could, though, I grabbed his arm to turn him around. He looked a bit shocked at first, but when he looked at me again, he instantly knew I had something I wanted to say.

We never exchanged words for a few minutes. Actually, there was not even a moment that we shared a conversation. We just silently grew accustomed to each other.

My throat began to dry out. I opened my mouth and the words suddenly slipped out from between my lips.

"I'm pregnant." It was the most I have said to him in months. That sounded depressing. It's true. He was not fond of having me fawn over him every minute, and he did not want to touch me. It was as if he did not want anything to do with me. For a second, his eyes went wide with surprise. He turned his body so that he was fully facing me. He opened his mouth to speak as well.

"When did you find out?" His voice sounded gruff and rumble-y that it made me remember why I had fallen for him.

"Just today." Another awkward silence ensues. There was that nagging feeling I had every time I wanted to ask a question. "Um... it's not your... child."

I looked at him and immediately regretted it. He had a face of pure anger. He quickly shrugged my hand off him. Tears began to form in the corner of my eyes. This was not going as planned, and of course, it was my fault.

I brought this onto myself.

"Then whose fucking child is it, then?" He bellowed, taking a step towards me. I took a step back, whimpering in fear at the state I am in and how scary he was. His bushy eyebrows furrowed so deep it looked like a trench.

I whimpered and sobbed silently, my lower lips quivering violently.

"A-Alfred.." It was at that moment that I regretted everything I have ever done.

"Fuck you! Fuck! You! (Y/N), how long have we been married? I have given you everything and this is how you repay me? By cheating on me by someone I raised? You are sick, you bitch!" He did not slap me, though. And I was surprised. However, his words hurt and it made me retaliate.

"Oh, yeah? Well, who was the one that did not make me fulfill my desires of having children? Who was the one that did not make me feel happy at night before bed? All you ever did was sleep, eat, and work! Occasionally, you would come home and not even talk to me. You would have that dazed look in your eyes. Whenever you did look at me, there was nothing but emotionless shit being taken up in there. What have you been doing that kept yourself away from me. And the other day I was trying to catch your attention but you did not respond. You were jogging at your own pace. And don't forget about all the other times!" My anger flew over the rooftops. He looked at me and his eyes softened.

"Did you really think I didn't love you?" I nodded. He sighed. "I was planning for our anniversary... The reason I never touched you was because sometimes you get yourself high and would get crazy. Sometimes I was even afraid to touch you. You were not the same when we first got married all those years ago. Our anniversary is coming up next week. I wanted to do it then, but it seems you have already gotten it done." Sadness filled his eyes. Regret and sorrow filled mine.

I was in a full out sob-fest when I held onto him dearly. He rested his face in the crook of my neck. I held him tighter.

"I'm so sorry.." I began. "I'm so fucking sorry..." He chuckled lightly and looked at me.

"I understand, but now I'm going to have to murder someone." He then proceeded to dip me while planting a real passionate kiss that ended us up in the bedroom.

I am happy to say that I have him back, but my sins could never be forgotten. I would have to deal with that kind of sin in my life for the rest of my days.

I...

I could finally be the woman I want to be now that my life has shown some light.

And Alfred? He was sent to Russia for some "training."

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OHHH MYYYY GOSHHHH THIS TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that! It was a lot better for me to have taken a break rather than having to do the requests on the spot. This had over 2k words compared to my 400 word stories. Lol!

Oh, and don't forget! I have other stories you guys should read XD 

Enjoy!~