** *starts to read Gutters* *dies inside* more crack because I'm literally dead. **

"Okay guys," Alfred said earnestly, looking around at his friends. "We have a seriously important mission we have to do. And so those stupid head Axis dudes don't know who we are, we're gonna use some code names!"

"Mon dieu..." Francis muttered with a light eyeroll. Alfred ignored him. Or he just didn't see him.

"I'll be 'Eagle #1' because I'm the hero, duh!" He laughed, before pointing at Arthur Kirkland.

"Artie," he smirked more than he had to. " 'Did that'."

Arthur's eye twitched. "Excuse me but that was one bloody time."

"Commie," he looked at Ivan, who stared evenly back. " 'Currently doing that.' "

"Or you are meaning I am currently doing you."

"Ooooookaaaaay." Alfred laughed a little, trying not to blush. Dammit. "Frannie," he looked at him too. " 'It happened once in a dream.' "

Francis just rolled his eyes again.

"Yao," he looked at the frowning Asian man. " 'If I had to pick a dude.' "

"But all of us are 'dudes', Alfred!"

"Shh, that doesn't matter. And you," he looked at the last man.

"Me?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, you'll be... 'Eagle #2.' "

"Oh thank god." Matthew mumbled. That could've been more awkward.

"So are we ready?" Alfred bounced around excitedly. "C'mon guys we have to go defeat the bad guys! C'mon c'mon c'moooooon!"

"Wait just one second." Arthur said sharply. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. "What makes you the one who's supposed to be in charge, hm?"

The others nodded.

"Da." Ivan said.

"Oui." Francis agreed.

"I'm really done with your shit." Yao said.

The obvious answer was because Alfred was the hero! He was, too. But they never believed him. So he left silently.

"...that was easier than I expect--" Arthur started.

Alfred came back with a radio.

"Spoke too soon."

He hopped up onto the table, making the others wrinkle their noses. Then he pressed play on the radio. The beat started.

"CUZ I'M A BOSS ASS BITCH."