"You know who belongs in the kitchen?" Alfred said seriously to the camera. "Women."

Kat looked up from trying to tie her apron and gave a small smile. Alfred grinned back before continuing.

"And men."

Next to her, Antonio was standing on tip toes to pull down a pot for them to cook with. Behind him, pouting, Lovino looked pretty pissed (no surprise there).

"Children, when supervised." Alfred nodded wisely and moved the camera.

Peter tugged on Tino's sleeve. "Can I eat the cookie dough batter, Mum?"

"Don't call me Mum, love, I'm a man. No matter what Da says." Tino said lightly. "And no, you can get food poisoning that way." He stroked his son's hair gently.

"Some people eat fucking--"

"Children, Lovi!" Antonio said, aghast.

"--plastic bags. My strange addictions?" Lovino rolled his eyes. "Give the kid a piece of dough."

"Other people, too."

Logan dragged in Kaelin enthusiastically. Maybe a little more so than necessary. "C'mon, Kiwi! We gotta make sure you're not like..." He paused dramatically. "Like him..."

Kae wrinkled their nose. "Honestly, you're so rude. There's nothing wrong with Arthur's cooking."

Everyone else turned to stare at them, even Peter.

"Poor love," Tino said sympathetically. "He brainwashed you, didn't he?"

Kaelin threw up their hands. "Nutters! All of you! I swear to god!"

"But there's one person who should never be allowed in the kitchen." Alfred continued darkly.

"Hello, chaps!" Arthur Kirkland said warmly, clapping Antonio on the back. Weird, they weren't too chummy after the pirate days.... "Started without me, I see?"

"Under no circumstances..."

"Good morning, Tino, how's the husband?"

"Arthur." Tino sighed. "I'm not Berwald's wife, for the last time."

"Da is good!" Peter said, smiling innocently. "Better parent than you ever were, jerk..."

"If you want your loved ones to survive..."

"Kaelin, love." Arthur gave a one-armed hug to his relative. No one was quite sure how exactly the two of them were related, but they were. Then he looked up. "Alfred, what on earth are you doing?"

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?" Logan said slowly.

"NeverletArthurKirklandintoyourkitchen!" Alfred said all in one breath. "Whoo. Okay. And don't be sexist, folks!"

He grinned and turned around to see everyone staring at him, looking pissed. Kat sighed finally.

"Honestly I just came here to do the cooking..."