There had been a multitude of words that had been delivered to me in a string of 3 beads. 3 words. That's all they said. All of which was used to hurt me to the point of no return of built up my heart to where I could fly without looking down.

3-word phrases that had been infamous.

3-word phrases that had killed.

3-word phrases that had created life.

Made laughter.

Made tears.

Made memories both miserable and mesmerizing.

And yet I could not unhear them whenever I had to confront the former speakers.

DC: "I'm the heroine!!!"

"Consider me independent!!!"

Ottawa: "I am Ottawa...!"

"You never remember...!!!"

Paris: "Ah, Mon Ami~"

"To the guillotine!!!"

One wouldn't even believe that they were even like this before.

I don't know, perhaps I am just hallucinating this. I am just...I am not. I'm not isolated...I-I...just prefer to be alone...that's all.

...that's...that's all there is to it.

But whenever I go to visit. Unannounced, yes. I feel like I've seen the times when the bloody, sharp nails fall out of the holes that they've been pounded in to keep that...that onto their faces...to keep...to keep anyone...

...I thought I was lonely...

I thought I was the lonely one.

She had all the power. She was the most powerful capital in the world. It was like no one could faze her. She was a boundless bundle of energy. She was accepting. She accepted me. And I thought she left me forever, but...

Those wings...

They look so battered...yet so glorious. They were like her freedom.

"Freedom is something you need to pay a price to get. But once you get it, it might as well be tattered and worse than what you've bargained. That's why you need to be able to extract the goodness from it or else your heart will shatter like glass."

"Freedom is like a human heart. Both are beautiful things. But if love can amend it...then it becomes something more."

"But my heart is still in pieces. My wings are a tattered mess. My brain is damaged and I can't repair it."

"I am so lonely."

"Yet I am so powerful... a power that amounts to nothing."

Freedom is her heart. Freedom is her wings. But so is her power. Her strength. Her uncontrollable strength. A strength which they both mask behind...that.

She was quiet. She was a wind in the background, fluttering around like petals. Leaves. Vibrant, warm, red leaves that shined in comparison to the crimson color that was forcibly seeped into her memory.

I wonder if she had something about her that made her more mysterious than those around her. She was kind. She was gentle. But she had a fire. 

A fire that destroyed the fluttering red that she was.

She wanted to make herself into something else. She wanted to stand out.

She didn't want to be herself.

"Invisibility isn't fun. Invisibility isn't fair. Being lonely eats away at you like fire in a forest. The feeling of someone you've once thought cared about you, seeing right through and pass you is something no human would be able to live with."

"All of you are lucky. All of you can be seen. All of you can contribute and do something."

"I am so crushed."

"I am so jealous...but what good what I'd do...?"

She was full of flair. She was full of years of memories. Warm and frigid memories. The wind would billow through her hair. Through her cape. Her eyes would still sparkle a model-worthy shine. Her hair would be perfect and flawless. Her clothing would be top-notch and handmade. 

There was so much love that she wanted to express.

But just never knew or understood how.

All of us never took it correctly.

"Love is a beautiful thing. Like a double-edged sword. The bitting gleam that comes of its sharp touch and the comfort of the leather grip is provided. It is like the handle is a hand which reaches out to you, but the other is a blade which kills all it holds dearly on the other side. Love is the handle. The fantasy is the sword. It slices away the pain and reality so that all you could see is the good. Not the rest."

"Worse, it never can really kill it."

"Then once your eyes avert from the comforting hand..."

"I am so hated."

"I am so falsely accused."

I don't know how many masks I can bear watch fall. 

But I suppose the better decision is to instead remove the mask then run in fear of the pain spilling out and the words that held them back...

...is to treat the wound right away.

To give them friendship.

To give them notice.

To give them love.

To...

...to...

...

.....

........

...to pull them out.