Jem opened the door and was immediately greeted by the sight of their kitchen looking as if a hurricane had blown through it. Hanging his coat by the door, he looked down to see Church chewing on something in his other pair of shoes.

Kneeling beside the fat little feline, he pried it from the cat's jaws and sat back on his heels.

"William?"

A very drunk-sounding Will appeared from the doorway of their bedroom. "Hey, baby, what's up?" he said, voice slurring slightly.

"Why in God's name is there an eggplant in my shoe?"

Will laughed, leaning unsteadily on the doorframe. "I was trying to make dinner," he said through his laughter, "but the cat kept stealing things. I let him have the eggplant to stop him." Will looked far too pleased with himself.

Jem was less than amused. "Alright then. Well, kind gesture aside, I think you made more of a mess than a meal." Jem kissed his cheek fondly. "I appreciate it, though."

Will pouted for a moment, but brightened at the kiss on his cheek. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jem said, shaking his head a little. A drunk Will was always... Well, always an interesting night, to say the least. "But how about we clean up and I'll make dinner? The cat won't... steal eggplants that way."

Jem privately reflected that it was equally likely Will himself had dropped it there and was simply too drunk to remember, since Church was too chubby to make the jump onto the kitchen counter to successfully steal an eggplant. Actually, he didn't even remember buying an eggplant...

He was pulled from his musings by a sudden crashing noise, followed by a long string of swearing. Waiting patiently until Will had exhausted his vocabulary, he called, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, m'fine, this damn cabinet just tripped me."

It was going to be one of those nights.

Next time he left for a performance, he was calling Magnus. And hiding the alcohol.

~•~•~•~•~

Eventually, the kitchen was put back in order, the cat was fed, and dinner was made. Will, of course, was a little more tactile than usual, so Jem found himself doing most of the cooking while pulled flush against that strong chest with Will's arms firmly around his waist and Will's lips on his neck.

He couldn't say he minded that part of Will's drunken behavior, though it did make cooking a bit more difficult.

They were curled up on the couch now, ignoring the dishes in an otherwise clean kitchen.

"So," Jem said carefully, hand on Will's chest. "What's the occasion for you to be drunk on a Wednesday night?" He was a little worried. Will was spectacularly drunk at this point- and feeling rather amorous, if his wandering hands were any indication- and for him to drink alone was not always a good sign.

Will shrugged. "Bored. Lonely. Access to alcohol."

Jem made a mental note to have Magnus come over next time he left for a performance overnight.

"Drinking alone?"

"Nah, Magnus was here for a while." Jem immediately scrapped his mental note. "Alec's out of town too, so we were... We were.... What's the English word I'm looking for? Comisering?"

"Isn't that my line?" Jem joked, smiling. "Do you mean 'commiserating'?"

Will's eyes lit up. "Yes, that one!"

Jem shifted from his comfortable position against Will's chest to look up at him. "Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"That," Will said emphatically, "Is a problem for future Will."

"I'm going to remind you of that when you have a hangover."

"What hangover?"

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

The sun shone into their room through the thin curtains, and Will moaned like a dying man. "Oh," he said, burying his face in a pillow, "This hangover."

Jem was sitting beside him in bed, scribbling quick notes in the margins of a piece of music. "Still think it's a problem for future Will?"

"I know, I know," Will said, not lifting his face from the pillow. "Past me was a dumbass, present me is suffering, but future me could feel so much better if his beautiful, lovely, sweet, caring, considerate-"

"Get to the point."

"-slightly irritated boyfriend would go and get him two Advil and a coffee."

"You're the actual worst," Jem said fondly, pressing a kiss to the back of Will's neck.

Will sighed into the pillow. "Low blow, James. Don't start something you can't finish."

"I'm not the one who can practically see noises at this point," Jem said with a laugh, standing up. "I'll be right back."

"If I didn't think it would make me violently ill I would kiss you right now," Will said gratefully.

"I'll pass until I'm sure you won't vomit on me, thanks."

"I thought you loved me."

"There's only so much closeness a relationship can stand, William."

"No philosophicalness before coffee," Will complained loudly into the pillow, moaning in pain at the sound of his own voice.

Jem rolled his eyes and went to their kitchen, taking care to be as quiet as possible. When he returned, he sank onto the bed and ran a hand through Will's hair.

"You need a haircut," he said fondly, passing the mug and the pills over at Will's noncommittal grunt.

Will swallowed the pills and gratefully took the coffee in hand, sitting up and inhaling deeply.

"God bless your heart, James," he said, sighing. "What would I do without you?"

"Choke on your own vomit, I think," Jem said, looking back at the music he'd been marking.

Will laughed, then winced. "Ow. Stop being clever."

"You can't turn wit on and off like a switch, William," Jem said absently, considering opening the curtains.

"Make an effort," Will said, sipping his coffee. "And don't even think about it."

"Think about what?"

"Opening the damn curtains. Your hair is too bright for me right now, if there's more sunlight I'll just die."

"Drama queen," Jem said fondly, leaning over to kiss Will's cheek.

"Hush. I am in pain."

"Self-inflicted pain, might I point out."

"Show me where I asked for that sass."

The room fell into a comfortable silence, only occasionally broken by the sound of Will sipping coffee or of Jem's pen scratching against his music. At some point, Will had reached over and taken Jem's free hand. His hand was strong and warm from the mug. Jem squeezed it gently and let the heat seep into his own hand.

"I love you," Will said quietly.

Jem smiled. "I love you, too."

"Please never let me drink again."

Laughing, Jem set his music on the bedside table. "Like I could stop you."

Will rolled his eyes. "Point. At least keep me out of the kitchen."

"You're a hazard in the kitchen sober," Jem teased. "Drunk was hardly any different."

Will snorted a laugh, looking up at the ceiling. A thought occurred to Jem.

"Will?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you get an eggplant?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Will mumbled.

"Did it have anything to do with that sign in the grocery store window last night-"

"I don't," Will repeated, flushing across his cheeks, "want to talk about it."

A/N: Guess who's back!! Me, featuring writer's block and no time management. Hope you've all been well!! School's wild right now and my boyfriend broke up with me like two and a half weeks ago so I'm great lol. I have a big chapter in the works right now, so this is just a little slice of fluff to tide you over.

Idea for this came from Lindsay when I texted her asking for an idea and she replied with "I dare you to use 'Why in God's name is there an eggplant in my shoe?'" Voila! I have done it.

Thanks for reading, as always. The boys and I will see you at the next chapter!! 💙