It had been almost a week since Jem had walked out, and Will was losing his mind.

He had called a dozen times, sent more texts than he could count, tried to reach him in any way he could just to make sure he was safe.

Jem had picked up once when Will called from a different phone, and his voice had changed when he heard it was Will on the other end.

Will had started talking before he could hang up. "Jem, I still care about you, I just need to know you're safe-"

"I'm safe. And Will, if you really care about me, stop calling. Make this easier for both of us," Jem had said sadly, "and let me go."

The click of Jem hanging up had sent Will back to his despair. He hadn't picked up since.

Tessa had called Will's phone a few times, leaving stammered apologies and condolences. He had ignored these, too disgusted with himself to even speak to her.

His angel was gone, and it was his fault.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Magnus was alternating between verbally abusing Will for hurting Jem and trying to get them back together, and Jem was beginning to get annoyed.

Jem put a hand to his head and groaned slightly. "Magnus," he said, "What's done is done, okay? I left for a reason."

"And where did that get you? In my apartment, heartbroken. Give him another shot, Jem. You guys belong together," Magnus said, pacing his living room, arms gesturing wildly.

"He made it clear that a life with me was not what he wanted when he slept with Tessa for four months," Jem shot back from the sofa.

"He made a mistake-"

"Magnus, no. I can't be lied to like that. I can't do it."

Clearly Jem looked about as bad as he felt, because Magnus sat beside him on the sofa and put an arm around him. "I'm so sorry, Jem. I never would've thought Will would do that."

"Me either," Jem said softly, leaning into the embrace. "I trusted him... I loved him so much..."

"Oh, honey..." Magnus wrapped Jem up in a tight hug.

"Does it get easier?" Jem asked quietly, sounding uncharacteristically young. "Missing him?"

Magnus exhaled slowly. "I wish I could say it does, but it doesn't. Love hurts."

Jem made a mild noise of disappointment. He had been the one to walk out, to leave everything they'd built behind them, but he was suffering badly for it.

Magnus looked down at the boy in his arms and ruffled his hair. "It'll get better with time... and it wouldn't hurt to get a date with someone else either."

Jem shook his head. "No."

"Why not? You're gorgeous, it wouldn't be hard..."

Jem blushed faintly across his cheekbones, but didn't change his answer. "It wouldn't be fair to whoever the other party was. I'm not over Will, and I don't want to burden anyone else with someone who's dying."

Magnus looked at him seriously. "You don't honestly think that, do you?"

Jem shrugged. "It's the truth."

"You are not a burden. That's ridiculous."

Jem raised an eyebrow. "Magnus, you know better than most the kind of health I'm in-"

"Who cares?"

"Will does, apparently," Jem muttered darkly.

Magnus shook his head. "You either need to talk to him or get another date. You can choose."

Jem stared at Magnus in disbelief. "You wouldn't make me do that."

"I would."

Jem sighed. "It hasn't even been a week yet, Magnus. For heaven's sake."

Magnus shrugged. "Fine. I'll be patient."

Jem rolled his eyes. "Right. 'Patient'."

Magnus playfully cuffed Jem upside the back of his head. "Watch the sass, Carstairs, it's my roof you're living under."

Jem forced himself to smile, ignoring the feeling of dread sitting in the pit of his stomach.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Will had never been one to sit idle and wait for what he wanted, and he saw no reason to start now. Jem needed to know how sorry he really was.

Even if he couldn't get them back to a relationship, maybe he could get them back to friends. It would be hard, but a life without Jem in it was not a life worth living. Dialing his number again, he sat on the couch, waiting for Jem to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Jem it's me please don't hang up," Will said in a rush.

He heard Jem sigh, and then there was a rustling on the other end. "Fine. Talk."

"I... I just wanted to apologize. It was inexcusable, sleeping with her. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Neither do I," came the guarded reply.

Will couldn't keep it in any longer. "I love you, Jem."

This only elicited silence.

Will plowed on resolutely. "I know I messed up, but I never stopped loving you for a second-"

"Then what the hell were you doing, going behind my back?" Jem didn't sound angry, just very tired, and Will could almost see the slump in his posture.

"It was stupid, and I was scared for you. I couldn't keep feeling so useless while you were suffering. I wasn't thinking straight," Will pleaded. "Jem, I'm so, so sorry."

There was a long pause, but finally Jem sighed. "I... " He broke off, seeming to decide against his next statement. "Apology accepted."

Will's heart leapt in delight. This was a step back to normal, back to happy.

"So, what..." Will trailed off.

"Nothing has changed," Jem said gently, "except that my temper has cooled."

"Jem, c'mon, I'm going crazy without you. Give me one more shot. A second chance is all I'm asking for, James, please." Will could tell he was absolutely begging, but he didn't care.

Another lengthy pause followed. Jem, by the sound of his silence, was thinking his response through very, very carefully.

"A second chance? Will, think your answer through very carefully. Everything isn't going to magically be okay. I will still be the same as before."

"That's what I want," Will replied. "I want you, just the way I had you. I want us the way we were. I just want to go back to normal." Hope was quivering in Will's chest like a hummingbird, too shy to fully take flight yet but stubbornly there.

Any certainty had vanished from Jem's voice. "I... I don't know what to say. I need to think, Will, just give me some time."

"It's been a week," Will protested.

"A week during which I wasn't in my right mind. You can ask Magnus about that much."

There was a mild scuffling on the other end, and then Magnus speaking over a steady stream of quiet Mandarin curses. "He's right, most of that week was spent- Jesus Christ, Jem, watch your language- with me attempting to make conversation and receiving one word answers."

"He's been at your place, I assume?" Will asked, trying not to laugh.

"Mmhmm. I'm not pleased with you, Will, he's been in bad shape."

"I'll put you into worse shape if you don't give me my phone," Jem threatened, voice slightly muffled.

Magnus signed and there was another brief period of shuffling. "Who knew someone with clothes that loud could sneak up behind you so quietly," Jem mumbled, more to himself than Will.

"So, about what I said..."

"I told you, William, you need to let me think. I'll call you in a few days." Jem abruptly hung up.

Will flopped back on his couch, sighing. That had not gone according to plan.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Jem hung up and tossed the phone unceremoniously onto the table.

"There," he said tiredly, "I spoke to him. Happy?"

Magnus shrugged. "I'm content for the moment."

Jem rolled his eyes. The knot of dread in the pit of his stomach had only intensified after talking to Will again. Truthfully, he wanted nothing more than to go running back to the way things used to be, but something in his mind had been awakened.

Guilt.

Now, he couldn't bear the thought of making his poor health and inevitable death Will's problem. It washed over him in cruel, unforgiving waves that left him gasping and fighting to ignore the self-loathing.

It never worked. He was forced to ride it out until something else demanded his full attention.

The hardest part was the happiness he still felt upon hearing Will's voice. His posture had instantly relaxed into something much less rigid, the tightness in his chest loosened, his heart beat a little faster. Will still affected him the way he always had. The love hadn't gone away, it was just... on hold.

Maybe forever.

"Carstairs! Earth to Jem!"

Jem came back to his senses with a start. "Sorry, what?"

"I asked what you're going to do about the situation with Will."

"I don't know anymore, Magnus," Jem said wearily. "I honestly don't know."

"Well, you should make up your mind soon and call him back-"

Jem waved Magnus off, slumping back against the couch. "I know."

"What do you-"

"Magnus?"

"Hmm?"

"Please drop it, okay? I'm not really up to debating this with you right now." Jem felt like he was going to be sick if he continued talking about this- his head hurt, his chest was too tight to breathe correctly, and the whole day was just too much. Jem closed his eyes for a moment and sank back against the couch, exhausted.

"Are you feeling alright?"

In that moment, he was no longer in Magnus's apartment, with Magnus asking how he was. He was home, with Will's concerned blue eyes locked on him as he asked the same question.

It should've been comforting, that one brief moment of feeling at home again, but all it did was bring back the guilt of burdening someone else.

Was he feeling alright? No. Not at all.

Should he do something about it? Probably.

Would he admit to not feeling well? Never again.

This was not the monster on Will's back- this was his and his alone. He could take the medicine after Magnus stopped fussing, if he really needed it.

"Maybe you should lie down," Magnus suggested in the same soothing voice.

Jem didn't want to agree, but he also wanted to be left alone. "Perhaps I should," he agreed softly.

Magnus ruffled his hair. "Go rest. Use my room, and call me if you need anything."

"Thanks," Jem said, rising and heading for Magnus's room. "I appreciate it."

"Well, what are friends for?" Magnus smiled. Jem looked at him for a second, trying to look beneath all the glitter for the pity he was sure was there, but all he found was genuine care and concern.

It looked too much like Will's gaze to be tolerable, so he quickly looked away and shut the door behind himself.

Not ten minutes later, Jem found himself crouching on his knees on the wooden floor, violently coughing into his sleeve, shuddering with convulsions, gasping in pain, and just wanting home.

The door opened, and he thought he heard someone calling his name, but he was too caught up in the feeling of his lungs being extracted on a fishhook to notice.

"Will," he murmured softly, and then the ground rushed up to close the gap between them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Magnus stared in horror as Jem crumpled to the floor, sleeve spattered with blood. After a moment of shock, he crossed the room quickly and knelt beside the ill boy, drawing him gently into his arms. Alarmed with how light he was, Magnus stood and precariously snatched the phone off the coffee table.

Praying Jem hadn't changed this, he pressed and held '1' until it began to dial Will's number.

"Hello? Jem?"

"It's Magnus," he said in a rush. "Jem's sick. It's bad. Meet me at the hospital."

"Hurry and get him there," Will said in a panicked voice before hanging up.

Throwing Jem's phone next to his in his coat pocket, Magnus hurried to the hospital, hoping Jem's stubborn pride would finally fade. They needed each other, those two, like the night needed the day.

All of the car ride to the hospital, Magnus was looking nervously over at Jem's still form, checking to see if he was still breathing. He was, albeit irregularly.

Upon arrival, Magnus saw that there were people there waiting to take Jem in.

"Did Will call ahead?" he asked curiously.

"Yes, Mr. Herondale told us about the situation," a doctor replied as Jem was taken inside. "We're sorry about all this. You're not used to these attacks, are you?"

Magnus shook his head quietly just as a car pulled up haphazardly to the curb. Looking panicked, Will leapt out of the car and rushed up to the doctor and Magnus.

"Is he okay?" he said breathlessly.

Magnus shrugged as the doctor shook her head solemnly.

"We're not sure," she replied. "But he should wake up soon. Has anything been out of the ordinary?"

Will looked down at the concrete. "C-could heartbreak have an effect?" he asked guiltily.

"Perhaps not directly, but it could cause him to stop taking care of himself and stop taking his medications, which could lead to a worse attack," she responded. "Has there been a problem between you two?"

Will looked up and took a deep breath, preparing himself.

"Not for long," he responded. "Because I intend to fix it."

Magnus felt himself smile widely as he got back in his car. Jem would be in good hands, and the two of them would need a moment to sort things out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Will allowed himself to be led to Jem's room. Bracing himself, he grabbed the door handle and quietly swung the door open, nervous to see the state of things.

Jem was on the bed with his eyes closed and breathing slow and even, though he didn't seem as still as he did when he was unconscious.

"Jem?" he inquired.

Stirring slightly at the sound of another voice, Jem opened his eyes. "Will?"

"It's me," he said softly, sitting in the chair beside Jem's bed. "Can we talk?"

"I don't suppose I have much of a choice, do I?" Jem said flatly, struggling into a slightly more upright position. Will instinctively leaned forward and helped him up, wrapping an arm around Jem's increasingly thin frame and helping him up.

"Thank you," Jem said quietly after Will had retracted his arm and come back to himself. "Now talk."

Will took a deep breath and braced himself- he absolutely was not leaving until they'd fixed this. He knew it was a slim chance, but the chance was there.

"It's been a week since... Well, since we fell to pieces, and it made me realize something. Whatever little affection I thought I had for Tessa was misinterpreted. I was so scared for you, and for what your illness meant for us, that I wasn't thinking straight and I projected my love for you onto anything that could take my mind off of going insane with worry."

Jem's expression softened back into the kind, sweet expression Will was used to. Taking this as a good sign, he plowed on resolutely.

"I love you so, so much. I have for a long time, and I will for the rest of my life. Even if you're gone from me. I want you back in my life, all the time. This stretch without you has been hell, and when I heard you had to be taken to the hospital, Jem, I swear my heart skipped a beat. I'm so sorry for what I did. Can you forgive me? Can we go back to..."

"Back to what?" Jem asked softly. "Back to-" he broke off suddenly, staring at Will's hand.

"Jem? Are you alright?" Will worried, immediately reaching a hand to him. Jem circled thin fingers around his wrist and stopped his hand, sliding his hand until their palms lay clasped together like a prayer.

"The ring," he whispered, "You're wearing our engagement ring."

Will looked down. "Oh," he said, having forgotten, "yes, I am. I put it on when you left that note, and, um... Never took it off. I guess it was my way of holding out hope."

Jem fell silent for several long minutes, broken only by occasional bursts of coughing. Finally, he spoke.

"I've been a fool," he murmured. "A hard-headed, stubborn, hot-tempered idiot."

"What a role reversal," Will quipped. Jem rolled his eyes but Will could see the smile flirting with his lips.

"I'm sorry I dragged this out so long," Jem continued, "for both our sakes. May I see your hand, please?"

Will held out his right hand, and Jem smiled, lightly pressing his lips to the back of it.

"I meant the other one."

Will obeyed, thoroughly confused about Jem's intentions.

Slipping the ring off Will's finger, he smiled.

"If I'm going to do this," he said lightly, shifting, "I'm going to do it properly." Looking Will straight in the eye for the first time in a week, Jem sighed and smiled.

"William Owen Herondale," he began, "I love you to the ends of this earth and I always have, and that won't ever change. Will you marry me?"

Will smiled joyfully as Jem returned the ring to its spot on Will's fourth finger.

"Of course."

"I love you, Will."

Will closed the distance between the two of them and gently pressed his lips to Jem's. There was nothing rough or hurried about this kiss- it was sweet and slow, promising and hopeful. It was the spark of the two of them together once again.

"I love you too."

"I'm sorry for everything," Jem said quietly.

"I am too," Will replied.

"But it's behind us now, agreed?"

"Agreed."

Jem grinned and leaned forward, pulling Will into another light kiss.

"Your nurse will be scandalized when she walks in," Will remarked as he finally moved from the hard plastic chair to the space in the bed beside Jem. "I am not a hospital patient."

"But I am," Jem said, curling up happily against Will's side until they were both comfortable. "And this is making me feel much better."

"Cuddling in a very small, rather uncomfortable bed with your boyfriend?"

"No," came the contented response, "cuddling in a very small, rather uncomfortable bed with my fiancé."

No words were needed after that between the two of them. There simply were no words to describe that perfect, happy feeling of starting again with the one you loved.