I pushed the cart in front of me slowly. Scanning the shelves, grabbing whatever, and throwing it in. As long as it said 'shampoo' or 'soap' I didn't care what kind it was. In the cart it went. I wanted to get this over with and get back to my apartment where I could continue hiding from the world. Other shoppers stared at me as I walked past and I gave them all the stink eye. What the fuck were they looking at? Couldn't they all mind their own business? Just because I looked like a walking skeleton who never slept didn't mean they had a right to stare. 

Check out was quick. Something told me the shop workers wanted me out of there almost as quickly as me. They accepted my pitiful handful of money and let me go. I took my bags with me and left my cart abandoned and lonely in the parking lot for some car to run over. 

**********

After putting my things away in my apartment I picked Scout up from Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Jones didn't mind the extra company but I minded the extra walking and extra payment. As soon as this paranoia dissolved I'd go back to leaving him here. Mrs. Jones had a fish tank brimming with tropical fish that Scout loved to intimidate. I worried he'd knock it over and kill all the fish and I'd have something else to pay for. Just what I fucking needed.

Right when I closed the door the phone rang. For a second I considered letting it go. It was probably Bon wanting to check up on me again. He'd been calling nonstop over the past few days. I assumed it was him as I hadn't answered and nobody else had the balls to give me a ring. Then I remembered what day it was and rushed for the phone. "Hello?" I said.

"Loulou? That you?" Celine's voice was such a breath of fresh air. So melodic and French. So promising with the hopes of future paychecks. "I've been calling all morning."

"I'm sorry, I had errands to run," I said, running a hand through my hair. "So what's the word?"

"You know what day it is?" she asked. 

"April third," I answered. 

"That's right," Celine said. "You're allowed to come back to work tonight. That is, if you haven't already found a new job."

"No, of course not," I said with a scoff. "I love my job more than anything." 

"I can smell the sarcasm from here," Celine said and I rolled my eyes. "Remember our deal? A formal apology to me and to Jeanie for what you did."

I sighed. "I remember, Celine, but...." I sighed again. "How the fuck am I supposed to apologize to her? I was kind of hoping we could just...call it off."

"You could start by saying sorry," Celine said. "And meaning it." That was just the problem. I didn't mean it, and Celine would be able to tell. I'd be fired a second time with Jeanie collecting all my clients' money, laughing her way to Italy. "I know you and Jeanie aren't the best of friends but it shouldn't be that hard to say sorry for starting that fight."

I ran my hand over my face and groaned. I had no choice. I needed my job and Celine and I had a deal. "Alright, fine," I said. "I'll be there in a few hours."

"Good," Celine said. "It'll be good to have you back, Loulou."

"Thanks," I said before hanging up. I collapsed on the couch and grabbed a pillow for me to scream into. 

**********

I slipped through the doors of the club and trudged past the early guests. Bon decided not to call today and for that I was thankful. He must have finally got the message that I wanted to be left the fuck alone. My heart hurt. Bon was such a good friend to me and this is how I was treating him. I shook my head and focused on the task at hand. 

Confessing my sins to the Devil.

Backstage was just the same as before. The girls all milling around or picking out dresses from the rack to borrow. There was a girl there with short black hair cut in a bob that I didn't recognize. Henriette was talking to her but waved at me when she saw me. "Esther!" she gestured for me to come over so I did. Henriette pulled me in for a hug. "We've missed you!"

"Thanks, Henriette, I missed you too," I said. I looked at our guest. "Who's this?"

"This is Min," Henriette said. I held my hand out and Min took it immediately. 

"Charmed," she said. 

"She's new. Celine assigned me to be her mentor! Isn't that great?" I smiled. It seemed like just yesterday I had been Henriette's mentor.

"That's...that's great, Henriette. I'm happy for you."

"I learned from the best," she said. 

"That's great. Excuse me." I left the two to themselves and made my way to the locker room as quickly as I could, the girls saying hello to me and welcoming me back. It felt good to be missed but I wanted to fix myself up as quick as I could. Every day off the heroin I looked worse and worse. Setting my bag down and ripping it open I grabbed my new makeup palette and got straight to work. My eyes were awful and my cheeks were too defined. I had bones sticking out where they didn't used to. I couldn't imagine I'd be making much money tonight with my frail appearance but it was better than none at all. I changed into my black dress and quickly covered my arms with makeup. The tracks were worse than before. Everything was worse than before. 

"Esther?" I looked behind me to see Celine standing by the door, escorting Jeanie. I had to take a second look at her. She looked terrible. Her skin was extra pale and her eyes were dim. No light flickered in them at all. Her usual snarky spunk was snuffed out and replaced with a hollow shell. Celine beckoned to me with her finger and I stood up to join them. "Haven't you anything to say to me and Jeanie?"

I looked at Jeanie but she held her gaze away from me. "She doesn't have to say anything," she muttered. 

"Of course she does," Celine said. "Esther, we're waiting."

Seeing Jeanie so pitiful looking almost made this easier. I was expecting her to come up to me with her arms akimbo and a smirk on her face. A wicked gleam in her eyes that told me she was right and I was wrong. Now she wouldn't even look at me. I took a deep breath. "Celine, I'm sorry for breaking your rules and for starting a fight with Jeanie," I said. "You do everything to make this club safe for us and for others and I shouldn't have broken your rule."

"Thank you, Esther," she said. 

"And Jeanie?" I said. She finally looked at me, almost near tears. 

"What?" she murmured. 

"I....I'm sorry for fighting you," I said. I tried to really mean what I said so both of us could get out of this situation. "Violence wasn't the answer and I could have really hurt you....I know I have anger issues and I should have tried harder to get myself under control." Jeanie blinked back tears. "I'm sorry."

"Well, that was very kind of you to say, Esther," Celine said with approval. "I think Jeanie and I can accept your apology, right, Jeanie?"

Jeanie sighed and tore away from Celine's grip. She stormed out of the locker room and slammed the door behind her. For a split second I went after her but then I remembered who this was. Jeanie Patterman, the girl who hated me as soon as I got this job. The girl who made every day of working here harder than it had to be for all of us just because she could. I stayed put.

**********

"So, you happy to be back at work?" Betty asked, fixing her Betty Boop hair. 

"I'm happy to have an income," I said. Betty laughed. 

"That's the spirit," she said. 

"Esther?" Celine called. I sighed and turned around, wondering what she had for me now. "I have you signed up for eighth, which is right now." I stood up and double checked to make sure everything was in its proper place. I caught a glance of my bony frame in the mirror and felt disgusted. You can be tiny and beautiful but I just looked sick. Beauty wasn't even in the same ballpark as I was. I hardly recognized myself.

I looked nothing like Mom.

Ignoring that for the moment but horrified nonetheless I left the locker room and went out onto the stage. I took the pole in the back as the pole in the front had been taken by none other than Jeanie. Of fucking course. Celine must have signed us up at the same time as a way to work together to bring in the money. No way, nothing doing. Jeanie must have had the same idea as me because she turned away disgusted at the sight of me. I huffed and waited for the music to start.

When it did I almost collapsed to the stage floor. Bon's voice played over the speakers and filled the entire club. Out of habit I scanned the place for any sign of him. He knew where I worked, he could easily drop in and check on me. But of course he and the rest of the band had been forbidden from ever coming back. Whether or not those rules were enforced I have no clue. For all I knew he would sneak in on the nightly. I did my best to pick up a routine to the beat of the music but I knew the money would be going to Jeanie tonight. She was up front and center.

Although...Jeanie didn't seem to be doing very well. She missed musical cues and didn't dance on time to the music. She danced all the same and the clients threw her plenty of money. But her heart wasn't in it. This wasn't the Jeanie Patterman I knew. 

"Hey, honey, you alive up there?" a man shouted. "Do we need to call an ambulance?" I whirled around thinking he was yelling at me when I saw he was calling out to Jeanie. I could see Jeanie raise a hand and I knew she was giving him the finger. All I heard down in front was laughing and jeering. "Come on, babe, don't be like that."

I stopped dancing for a split second to see what was going on. The men in front were wasted and one of them was overstepping his boundaries by miles. He whistled over the music and kept hollering at Jeanie who was starting to lose her focus even more. "If you would shut the fuck up maybe I could dance a little better!" she yelled back. "You think you can just come in here and harass the workers?"

"What harassment, we're not doing anything!" the man said. Jeanie attempted to ignore him and continued dancing. I got back into it too before the man starting yelling again. "Come down here, honey, come closer!"

The man's friends laughed but didn't partake. The laughter sounded almost uncomfortable but they weren't doing anything to stop him. Where was Celine and her security when you needed them? If Bon and the band could get thrown out then these men needed to be catapulted. "Fuck off, you pigs!" Jeanie yelled. They only laughed at her. "Get the fuck away from me!"

The one who started the whole thing grabbed Jeanie by the ankle and held her trapped. She tried wrenching herself free but he held on. He started climbing onto the stage to pull her down into the nest of perverted men. And once again I felt my blood start to boil. "Hey!" I yelled. 

Bon's voice propelled me forward, the high voltage rock and roll running deep in my veins. I stormed across the stage and grabbed the man who dared lay hands on Jeanie. 

"Get the fuck away from her!" I yelled, shoving the man to the ground. His friends caught him and held him still while he tried breaking away from them. "Fuck off, all of you!"

"We're sorry," one man spoke up. He seemed to be the most sober out of all of them. "He's not usually like this, he's been drinking."

"That's no fucking excuse," I said. I held Jeanie behind me and away from the front of the stage. The man who grabbed Jeanie stared at me with drunken venom. "Get him out of here," I spat. His friends escorted the man out who called us all kinds of sexist slurs while security finally stepped in to help. The song was over and I took Jeanie off the stage and behind the curtain, leaving the money behind.

"What happened out there?" Barbara asked. Henriette and Min rushed up to us, horrified by the anger flashing through my eyes. They stepped back when they realized I wasn't stopping for anyone. "Esther?"

"Fucking morons crawling all over the place!" I yelled, slamming the locker room door behind me. It was empty inside and Jeanie pulled away from me as soon as we were alone. "Celine will have them banned from the club, Jeanie, I know it."

Jeanie threw herself down in a chair in front of the mirrors and rested her elbows on the table. I couldn't see her face buried in her hands and behind her wild red hair. The door opened and in walked Dorothy and Margot. They stopped when they saw us, unsure of whether or not to interrupt. "Esther?" Margot asked. "Everything okay?"

"Can you guys give us a minute?" I asked gently. I still couldn't believe I had stood up for Jeanie and the others seemed just as confused. Something flew past my head and crashed into the wall next to Dorothy. 

"Get out of here!" Jeanie yelled and the two girls hustled out of the room. Jeanie stood there with one shoe on, the other broken on the floor where it hit the wall and her makeup was running in streaks down her face. She sat back down in the chair and buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. I stood there, not sure what to say or do. Her sobs echoed through the room. My heels clacked against the floor as I stepped closer to her and put my hand on my shoulder. "Fuck off," she mumbled, slapping my hand away. 

"Jeanie..." I started and caught myself. What was I doing? Comforting my long time nemesis? The red in my vision cleared away and I felt my shoulders relax. I felt a deep sense of calm, one I hadn't felt in ages. I pulled out a chair next to her and sat down. 

"I hate this job," she sobbed. "I hate this fucking job and everything about it." I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. Nothing in Jeanie's behavior the past three years I've known her led me to believe she didn't like working here. She always held herself up to such higher standards than anyone else and did everything with pride and vanity. If anything she loved this job and wanted to do it better than anyone here. 

How long had she been feeling this way?

"You've no fucking idea, Marino," she said, her breath hitching. "I want out."

Disregarding our rough past, I scooted my chair closer to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Jeanie let me pull her in for a hug and she hid her face in my shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. Anyone who came in would be floored at the sight. Esther Marino comforting a distressed Jeanie Patterman. It was unheard of. But enemy or not, I couldn't let that guy hurt her. No one deserved that.

Not even Jeanie.