The bar wasn't exactly set up for a birthday party. But the boys didn't mind a bit. They had taken four tables and pushed them together for everyone in attendance to sit down, which is where I was now. I rested my elbows on the table and hid my face under my hands. My drink lay half gone in front of me. 

I wasn't over what happened the other day. To think I almost lost my dog. One of the best things to ever happen to me all because some motherfuckers decided to break into my apartment and steal some drugs. If I ever came across whoever it was it'd be blood on sight. 

My head was killing me. It'd been days now since my last fix. Along with a vicious headache my leg wouldn't stop jumping. I sat there restless and cranky, hoping I'd be left alone for the majority of the party. 

Angus couldn't read my thoughts.

"Hi, Esther," he said, sitting next to me. There were several bottles of ale sitting around the table for anyone to help themselves to and Angus had a glass of milk. I didn't even know bars sold milk. 

"Hi, Angus," I groaned, hoping he'd get the hint. But Angus, being the decent man that he was, didn't want to abandon a friend who was going through it. "Happy birthday,"

"Aw, thanks, love," he gushed. "Ya' know I was hopin' for a night at home but the guys like to spoil each other a bit." I looked up to see the group clustered around a pinball machine. Half of them were watching the game while the other half, mostly the women invited, were talking at the tables. Some of them were friends of friends and others were invited personally by the band.

Like me.

"I was hoping for the same thing," I mumbled, and covered my mouth when I realized how rude that sounded. Angus didn't deserve that. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant."

"It's fine," Angus said. "We uh...we heard what happened at your place...." I groaned and put my head back in my hands. "It was kind of in the news."

"Fuck's sake..." I ran my hands through my hair. No news reporter ever came and interviewed me, thank God. But the building must have been featured in some little story for all of London to read about. "The motherfucker broke into my private property and made a huge fucking mess-"

"Your flat?" Angus asked. "I thought it was just the building!" I shook my head. "Esther, I'm so sorry." I waved him off and leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms. "What about Scout, is he okay?"

"He's fine," I said, clenching my fists. "I dropped him off at a neighbor's before I came here." It would be a long time before I left him by himself again. He was probably glad of the company. Although I promised to pay Mrs. Jones to watch him and I was budgeting as it was. Of fucking course they made off with the heroin. 

"Ya' didn't have to come," Angus said. "I would have understood...ya' know...if ya' said ya' couldn't make it."

"I promised I'd come days ago, it didn't feel right cancelling." Angus drank his milk and wiped his lip with the back of his hand. 

"Yeah, but when your house gets broken into," he said. "I think that's enough reason to cancel."

We were interrupted by a very loud cheering and saw a couple patrons of the party had started up a conga line. There wasn't anyone I recognized but they weaved around the tables where other bar goers watched with glee. I looked to Angus and nodded at the line. "You should get in there," I said.

"Ya' think so?" he smiled. "I think it's best for everyone if I stay right here."

"Go on, it's your party," I said. 

"I'll go when you do," he said. I glanced back at the conga line and started laughing despite everything after seeing none other than Bon Scott take the front and lead the group around the bar. Angus and I both laughed at the scene. 

"I think Bon can take our places," I said. 

"Agreed," Angus said. Cliff came to the table with a plate of steak and a glass of whiskey and sat down next to us. 

"Quite the bar you chose, Ang," Cliff said, cutting into the steak. "Got a whole grill in the back and everythin'."

"Bon picked it, not me," Angus said. "I was all set to catch up on my book but he an' Mal had other plans."

"Ya' know, I think if ya' went home right now they'd never notice," Cliff said chewing. "Could sneak out the back an' we'll say..." Cliff looked to me for help.

"We'll say....you found a nice looking woman and went home with her." Angus coughed on the milk he was drinking and I was sure some of it went up his nose. He put a napkin to his face and shook his head. 

"Sorry, love, I didn't mean to laugh," Angus said. Cliff had picked up his plate of steak and held it away from the milk splashing out of Angus. "Not a bad idea but Mal wouldn't believe it."

"Why not?" I asked. Angus was a handsome man, it wasn't unbelievable to think he would go home with a girl.

Angus shrugged. "He knows I'm more of a....family man? I'm not married yet but...."

"Ang's a nice boy," Malcolm said coming up behind me. He sat down with his drink and a small basket of extra salty fries. My appetite was completely gone and the mere sight of food sent me feeling a bit sick. "Last time he went home with a sheila was after a show a few years ago. Remember, Ang?"

It didn't take a detective to figure out Malcolm was a little drunk. Angus fiddled with his napkin and looked down at the table. "Thanks for tellin' 'em, Mal," he said. 

"There's no shame, Ang, she was cute." 

Cliff stayed out of the brothers' conversation and kept to his steak. The smell almost put me out of the party completely. My leg was still jumpy and my palms got a bit sweaty. Suddenly I'm the center of attention and I really can't afford to be. "Where's your date, Mal?" Angus asked, redirecting the attention. Malcolm looked over his shoulder and scanned the room. 

"She's around here somewhere," he said. Angus snickered to himself. "Really, Ang, I jus' talked to her, I offered to buy her a drink."

"I'm sure," Angus said. 

"Oh, Esther," Malcolm said, tapping my hand. "We heard about the break in, is everyone okay?" I looked at Angus who let me answer.

"Everyone is fine," I said. Should I tell them it was my place that got ransacked? "Nothing got stolen." I could feel Angus staring at me. I stared back, telling him silently not to worry them. It was over and Scout and I were fine. 

For now.

"That's good," Malcolm said.

"Can't believe someone would break into someone's home," Cliff said. "Where someone feels the safest an' someone tries gettin' in." I certainly didn't bring up my teenage rampage to them. I quit stealing long ago but my past nonetheless haunted me. "What do they think they're gonna get anyway?"

Heroin, Cliff. Hard, free heroin. I hugged myself, suddenly freezing cold.

"You alright?" Malcolm asked. I nodded silently. 

Bon came up to our table happy as could be and smelling like champagne. "Evenin' fellas," he said nodding at the men before he sat down. "Miss Esther."

"Hi, Bon," we all answered. Cliff waved at him with his fork. 

"Havin' fun, are we?" Bon asked scanning the group. We all nodded and shrugged and Bon's expression dropped. "Where's the life over here? You're all sittin' an' shruggin'."

"I'm eating," Cliff said with his mouth full. 

"Yeah, me too," Malcolm said holding up his basket of fries. Bon looked at Angus and I. 

"Where's the birthday boy's cake?" Bon asked. Angus drank the last of his milk and wiped his face on a napkin. 

"Jus' finished it, Bon," he said and set his glass down. "Now I'm headin' to bed."

Bon blew a raspberry at Angus as he stood up from the table. "Booo, goin' home?" he asked. "You only turn twenty four once!"

"Ya' turn every age once, Bon," Malcolm said. 

"Thanks for the birthday party," Angus called over his shoulder. "This one's for the books!"

"Never mind him," Bon said, watching him leave the bar. "We're not leavin', not if they threw us out, right, Cliff?"

"They're not throwin' me out before I can finish my steak," he said, cutting a piece. "They'll have to rip it out of my teeth, I paid good money for this."

"Havin' fun, Esther?" Bon asked turning his attention to me. Out of all of them he would find out right away if something were wrong with me. I put on my best smile and ignored the throbbing pain going up and down my legs. 

"Of course I am," I said. "What could be better than having drinks at a bar with all my friends?"

My smile must not have reached my eyes since Bon didn't return the smile. He could see something the others couldn't. Something I so desperately tried to hide. But he didn't know what. 

I couldn't sit there anymore.

"I think I ought to go mingle," I said, standing up from my chair. "Pleasure seeing you all." They each waved me farewell and I gave Bon one last look before scanning the room for any new potential friends. A group of women were sitting around a different table, talking and laughing. They looked around my age. Might as well try making new friends. "Excuse me," I said, approaching them. "Mind if I sit here? I need a break from all the testosterone."

"Sure, love," one of them said, gesturing toward a chair. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"I'm from New York," I said. I noticed all of them had drinks and I cursed myself for forgetting mine at the table. Bon was still staring at me and I looked away from him. "Lived here for three years."

"New York, you're kidding!" another woman piped up. "I heard the shopping there is bloody insane!" I shrugged.

"We couldn't really afford to go shopping," I said. "Kind of poor."

"Oh, that's too bad," she said. "My family wasn't well off either."

"None of ours were, that's why we're here having drinks at our favorite bar with our favorite band," the first woman said. I looked around the group waiting for an explanation. 

"I don't get it," I said.

"We're celebrating where we are now," a third woman said. "We came from nothing but look at us now. All of us with well paying jobs and friends with a famous band." I brightened up.

"Oh! Of course, raise a glass to that shit," I said wishing I had a glass to raise. I shivered and hugged myself, wishing I could leave this place and go for a walk. I needed to move, I felt so restless. My heart was racing. Did it always beat this quickly? Or was I getting used to the heroin slowing it down? 

"Hey, you okay?" one of the women asked. I must have been putting on quite a show for them and they didn't like the looks of it. 

"I'm fine," I dismissed. Why was everyone suddenly so friendly and concerned? Didn't they have themselves to think about? Why couldn't they be a little more selfish tonight? 

"You sure? 'Cause I know a good drink can cure almost-"

"I said I'm fine!" I snapped. Immediately guilt washed over me and I sighed. "I'm sorry," I said. "Really. I didn't mean..." What the fuck was the matter with me? What kind of asshole was I turning into that I yelled at innocent people for checking in on me? I looked behind me and saw Bon and a couple others looking in my direction. I must have yelled louder than I thought. 

"Bon's looking at you," one of the women said. She must have sensed an opportunity to change the subject and get my mind off the incident. 

"I know," I said. "He looks at everyone."

"Not like that."

If Bon was just going to stare at me all night and watch me act a fool and and an ass all at one time then I could very well just leave. I didn't need a parade of people watching me and getting on my case about how I was feeling. I stood up from the group of women and left the bar. "Where are you going?" one of them asked.

"I need some air," I muttered and weaved my way through the crowd. If Bon thought he was going to follow me he had another thing coming. I could see the door and right as I reached for it someone grabbed my hand and I pulled away sharply. There was Phil, like all the others, looking at me with concern. 

"Esther?" he asked gently. "What's wrong?"

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I was frozen. Rooted to the spot. The party went on around me and I wasn't there. Phil looked over my shoulder and I finally had the strength to turn around. Coming straight for us was Bon, carefully making his way through the crowd. I turned back to Phil in a panic. "I'm sorry," I said before running out the door. 

I ran as fast as I could. I couldn't let Bon catch me. If he did he'd get my secret out of me. And I didn't want him to know. Despite the fact he had taken some himself...I didn't want him to see me differently. Maybe it was different for a woman. Men could do whatever they wanted but women were under a constant microscope. Everything we did was on trial for the world to judge. Bon wasn't that kind of man. But I didn't want to find out.

The night air swallowed me up and spat me out in front of my apartment. If I could just wait until rent was due...wait until I got my job back...I could buy all the heroin I wanted. Until then, I had to maintain control. And I couldn't do that with everyone on my ass. I'd collect Scout from Mrs. Jones and then I'd go home. I'd listen to my records and stare at that fucking violin that taunted me from its case. I'd get groceries tomorrow and come right back home. I'd let the phone ring. Let the world know I wasn't in the mood for its company.