Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

That had become more than just a shower routine. It was my daily schedule. Sleep all day, get up in the evening, and get ready to go to work. Every now and then I would think about the man from the diner. Had I been too cold with him? Too cruel? He seemed friendly enough. But I could never be too careful. I wiped a bit of soap out of my eye. 

I wondered if I'd ever see him again. I'd never seen him around here before. Oh, but of course. He was in a band. They travel all over the world and would probably leave before our paths crossed again. Just another reason not to get mixed up with the likes of him. 

Scout waited for me outside the bathroom door. He licked my wet toes and sniffed the puddles of water I left behind. I made sure to douse myself in my One in a Million scented body spray before getting dressed. What did One in a Million even smell like? Fuck if I know, my answer was 'good'. 

I wore the same faded jeans with a different t shirt I pulled out of my hamper. My clothes were due for a wash. Regular clothes, and my work clothes. I decided to go to the laundromat after work and maybe stop by the boutiques and pick out a new dress. Customers eventually recognized the dresses we wore and got bored.

And the customer is always right. 

Scout's bowl was filled plenty and I managed to eat a bit of rice before leaving. I grabbed my wool coat and my bag. My cash from last night was hidden away in a box in my bed. Literally in my bed. Underneath where the lining had ripped was a pocket big enough to put the box into. I kept all my earnings in there. Time would tell if it really was the safest place to put my bread.

On my way out the door I tripped and almost fell on my face. Cursing I looked under my feet to see a dusty case jutting out from its place in the corner. It must have fallen the night before. I kicked it back and waved goodbye to Scout. "Another day another dollar, boy. Be good and we'll see about that new chew toy you've been wanting." Scout tilted his head and I blew him a kiss. "Love you."

The sun was out today, making it even colder without the cloud cover. But it also put me in better spirits. Barney waved me out the gate and I even waved back. Yep, today would be even better than yesterday. Every day would get better and better. Soon I'd forget all about it. 

**********

"I bet Essie has a crush on him!"

"Do not!"

Lana and her sister Lorraine were teasing me about the new boy in class, Mark. He was tall and handsome with a skip in his step. I could see the appeal but I wasn't interested. He was too...conventionally attractive. And I liked plain boys. 

That didn't stop the other girls from teasing me when he was around. Making kissing noises and everything. It pissed me off sometimes. Maria took me aside and whispered close so no one could hear. "I heard he has a crush on you."

"Really?" The idea seemed preposterous. In grade school I was short and fat and all the boys looked at me with disdain. My mom always told me to ignore them and keep my head held high. So I did. And eventually the kids backed off. Most of them, anyway. 

"He said he wanted to kiss you after school." Maria looked to be telling the truth. I had never kissed anyone before. Then again, I was only ten years old. Something about the idea of kissing a boy didn't sit right with me. But it's all the other girls could talk about. And I wanted to fit in. So I talked about it too. 

After school Maria took me to the bicycle rack and we waited for Mark to show up. He did, as he rode a red Orbea to school and would never leave it behind. My legs started to cramp from the crouched position Maria forced me into as we watched behind the bushes. Mark came up to his bike and unhooked it from the rack when Maria did the unthinkable. She hoisted me up and pushed me in his direction so I crashed right into him and his bike. Mark stumbled and fell backwards, his bike falling on top of him. 

"I'm so sorry!" I said holding my hand out for him to grab. I wasn't sure he could hear me over all the laughing children surrounding us. 

"You didn't need to throw yourself at him, Esther!" a boy yelled at me. 

"You couldn't wait till puberty?" a girl laughed. My heart beat frantically as I tried to pull the bike off Mark but he stood up and yanked it away. His hands were scratched and bruised.

"Leave me alone," he said looking me over with disgust. I watched him ride the Orbea out of sight and felt Maria put her hand on my shoulder. Laughter colored her voice.

"Sorry about that, Esther, I thought he'd catch you."

**********

I stepped through the back door of the club. I was early; most of the girls weren't there yet but you bet your ass Jeanie was. No way she was showing up after anyone else. She was wearing a vivid yellow number that hurt my eyes and reminded me of neon signs in the city. Only a lot less fun.

"Good to see you again, Esther," Jeanie said as she fixed her hair in the mirror. I placed my things down next to her and took a seat. 

"Jeanie," I answered cordially. That was a rule here at the club. No fighting. We women either supported each other or kept the fights outside. And neither Jeanie nor I were in the mood to throw down. 

"Heard you were working the bar tonight," Jeanie said making me turn to face her. She had a slight smirk on her face.

"How do you know?" I asked. 

"I saw the schedule. I go on first which I'm just thrilled about," she said rolling her eyes. She knew damn well she wasn't getting paid shit to dance first. "And you and that new girl are working the bar together."

"Henriette," I corrected politely.

"Yeah yeah," Jeanie said. I sighed in frustration. Normally I had no problem working the bar. It was kind of fun mixing drinks and taste testing. Not to mention you got a lot less sweaty as you would from dancing. That being said, you also got a lot less money. 

People came here for the girls. Not the gin. They could get a beer at some cheap bar if they wanted. Drinks here were more expensive and they'd rather pay to have a girl dance on their lap. 

But I would keep my head up. I wouldn't let anyone, not even Jeanie, see that I was discouraged. "That's fine by me," I said and pulled out my makeup palette. Jeanie huffed and left me alone. 

More and more girls showed up and it got busier backstage. I pulled out my trusty red dress knowing no one would even see it behind the counter. Henriette spotted me and came rushing over. "Hi, Henriette," I smiled.

"Hi, Esther" she said rushing to get her look together. Her blonde hair was even shiner today than it was yesterday. And much nicer to look at than Jeanie's dress. "Celine says you and I are serving drinks?"

"That we are," I said still smiling. I could hear Jeanie scoff and smirk at herself in the mirror. "I'll show you what to do, it's not hard."

"Jeanie!" Celine shouted into the locker room. "You're up, sweetie."

"Coming!" Jeanie sang, giving herself one last look in the mirror and fluffing her red hair. You know, Jeanie would be really pretty if she didn't have such a snooty personality. Maybe she thought the same way about me. Only replace snooty with bitchy. "Have fun, girls."

"We will!" I called after her. 

**********

The bar was empty for the moment so I was able to show Henriette what to do without interruption. "Alright, they taught you the basic mixes?" I asked. Henriette nodded. "Okay, we have something we serve here that's really popular and no school can teach you." Henriette watched as I poured a bottle of straight Jack into a glass and scooped out some ice into it. I held it out for her to see. "Eh?" I asked nodding my head.

"I don't understand," Henriette asked.

"That's the point," I said. "Anyone can make a whiskey on the rocks, it doesn't take any special school to teach you that." Henriette's face lit up as she realized the joke. 

"Oh! That's very funny," she said and I gave her a glass to let her try. After making another perfect glass, we clinked them together and took a drink, knowing good and well this was coming out of our tips. 

"Hey, ladies, is the bar open?" a man asked coming over. 

"Yes, sir, what can we get you?" I asked taking the lead. 

"Uh, two Bloody Mary's and one Cosmo."

"Sure thing. You get the Cosmo, I'll get the rest," I said and Henriette nodded as we went to work. I grabbed the vodka bottle and used the last of it for both glasses before adding the rest. In record time the drinks were done and the man took the tray with him back to his booth where we could see were two of his friends. He left the cash behind and we split it fairly. "See? You're a natural," I told her.

"I guess drinks are more my style than dancing," Henriette said, still as shy as ever. I put aside the empty vodka bottle and pulled out a new one from under the counter.

**********

"Esther, honey, what's wrong? What happened?" I could hear Mom's voice calling at me from outside my bedroom door. I locked it so she couldn't get in. I was so humiliated after the day's events that I wanted everyone in the world to just go away. 

"Leave me alone!" I yelled back, my voice choking with sobs. If she found out I almost kissed a boy...who knew what she might do? And dad would kill me for sure if he didn't kill the boy first.

"Honey, I can't help you if you won't tell me what's hurting," she said, her voice soothing and calm. Deep down inside I knew I could trust her. She was my best friend. No matter how much faith I didn't have in myself, she made up for it. No matter how much I hated myself in the moment, she loved me. With pathetic sobs I got up from my bed and unlocked my bedroom door.

Mom was a mess. Hair frizzy and apron covered in stains. She had been at work all day and now had to deal with me. I felt just awful. Why couldn't I be the perfect daughter who never got herself into trouble? I left her standing in the doorway and collapsed on my bed again, hiding my tears and splotchy face. The weight of the bed shifted and I felt her hand on my back. I told her the whole thing.

"You're as cute as a peach, my girl," she said as she smoothed back my hair. Nana always said we looked alike but I never saw it. Mom was tall and glamorous and I was short and ridiculous. Mom had the movie star upturned nose and mine was growing a bump on the bridge. I thought I looked more like Dad but Nana insisted. 

I never realized how right she was. 

"Don't let those jealous girls make you feel ashamed of being a Marino," she said. "Don't let any boy make you insecure about yourself. Keep your head up and ignore their mindless teasing. One day they're going to regret ever making you cry."

Her speech didn't work. I was ten and wanted to look like a model. I wanted friends and I wanted to fit in with the crowd. I wasn't sure about a boyfriend, but maybe when I became a teenager the urge would strike. And I wanted him to love me and care for me the way I cared for him.

I wish I had listened to Mom.

**********

I looked up from my magazine to see the man from the diner sitting across from me.

Smiling at me.

Dear God. 

I smiled back and looked back down at my magazine while I waited for my clothes to dry. Having stopped by the diner for a treat of pancakes I didn't see the man and thought he skipped town with his alleged band. I went home to get my dirty clothes and came here to the laundromat only to find him also washing his clothes. Small town, London was.

He sat there with his leg crossed over the other one and his hands folded neatly in his lap. I almost smiled at how he looked. Like a proper gentleman with his long hair and earring and tattoos I knew were hidden under his leather jacket. He winked at me and I could see he was chewing gum and I shook my head, returning to my reading. 

One of the machines buzzed and he stood up to check on it. I kept to myself as he went about his way, getting lost in the world of interior decorating. What I wouldn't give to have a house like that. A whole yard for Scout and a queen sized bed for me. For now I could only dream. Maybe someday I could give that dusty case on the floor a proper shelf to sit on. 

I slowly looked up from my magazine. The man slammed the lid of the machine down and sat next to me in the same position as before. I wondered if maybe he wanted to read over my shoulder but when I looked at him his large eyes were staring right at me.

"Hello again," he said cheerfully.

"Hi," I said turning a page.

"Whatcha readin'?"

"The Bible," I said. 

"Nice," he said observing the magazine. "Must be one of those Gideon's, though, huh?"

I huffed some air out my nose and held back a smile. I wouldn't let this man think he was being funny. In fact he was being very unfunny. I would pay him no mind. 

"I uh...didn't get your name, Miss," he said. "Ya' left the diner in such a hurry."

Do I tell him? Or do I give him an alias? He didn't come across as a dangerous man but I couldn't see why he found me so interesting to talk to considering all the cold shoulders I had given him. He was on tour, wasn't he? He'd leave soon, that was enough reason to tell him my real name. "Esther," I said. 

"Esther," he repeated. "Nice name."

"Thanks." I didn't ask for his name in return but he gave it anyway.

"I'm Bon," he said. I gave him my full attention.

"Bon?" I asked. Like, a chocolate bonbon? "What sort of name is that, French?"

"Nah, it's....my real name is Ronald, see," he said. "Kids at school called me Bonnie Scotland, ya' know?" He shrugged and smiled like a little kid. "Sorta stuck, ya' know?"

"Bonnie Scotland?" I asked. 

"I uh...was born in Scotland," he said. "Ya' know, with the bagpipes an' all?" His voice got really quiet and he grinned like a schoolboy. "But in Australia they didn't like that an' gave me a hard time."

That sounded familiar. Kids giving other kids a hard time just for existing. I felt a twinge of sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that," I said. 

"Ah, don't worry about it, I'm over it," he said smiling. Still chewing his gum. I went back to my magazine and waited for my clothes to finish so I could go home. I needed a good long rest and my dog was probably pacing the apartment looking for me. He did that sometimes when I took extra long coming home. I skipped the shopping spree. I'd do it tomorrow. "Ya' finish up work again?"

"Yeah, a couple hours ago," I said and wondered why he was even here. If he was in a band, shouldn't he be out partying and getting drunk? "Your work finished too?"

"Band didn't play today," he said sniffing. "Jus' thought I'd wash some things before gettin' a drink at the bar, like." A whiskey was sounding really good just then. I stuck to the one during my shift at work just so I wouldn't have to pay for any more. Otherwise I would have put back a few. Bon looked like a man who could down more than a few and then some. "Is there a last name to go with the first?"

"Marino," I said, watching his eyes light up. 

"Esther Marino," he said. He held his hand out to me. I took it. It was warm and comforting, his handshake firm. "Nice to meet ya', Esther."

"Nice to meet you too, Bon...." I looked at him for a last name.

"Scott," he said. I nodded.

"Bon Scott," I repeated. It really did sound like Bonnie Scotland. His real name was Ronald, he said? He didn't really look like a Ronald. I always pictured a Ronald to have glasses and a bottle of nose spray with him at all times. Of course, I might have just been projecting myself onto the name. Bon was all smiles as we finally introduced ourselves and I smiled in spite of myself. Maybe he really wasn't all that bad.

One of the machines buzzed again and I turned to see it was mine. I stood up and set my magazine down and checked the machine. Hot air burned my nose and eyes. All jumbled in a mess of fabric, my clothes came spilling out the door. I collected them in a basket, the heat burning my fingertips. Gathering my things I made to leave when I saw Bon would probably still be there a while. I felt kind of bad leaving him there but I had to get home. I needed the sleep. Bon watched me with a friendly smile on his face. I cleared my throat.

"Well....I guess I'll be seeing you around, Bon," I said. Bon stood up, almost hesitant. I stood there waiting for him to say something.

"I really am sorry...ya' know," he said looking back and forth between me and the floor. We were the only two people in the place, the lights flickering above us. I would have said the place was haunted. Three of the machines were covered in chewed up wads of bright pink gum. "For upsettin' you yesterday..."

"Forget about it," I said, offering him a kind smile. "I'm just....not used to interactions like that."

"So friends?" he asked showing me his teeth. 

I shrugged. "Alright," I said. Before I could leave Bon stopped me again.

"You always go to that diner?" he asked. His long hair got in his face and he blew it away. 

"For breakfast after work," I said. "Why?"

He suddenly seemed awfully shy. "Jus' wanted to know if I'd be seein' you again," he said. "I like the place myself ya' know, an' thought I might go back sometime...."

"I've got the day off tomorrow," I said narrowing my eyes. What on earth was he getting at? No way was he expecting a date from me. "I've got errands to run....but I work the day after, maybe you'll see me then." He smiled. That seemed good enough for him.

"Still early?" he asked.

"Work ends when the sun comes up," I said. "Graveyard shift."

"I understand," he said. "That a date then?"

I looked him right in the eye and held my head up. "We'll see."

**********

My clothes were cold by the time I got back to my apartment. I gave Scout his now clean blanket and he got himself tangled in it trying to get warm. I laughed at the sight of his wet nose sticking out from underneath, his eyes covered. My dresses were fresh and wrinkle free and I hung them up in the tiny closet. My regular clothes were stacked in the tiny dresser, the holes in one pair of jeans even bigger and more frayed than before. 

Wrapping myself in two warm, clean blankets I sat on the couch where I could see Scout as he slept. My favorite Blondie record, Plastic Letters, played on the record table. I kept the volume down so I wouldn't be socially or physically evicted by the neighbors. Another bowl of hot rice followed the diner pancakes and I actually felt full. Some days I'd go to bed hungry if business was slow. Just like I predicted, working the bar didn't bring home as much money. But it was enough for now. 

What was Bon playing at? And really, what kind of name was Bon? It had to be a fake name. Well, that was obvious, he told me it was just a nickname. Ronald...Bon Scott....he honestly looked like the kind of guy who had a new date every other night. So why was he asking me for one? And...was I even interested? 

Having a friend might be nice. Someone I could talk to and someone who would keep my mind off of...things...

My eyes wandered to the drawer. It slid open again. I wasn't worried about Scout digging around in it because the contents were locked away in a box and the key was hidden in a cupboard. And I certainly wouldn't be opening that box. Not tonight, not ever. 

I sighed. I didn't need Bon or anyone to keep me away from it. I could handle it on my own. I was a strong woman, I could do it myself. I had been doing it for months. 

But still...having Bon around might not prove to be such a bad thing. He was cute...and he seemed harmless. I nestled deeper into my blanket nest. 

I really wished Mom were still here....to tell me what to do...