Dress after dress slid across the rack as I looked them over. None of them had caught my eye yet. They were cute but I needed a money maker. Something that would really put on a show. Something that wouldn't blind the customers like Jeanie's dress.

I wasn't even sure what color I wanted.

Red was a show stopper but it had been done before. By me. Pink was good...if only the pink dresses here weren't pandering to children. Blue might be okay if I looked good in blue. I sighed, shoving aside the millionth dress that was way out of my budget. Shopping was impossible. I was so incredibly picky with my clothes and I really couldn't afford to be. 

Scout was real lucky to be a dog sometimes. 

Speaking of Scout, it was much easier to shop for him. I found the pet store I occasionally took him to and scanned the shelves for the chew toy he wanted. And yes, he showed me how much he wanted that toy by wagging that tail whenever we passed it. Sometimes even snatching it off the shelf when I wasn't looking and trying to leave with it. Cheeky sneak almost got me arrested.

His toy rolled around in the shopping bag I carried with me as I meandered down rows and rows of fashion disasters they called dresses. The store wasn't slack with their heating payments and the whole building was a toasty warm. I took my wool coat off. It was suddenly much easier to picture myself wearing one of these without the bulk of my coat. Even so, nothing was right. 

An elderly woman caught sight of me from across the shop. She was shopping for sweaters and coats while I shopped for skimpy little dresses. Her eyes said it all. I looked away from her, sticking to my motto of minding my own business, hoping she would do the same. It didn't help that the clothes I was currently wearing were old and washed out, probably giving me a pathetic look. But hell, if they ain't broken, I ain't fixing them.

Swishing of dresses on their hooks hypnotized me into daydream. Should I look for something to wear when I met Bon at the diner? Something stuffed under my wool coat that nobody would even see? Fuck, I didn't need to impress him or anyone. For all he knew, the wool coat was all I wore and he still asked to see me again. I didn't have shit to prove. Still, it was a special occasion...

Tell that to my wallet.

I pushed past a hideous white dress and stopped in my tracks. The one before it was orange. I never thought to wear orange. Throwing the white one back again, I grabbed at the orange fabric and studied it. I could faintly remember wearing an orange number to my friend Ramona's quinceañera back in high school. Mom said it was our color. At the time I thought I looked like nothing but a pumpkin, despite drastic changes in my appearance since grade school. 

Holding the dress up to myself, I could see what she meant. Our skin was by no means pale, and the slightly tanned complexion along with our brown hair and eyes paired well with bright orange. The dress was short, of course, with a bit of glitter sprinkled throughout. Held up by two tiny straps and quality stitching, I considered getting it. 

My consideration grew when I saw it came with a little garter. Nothing fancy, but nothing too cheap either. I'd replace it with a better one but for now this could work. Now I just had to find a pair of matching floss.

Unless I wanted a Halloween look, I ignored the tempting black thongs and went straight for something in pink. The customers would be hard pressed to ever catch a glimpse of them but it was still a possibility, especially in summer when it was common for us to add a little flair to our dances. Pink and orange reminded me of pleasant summer sunsets. Summer in Queens, to be specific. Our apartment had a decent view of the west and sometimes I'd stay up watching the sun go down. 

Except on days when the air choked on smog. 

Finding the pair with the least amount of itchy frills and bows, I took my things with me to the checkout counter, stopping only once to admire a leather jacket on a mannequin. It was small but I knew it would drape over my bony frame. The price almost sent me running but I reconsidered. Didn't I deserve a treat once in a while? For sticking to my promise and keeping up with work? This new orange dress might help attract more attention to me when I danced and while I didn't want to upstage the other girls, I needed something to pay for expenses. 

This leather jacket was quite an expense. 

I rolled my eyes remembering Bon's leather jacket. We'd match if I bought it. And it was different than my wool coat and I liked different. Would it keep me as warm? Probably not. But it wouldn't stay winter forever. The weather would warm up and by that time someone else will have bought the jacket. Might as well get a leg up on the competition. I grabbed the one on display, looking around for any clerks. Obviously it was on display for a reason, it was the best one of the bunch. I took my new things to the counter where some teenager was ringing up a few sweaters for the old woman I saw earlier. 

"But I have a coupon right here," she said, showing the girl a tiny slip of paper. The tiny writing was blurry from where I stood. I looked away before a headache came on. "You must not have typed the correct numbers."

"Ma'am, that coupon is expired," the teen girl said, giving her the friendliest smile she could muster. "No matter how many times I type it in, it still won't work." 

"Well what do you expect me to do?" the old woman asked, her perm starting to curl by itself. "I'm not about to tromp through this whole store again putting things back."

"Well, you can leave them right here and one of our sales assistants would be happy to put them back where they belong," the girl said. I myself couldn't imagine they'd be all that happy. The woman scooped up all her clothes and held them to her chest like the girl was about to snatch them right then and there.

"Absolutely not, I'll buy them," she said and set them back on the counter in a pile. She put away her crumpled coupons and muttered something about how she was robbed of a good deal. Pulling out her wallet she handed the girl several notes and the girl cheerily rung her up, putting her new things in pearl white boxes. The old woman stubbornly carried the boxes herself out the store but not before looking back at me with disgust. "Kids today..."

I took my place at the front of the line and dropped my clothes. The girl smiled apologetically. "Sorry about her, she comes in here all the time with some complaint or another," she said. 

"I understand," I said, my heart pounding at the mere thought of the final price. It was for a good cause, I told myself. This was an investment. The girl admired my choices.

"I can't wait till I'm old enough to wear one of these," she said ringing up the dress. "What are you, a model or something?"

"Or something," I shrugged. I actually auditioned to be a model once when I was sixteen but the agency turned me down. Mom told me I had too much potential to be a glorified coat hanger. I wanted the potential to be a model. I guess a dancer was pretty good too. The girl boxed up my clothes and handed them to me while I handed her a wad of cash. 

"Thank you, have a good day," she said, much more cheerful after the old lady had left.

"You too," I said and hoisted my things in my arms. Forgetting to put my wool coat back on I braved the winter winds without it all the way home.

**********

"Scout?" I called, holding the new toy behind my back. It was in the shape of a bone and fit nicely in my hand. It would fit even better inside Scout's teeth and I wanted to see his exact reaction when he saw it. There on the floor, laying in a small patch of sunlight, was my beautiful boy. He opened his eyes and wagged his tail, still lying on the floor. "Look what I have!"

Pulling the toy bone from behind my back, Scout stood up in a flash and shook his long fur. I laughed when he bolted straight for it, grabbing it with his sharp teeth. It squeaked and honked and I watched him toss it up into the air and snatch it off the ground in excitement. 

"You're welcome," I said after he sneezed all over it. For what I was putting this dog through, he deserved a treat too. He deserved a bigger house with a yard to run in. He deserved a house with heating and a much bigger tub to bathe in. A whole basket of toys and a comfier bed. He deserved the world and I wasn't giving it to him. Mom should have taken him when I left but I couldn't bear to leave him behind. 

I had thought things would be better than this. 

Leaving him to his game I opened the boxes and pulled out the orange dress. Stripping down right there, I put it on and let the soft fabric caress my skin. It fit. It fit a little too well. None of my tried and true dresses ever looked this good. They were made to fit someone of a healthy weight and I had left that demographic years ago. Now I was a lot skinnier and at times looked sick. Lately I had been trying to eat more healthy fats such as peanut butter but it hadn't shown yet. Guess I needed to be patient. But looking at myself in this dress, I couldn't help but feel a little better about myself. While I waited for the weight to come back, I could still dress in ways that brought out my natural beauty. 

I slipped the leather jacket over the dress and just as I suspected, it was quite big. But the day would come when it would fit properly and until then, I had a little extra room for a sweater underneath. And maybe Bon would get a kick out of it. 

The garter fit too. This would be perfect to use for private dances when the customers tipped us. I changed back into my old clothes and went to cook some lunch. By cook, I mean I slapped together another peanut butter sandwich and poured a glass of milk. Taking my usual spot on the couch, I watched Scout tire himself out with his new chew toy.