I had no idea if they were telling the truth. People loved to gossip about celebrities and AC/DC were no different. Magazine articles and newspaper clippings constantly called them 'satanic' and 'possessed'. But rockstars weren't shy about taking illicit drugs. I just wanted to hear about it from Bon himself. 

It was February now and snow was starting to fall. I decided heat was too valuable an asset to keep shut off so I started budgeting more than I already was to be able to pay for it. Scout was much happier and I was too. I wouldn't ever deprive him of warmth again. Until now when I took him with me to spend the day with Bon. We walked through the park again, this time a small sheet of show covering the grass. Hardly anybody was out except us and a couple brave birds. Scout bounded through the snow, not at all bothered by the cold. Flakes fell into his fur and my hair. I chose my wool coat over my leather jacket for obvious reasons. 

"Does it snow a lot in New York?" Bon asked, kicking some up with his shoe. It sprayed from the ground into the air and Scout tried eating it. "We didn't see much last time we were there."

"It can get pretty bad," I said. "Mom said the blizzard two years ago was the worst she had ever ever heard about. So many people died and I was worried Mom would be one of them." No tears. "Luckily the storm didn't reach Queens like we thought it would."

Bon nodded as he listened. "I heard about that, that was awful," he said. "We were in Tasmania at the time....bit warmer there, ya' know?"

"Does Australia get any snow?" I asked, watching Scout roll around. He shook his fur out and snow went flying. 

"On special occasions," Bon smiled. "When it feels like it, ya' know." He picked up a small handful of snow and patted it down in his gloved hands. 

"Don't you dare," I said, pointing a finger at him. He smiled and laughed.

"I'm not gonna throw it," he said. "Jus' makin' a pet snowball." I raised an eyebrow.

"A what?" 

"Ya' know those pet rocks?" he asked. I nodded, remembering the pet rock fad all the kids went crazy for. Despite the fact that you could go outside and pick out any rock you wanted for free. And I knew my kid self would probably want one regardless. "This is my pet snowball, with a lifespan of forty eight minutes."

I laughed. "Longer if the snow keeps up," I said. 

"Yeah, but I'm gettin' hungry an' it will melt if I take it inside," he said tossing the snowball. It hit a tree and exploded into a powdery mess. Scout pulled on his leash to chase it. "Let's get somethin' to eat."

**********

We found a pizza place downtown and thankfully they allowed well behaved dogs. Scout was the most well behaved boy on the planet so I wasn't worried. I admired the place. It was a whole restaurant with a ball pit, arcade games, basketball hoops, jungle gym, and a prize counter. We found a booth and sat down with our pizza, Scout having a nap under the table after realizing I wouldn't give in to his begging. Kids who took the day off from school ran around the place, tails made out of tickets flying behind them. Games whirring and bells ringing like a casino. No grown ups in sight. 

Bon and I looked pretty out of place. 

The pizza was hot and Bon laughed as he handed me a glass of water to cool my tongue down after burning it. "It's not funny!" I said drinking. Water spilled out the sides of my mouth and dribbled all over the table. Bon was about crying from laughter and I finally gave in, water shooting into my nose. 

That only made my pain worse but it was too funny to ignore. 

Bon handed me some napkins. "You alright over there?" he asked. 

"I'm okay," I coughed, my nose and tongue burning. "How come the pizza didn't burn you?" 

He shrugged. "The pepperoni must be hotter than the cheese," he said. "Here, ya' want my water too?"

"No, you keep it," I said, taking another drink. "Sorry. That was unattractive."

"Hey, what's a little snot and spit among friends?" Bon asked smiling. "I've looked a lot worse than that, believe me."

So have I....

I figured now was as good a time as any to bring it up. I waited a few minutes while my slice of pizza cooled down. "So I heard Sid Vicious died the other day," I said. Bon ate his pizza without any trouble. 

"Heard that too," he said. "Always a shame when a fellow musician dies," he said. "Even when you're not a fan of their music." Bon took another bite. "Or them."

"You're not a Sex Pistols fan?" I asked. He shook his head. 

"Punk is....a very interestin' kind of noise," he said. "A very unflatterin' noise."

"I like punk," I said, looking to Bon with surprise. "Rock and roll is noisy too."

"Yeah but ya' get the right band an' it sounds spectacular," Bon said. "Ya' get a good tune goin' an' the words...." He smiled. "Rock an' roll's more fun than punk, hon."

"Punk can be fun!" I defended. "Maybe Sex Pistols aren't your kind of punk, maybe there's some other bands out there you'd like."

"I doubt it," Bon grinned. I cleared my throat, hoping to get back on track. 

"He died of a heroin overdose?" I asked, pretending to be unsure. Everyone knew what happened to him. Nancy though, was a different story. One that might never have an ending. 

"Sure did," Bon said. He seemed unbothered by it all, or was at least pretending to be. I started eating the rest of my slice before it got too cold. 

"Pretty nasty way to die," I said. He nodded.

"There might be worse ways to die," Bon said. "But there sure are a hell of a lot better too."

How could I do this without being nosy? "Kinda curious though," I said. "How....how it would feel..."

Bon looked down at his food. "Heard it's pretty rough," he said with a sigh.

I took a deep breath. I needed to come out with it. He'd never figure out what I was getting at. "I heard you...had an accident...." I swallowed the lump in my throat. The pizza didn't seem to taste as good anymore. "With...heroin...."

"Where'd you hear that?" Bon asked. He didn't sound upset. But I was afraid to press further. 

"Just....some of the girls at the club heard something. Just old gossip."

Bon sighed again and picked at his food. "It was a while ago..." he said. "But I'm alright now."

I felt a sharp pain in my chest. This must have been how Ramona felt when she saw her friends doing this to themselves. But that was different, it was only me and a couple of idiots. This was Bon. I didn't like the thought of him doing anything dangerous. I couldn't picture anything happening to him. He was so young, he had years ahead of him. "I....thought it was just a rumor..."

Bon crumpled his napkin in his hand. "Okay, I admit I've dabbled in countless...." He paused with a sheepish smile. "Substances...." I waited for him to continue. "An' the heroin may have been poor choice on my part, like. I have a few friends an' they sometimes take various...things..."

"I understand," I said waving him off. So it was true. He had taken some before we met. And he was just fine. Not all those who got into heroin ended up dying like Sid Vicious. Some were as healthy as a horse like Bon. He didn't seem to have an addiction with it. He even had friends just like me who took the stuff. It wasn't as big of a deal as everyone said. "It's nothing, really."

"I wouldn't call overdosin' nothin'," he said with a small smile. "Look, if you're worried about me....don't be. I'm still here, I ain't goin' anywhere anytime soon." I smiled when he put his hand on top of mine. "I can look after myself, ya' know?"

"I know," I said. He looked down at our tray.

"Best get this finished before mushrooms start growin' on their own," he said and I laughed, taking another slice. My appetite came back a little after our talk. If Bon could keep away from it, then so could I. I ignored the open drawer calling my name. 

**********

"You just snort it or what?" I asked watching Maria dish out our share of the brown powder. Arnold and Robert were in another room of the house with their share. There was nobody home but us. Ramona didn't come with us. Maria used her bus pass to cut the lines. She told me this was her first time using heroin but she seemed to know what she was doing. Like...she had seen someone use it before. 

"I don't know why those boys thought this was a good idea," she mumbled over the powder. "We could get in huge trouble for this."

"So why are we doing it?" I asked and Maria looked at me like I was stupid. 

"Because it will feel good," she said. "Life fucks every last one of us and some of us are ready to fix that." She got two straws she pulled out of a cupboard and handed one to me. 

"Is this really what they use?" I asked, inspecting my bright green straw. 

"If you're rich enough you can use a hundred dollar bill," Maria said pushing her hair away. "That's what rockstars do. But we're on a budget."

I watched Maria inhale the powder with the straw. She looked kind of funny, I admit. She coughed a few times and pulled away from the line. There was brown powder all over the straw and her nose and she leaned back against the chair. We were sitting on the floor of the living room, Maria's work on the coffee table. Maria closed her eyes and sniffed. "Can you feel anything?" I asked.

"Not yet," she mumbled. "You try."

I looked down at my line and my straw. This felt odd. Like we were doing it wrong. The adults wouldn't just ground us they'd laugh at our naivety before showing us how it's really done. But Maria seemed satisfied with her attempt and I wouldn't judge until I had tried it. Following her example, I brushed my hair back and leaned over the table. 

It burned my nose. I wanted to quit and say forget it but I also wanted to know what would happen if I kept going. I heard Maria sigh and figured it must have started kicking in. When I pulled away, rubbing my burning nose, I noticed she was smiling. "Feels pretty nice," she said.

I leaned back against the couch and waited. Nothing was happening. No rush that everyone talked so highly about. Maria must have been faking it. Maybe everybody was faking it. Right before I could say this was a waste of time and leave, I felt a wave of calm wash over my body. I closed my eyes and let the euphoric feeling swallow me whole. 

"I feel it," I said and Maria giggled. I felt sleepy and happy and relaxed, more so than I had felt in a long time. Not since before my dad died had I felt this nice. I wonder if Maria felt the same way or if effects varied among people. "I wonder how the boys are doing...."

"Who cares," Maria said and we laughed. "You happy you joined us?" With the way I felt right now, I wouldn't ever regret going with these guys. Ramona was missing out. I felt sorry for her. 

Suddenly I felt something in the pit of my stomach. I stood up, stumbling into the couch and hurried as fast as I could into the bathroom. Robert and Arnold were sitting in the bathtub in a similar condition as Maria and I. Only I was going to be sick. Ignoring the boys watching me, I knelt beside the toilet and threw up. 

"It's a goal!" Robert cheered. I could hear Arnold laughing as they watched me humiliate myself. No one told me there were any negative effects of taking heroin! 

"It won't last forever, Esther," Arnold said. "That'll go away in....soon."

I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet. Both of them had finished their lines while Maria and I only snorted half each. They looked the happiest I'd ever seen them. "Why aren't either of you sick?" I asked. 

"Just lucky," he said shrugging. "How's Maria doing?"

"She's not sick either," I grumbled. "There must have been something in my share."

"It all came from the same bag," Arnold said slowly. "You just can't handle big kid drugs." Rolling my eyes, I decided I was done and made my way out of the bathroom. 

"I'll let you two lovers be," I said slamming the door earning some laughter from Arnold and offence taken by Robert. I didn't care. I was upset to be the only one whose good time was ruined by the urge to vomit. I felt like I could pass out at any minute. I wanted to collapse on the couch and have a long nap. When I came back to the living room Maria was already asleep, slumped over on the floor. I passed her and lay down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, looking for shapes. 

There was a wolf howling at the moon. 

There was a man holding a loaf of bread. 

There was a pirate ship taking a nose dive. 

I closed my eyes and fell asleep.