Scout and I stood outside the Silver Dollar Diner waiting for Bon. I shivered in my wool coat and Scout sniffed the doors of the building. I could smell the food from inside and my stomach rumbled. Dogs weren't allowed inside but maybe Joe would make an exception. He knew me and after all, who could resist Scout's adorable face?

His beautiful face that was now nose deep in his testicles...

A gust of wind seemed to bring Bon out of thin air. He smiled when he saw me and gave me a hug. He smelled like tea and firewood. "Glad you could make it, Esther," he said. He knelt down on the ground and Scout eagerly went to him for scratches and pets. "And who's this little guy?"

"His name is Scout," I said watching my two boys get to know each other. Scout started licking his face and I didn't have the heart to tell Bon what he had just been doing.

"Handsome dog," Bon said giving Scout the ultimate rub down. Scout was loving every second of it. "Ya' have him long?"

"About four years," I said. "Mom gave him to me." I fought hard against the tears, dismissing them as a reaction to this cold January air. Bon stood up and held his hand out for me. "We're not going in?"

"Nah, I've got somewhere else I wanna take ya'. An' lucky for ol' Scout here they take dogs."

I took Bon's hand and he led us down the street in a direction I'd never gone.

**********

"The park?" I asked Bon as we made our way past benches and streetlamps and children playing with the ducks.

"Ever have park food?" Bon asked. I assumed he meant hot dogs and ice cream.

"Course I have."

"Great," he smiled and we ended up at a hot dog cart. It was so cold outside you could see the steam clearly as the hot dogs cooked. We got two of them and I thought one of them was for Bon but he ended up giving it to Scout. Scout was the happiest dog on Earth. "Atta boy."

"What about you?" I asked, holding my dog with extra mustard. "You're not eating?" He shook his head.

"Already ate at my friend's," he said. "You probably heard us doin' dishes?"

"My neighbors upstairs heard you doing dishes," I said and Bon laughed. It was such a friendly laugh, I loved hearing it. Scout gobbled his meal up in just a few bites. "You know you shouldn't have human food....that was nice of you, Bon, thank you."

"Sure thing. Now uh...I'd like to hear more about this Esther," he said. "This Esther who dances an' has a pet dog an' all that." I occupied myself with my hot dog, getting mustard all over my face. "What's the story?"

"There's no story," I said with a full mouth. Bon shook his head.

"I don't believe it for a second. Here," he said gesturing to an empty bench to sit on. I held Scout's leash with one hand and my hot dog in the other. Scout could smell it and sat on the ground, begging. Bon clasped his gloved hands together. "Where are you from?"

"Well...." I guess this was a harmless question. "I'm from Queens," I said. "My Nana came over from Italy and raised her son there. And he met my mom who was also Italian American. And then they had me."

"Ya' don't say?" Bon said. He leaned over to give Scout a few scratches behind his ears. "You already know where I'm from, huh? Born in Scotland, raised in Australia?"

"Yeah, I figured that out," I said. "That's a pretty big move."

"No kiddin'. So uh...what else, hm?" he asked. "Any hobbies?"

I swallowed. "I used to play the violin," I said. Bon raised his eyebrows.

"Used to?"

"I sort of...gave up on it," I said. Bon couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Ya' play the violin an' ya' gave up?" he asked. "I got a musician on my hands an' I never knew?" I sort of smiled but then it vanished. My cheeks were red with the cold. 

"It's more complicated than that," I said. "I just....moved on to other things." 

"What other things?" I winced. 

"School," I answered quickly. "And eventually my job." Bon nodded.

"Ya' ever go to university?" he asked. I nodded. "Which one?"

"Queens College," I muttered. "Only place we could afford." Bon nodded again as he listened. I could feel him staring at me but I looked at the ground where Scout decided to lie down and have a nap. "I didn't stay long...dropped out after a year. Grades, you know...." I stopped there. I didn't want to admit the real reason. The reason my grades suffered in the first place. "Moved to London and got a job here dancing instead."

"I see," he said. Before he could ask anything else I turned the subject to him, taking another bite. 

"What about you?"

Bon sighed. "Well, Mum an' Dad moved us to Australia when we were kids, ya' know," he said. "An' I left school as quick as I could to get my life goin'. Had different jobs here an' there." He sniffed from the cold. "Got a band. Got a few bands actually. An' the AC/DC guys were lookin' for a singer an' they gave me a job." He smiled. 

"Other bands, you say?" I asked and Bon looked down at the ground. "And what bands might those be?"

"Just uh..." he said, clearing his throat. "Ya' know, things like Fraternity....ya' might have heard of the Valentines?"

I thought back to my dad's record collection and everything he taught me about music. The Valentines never came up. "No, I don't think I have."

"Never mind then," Bon said waving it off. I raised my eyebrow. "So your parents still live in New York?"

And there the tears started. I turned my face away so Bon wouldn't see. "They died," I said. 

Bon was quiet for a long time. Then I felt him put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Esther."

I quickly wiped at my eyes with my hands. My empty paper bowl sat on the bench next to me; the wind threatening to carry it off. "I'm fine," I lied, keeping my face down. "Dad died when I was a kid, it was a long time ago. And Mom...." I broke down. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. 

I thought I had gotten over it. I thought I could talk about it and keep it together. I thought spending the entire night crying about it and listening to my records would be enough...but I was wrong. 

"Her neighbor called...." I choked. "Last week. She found Mom...."

"Last week?" Bon asked in shock. I felt him wrap an arm around me. I didn't pull away. Scout whined and I heard his leash jingle. 

"It's fine," I said, willing myself to shake it off. I grieved and now I could move on. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. Bon stayed quiet and let me get my emotions under control. Scout was sitting up and looking at me. I closed my eyes again. Scout only reminded me of her. "I don't mean to ruin our evening-"

"No, hon, ya' didn't ruin a thing," Bon said, pulling me closer to his side. "We can talk about somethin' else if ya' want." I nodded. Yes, get the subject off of my parents. Say something, anything. "Tell me about your plans for the future."

I opened my eyes. My plans seemed more like fantasies. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was ever getting out of the rut I was in. But something told me Bon wouldn't believe that. I sniffled and wiped my eyes. "I'd like a library," I said.

"Library?" Bon asked.

"Yeah," I sniffed again. "For music."

"Oh, I see," Bon said. "Who do ya' have now?"

"Chopin, mostly," I shrugged. "I've got Little Richard, Blondie and the Ramones." Bon tried to hide a grimace but I saw it anyway. "Dad..." I almost choked up again. "Dad had more records than me. I have one Joni Mitchell album too."

"Not bad," Bon said. "Ramones? Really?" I shrugged and giggled a little when he sighed. "Little Richard is pretty good. We gotta get ya' more."

Bon stood up right then and there. I looked up at him in surprise, my eyes a burning red. "Right now?"

"Sure," he said, offering me his hand. I took it and stood up, Scout sensing we were about to begin the second part of our adventure and standing up as well. "We'll swing by the record store an' get ya' somethin' else."

"They don't let dogs in," I said and I wasn't about to leave Scout tied up outside in the cold. 

"Trust me," Bon said grinning. 

**********

I couldn't help the fit of giggles as Bon and I tiptoed around the record shop, keeping as quiet as possible. Bon told me to unhook Scout's leash so it wouldn't rattle and he picked my boy up and carried him around. Scout didn't mind. He was getting a free ride. The clerk at the front desk didn't see us and Bon kept holding a finger to his lips. "Get us thrown out, you will," he scolded playfully. 

Anytime someone came by Bon would hold Scout to his chest and turn around so they wouldn't see him and tattle. I decided it would be best if I giggled somewhere else so the attention wouldn't land on Bon and his...baby. I went my own way through the store and browsed the shelves. So many new bands and new albums from old bands I hadn't seen yet. I really had been out of the loop. As I suspected there were a few AC/DC records. The man in the uniform was on the cover. I grabbed a couple and decided I'd give them a try. There were a few Rolling Stones albums. Dad loved that band so I grabbed one of them. Seeing Ella Fitzgerald got me tearing up again and I grabbed it. Records were luckily affordable and I could get several without beating up the budget. 

Bon came over to me with Scout curled up in a ball in his arms. His eyes were fluttering closed. "The man's fallin' asleep on me," Bon whispered. 

"I should get him home," I said, still giggling over the sight. I held up my new collection. "Does this earn your approval?"

Bon looked them over and shrugged. "Yeah, not bad," he said. He tapped one with Angus on it. "I think this one is pretty good."

"I'll be the judge of that," I said and went up to the counter to pay. Bon went outside where it was freezing and windy, still holding Scout close. It was dark and my boy was probably starving. Paying for my new records I followed Bon outside. "Thanks for keeping Scout warm," I said giving him some pets. He sniffed my hand. 

"No worries, I like dogs," he said. "I'll carry him home for ya'."

Bon walked me home, both of us staying close to the streetlights. Some people were out partying and drinking and I suddenly craved a drink. I wondered if I should be inviting Bon inside. It seemed like the polite thing to do. But Bon didn't need to know how cold my place was. It was bad enough out here.

Reaching my worn down apartment, Bon didn't say a word about it. He simply hooked Scout's leash back on and set him down on the ground. "All set, Esther," he said smiling. "Tonight was fun."

"It was," I agreed. "Thanks for asking me out."

"Thank you for acceptin'," he said. Once again we stood there in an awkward silence. I was obviously horrible at goodbyes, and for some reason I froze up around Bon. "I'll see ya' around, Esther."

Before I knew what was happening I grabbed him for a hug. He eagerly hugged me back and kissed my hair. I stepped away from him. "Goodbye, Bon."

"Bye, hon." And with that I scurried back into my apartment, Scout doing his best to follow me. Once inside, I grabbed all the blankets I had in the cabinet and wrapped them around me and Scout before making dinner. 

Bon was turning out to be a great friend.

**********

Later that night I lay awake in bed. An empty bottle of whiskey sat on the floor. Ella Fitzgerald played on the record table. I spent hours crying into my pillow. I was faced with the harsh reality of my life. My mom and dad were gone. And ever since the neighbor called me about Mom's suicide....

Hot tears melted into my pillow. I covered myself with blankets and hid in my makeshift cocoon. Scout had climbed inside with me and shared my pain. I should have known she was depressed. I should have made more of an effort to see her. To help her. I shouldn't have declined her invite for Christmas. I should have done something!

I took deep, shaky breaths. It wasn't my fault she did this. It was depression's fault. It started years ago and took her away from me. It wasn't my fault.

I still should have done something.  

The open drawer called my name as I cried myself to sleep.