My fingernails tapped on the sides of my mug. The steam hit me in the face and I hardly noticed it. My leg bounced like crazy and I could see Joe looking at me out of the corner of my eye. "You okay over there, Esther?" he asked.

"Huh?" I looked up to see him furrowing his brow. "Oh, I'm fine," I lied. I was far from fine. I was out of work for a month and I had to make do with having nothing but coffee and one egg for dinner at the Silver Dollar Diner. Joe was surprised to see me at this time of day but didn't ask any questions. I wondered how many hours he worked each shift. "The food is good."

"Made it with love," Joe smiled.

Not only did I lose my job but I made the stupid decision to find a heroin dealer in London who was willing to take me in as a client. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy finding the right people. I almost asked Bon who to talk to the last time he called me but stopped myself. I didn't want him finding out. I didn't want anybody finding out.

Speaking of Bon, he was late. He called me about an hour ago asking to meet me here at the diner. I told him I had the night off work and he seemed very eager to see me again. I was eager too, but anxious above everything. I wanted to tell him the truth about my situation but fought against it. He'd only offer to help and I didn't want to take advantage of his charity nor did I want pity.

I would do this on my own.

The bell above the door jingled and I spun around, seeing Bon kick the March snow off his shoes. "Hey, stranger," Joe called.

"Hello," Bon smiled. He eyed me and his smile grew. "Hey, Esther." He took a seat next to me and removed his gloves, flakes of snow falling onto the counter.

"Hey, Clark Kent," I said, noticing his Superman shirt under his coat. He laughed.

"What'll it be then, rockstar?" Joe asked, throwing a hand towel over his shoulder.

"I'll jus' have what Esther here had," he said. Joe raised an eyebrow.

"I think you're gonna want more than that," he said. "She came in here and ordered one egg." Bon frowned.

"One egg?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Not very hungry, I guess," I mumbled. I didn't love how they were talking about my eating habits right in front of me.

"Offered to cook her two and she said no," Joe said. Bon looked at me with concern. "So, you still want Esther's meal?"

"Uh....maybe crack open a couple more of those." My stomach rumbled. "An' another plate for Esther."

"No, Bon, it's okay," I said. "I'm really not hungry." My stomach roared again and Bon took out his wallet.

"Not lettin' one of my friends go hungry," Bon said, laying money on the counter. "I'm uh...sorry for bein' a bit late."

"Forget about it," I said. "I was here early."

"Band's been in for rehearsals, ya' know," he said. "They're havin' us run through each song exactly one million times for the album. We're beat."

"Should take a break," I said. "Get outside, get some fresh air."

"I'd love to," he said. "But you'll have to take it up with the warden if ya' wanna bust me out." Joe slid over a plate of eggs in our direction. He must have cooked at least four of them. "That one's yours," he said.

"No, Bon, you have it."

"I could pick you up with my two little fingers," Bon said, holding up two fingers and pinching the air like a crab. "I'd rather you have that plate."

I was really hungry. And the more I went along with Bon's insistence the less he'd act concerned and the less questions he'd ask. So I shoveled eggs in my mouth.

"So how's work?"

Spoke too soon.

Bon accepted the coffee Joe offered him and I choked down my food. He hadn't noticed the nervous panic on my face and I wiped it off with a cool smile before he could. "I...scheduled a few days off," I said. "Been feeling a bit under the weather lately and thought a break would do me good."

"Should do the same," Bon said. "Wish I could." He looked me up and down. "Ya' say you're sick?"

"Just feeling a bit down, is all," I said, waving him off. "The dancing gets tiring. Drama with the girls." Fights...

"I understand," Bon said. He didn't look convinced. "But now that ya' mention it, ya' do look a bit off." I sat up as straight as I could while Bon scrutinized me. "Ya' look a bit paler than I remember. Tired, like...." He narrowed his eyes and I held still. "Have ya' lost weight?"

"What?" I asked, genuinely concerned. He nodded his head.

"Ya' look even smaller than before." I picked up a spoon on the counter and tried to look at my reflection. Seeing I was upside down, I flipped the spoon over. There, among the coffee stains was me looking very much the same as always. I set the spoon down and scoffed.

"I look fine," I smiled. Bon frowned.

"Ya' can't tell by lookin' in a spoon," he said. My stomach rumbled again and Bon nodded at my plate before getting his own. "Go on, eat up."

Together we ate our food and I ate mine a bit quicker than I had intended. Joe acted like he wasn't watching but I knew he was concerned for my sudden attitude change too. I wasn't usually such a nervous wreck with circles under my eyes and tracks hidden under my wool coat. I couldn't take the coat off. I hadn't been keeping up with covering every ounce of my body with makeup so I used the cold weather as an excuse to never show my arms to anyone. Winter was coming to an end however and I would simply have to buy extra makeup.

"So, Esther," Bon said after we finished eating. "Since ya' have a few days off work I was wonderin' if ya' wanted to see the band again? I know they'd like to say hello."

I had missed these men more than I realized. A night out with my friends might help take my mind off things. As long as I kept my cool and didn't say too much, they'd be none the wiser. I'd have to be tricky, though....these were smart men.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, my stomach finally quieting down. I really was grateful for the extra eggs.

Bon shrugged. "Dunno. Might call 'em up an' have a drink or so." I smiled. A drink was just what I needed. That would put me off using heroin that night however, as alcohol and heroin made for a very dangerous combination. And I was a safe user.

"I don't want to leave Scout by himself that long," I said.

"We'll go get him," Bon said. "It's not that far of a walk an' I'll even carry him for ya'." I grinned. Bon was the best.

"Okay, you convinced me," I said. Bon stood from the chair and I followed suit.

"Come on then," he said, guiding me out the diner. "Thanks for the food!"

"Sure thing, kids!" Joe called after us, waving goodbye with his spatula. Outside a wind had picked up and I turned the collar of my coat up. Bon slipped his gloves back on and led me to a very beaten down and ancient telephone booth. He fished a few coins out of his pocket and stepped inside.

"Come on in," he said, holding the door open. There wasn't much room for both of us in the tiny little booth but it was so cold outside I didn't hesitate to accept his offer. I squeezed inside, my back against the glass and Bon let the door swing shut. "All snug an' toasty."

"If we get stuck in here, Bon, only the fire department will be able to get us out," I said. A light snow started to fall, making our situation even more risky. Bon grinned.

"Then it's a good thing we have a telephone, isn't it, hon?" he asked before dialing a number. I waited patiently in the little booth, our body heat warming it up quickly. Bon tapped the top of the phone as it rang, both of us awkwardly looking at anything but each other. He sighed and hung it up.

"Who'd you call?" I asked.

"I called Angus," Bon said, taking more coins from his pocket. "He an' Mal are sharin' a flat at the moment an' I thought one of 'em might be home." He dialed a number again. "I'll try one more time an' if no one's home I'll call Phil."

While Bon used up his coins calling his friends I thought about what Celine said before I left work. How in the actual fuck was I going to formally apologize to Jeanie? I could easily apologize to Celine. I had no right starting a fight and breaking the rules in her club and I felt awful for disappointing her. She was like a second mother to me. But Jeanie? The bitch deserved a good punch. In hindsight I should have called Jeanie outside and taught her a lesson out there. I might be at work right now instead of in a cramped telephone booth while March snow blew around it.

Then again, I might not be here with Bon either.

"Hello?" Bon called into the phone. "Mal, that you?...Yeah, I'm callin' from a booth down the road a ways. Where's Angus?" Bon waited a minute before giving me a look. "Sleepin', figures." I smiled. "I was callin' to ask if ya' wanted to join Esther an' I for a drink....I dunno, might find a bar somewhere....ya' sure? Wouldn't wanna wake the sleepin' princess...." I held a hand to my mouth to stifle the laughter. "If ya' say so. We'll be over in a minute. Oh, could ya' check in on Phil an' Cliff, like? I'm runnin' low on spare change." Bon hung up and grinned. "Seems Mal's invited us over for a drink."

"He doesn't mind?"

"Nah, he likes to be with friends, even if he won't admit it. The boys in this band, see, we're all soft. We're all soft at heart. But don't tell anyone." Bon put a finger to his lips.

"I won't." Realizing we were still very close in the booth, Bon opened the door and the cold wind hit the glass, snow blowing from off the sidewalk.

"So, should we pick up ol' Scout?"

**********

The walk to my apartment was short and quick. I was lucky to live so close to the club and the diner. Barney greeted us at the gate, all wrapped up in a huge puffer jacket and mittens. "Evening," he said, his nose red. He had a cup of cocoa on his desk next to abandoned paperwork.

"Why don't you take the night off, Barney?" I said, coming up to the booth. "Everyone's staying in anyway in this weather."

"Oh, no, Miss Marino, no can do," he said. "I've missed my post far too much recently. And who will let you in?" He opened the gate as he said this. Bon and I stepped in and he closed the gate after us.

"Bon and I can climb over," I said and Bon shook the gate, testing its sturdiness.

"I dunno," he said. "I mean, I'll sure try but it might crash on me." He smiled and laughed. "But ya' know I'll try."

I rolled my eyes and took his hand, leading him up the stairs to my place. Right as we got to the door I stopped. I didn't want anything in there, no matter how well hidden, to be seen by him. Something would give me away. Something I left out as a stupid mistake or something Bon would recognize as being a place owned by a heroin user. Much like pineapples for swingers, there had to be something lying around that would give me away.

"Uh, Bon?" I said. "Can you wait out here while I get Scout?"

"Everythin' okay?" he asked.

"Course! It's...just messy in my place and I don't want you to see it." He shrugged.

"I mean, I don't mind a little mess, hon," he said. "But if that's what ya' want."

"Thanks, Bon," I said before slipping the key in and letting myself inside. Scout lifted his head when he saw me and came up to me wagging his tail. I knelt to give him pets and kisses before looking for his harness and leash. He skipped around, happy to go for a walk, but I knew he'd try to go right back inside once he saw the cruel weather. "Come on, boy, you wanna see some of your friends?" I slipped the harness on and clicked on the leash. Scout wagged his tail and followed me to the front door.

Right when I opened it, letting in a cold wind, he stepped back inside, his tail drooping. "Here, come here, little man," Bon said, scooping Scout up in his arms. "Hitch a ride on your old Uncle Bon."

"Thanks, Bon," I said, closing and locking my apartment door.

"No problem. Now let's go wake up Angus."

**********

Bon lightly kicked on the apartment door. Malcolm opened it, already partaking in the drinks. "Nice to see ya' again, Esther," he said. "Hey, Scout." Scout leaned out of Bon's arms trying to lick his face and Bon set him down. He ran inside, pulling his leash out of my hand. There was a man lying on the couch trying to relax when Scout jumped on his chest.

"Fuck!" Angus opened his eyes to see Scout sniffing his pelvic area and he sat up. "Hey, get out of there." Scout turned his attention to Angus' face which he promptly licked. "There's my good boy."

"Drinks are on the table," Malcolm said nodding toward a case of beer. Phil was sitting at the table with a magazine and a beer in one hand. He waved with the other. "Cliff's on the phone with his girlfriend in my room."

"We're the last ones here?" Bon asked, mocking disappointment. "Angus probably drank it all."

"Nah, but he did grab one." I noticed there was a beer sitting on the couch next to Angus. "Took two sips an' set it down."

"Amateur, right, Esther?" Bon whispered, nudging me with his elbow.

"Don't worry, Mal, we'll get rid of these for you," I said. We helped ourselves to a can of beer each and clinked them together. Cliff came out of Malcolm's room and smiled when he saw the two of us. "Hi, Cliff."

"Hello, Esther," he said. "Just had to make a quick call. Life treatin' ya' well?"

I wouldn't say 'well'. However, most of what happened to me recently were the results of some very poor actions on my part. So I'd say life was treating me 'fair' and not 'well'. "I'm hanging in there," I said. "Heard you're working on a new album?"

"Incessantly," he said. "Tell me, do I look ten years older than before?" I studied his youthful face and shook my head.

"Not at all," I said. "I'd say at least a year younger." Cliff smiled and patted me on the back.

"You're a doll," he said before finding a place to sit down. Bon removed his jacket and gloves and placed them on the back of a chair.

"I can take your coat, Esther," he said and I froze up.

"No, that's okay," I said. "I....actually can't stay very long so I may as well keep it on." Bon furrowed his brow.

"Can't stay?" he asked. He sounded disappointed. "At least you'll stay long enough to see Angus get drunk. He's great when he's pissed." I smiled but it disappeared quickly.

"I need the sleep, Bon," I said. Hoping for the first time that the dark circles under my eyes would be to my advantage. Bon nodded and I could see he agreed with me.

"Alright then. If you insist. Go on an' have a few beers then, have a good time." I smiled. I would.

I had until ten o'clock to enjoy myself.

"Come on, Scout, off the couch," I said. Scout was now sitting next to Angus on the couch, trying to worm his way onto his lap. The closer Scout got, the more of Angus' face he could lick.

"It's alright, our couch is pet friendly," Malcolm said.

"Yeah, Mal sits on it all the time," Angus laughed.

"So do you," Malcolm said. "Anyway, you an' Bon hungry at all? We jus' had a pizza brought here a few hours ago but there's a whole lot left in the fridge." Pizza, if done properly, was something I struggled to turn down. I may not have been starving like I was at the diner but the idea of a bite of pizza tuned my cravings up to a nine. Bon had already made his way to the fridge and helped himself to a cold slice and I decided to accept the free food.

"Thanks, Mal," I said and grabbed a slice from the fridge. Cold, sure, but nonetheless heavenly. Not quite my hometown and certainly not Nona's homemade Italian recipe. But I was a simple woman who enjoyed the simple things in life. And pepperoni pizza from some joint down the road was exactly what I needed.

Olives too? Don't mind if I do.

We sat around talking for a long while. Once in a while one of us would use the bathroom or make a quick phone call. Sometimes Malcolm got up to answer the phone and either talk for a while or call Angus over. Their older brother had been discussing some things with them and management refused to let them rest. Scout visited everyone as much as he could, getting fur all over Cliff's jeans and Phil's shirt. Bon grabbed a vacuum and cleaned up after him. Phil swore when the nozzle tried sucking his shirt off and Bon laughed, unhooking him. Scout tried snatching our pizza but I held my ground. He had plenty of delicious dog food for dinner, he didn't need pizza. Angus looked even more disappointed than Scout did at that news.

"He's starvin', Esther," he said, looking into Scout's wet, shimmering brown eyes. "He told me he hasn't been fed in months."

Angus meant nothing by that but it stung all the same. Scout had to make do with cheaper quality dog food than I would have liked to provide for him and sometimes I worried if I'd be able to feed him at all when work was slow. And now with work being nonexistent...and with my asinine plans for this evening.... Scout didn't mind, he loved the stuff. But I couldn't stop the plaguing guilt.

"He's a mixer, Angus," I said. "Don't look him in the eye, he'll rope you in."

"Too late for that, huh, boy?" Angus said, petting Scout's back. Fur flew in every direction.

"Ya' know, he kinda looks like...aw, what's his name....from that show we watched the other day?" Phil said snapping his fingers. "The guy with the limo and the fake ID?"

"Oh, yeah," Malcolm said making the connection. "Fuck, what is his name?" Phil and Malcolm were quiet for a minute as they tried to think. "Aw, well. Not important." By now the beer was gone and the clock read a quarter to ten. I had to make a swift exit. "Headin' out, Esther?"

"Yeah," I said, standing up. "Scout and I ought to get home and rest." I grabbed Scout's leash and led him to the door. "Thanks for having us, Mal, I had a lot of fun."

"Sure thing, love, anytime," he said giving me a hug. Bon stood from where he was sitting and grabbed his coat off the chair.

"Wait, I'll walk ya' home," he said.

"No!" He stopped in his tracks. "I mean...it's okay, we can walk ourselves," I said, willing my voice not to quaver. "We can find our way."

"Ya' sure?" he asked meeting me by the door. "I don't....really like the idea of you goin' out by yourself..."

"I'll be okay," I said. "I have Scout with me and he'll rip anyone to shreds." Bon didn't believe a word of it and it didn't help that Scout sneezed so hard he scared himself, tucking his tail between his legs. "Thank you for taking me out, Bon," I said. "I had a good time. And thanks for the eggs. I...appreciate it."

Bon smiled and shrugged. "Wasn't anythin', really," he said. "Jus' like to take care of my friends is all." I pulled him in for a hug. I felt safe in his arms and almost decided right there and then to cancel my meeting with the dealer and have Bon walk me home. Better yet, stay the rest of the night with the band and just relax. But a sudden urge to get high shocked me into reality and I pulled away from the hug. With all the beer I drank tonight, getting high wouldn't be an option. But I would at least stock up for future use. Bon stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Take care of yourself. I'll call ya', okay?" he said.

"I'll answer," I said and opened the door. "Goodbye, everyone!"

"Bye, Esther," everyone said in one way or another and Scout and I started on the trek home. Only, we weren't going home just yet.

**********

Distant sirens kept me on my toes. Glass bottles littered the streets and there were hardly any streetlights. I kept Scout close by me. He trotted along like nothing was amiss and stopped to sniff at random trash thrown on the ground. I gently tugged on his leash to keep him from finding or ingesting something he shouldn't.

The dealer I found wasn't as well known as some others presented to me. But he had one of the better reputations from customers as far as I could tell. Didn't sell to minors, never raised his prices, kept his hands to himself. Apparently he had a family back home he had to feed and this was the best he could do for the time being: selling drugs.

Well, wouldn't want to disappoint the kids now, would we?

I found the abandoned movie theater he told me to meet him in. I thought there wouldn't be a way in but one of the back doors was open a crack. No cars in the parking lot, no sign of there being anybody here but me. I pushed the door open further and peered inside. One foot in and I was already stepping on shattered glass, the shards crunching beneath my foot. "Absolutely not," I said, picking Scout up and holding him. "I'm not letting you walk." I carried Scout in with me, as leaving him outside was also not an option. He was heavy but I managed to do it. It was horribly dark and dismantled inside. The display case had broken glass surrounding it and there were chairs standing in the middle of the room. "Hello?" I called, carefully feeling for my switchblade knife.

Dust covered every surface. Thick brown dust and cobwebs swayed from the ceiling. The walls were clothed in spray paint. The number 666 was written in red. I began to wonder if this was such a great idea after all. I never thought it was. "Hello?" a man's voice called.

He came walking out of one of the rooms down the hall and stomped a cigarette out with his foot. He wasn't very tall but he was clean and tidy in appearance. He stopped a few feet away from me and looked at my dog.

"Can I help you with something?" he asked.

I was suddenly very nervous. I had never come face to face with a dealer. My friends had always been the ones to supply me. This man didn't seem at all like the ones adults warn you about. He looked so...ordinary. Like any man you'd see walking down the street. My inner child expected him to be some kind of super villain with a dark and evil laugh. "I'm Esther," I said. I would have shook his hand if I hadn't been holding Scout. "I'm here for....you know." He nodded.

"Ah, I remember. Heroin, was it?" he asked, opening his coat and rummaging around a pocket. I could just make out baggies filled with all kinds of drugs. "Let's see...powder or liquid?"

"Liquid," I said, feeling immense guilt. The man pulled out a vial of brown, syrupy liquid, barely the size of a shot glass.

"This is as much as I can give you," he said. "Supply is a bit down nowadays and people are looking to snort it anyway." He handed me the the vial and I stuffed it into my pocket. He eyed me up and down. "How old are you?" he asked.

"None of your business," I said. I stood up straight and tall.

"I'm not selling nothing to some kid, you know," he said. "My clients are expected to be at least eighteen."

"I'm a full grown woman, thank you very much," I said. I felt rude but I wouldn't let him scare me into giving him personal information. What did he care about my health and safety? I could do what I wanted. If I were sixteen what would he do? Call my mom?

He looked at Scout who tried to squirm out of my arms and see the man. "Don't let that dog of yours get into it," he said.

"I wouldn't dream of it," I said. Scout was my pride and joy. If anything happened to him.... "How much do I owe you?"

"Let's call it a hundred and fifty."

"What?" I asked. "That's a bit more than I was told you asked for."

"If supply is down and demand is up," he said with a shrug. "This shit is hard to get, you know? It shouldn't get any higher than that. And other dealers will charge twice that much for less than what I gave you." He may have had a point but I couldn't trust him. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a wad of notes.

"Count that," I said.

He counted it out and took out a few, handing them back to me. "Here, this you can keep." I took the money back and stuffed it in my pocket, adjusting my hold on Scout. I wanted to leave this creepy place as quick as I could.

"Wouldn't it be better to meet outside?" I asked. "Why in here?"

"If cops come the worst they'll do is scold us for trespassing," he said. "If we're outside, it's more obvious we're doing business, right?"

"I guess so," I muttered. "Thanks." I turned to leave when I heard him whistle. I whirled around.

"Stay safe," he said. Looking into his eyes I could see the husband and father he was deep down. The light flickered for a moment then died away. He turned to leave, pulling out more smokes and I headed out the back door.

Stepping outside and gulping in the fresh air I set Scout down and moved my belongings around. I stuffed my extra money and the vial in my inside pocket along with my switchblade. Tugging Scout's leash, we started for home.