The energy in the lair in dismal and quiet. As Michelangelo sat at end of the couch, listening for any sign of Shelby stirring in her room, he realized the most he could hear was the steady drip of water from the sewer pipes and the gentle hum of the activity up on the surface. He was alone in the dim living room. He was half tempted to join Master Splinter and Leo in the dojo, whose light was much more welcoming and the woody, earthy smell of sandalwood wafted from within the room. Mikey recognized the smell from whenever Master Splinter lit an incense for his late wife and daughter. 

A small bang emitted from Donatello's lab, catching Mikey's attention. Before he really realized what he was doing he was up on his feet and trudging towards the doors. He opened it and peered inside. "D?"

Donnie looked up from his computer. "Oh, hey, Mikey."

"Are you okay? I heard a bang." Mikey asked.

"Oh, yeah," Donnie grabbed a lab tray that was placed on the table right next to his computer, waving it weakly in the air, "I knocked this over. My bad."

"It's all good." Mikey stated, his eyes wandering around the lab. Hos gaze settled on the body in the back. Shelby's younger brother Tyler laid on the medical cot. Mikey watched his chest rise and fall slowly, the movements very shallow. He had various tubes and wires hooked up to him with his vitals displayed on a small screen next to his head. Monica, being nursing student that she was, was incredibly knowledgeable in all things medical and assisted Donnie in the makeshift hospital spread when they arrived back from the battle five days ago. 

"It will not meet the care he would get in an actual hospital." Monica admitted as she hooked up the old telemetry monitor to Tyler.

"They may be more equipped medically speaking, but they wouldn't have a clue what to do about the chemicals invading his brain right now. With this mind erase serum messing with his head, a hospital is not an option." Donnie responded defeatedly.

"How's he doing?" Mikey asked.

"Well, physically, he's perfectly fine. He's receiving all the oxygen he needs, his catheters will prevent him from needing to use the bathroom, which is essential, unfortunately, because until I decipher the mind erase serum information, I have no idea if it's just emotional memories that this serum wiped away, or if the Tyler laying on the table has the brain of a newborn baby." Donnie explained.

"Is that why you're keeping him asleep?" Mikey continued.

"Yes, I think a medically induced coma is the kindest option for him... and for everyone else." Donnie muttered. "There's too much on everyone's plates right now. I want this problem to stay within these laboratory walls until I can get a bit more figured out." Donnie turned his laptop to the side, showing Mikey the flash drive sticking out of the port of his computer. "Luckily, during the recon mission we uncovered all Braxston and Beatrice's notes on all their different experiments and creations. I already located the file on the mind erase serum and am working through everything. Hopefully I'll have this solved really quickly... but only time will tell."

"Hm." Mikey nodded as he listened to Donnie explain. He truthfully didn't understand all of it- he got stuck on mentally figuring out what "medically induced coma" meant, and when he tuned back in Donnie was already wrapping up with his speech. But he was in tune enough with everything that was happening to know that making comments about not paying attention might be enough to set Donnie off. And Donnie didn't deserve that. "Well, if anyone can do it, its you, D. You always figure out what to do."

Donnie looked up at Mikey and smiled, reaching over and grasping his shoulder. "Thank you, Mikey. I really appreciate that.

The heart warming moment between the brothers was interrupted by the sound of tires echoing through the subway. Lights flashed across the wall and danced over the turtles' eyes as Monica's car parked in its spot next to the ShellRaiser. Moments after the engine was turned off, Monica exited the vehicle. She was wearing a black blouse that buttoned in the front and was tucked under the high-raise, knee length black skirt that moved effortlessly with each movement of Monica's legs underneath. Her black heels clicked as she approached the turtles.

"Hey." She greeted. Her voice was smaller than usual. It was strange. Her voice was usually very pronounced, filling the room and drawing everyone's attention whenever she spoke. 

"Hey." Mikey and Donnie both muttered in unison. Donnie continued as he stood up from being stooped over his laptop. "How was the funeral?"

She shook her head, continuing to walk towards them. "Very solemn. The service was actually much nicer than I was expecting, but his baby sister was... inconsolable. Understandably so."

"Was... April there?" Donnie inquired.

Monica paused. Mikey swore he could see gears turning behind her caramel irises. "She... was there, sí. But, Donatello..." Monica dragged each word, choosing them carefully. "I do not think she will be coming to the lair any time soon. She's in a lot of pain right now."

Donnie's face twisted with a mix of anger and sadness. "I know, I know, it's just- damn it." He muttered, aggressively wiping his eyes as he turned away. "We already lost, Casey. I didn't want to lose her too."

"I know." Monica stated. She moved forward, placing her hand on Donnie's shoulder. He looked up at her through teary eyes and without a word, she wrapped his arms around him. He gave into the embrace quickly, burying his face into her shoulder and letting out muffled sobs. Monica rubbed the back of his shell gently, using her body weight to slowly sway him back and forth. Mikey watched her, a wave of guilt washing over him. He spent so much time being angry at her for taking Shelby out of the lair in first place. But truly, Monica gave off such motherly energy and she really just wanted what was best for everyone in any situation, even if she didn't always go about it in the correct way. In that sense, Mikey and Monica had a lot in common. 

Monica's eyes found Mikey's and she kept them locked with him until she was sure he was paying attention, before her eyes flinted to the door. She wanted him to leave. Maybe she needed to have a private conversation with Donnie. Whatever the reason, Mikey was in no room to argue. He simply nodded and trudged his way out of the lab. 

In truth, Mikey had never felt so useless. Sure, his brothers often made him feel lesser than them, but this was a new low. The silence was deafening as he made his way back to the couch. It was less than a month ago, his family sat on these couches, debating what their favorite movie was, not a care in the world. Of course they had the Shredder and the Foot Clan to worry about, but it wasn't as pressing. It was much more distant, something they could always take care of later. Mikey traced the claw masks on his plastron absent-mindedly as he plopped down on one of the cushions, defeated. Now everything was different. And it was never going to return to how it was before, even once the scars healed. 

"Mikey?" Mikey blinked, looking over to see Leo standing a couple feet from the couch. His expression was neutral, but his bloodshot eyes gave away how he was feeling. He cleared his throat. "How are you doing?"

Mikey was puzzled by the question. No one had bothered to ask that yet. And he had spent all this time worrying about others- Shelby, Casey, April, Raph. He had not really taken a second to assess his own emotions. "Oh, um," tears involuntarily began collecting in his eyes as his feelings surfaced- guilt, sadness, and anger. The reality was, Casey was dead because he took a hit meant for Michelangelo. He felt immense guilt that Casey was gone now. It felt like it was his fault. He froze as Shelby attacked, after all. Maybe if he wasn't such a failure, Casey would still be here. 

"Mikey." Leo's voice tethered him back to reality. His brother was now sitting right next to him, but Mikey could hardly his face past the tears that were now spilling onto his cheeks. "Talk to me, buddy."

"I'm such a screw up." Mikey whispered. "This is all my fault. I, I wasn't fast enough. No matter how badly I needed to, I couldn't defend myself from her." He said in small voice. "Casey had to save me because I can't do anything for myself."

"Hey," Leo voice was firm, causing Mikey to look up at him nervously. He sounded upset. But instead of harsh words, Leo's arms wrapped around Mikey in a tight embrace. Mikey shuddered as he tried to hold in his sobs, but to no avail. "Make no mistake, Mikey. The people that are to blame for all of this... are miles away from this lair." Leo stated softly. "The Shredder, the Stockings, Shelby's brother- uh, the other one, not the one in the lab. They were the ones responsible for what happened to Casey. Certainly not you. And not even Shelby." 

"You don't blame Shelby?"

"No, I don't. It's easy to blame her because of what we all saw, but with some meditation, I've come to terms with the idea that there was a lot going on in that moment that we weren't able to see. After all, Shelby was basically Aiden's puppet in that moment. And yes, mistakes were made along the way that got us to that point. Maybe things would be different if Shelby had just listened to me that night I said "no more patrols" and stayed in the lair. And maybe Monica should have listened when we said to keep Shelby here. We can pass the blame around forever, all the way back to Splinter and the Shredder's first fall out. But if we do that, we'll drive ourselves crazy. So the blame has to fall on the actual people responsible, and that's Shredder and all his followers."

"Do you think Raph will ever feel that way?" Mikey asked. Raph, like Shelby, had not left his room since the day Casey passed. The only people allowed to enter were Master Splinter and Monica, as she had lent Riley to Raph for emotional support. 

Leo sighed. "Raph... will probably take the longest to come back around. But we have to be patient with him. Casey was our friend, but he was like Raph's brother. His wounds are deeper and will take longer to heal."

That was disheartening, but Mikey understood. After all, Raph losing Casey forever was like Mikey losing Shelby forever. And then Mikey remembered that Shelby did try to be gone forever, and all the tears that had briefly subsided began to burst out again tenfold.

Of course, Leo could not read Mikey's thoughts. He only knew what his brother had already told him and he misinterpreted those tears. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I shouldn't be focusing on the others when you're sitting here blaming yourself, I'm sorry. Look at me." Leo grabbed Mikey's head in his hands, forcing Mikey to look up at him. "Mikey, you cannot feel guilty for something that is innately who you are. You freezing like that? It's because you have a big heart. You know Shelby better than any of us, so I know it was hard for you to fight her, especially when you knew it wasn't really her fault she was attacking, you know? Casey knew that and chose to save you because that is admirable. That doesn't make you a screw up. That makes you brave. And it makes you a good person." Leo comforted his brother, keeping his tone hushed and mild. 

"Do you really believe that?" Mikey asked.

"I really do. And everyone else knows it too." Leo stated. 

"Agreed." The turtles turned to see Monica standing a few feet from the couch. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt, but I was waiting my turn to speak to Mikey."

"Oh, no problem, Monica." Leo stated. "How was the funeral?"

The small smile on Monica's face twitched slightly at the repetitive question. "A beautiful service, but any funeral where someone has been taken too soon is rather taxing to attend."

"Understandable." Leo nodded. "I actually left the dojo to find everyone and invite them to the little ceremony Master Splinter and I have set up in the dojo. You are more than welcome to attend if you are up for it."

"I'd be happy to." Monica nodded, before directing her attention to Mikey, who was roughly wiping the tears from his face. "I have something for Shelby, if you could deliver it to her." She pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, handing it to Mikey. "It was the letter Shelby wrote to Casey the day we went up to the farmhouse. April gave it to me, said that they found it in pocket of his jacket. Nobody was quite sure who Shelby was, so they gave it to her. She thought it was better if it was returned to its sender."

Mikey tentatively took it from Monica, his stomach dropping in his shell. Oh man, this was the last thing Shelby needed. At the same time, he could picture her being upset if he kept this from her. "Thanks, Mona. I'll take it to her right now."

"Mona?" Monica looked surprise.

"Oh, sorry, Monica is just a lot of words for me right now, so I shortened it." Mikey explained.

Leo raised his brow ridge. "Monica is one word."

"Do you mean letters?" Monica questioned.

"Syllables?" Leo continued.

"Yes." Mikey nodded. Leo shook his head as he took a deep breath. "I can find you a different nickname if you don't like that one."

Monica smiled. "No, its okay, Mikey, I actually quite like Mona. Makes me think of the Mona Lisa. It's like you're saying I'm one of a kind." 

"Well I don't know a Mona Lisa, but I'm glad it reminds you of her." Mikey smiled. "I'll take this to Shelby."

"Are you coming to the dojo after?" Leo asked.

Mikey hesitated. "We'll see." He wanted to, of course, but if Shelby didn't want to go, he wasn't going to want to leave her. He made his way to her door. The temperature change was noticeable, even from the beginning of the hallway. 

Mikey took a deep breath of the crisp air before rapping at his knuckles against the door. "Shelby?"

There was no answer for a second or two. This was typical. Finally, a raspy "Come in." emitted from the bedroom. Mikey grabbed the door handle, his skin sticking to the metal as he opened the door.

The air was still and though the only light source in the room was a small lamp on her bedside table, frosted dust particles sparkled and flashed in Mikey eyes as he navigated the room. Today, Shelby was seated in the corner of her room. Sometimes she was on her bed, sometimes opposite of it, and sometimes right up against the door as her final stand to deter guests, but today, it was the classic corner spot. The walls and carpet around her glistened with a thin sheet of ice that thickened the closer that the mass got to her body. She had her legs up and bent, her arms wrapped around her knees and her head buried in the gap between her knees and her body. Her brunette curls, usually wild and untamed, were flat and greasy, knotted together in some spots, especially near her back. 

Mikey made no comment about her appearance. It wasn't the state of her appearance that disheartened him, it was her emotional state. He slid down the wall next to her. "Donnie would be upset if he saw you curled up like that." He stated.

Shelby sighed, slowly unfurling herself, revealing that she was only donning a black bra, with the rest of her chest and upper abdomen constricted in a brace, designed to keep her broken ribs in place as best as they could. Shelby also bore gauze and tape on her shoulder from Monica's arrow, small bandages and skin tape holding together a gash on her temple, and a similar scene on her lip from April's tessen. The skin around her eyes was puffy and purple, and her movements were calculated, avoiding sudden jolts. Mikey had to look away for a second, regaining his composure before looking back her. Shelby watched him with a cautious gaze. 

"Monica came back from Casey's funeral with this." He held out the crumbled letter. 

Shelby's eyes flashed with recognition. The room became bitterly cold as she reached out and took the letter.  She said nothing to Mikey as she stared at the piece of paper, tears welling quickly in her eyes and spilling over onto her cheeks. Quiet sobs broke through as she brought the letter to her chest, looking at Michelangelo with eyes reminiscent of an abused dog, her face contorting like she was in physical pain at the sight of the letter. 

Mikey scooted closer, wrapping his closest arm around her and pulling her in. Her skin was so cold against his but he didn't care. Shelby laid into Mikey's side, her tears dripping off her cheeks and freezing into perfect tiny droplets as they hit Mikey's plastron. "Why didn't you just let me go?" She cried.

Mikey shuddered, knowing she was referring to him forcing her to leave instead of letting her burn down with the Bridgeport dojo. He squeezed her closer, blinking away his own tears as he fought to keep his voice steady. "Because I just got you back, and I am not letting you go."