Chapter 19: Last Words
Song: Below the Surface by Griffinilla
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The drive up to April's farmhouse was filled with tense silence. Shelby felt on edge and disorientated, and every time she glanced at Monica, she could see her knuckles were pale as they gripped the steering wheel, and her jaw was clenched and tight. Shelby would be lying if she tried to pretend that people being nervous around her didn't bother her, but in this case, it was warranted. In this case, she knew what Monica had witnessed in the lab, and they both knew that Shelby was functioning on borrowed time.
Every-so-often, Monica would break the silence with, "How are you feeling?" or "Can you tell how much time you have 'til the next blackout?" Blackout. That was a nice way of putting it. Shelby's answers were always "I'm fine for now, just a bit dizzy," and "I have no idea when its coming, but right now I'm okay."
"Okay". Nothing about the situation was okay. Shelby stared out the window, watching the surroundings of the expressway turn from city, to suburbs, to farmland, to forest, her mind reeling with the last... 24 hours? 48? Truly, she had never been told how long she was out for after her attack. She hoped it wasn't too long, given she knew Leo's condition was still rocky. That would really shine a light on just how much damage she had done to the boys. To Mikey. And not even just physically. Assuming they all recovered and were in perfect health, how would their feelings change towards her? She already knew the answer for Raph, who had never fully put his trust in her anyways. But Leo and Donnie had held some respect for Shelby. And she and Mikey had something special between them.
And in a split second, it was gone.
"Hey, are you okay? Car's getting cold." Monica's voice broke through to Shelby, and she slowly turned to find Monica eye's flinting between the road and Shelby. When Shelby sniffed and wiped her face, Monica's frown deepened. "What's the matter? It is starting again?"
"No." Shelby muttered. Which was true. Her mind felt staticy and wired despite her own fatigue, which told her that there was a possibility that the Foot was aware of her movements, but they didn't seem to be acting on it. "No, I'm just thinking..." She sniffed again, the words catching in her throat momentarily before she forced them out, "about how the boys are never going to be able to forgive me."
Monica frowned. "I thought we covered that subject already."
Shelby couldn't hide the irritation in her eyes as she glared at her. "Pardon me for doubting that they'll forgive me after I tried to kill them."
"It wasn't you." Monica chimed in an annoyed voice.
"It may have not been my choice, but it doesn't change the fact that I can literally recall what Leo's blood tastes like." Shelby snapped. Speaking it out loud made her even more queasy.
Monica was quite for a second. "You know, I had a family once upon a time." Shelby had no response to that; she only stared at Monica in awkward silence. "Yeah, a mom, a dad. I had a couple sisters. And my brother. Oh man, my brother." She shook her head, chuckling slightly. "Gabriel. He was terrible. Our oldest sister picked on him soooo much when they were little, that when I got older, he thought, "Now it's my turn." The guy quite literally tortured me my entire childhood.
"Oh day, I was watching So You Think You Can Dance on the TV, and I was trying to copy all the dance moves. I was no dancer, so I was less than graceful. He comes in and he thinks its the funniest thing in the world. Decides he should trip me while I'm twirling around the room, and I fly straight into the TV stand and bust my face right on the corner." As she explained, she extended her head so that more of her neck was visible, and Shelby watched as she pointed out a very faint scar underneath her chin. "There was blood everywhere. My brother literally thought he had killed me."
Shelby stared. "Well, what happened?"
"Well, I got some stitches and that was about it. My brother was grounded, but even if he hadn't been, he had learned his lesson. After that, the harassment died down quite a bit. And guess what? I forgave him."
Shelby didn't really have a response to that. She just switched her gaze from Monica to the road ahead of them. "I get it, though." Monica continued. "You're 16 and you haven't had a good experience with family in a long while. Your brothers and dad abandoning you after your mom died and leaving you to navigate the world with a bunch of mutants in the city sewers was traumatizing. And you're brain has rewired itself to think its alone in this world, that for some reason you've not worth effort and love. But you are. Almost everyone is."
Shelby glanced at Monica warily. "Are you like a psychologist or something?"
"I took a psychology class. I think that makes me an expert." Monica stated in a light, joking manner.
Shelby's lips twitched into a smile, but it fell quickly. "I just wish I could tell them how I feel, you know? I get why I had to leave without saying anything, don't get me wrong. It just... I feel like there's this weight on my shoulders I need to get off before I'm not myself again."
Monica pursed her lips as she watched the road. Then she nodded. "Okay, I think I can help with that. You hungry?"
They pulled off at the next exit they came across. They ended up going to McDonalds and grabbing a couple cheeseburgers and fries before Monica found a parking lot to park in. Once Monica finished her meal, she exited the car and locked it behind her, letting Shelby know that she'd be back. In the silence, Shelby slowly nibbled on a fry as she watched Monica walk across the parking lot and into a Dollar Tree. She doubted the greasy food would help her stomach settle, but she actually couldn't remember the last time she ate and she was so hungry, she hoped that any food would make her body a bit happier.
Shelby?
Every muscle in her body tightened. It was the same voice as before. There was no mistaking it. Except this time, she still had control over her body. She peered out the window, looking at the store that Monica had travelled into, her stomach beginning to do somersaults. She did not want this to happen in the middle of a populated parking lot where she could hurt some innocent bystander. However, she did not feel as ill as she felt the first time she blacked out and the Foot took over.
Where are you?
Shelby squirmed in her seat. Could this person still see through her eyes? Frustrated, she squeezed them shut.
Oh, real mature.
That simple sentence made her gasp. She recognized that privileged tone anywhere. "Aiden." She growled, balling her hands into fists.
Where are you going?
"Like I'd tell you."
Hm. It doesn't matter, I guess. You'll come to me as soon as I tell you to.
"I am not going back to New York until Donnie figures out how to reverse whatever you've done to me." Shelby stated defiantly.
She swore the laughter she heard was coming from right next to her, and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. Who said anything about New York?
Shelby paused. Of course they would take Shelby to one of their newer locations. It would make it much harder for the turtles to get to her. "It doesn't matter. Wherever you put me, they'll find me."
Right. Tell me, is the blue one still alive? That made Shelby grimace. And even if he is, what makes you think they'll want to find you after that?
Shelby's bottom lip began to quiver. "Because even if they can't cure me, they'll realize that I'm too dangerous to be left in the hands of the Foot."
Suddenly, Shelby heard the car unlock, and she didn't have to open her eyes to know that Monica was entering the car.
Who's that? Damnit, just open your eyes! While her eyelids did flicker, they did not open.
"What are you doing?" Shelby heard Monica ask as she closed the door and threw the items she acquired in the back.
"Resting my eyes." Shelby tried to pull off a tired mutter.
"It's not... happening again, is it?"
Shelby paused. Aiden's laugh sounded in her ear again. I love leaving an impression on people. No, not yet. The Shredder is currently deciding if he wants you at my location or if he wants to move you as far away from New York as possible. You'll know when it's time.
"No." Shelby stated to Monica, trying to clear her throat. "No, it's not happening yet."
"Okay, good. We're about 20 minutes out."
The rest of the drive was uneventful. Shelby didn't tell Monica about the voice in her head and who it belonged to. Frankly, she didn't see the point in worrying her. Aiden was going to take her mind back over eventually, whether she had held a conversation with him or not. She stared out the window, wondering just how long it would take for the Shredder to decide her fate.
Finally, the car pulled up to a two-story house. It had white, dingy paneling that seemed to be falling apart and plenty of dusty, dirty windows. Moss was taking over the brick that made of the foundation and had even found its way up onto the patio and its railing. Off to the left, Shelby could see an equally run down, small barn, and behind the property was a large forest accompanied by mountains blocking the horizon.
There was nothing to grab out of the car accept for the stuff Monica had bought from the dollar store, so they both made their way quickly to the front door. Monica lifted the doormat to reveal a pair of rusted keys. She grabbed the least damaged of the two and used it to unlock the front door.
The pair stepped in. The smell was a pungent mix of rotting food, rotting wood, and mildew; Shelby wondered if it smelled just as bad to Monica as it did to her. A spider occupied almost every corner and the ceiling was decorated with dust-covered cobwebs. The furniture fared no better. Shelby shivered. The state of this home was not helping to calm her nerves.
"Alright, Shelby." Monica continued past Shelby, and she followed as they entered the kitchen. Monica set her bag down on the kitchen table and pulled out a notebook and some pens. "I got stuff for you to write everyone letters." She gestured to the supplies. "I figured... this is a good way to get that weight off your shoulders."
Shelby managed a small smile. "I think that's a good idea, actually."
"Great." Monica clapped her hands together briefly, starting to back out of the room. "I'll be in the living room if you need me. Or- should I set up some sleeping arrangements?"
Shelby hesitated. "Just... go ahead and relax."
The hidden meaning behind those words was received. Monica pressed her lips together and nodded. "Okay. I'm gonna go grab something out of the trunk real quick. I'll be back in in less than a minute if you need me." With that, she left the room.
Shelby walked slowly to the table, sitting down on the creaking wooden chair as she opened the notebook. She wasn't quite sure how to go about this. Surely, she did not have enough time to write letters to each individual person. Mikey needed one, of course. Probably Casey. She could literally picture Raphael tearing up any letter she wrote for him. Then there was Leo, whom she hurt so badly in her black out, and Donnie, who was sympathized with her in any argument, Master Splinter, who agreed to take her in- Shelby sucked in a rattled breath as she realized frost was crawling across the surfaces of the chair she was sitting on. This was suddenly very overwhelming.
She pulled the notebook closer to her and grabbed a pen. First, she wrote Mikey's note. His was of the utmost importance. She could turn at any moment and if that happened in the middle of letter writing, Mikey's needed to be finished at least. Once she finished his, she moved on to Casey's. He left a big first impression when he tried to help her return to the Foot Clan after getting attacked by Spider Bytez, kept her and Mikey's secret, and then played such an important role in helping Shelby adjust to living with the turtles, he definitely deserved his own letter to show her gratitude.
About halfway through Casey's letter, Shelby began to notice her vision blurring around her periphery. Her heart rate began to pick up as she finished scribbling down her final words. But the weight still sat taut on her shoulders as she folded up the letter and labeled it "For Casey". There needed to be at least one more letter.
As she started writing it, her ears started to ring and the headache began. It was happening for sure. She wrote as fast as her hand would allow, but she became handicapped by the blotchy vision and the sloppy words scribbled down began to blur together. Her stomach was flipping and her throat was burning. The last few words took so much effort and concentration that she gripped the pencil with her entire fist, her face almost laid on the table as she slowly but shakily wrote those last words.
She folded the letter and gathered the other two before trying to make her way to the living room, where Monica sat on the floor, leaning against the couch. She looked up as Shelby stumbled forward and shoved the letters into Monica's chest. "Here. Please get these to them."
Monica looked at her in alarm as she stood up. "Are you okay? Is it happening?"
"It's happening." Shelby nodded. "You need to go."
"I will when I know you're gone. But right now I'm staying and you're gonna try to fight this." Monica stated.
Shelby shook her head. She felt like she was going to throw up as her brain started to become foggy. "No. I can't fight it."
"You need to try. I know we haven't known each other for long, but I know enough about you to know that you're a stubborn girl who doesn't take shit, and you need to fight this if not for yourself, then for Michelangelo. Got it?" She shouted.
Shelby nodded, but she felt like her head was going to explode and she could practically feel the electricity of her neurons firing.
"Fight it, Shelby!" Shelby's vision had turned to it shadows and blobs, but she could make out enough to see Monica reach for something on the floor next to her- her bow and arrow, no doubt.
Don't listen to her.
"Shut up!" Shelby cried, covering her ears. But it was no use. The voice was not coming from an external source.
You will suffer a lot less if you just let me take over.
"No!" She screamed, as if a louder volume would deter him.
Why are you fighting this? He demanded. It's already over. We already have you.
"Because I don't want to be used to hurt the boys!" Shelby responded.
You already did. Tears began falling down Shelby's cheeks and the temperature started to drop drastically in the room, frost and ice shooting out like a thick spider web beneath her feet.
"Shelby?" Monica asked, but she did not respond.
Ignore her. She's trying to manipulate you into believing you still have a place with the Hamato Clan, when you and I both know that's not true. What you did last time was unforgivable. There's nothing left for you there. Shelby fell to her knees, shaking as the dust in the air became crystallized with a sharp layer of ice, turning into dagger like particles that swirled around her like a swarm of bugs. Monica backed away so that she was partly obscured by one of the chairs in the living room.
Just come back to us, Shelby. Let me take over and you won't have to deal with this pain anymore.
That's when Shelby's crying turned into sniffling, and then silence. The ice particles froze in midair but did not disappear. Monica gripped her bow tightly as Shelby stood up, her face blank and still wet with tears.
Transform.
Monica watched as Shelby's body contorted and popped into her wolf form. Her icy blue eyes were vacant as they locked on Monica, but she did not lunge or even growl. She was completely empty and robotic, and whoever was controlling her obviously had no interest in finishing Monica off.
Come to me.
The ice crystals finally fell to the floor as Shelby pivoted and threw her body into the front door. It cracked and buckled but didn't open. Unphased, Shelby's body simply backed up and rammed itself into the wood again. This time it splintered and gave way, and without hesitation, Shelby gathered herself and took off into the tree line.
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