You get all of ten metres away from the gates of UA High School before row after row of metal plates cover the security walls and at least a dozen little red dots appear on your face from vaguely gun-like structures peeking out over the top.

"Oh," you say, gently nudging Eri behind you. Nao freezes up a few paces back. "I feel like a Gru kinnie."

The walk to the school was fairly uneventful, mostly full of Nao making concerned noises ranging from oo ee oo ah ah to ting tang walla walla bing bang, so at least upon your arrival you've encountered something worth having screen time. That doesn't mean you appreciate the weaponry welcome party, though. You're about two seconds away from seeing if your plot armour covers dodging bullets when a panel in the wall opens up and a board with a mic and speaker extends over to you. You kind of want to climb on it.

"Good afternoon!" An unnervingly chipper voice rings out from the panel. "Apologies for the cold reception, but our campus is currently in high security mode. Please state your case into the provided microphone so that we can determine the reason for your unexpected visit."

You blink, all the big words getting muddled in your tiny brain for a moment, before slowly leaning over to the mic as instructed. "Uh. Ayo, knock knock."

There's a beat of miffed silence from the speaker, before Mister Mystery pipes up again in time with the slap of Nao smacking her forehead in despair.

"Who's there?"

You didn't think this far ahead.

"Uhhh yew fuqd."

"Yew fuqd who?" The voice asks, and you, in all your mature, responsible, wage slave of capitalism glory, respond with:

"Your mum lmaooooo."

This may come as a surprise, but you consider yourself a bit of a comedian. Nao's muttered pray suggests that she does not agree with you. At least Eri giggles.

... And, apparently, so does the mysterious speaker. After a solid few seconds of stunned silence, maniacal laughter abruptly bursts out from the speaker. You watch with an unfaltering shit-eating grin as all of the extra defence measures disappear back to wherever they came from, leaving just the extended panel as the only out-of-place object. Damn. You knew you were super cool and sexy and hilarious but this is a whole new level. Not that you're complaining.

"Well then," says the peppy voice, his cackles finally dying down. "Hiro Y/n, was it? Did you drop by solely to regale us with your witticisms, or was there another purpose for your visit?"

You're just going to ignore the fact that you never introduced yourself. Instead, you focus your energy into giving the most convincing reasoning you can muster.

"Uh, welp." Good start, excellent start. "I found this small child. Aaaaand I wanted to come show her to my friends because she's the most adorable thing to ever grace this godforsaken earth. And because my close good friend Nao told me to."

Eri shuffles around you to get closer to the mic, swapping from holding your left hand to your right. Once in hearing range, she knits her brows together in determination to help prove your point and fiercely utters, "Uwu!"

You don't know whether to laugh or cry but force yourself to nod encouragingly when she looks at you with big, round, expectant eyes. The sheer brightness emitting from the smile that breaks out across her face makes it worth it.

"Y/n!" Nao hisses. You kind of forgot she was there lol. You look round to find her aggressively drawing triangles in front of her face, which is a pretty darn amusing sight up until what she means by it clicks.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh." You turn to talk into the mic again, but keep your eyes on her for your own approval. "Also we're running away from the yakuza a little bit. So yeah. Veronica, open the, open the door, please?"

You shoot a thumbs up Nao's way. She facepalms again but begrudgingly returns it.

The disembodied voice gives a thoughtful hum. "I see. Well, that all seems perfectly plausible. Why not?"

"What the fuck," Nao whispers as the gates slide open.

You firmly pretend to not be surprised by this development. That was scarily easy. Oh well. "Sweet."

"Thanks, bestie!" Eri chirps, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"It's my pleasure, Mx. Hiro, Miss Eri! Proceed through the gate and turn left, and you shall see Heights Alliance in the near distance. All students you seek should currently be in their dormitory buildings, so that will be your destination. I bid you an enjoyable visit!"

And just like that, the microphone and speaker shoot back into the wall, the edges of the panel merging into the rest of the metal as if they never disturbed the surface in the first place.

Nao throws her hands up in the air in total exasperation. "That's it. This is insane. I'm going home."

"Oh worm?" By the time you look over, she's already starting to walk away, arms still in the air. Aw man, and you thought you did good there. Oh well.

You grow somewhat pensive as she retreats further and further, though. Huh. There's a sort of sense of finality in the air as you watch her go. Almost like this will be her last appearance in this fic or something. In which case, maybe you should leave her with something nice, something memorable, something meaningful as a goodbye...? Eri looks up at you curiously when you put your hands under her armpits.

"Hey, Nao?"

She only turns her head at first, then slows to a stop when she spies your serious expression. Now she appears somewhat concerned. "...Yes?"

"There is no Easter Bunny," you say, solemn. "There is no Tooth Fairy. And..."

You sigh.

"There is no Queen of England."

Nao only gets halfway through an incredulous, "What?!" before you've scooped Eri up onto your shoulders and disappeared through the security gates. What can you say, you're the king of sentimentality.

Now, back onto the task at hand. Finding those dorms. And maybe breaking into them.

You find yourself half-blind as Eri chooses to reach over your head and grab onto your nose for dear life, but you make the logical decision to keep sprinting anyway. She can just be your satnav.

"Aight, muffin!" You call up to her, voice all nasal from the blockage of your airways. "Where we dropping?"

Eri stops screeching at pitches only dogs can hear for a hot sec to answer your question with a merry, "Left foot left stomp!" before going right back to it. Well, at least she's having fun. You shrug, bouncing her a bit in the process, then turn that way and continue your mad, sightless dash into the unknown.

Thankfully, it only takes a few minutes of these incredibly safe transport practices before Eri is tapping at your forehead like a wrestler trying to tap out of a match for you to stop. You obediently slide to a halt, and are now able to actually see given that Eri switches her grip to your ears instead since you're stationary. Therefore, you're soon chuffed at the sight of the giant '1-A' sign displayed on the front of the building up above you. Either Eri managed to lead you to the exact right place, or this just happens to be the dorm closest to the school. Might as well check.

"Dang, good job. I didn't know you could read," you say.

Eri furtively shakes her head. "I'm Jared, nineteen (19)," she insists.

"Ahh." You nod in understanding. Fair enough. Doesn't really matter anyway. "Okay, okay, onwards! Ready to meet the coolest people alive, Eri? Oh, and, like, Mineta too ig but try not to even breathe in his direction. Ahem, you ready?"

"Yeah! Onwards!!" Eri cheers, pumping a fist on the air.

You give a little whoop, then march right on up the steps towards the huge double doors. Your fingertips just brush the handle before they abruptly swing open without warning and almost as good as whack your nose flat. You more than understandably cover your face and stagger the fuck back as Eri yelps in surprise.

Jfc, between this and Eri's grabby hands, your Voldemort transformation is nigh complete... A startled gasp distracts you from that train of thought, however, and so you slowly lower your hands, only to find the second source of your recent worries gawking back at you from the doorway. You hold your breath.

"Huh?! Flapjack, what're you doing here?!" Uraraka Ochaco blurts out, eyes wide.

She called you Flapjack.

The heavy dread pooling in your stomach drains away, and you grin.

"'sup, Ochacolatte?"

—

shoutout to the "pls update"-ers xoxo
i usually don't like them but all the recent comments did remind me to write so
happy halloween!! <3