something i found awesome recently
is that
someone messaged me recommending their friend's stories?? i'm not gonna call them out but it was super sweet??? (TεT) and i've loved all their friend's stories so far sO
promote your friends more kids!!
i might make a list of recommendations soon to avoid calling people out lol-
also idk why i didn't credit before but this chapter is heavily inspired by the video in the media-
aNywAy

~

"Uh... I got number two (2). Where's that?" Kirishima asks. The group scans the table for a moment, before Bakugou aggressively grabs a jar and shoves it in the poor shark boi's face.

"YOU GOT FUCKING PICKLES, SHITTY HAIR! I DON'T WANT PICKLES IN MY MILKSHAKE! Someone else fucking take it!"

You shrug, making Mina's head bob up and down from where she'd rested her chin on your shoulder. "Them's the rules, dude. Don't be a coward."

"Hah?! I'm not a fucking coward!" He seethes, getting all up in your personal space. Mina slowly backs away.

You sigh, pushing him away with a hand to his forehead and quickly drawing your arm back before he tries to bite you or something. "Yeah, okay. Keep defending your fragile sense of masculinity with excessive swearing. Just put the pickles in the blender, Kacchan."

Bakugou looks like he's this close to popping a vein, or maybe exploding your face, but luckily - unluckily? - he does neither of those things. He swivels on his heel with so much force that you're pretty sure he's left a scorch mark on the tiles, unscrews the jar and dumps the entirety of the contents into his and Kirishima's blender. You're pretty sure you see his teammate leak a tear.

"... Wow. That'll go nicely with the salmon," Kaminari snorts, and that's when Bakugou fucking snaps.

You watch with a blank expression as he launches himself across the room at Discount Pikachu, fumbling for your phone without looking away so you can record this for... entertainment purposes. You end up grabbing Dabi's instead - Todobroki left it with you a while back since he didn't want his dad to find it or smth - but just decide to use it so you don't miss more of the 'fight'. Yeah, Kaminari's getting his ass handed to him while Kirishima and Sero frantically try to pull Bakugou away and Mina continues to slump against your back.

Long story short, work was slow, Arata fucked off somewhere with his friends and the Bakusquad™ showed up so you decided to shut the café for the day and hang out in the back room with them. At some point, Mina suggested doing the milkshake challenge, and y'all had gotten to it once you'd pulled a bunch of blenders out of Kirin's locker. You're now in pairs - you with your wife, obviously, and then there's the power couple who refuse to admit they're a power couple, Kirishima and Bakugou, and then Calamari and Sero.

KiriBaku have been having the shittiest luck, so Mr Anger Issues has a very short figurative fuse right now. You keep figuratively lighting it, because watching him explode and almost murder Kaminari is funny to you. You're a sadist and you know it. All my sadist lad(d)ies, aaall my sadist lad(d)ies, put yo hands up–

Mina leans over you to grab a scrap of paper from the jar, the boys still going at it. "We got eighteen (18)... Uhhh... ooh, nice! Cookie dough!"

"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GET COOKIE DOUGH?!" Bakugou lets go of Kaminari to screech at you. You flip him off with one hand and end the recording with your other, while Mina grabs a spoon for the cookie dough. You've been using your God powers to get stuff like strawberries and ice cream and chocolate pudding. All of Discount Pikachu's attempts to report you for hacking have failed. Speaking of him, he looks vaguely deceased, still sprawled across the floor with Kiri and Sero knelt beside him. Huh. Make that vaguely into a probably.

Since Mina's busy spooning out the cookie dough and Kacchan's keeping himself occupied with his whole being-close-to-self-destructing shtick, you take the time to flip tiredly across one of the sofas. You've been staying up the past few nights reading the worst fanfics you can find, so you're kinda beat. School ain't helping, either. You're pretty sure you have homework due tomorrow, actually, but oh well. The café is your only reprieve right now, but also sucks ass sometimes so overall everything's fucked up. Funky.

"Hhhh I'm finna quit my jobbb," you whine into the sofa, not really expecting to be heard by anyone and so having a whole ass heart attack when all five UA kids drop what they're doing to scream at you simultaneously.

"NO!!!"

You fall off the sofa out of shock, causing pain to shoot through your body from the impact. "jESUS CHRIST OKAY-"

"You're unofficially banned from quitting, Y/n!!" Mina aggressively points at you.

You blink at her a couple times, before shrugging and standing, rubbing your still-aching hip as you do so. Guess you're grounded. "Meh. Let's just get back to the milkshakes."

"Oh, right!" Discount Pikachu gets up from his deceased position, reaching over to grab the last piece of paper from the bowl. "Number five (5)!"

Everyone checks for the last item. Sero, upon spotting it, turns and starts slamming his head repeatedly against the wall. Mood.

"Put the scotch eggs in, boooooyyyyyyys," Mina grins, bouncing over to you to drape herself across your shoulders again.

Kaminari sheds a tear or two as he adds a few of the crumb-coated eggs. You boi a little at the small amount. Pussy.

You and Bakugou lock eyes. You nod. He nods.

"We're gonna start blending now, right? Yo, Calamari, where's your lid?" You nonchalantly ask, placing your elbows on the table and your head in your hands as Mina goes to grab your blender's lid.

"Huh? Oh shit, it's gone- Sero, where's our lid?" Kaminari turns, and Bakugou instantly throws a few more fistfuls of scotch eggs into his blender. You toss him a small bottle of hot sauce, followed by a carton of cranberry juice. They're empty in seconds.

Sero locates the lid which you threw into a random cupboard earlier before you can add anything else, sadly, but hey. Sabotage is sabotage. The damage has been done.

Each team puts the lid on their blender, and soon the air is filled with deafening whirring. A few minutes later, you and Mina are clinking your incredibly sugary glasses, and the boys are preparing themselves for death.

"Why does it smell warm?" Kirishima whispers in horror as Bakugou pours a couple of glasses of their deformed, lumpy milkshake. Across the table, Kaminari is choking on his brown sludge.

You daintily take a sip of your drink and fist-bump Mina, all the while watching the boys of the Bakusquad's inevitable demises grow ever closer.

Unus Annus Unus Annus Unus Ann-