I am so tired after making this. Enjoy!

Also if you know the themes in this musical I'm adding a warning!

Panic Attacks in Micheal in the Bathroom

I am not doing Do You Wanna Ride or Do You Wanna Hang. I feel uncomfortable listing to the songs let alone writing them.

!IN EVERY SONG ABOUT THEY TALK ABOUT SEX AND STUFF LIKE THIS!

MORE THAN SURVIVE

[Python:]
C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon
Go, go
C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c- c'mon
Go, go

I'm waiting for my porno to load
My brain is gonna freakin' explode
And now, of course, it's time to hit the road
Which means I'll be uncomfortable all day
But that really isn't such a change
If I'm not feeling weird or super strange
My life would be in utter disarray
'Cause freaking out is my okay
Good morning time to start the day!

C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c c'mon
Go, go
C-c-c c'mon, c-c-c c'mon
Go, go

Now, should I take a bus or walk instead?
I feel my stomach filling up with dread
When I get nervous my whole face goes red
Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still
A junior on the bus is killer weak
But if I walk when I arrive I'm gonna straight up reek
And my boxers will be bunchy and my pits will leak
Ugh, God, I wish I had the skill
To just be fine and cool and chill

I don't wanna be a hero
Just wanna stay in the line
I'll never be your Rob DeNiro
For me Joe Pesci is fine
And so I follow my own rules
And I use them as my tools
To stay alive
I don't wanna be special, no, no
I just wanna survive

[COMPANY:]
C-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'mon
Go, go
C-c-c c'mon c-c-c c'mon
Go, go

[Zed:]
So Tango said Grian told Doc
I'll only have sex with you if you beat me at pool
And then he lost at pool
Deliberately

[Xisuma:]
That is so awesome

[Zed:]
Brooke!

[Xisuma:]
I mean slutty

[Tango:]
And then Grian was all like...

[Zed:]
I'm telling the story, Tango!
Oh my God, he's like totally getting off on that
Ugh.

[Ren:]
Yo, don't touch me, tall ass!

[Python:]
Sorry, I was just trying to get to..

[Ren:]
Doc
So what's the story with Grian?

[Doc:]
Oh man, I shouldn't say
But it's a good thing I rock at pool

[Python:]
I navigate the dangerous hall
Focus on a poster there on the wall
Avoiding any eye contact at all
And trying hard to remain unseen

The poster's closer now, what does it say?
It's a sign-up for the after-school play
It's a sign-up sheet for getting called gay
And that's not what I need right now
End scene
I hang a left and there's

Jevin
Jevin
Jevin
Jevin Slime
Jevin

[Jevin:]
Did you say something?

[Python:]
I...Uh...Eh!

[Python:]
Well, that was smooth
Yeah, that was super pimp
My Mac Daddy game couldn't be more limp
No time to wallow, no, instead
Just clear your brain and move ahead
Accept that you're one of those guys
Who'll be a virgin 'til he dies

I don't wanna be a baller
Just want some skills to count on
If my nuts were any smaller
They would be totally gone
If I continue at this rate
The only thing I'll ever date
Is my MacBook Pro hard drive
I don't wanna be Clooney, no, no
I just wanna survive

[Python:]
Wels!

[Wels:]
Jeremy, my buddy
How's it hanging?
Lunch is banging
Had my sushi
Got my slushie and more!

The roll was negimaki
And I'm feeling kinda cocky
'Cause the girl at Sev' Elev' gave me a generous pour

[Python:]
You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you?

[Wels:]
Oh, I'm listening to Marley
And the groove is hella gnarly
And we're almost at the end of this song

Yeah, that was the end
Now tell me friend
How was class?
You look like ass
What's wrong?

[Python:]
I wrote Christine a letter telling her how I feel

[Wels:]
That's progress!

[Python:]
Yeah, I tore it up and flushed it

[Wels:]
Ugh...

[Python:]
It's still progress!

[Wels:]
It's all good
Hey, I saw on Discovery
That humanity has stopped evolving!

[Python:]
That's... good?

[Wels:]
Evolution's "Survival of the Fittest", right?
But now, because of technology,
You don't have to be strong to survive!
Which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser! Ha!
So own it!
Why try to be cool when you could be...

[Python:]
Signing up for the play!

[Wels:]
I was gonna say getting stoned in my basement...

[Python:]
No! I mean, look who's signing up for the play!

[Python:]
Jevin

[Wels:]
Jevin

[Python & Wels:]
Jevin
Jevin Slime
Jevin
Jevin
Jevin

[COMPANY:]
Jevin Slime
Jevin Slime

[Python:]
I feel my body moving through the air
See my Converse walking over there
Take a shaky breath and I prepare
Who cares if people think I'm lame
Jevin signed, I'll do the same
I grab the pen, I write my name

[Ren:]
Gay!

[Zed:]
I like gay people

[Python:]
I'm never gonna be the cool guy
I'm more the one who's left out
Of all the characters at school
I am not the one who the story's about
Why can't someone just help me out
And teach me how to thrive

Help me do more than survive!

More than survive!

[COMPANY:]
Ah, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

More than survive!

[COMPANY:]
Ah, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

[Python:]
If this was an apocalypse
I would not need any tips
In how to stay alive

But since the zombie army's yet to descend
And the period is going to end
I'm just trying my best
To pass the test
And survive!

Survive!

[COMPANY:]
C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon
Go, go!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
Go... go!

I LOVE PLAY REHEARSAL

[Jevin:]
I love play rehearsal
Because it's the best!
Because it is fun
I love play rehearsal
And I get depressed as soon as it's done

But not depressed as in like kill yourself depressed
No, I'm not into self-harm
Dude, I swear, here check my arm!

See, I just use the word to emphasize a point
Show the passion I have got
I am passionate a lot

I have mad, gigantic feelings
Red and frantic feelings
About most everything
Like gun control, like spring
Like if I'm living up to all I'm meant to be
I also have a touch of ADD

Where was I?
Oh, right!

I love play rehearsal
'Cause you are equipped with direction and text
Life is easy in rehearsal
You follow a script so you know what comes next

Anywho
The point that I'm getting to
Is sometimes life can't work out in the way
It works out in the play
Like the only time I get to be the center of attention
Is when I'm Juliet or Blanche DuBois
And can I mention?

That was really one of my best roles
Did you see that?

And no matter how hard I try
It's impossible to narrow down the many reasons why-y-y
I love play rehearsal
I happiness cry whenever it starts!
It's just so universal
Getting to try playing so many parts
Most humans do one thing for all of their lives
The thought of that gives me hives!
I've got so many interests I wanna pursue
And why am I telling this to you?
Guess there's a part of me that wants to

Back to play rehearsal
My brain is like, 'Bzz!'
My heart is like, 'Wow!'
Because we're here at play rehearsal
And it's starting
We're starting
It's starting soon

SQUIP SONG

[Ren:]
Freshman year
I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue
I was a loser just like you
Good times would only
Soar by
I was gross
As every female would attest
My sexting was a futile quest
My little penis was depressed
He was so lonely
Poor guy
I was
Hopeless, hopeless
I was
Helpless, helpless
Every time I'd walk the hallway
I would trip
I was
Stagnant and idle
I was
So suicidal
And then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then
Then, then I got a Squip

[Python:]
You got quick?

[Ren:]
Not quick
Squip

[Python:]
I've just never heard of it before

[Ren:]
Yeah, that's the point!
This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit

It's from Japan
It's a gray, oblong pill
Quantum nanotechnology CPU
The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until
It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do

[Python:]
So...
It's like...
Drugs?

[RICH:]
It's better than drugs, Python

It's from Japan
It's a gray, oblong pill
Quantum nanotechnology CPU
The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until
It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do
It tells you what to do
It's preprogrammed
It's amazing
Speaks to you directly
You behave as
It's appraising
Helps you act correctly

[Ren & ENSEMBLE:]
Helps you to be cool
It helps you rule

[Ren:]
Picture this:
Nobody cares if you are late
'Cause even teachers think you're great
Your weekend's just a full on slate of blowout benders
Of teenage rockstar splendor
Right now you're
Helpless, helpless
You are
Almost hopeless
On the school's social map you're just a blip
But if you
Take my advice and if you pay the listed price
Well, then you go from sad to interesting
To hip - Your whole life will flip!

[Ren & ENSEMBLE:]
When you buy a Squip!

[Ren:]
Hey, yeah, a Squip!
Oh, a Squip
Hey, yeah!
No longer a drip when you got in your grip
A Squip
A Squip
A Squip...

TWO PLAYER GAME

[Wels:]
Apocalypse of the Damned!

[Python:]
Level Nine!

[BOTH:]
The Cafetorium!

Find the bad guy, push him aside
Then move on forward with your friend at your side
It's a two-player game, so when they make an attack
You know you got a brother, gonna have your back
Then you stay on track and..
Ah! Remain on course
And if they give you a smack, you..
Gah! You use your force!
And if you leave your brother behind, it's lame
'Cause it's an effed-up world
But it's a two-player game!
Hey!

[Wels:]
Dude, you are cooler than a vintage cassette
It's just that no one else but me thinks that yet
You're just a nothing in this high school scheme
But it's no big, 'cause you and I are a team

We like out-of-print games
Retro skates
Got a Pac-Man tattoo
Nobody here appreciates
But soon we'll be together where they do

'Cause guys like us are cool in college
Cool in college, this I know
Guys like us are cool in college
We rule in college, listen bro
High school is hell, but we navigate it well
'Cause what we do, is we make it a two-player game

[BOTH:]
Zombie!
Watch out!
Ah!
Wah!
Ugh

[Python:]
As losers, we have fought together for years
Both Nintendo zombies and our popular peers
Now we're stuck on a level, and I wanna move on

[Wels:]
Just wait two years whereupon
You'll realise
Guys like us are

[BOTH:]
Cool in college
Cool in college, won't be lame

[Python:]
Dude, I know, I get it

[BOTH:]
Guys like us are cool in college

[Python:]
But we're not in college

[Wels:]
All the same
High school is whack, but we have each other's back
It's me and you

[BOTH:]
We make it a two-player game

Gah!
Oh!
Zombie!

[TFC:]
Hello?

[BOTH:]
Blood!

[TFC:]
Son?

[BOTH:]
Claws!

[TFC:]
Jeremy!

[BOTH:]
Pause

[Python:]
You know that you are my favorite person
That doesn't mean that I can't still dream

[Wels:]
Is it really true?
I'm your favowite person?

[Python:]
Yeah, we're never not gonna be a team
High school is shit, and you gotta help me conquer it
It's just what we do

[BOTH:]
We make it a two-player game!

Find the bad guy push him aside!
Then move on forward with your friend at your side!
It's a two-player game, so when they make an attack
You know you got a brother, gonna have your back
Then you stay on track and..
Ah! Remain on course
And if they give you a smack, you..
Gah! You use your force!
And if you leave your brother behind, it's lame
'Cause it's an effed-up world
But it's a two-player game!
Hey!

Two-player game
Two-player game
He-e-ey!

SQUIP ENTERS

[Python:]
Ow!

[Biffa:]
Target female inaccessible

[Jevin:]
Python?

[Python:]
Ugh.. What the hell?!

[Biffa:]
Calibration in process
Please excuse some mild discomfort

[Python:]
Mild?!

[Jevin:]
Python! What's wrong?

[JAKE:]
Dude, the freak's freaking out!

[Biffa:]
Calibration complete
Access procedure initiated

[Python:]
Woah-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait
I'm fine, I just nee..

[Biffa:]
Discomfort level may increase

[Python:]
Guah! Aagh! Guaaaah!

[Biffa:]
Accessing neural memory
Accessing muscle memory
Access procedure complete
Jeremy Heere
Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor
Your SQUIP

Be More Chill Part 1

[Biffa:]
Take your hands out of your pockets
Arch your back, puff out your chest
Add some swagger to your gate or
You'll look like a mas-tur-ba-tor
Fix your posture, then the rest

[Python:]
But I AM a masturbator..

[Biffa:]
We'll fix that

All your nerdiness is ugly

[Python:]
Nerd? I thought I was more of a geek, but..

[Biffa:]
All your stammering's a chore

[Python:]
Wh-wh-what?

[Biffa:]
Your tics and fidgets are persistent
And your charm is non-existent
Fix your vibe, then fix some more

Buh

[Python:]
Wha?

[Biffa:]
Buh

[Python:]
Wha?

[Biffa:]
No

[Python:]
Aah!

[Biffa:]
Stop

Oh, everything about you is so terrible
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die

[Python:]
Jesus Christ...

[Biffa:]
So don't freak out
And don't resist
And have no doubt
If I assist
You will
Be more chill

First thing's first, go buy a new shirt

[Python:]
What?! What's wrong with my shirt..

[Biffa:]
It's better if you just comply
My job's to color your aesthetic
And make you seem much less pathetic
Just step and fetch, don't ask me why

[Python:]
How are you with math homework?

[Biffa:]
I'm a super-computer, Python. I'm made of math
Oh, everything about you is so terrible

[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!

[Biffa:]
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die

[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!

[Biffa & PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
All the people in the mall
Think you're such a slob

[PEOPLE IN THE MALL:]
You're a slob!
Terrible!
Such a slob!

[Biffa:]
And boy, can I see why!

Now you try picking a shirt
That's a girl's shirt

[Python:]
Sorry...

[Zed:]
...Perry?

[Python:]
Python

[Zed:]
You shop here?

[Python:]
Oh, yeah all the time..

[Biffa:]
Never

[Python:]
Never. Is what I meant to...

[Biffa:]
Greet the beta

[Python:]
Oh. Hey, Xisuma

[Biffa:]
"You look sexy"

[Python:]
I can't say that to a hot guy!

[Biffa:]
Don't smile. Stare intensely. Speak like you don't care about your own death

[Python:]
Lookin' pretty sexy, Xisuma

[Xisuma:]
Thanks

[Zed:]
Is that a guys shirt?

[Python:]
No

[Biffa:]
"Yes"

[Python:]
Yes

[Biffa:]
Repeat after me..

I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss

[Python:]
I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss

[Biffa:]
I was dating a guy and
He had a shirt just like this

[Python:]
I was dating a guy and
He had a shirt just like this

[Biffa:]
It's still painful

[Python:]
It's still painful

[Zed:]
So, who was this mystery guy?

[Python:]
Oh, you've probably never heard of him, so..

[Biffa:]
Grian

[Python:]
Grian

[Zed:]
What?

[Python:]
He's French

[Zed:]
Ugh! He is NOT French! He just pretends to be for attention!

[Xisuma:]
Grian broke up with you?

[Python:]
Yeah...

[Biffa:]
No

[Python:]
I mean..

[Biffa:]
I broke up with him

[Python:]
I broke up with him

[Biffa:]
'Cause he was
Cheating on me

[Python:]
'Cause he was
Cheating on me

[Biffa:]
Hey, Hamlet. Be more chill

Be More Chill Part 2

[Biffa:]
If this is going to work, you can't just listen
You have to obey
Now repeat after me:
Woah, everything about you is so terrible

[Python:]
Everything about me is just terrible

[Biffa:]
Good
Woah, everything about you makes me wanna die

[Python:]
Everything about me makes me wanna die

[Biffa:]
Now you got it
But, Python, soon you'll see that if you listen to me, listen to me
Everything about you is going to be wonderful!

[ENSEMBLE:]
We love everything about you!

[Biffa:]
Everything about you is going to be so alive!

[ENSEMBLE:]
We could never live without you!

[Biffa:]
You won't feel left out or unsure
You won't be ugly anymore
Because

[Biffa & ENSEMBLE:]
Everything about you is going to be cool, and powerful, popular, incredible!

[Biffa:]
You will...

[Python:]
Be more chill - I mean chill

[Biffa:]
Be more chill

[ENSEMBLE:]
Be more chill
Be more chill
Be more chill

More Than Survive (Reprise)

[Python:]
C-c-c-cmon, c-c-c-cmon, go
Ow!

[Biffa:]
What did we say about masturbation?

[Python:]
I was just gonna check my email!

[Biffa:]
You can't lie to me Python, I'm inside your brain
Now, we're going to devise a system
I tally every time you think about sex and that is how many push-ups you do
If this morning is an indicative sample, you'll have pecs in no time

[Python:]
Still not gonna be the cool guy, but maybe not so left out
Of all the characters in school, I might be the one who the story's about
Now that someone's helping me out

[Biffa:]
Now get ready

[Biffa & Python:]
To more...

[Python:]
...Than survive!

[ENSEMBLE:]
Na na na na na na na na, na na

[Python:]
All in all a not too heinous day

[ENSEMBLE:]
Na na na na na na na na na na

[Python:]
Walk the hall with purpose as I swagger on my way

[ENSEMBLE:]
Na na na na na na na, hey! Hey! Hey!

[Python:]
Feeling crisp and high and clean
I head to drama practice with Jevin!

A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into

[Jevin:]
Say there's this person you pass in the hall every day
You've known him since seventh grade
You're used to thinking about him in a certain way
From the persona that he displayed

Then something changes, and he changes

From a guy that you'd never be into
Into a guy that you'd kinda be into
From a guy that I'd never be into
Into a guy that I'd kinda be into

Is he worth it?
Python?
Is he?

[Python:]
Is he talking about me?

[Biffa:]
Of course he is. I've been activating your pheromones. Keep it up

[Jevin:]
Say there's this person that you never knew that well

[ENSEMBLE:]
He is totally into you

[Jevin:]
You thought that you had him pegged, but now you can tell
He's gone from a

[CHRISTINE & ENSEMBLE:]
Guy that you'd never be into
Into a guy that you'd kinda be into
From a guy that I'd never be into
Into a guy that I'd kinda be into

[Jevin:]
Is he worth it?
Python?

[Biffa & Python:]
Absolutely

[Jevin:]
I don't always relate to other people my age
Except when I'm on the stage
And there are so many changes that I'm going through
And why am I telling this to you?
Guess there's a part of me that wants to

I guess a part of me wants to, who knew?
I guess a part of me likes to talk to you
I guess a part of me likes to, who knew?
I guess a part of me likes to sit with you
I guess a part of me likes to, who knew?
I guess a part of me likes to hang with you
I guess a part of me

Back to play rehearsal
I know that it's weird but it's totally true

The guy that I'd kinda be into

[Python:]
The guy that you'd kind of be into

[Jevin:]
Yeah that

[Python & Jevin:]
Guy that I'd kinda be into

[Jevin:]
Is...
Doc

Upgrade

[Xisuma:]
This is my favorite place behind the school

[Xisuma:]
Being here
With you right now
Our future is so clear
Our union is so near

[Xisuma & Biffa:]
Being here
With you right now
I'll tenderly guide you

[Biffa (Python):]
Just take me inside you
Forever

Your life was so pitiful before
Now it's time to go all the way
And more

You gotta' get an upgrade (Upgrade)
Upgrade
You gotta' get an upgrade (Upgrade)
Upgrade

Don't worry about the guilt you feel
Just take a breath
And seal the deal

Damn!
Gotta' get an upgrade
You gotta' get an upgrade

[Doc:]
Do you wanna come over
To my place tonight?
We'll get all sporty
And play cricket
Or get a forty
And just kick it

My parents won't be home
So its alright
They laundered money
Now they're on the run

[Jevin:]
Wait.. Th..That's illegal

[Doc (Jevin):]
Which means the house is empty
So, that's fun
Oh yeah, yeah

Never hung with a guy like you before
I don't know if you know it
But I am sure
That, for me, you are an upgrade (Upgrade)

Upgrade
Let's be each other's
Upgrade (Oh wow)
Upgrade

[Jevin:]
Well I am flattered
This is new
Still, I'm not sure
What I should do

[Doc:]
You gotta' take the upgrade

[BOTH:]
Gotta' take the upgrade

[Python:]
C-c-c c'mon
Python, can't you see
We got a plan
Now be a man

You start with Cisuma
And then, progress
And we assess
And soon, success

Will intervene
By which, I mean...

Jevin

[Python:]
Jevin

[BOTH:]
Jevin (Jevin)

[ENSEMBLE:]
Christine, Christine

[Python:]
Wels?
Where have you been all day?

[Wels:]
Really?
So, you're not the one who's been avoiding me?

[Biffa:]
It's called optic nerve blocking
I have been blocking Wels from your field of vision

[Python:]
Wait, what?

[Biffa:]
Wels is a link to "Python 1.0"
To upgrade you must be willing to make sacrifices

[Wels:]
Seriously, what's up with you?
You've been acting shady ever since.. since...

It worked, didn't it?
Python, that's amazing!
We gotta' test it out-
No, we gotta' celebrate!
We gotta'...
Get stoned in my basement!

[Python:]
I already know what it's like to...
Be the loser
I should find out what it's like to...
Not be the loser

I don't wanna' be special
I just wanna be
Chill as life will allow
Should I take the upgrade?

[Biffa, ENSEMBLE (Python):]
Upgrade, upgrade, upgrade, upgrade (Should I take the upgrade?)
Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now
Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now

[Python:]
And I wasn't sure before
But now I wanna' go all the way
And more

So gimme that
Upgrade (upgrade, upgrade)
Gimme that

[Python & ENSEMBLE:]
Upgrade, upgrade, upgrade

Tried to be genuine and true
But now it's time for something new

So gimme that
Upgrade, upgrade, upgrade
Gimme that
Upgrade, upgrade, upgrade

Maybe it doesn't matter how
I'm getting the upgrade right now!

[Wels:]
Python, are you coming?

[Python:]
Optic nerve blocking, on

[Biffa:]
Now, let's get to work

[ENSEMBLE:]
Ah, ah, ah...

Halloween

[Xisuma:]
Picked out a costume for tonight
Made sure to get a size that was a lot too tight
You can kind of see my business
But I'll act like I don't know

Woah

[Doc:]
I got a condom

[Zed:]
And a flask

[Ren:]
I stole my older brother's Jason mask
And I don't have a machete but a loaf of bread will do

[ALL:]
Ooh

[Doc:]
Who's ready for my Halloween party?

Everybody's got a red Solo cup
Fill it up, fill it up
Hear the beer spill on the ground

Everybody's all like "'Sup!
Yo man, 'sup!
Let's catch up!
Let's smoke up!
Look how many drinks I've downed!"

Every single song's all like "Whoop!"
They're all "Whoop!"
We're like "Yup
Turn it up!"
As we stumble to the sound

'Cause a Halloween party's a rad excuse
To put your body through mad abuse
And I might pass out but it's alright
'Cause I'm Halloween partyin' hard tonight

(Woo!)
It's Halloween!
(Woo!)
It's Halloween!

[Xisuma:]
Python! I was afraid you weren't coming, did you get my messages?

[Biffa:]
Play it off

[Python:]
Am I late? I didn't even realize

[Xisuma:]
Well, what do you think of my costume? I figure, you always see sexy cats, but no one ever goes as a sexy dog

[Python:]
Oh, its...

[Biffa:]
Vague compliment

[Python:]
Original. I mean amazing! Seriously, I can't believe I'm with a guy who looks like you

[Xisuma:]
You need a drink

[ALL:]
Crank the bass!
It's Halloween!
Break a vase!
It's Halloween!
Jello shot!
It's Halloween!
Liver spots!
From Halloween!

Everybody's got a red Solo cup
Fill it up, fill it up
Hear the beer spill on the ground

Everybody's all like "'Sup!
Yo man, 'sup!
Let's catch up!
Let's smoke up!
Look how many drinks I've downed!"

Every single song's all like "Whoop!"
They're all "Whoop!"
We're like "Yup
Turn it up!"
As we stumble to the sound

'Cause a Halloween party's a rad excuse
To put your body through mad abuse
And I might pass out but it's alright
'Cause I'm Halloween partyin' hard tonight

It's Halloween!
It's Halloween!

Wels in the Bathroom

[Wels:]
I am hanging in the bathroom at the biggest party of the fall
I could stay right here or disappear, and nobody'd even notice at all

I'm a creeper in a bathroom 'cause my buddy kinda left me alone
But I'd rather fake pee than stand awkwardly, or pretend to check a text on my phone

Everything felt fine when I was half of a pair
Now through no fault of mine, there's no other half there

Now I'm just Wels in the bathroom, Wels in the bathroom, at a party
Forget how long it's been
I'm just Wels in the bathroom,
Wels in the bathroom at a party
No you can't come in!
I'm waiting it out 'til it's time to leave
And picking at grout as I softly grieve
I'm just Wels who you don't know, Wels flyin' solo, Wels in the bathroom by himself
All by himself

I am hiding, but he's out there, just ignoring all our history
Memories get erased, and I'll get replaced, with a newer, cooler version of me
And I hear a drunk girl sing along to Whitney through the door, "I wanna dance with somebody!"
And my feelings sink, 'cause it makes me think: now there's no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore!

Now it's just Wels in the bathroom, Wels in the bathroom at a party
I half regret the beers
Wels in the bathroom, Wels in the bathroom at a party
As I choke back the tears
I'll wait as long as I need, 'til my face is dry
Or I'll just blame it on weed, or something in my eye!
I'm just Wels who you don't know, Wels flyin' solo
Wels in the bathroom by himself!

Knock, knock, knock, knock
They're gonna start to shout soon
Knock, knock, knock, knock
Oh hell yeah, I'll be out soon
[Wels & ENSEMBLE:]
Knock, knock, knock, knock
[Wels:]
It sucks he left me here alone..
[Wels & ENSEMBLE:]
Knock, knock, knock, knock
[Wels:]
Here in this teenage battle zone..
[Wels & ENSEMBLE:]
Clang, clang, clang, clang
[Wels:]
I feel the pressure blowing up..
[Wels & ENSEMBLE:]
Bang, bang, bang, bang
[Wels:]
My big mistake was showing up..
[Wels & ENSEMBLE:]
Splash, splash, splash, splash
[Wels:]
I throw some water in my face
And I am in a better place
I go to open up the door
But I can't hear knocking
Anymore

And I can't help but yearn
For a different time
And then I look in the mirror
And the present is clearer
And there's no denying, I'm just..

At a party
Is there a sadder sight than...
Wels in the bathroom at a party
This is a heinous night
I wish I stayed at home in bed watching cable porn
Or wish I offed myself instead
Wish I was never born!
I'm just Wels who's a loner
So he must be a stoner
Rides a PT Cruiser
God he's such a loser
Michael flyin' solo
Who you think that you know
Wels in the bathroom by himself
All by himself
All by himself
All you know about me is my name
Awesome party
I'm so glad I came

Smartphone Hour (Ren Set a Fire)

[Tango:]
O-M-G Zed, answer me
Woah, wait until I tell you what I heard!
It's too FUCKED to type, this shit is ripe
Call back, I'll yell you every word

[Zed:]
Tango Tek calling
Ugh, Tango Tek calling...
Tango Tek calling...

Hey!

[Tango:]
Ohmygod.. Ohmygod..
Okay, so!
At the end of last night's party
Very end of last night's party
Did you see Ren?

[Zed:]
Oh I saw Ren

[Tango:]
So he's behaving hazy like a tweaking junkie
Flailing crazy like a freaking monkey

[Zed:]
He's gotta learn to handle his high
Shouldn't drink so much for a small guy

[Tango:]
Right, but, he wasn't drunk

[Zed:]
The hell you say, Tango?

[Tango:]
Yo, he wasn't drunk!

[CHLOE:]
The hell you say, Tango?

[Tango:]
No! Because I heard from Cub Fan
That Ren had barely touched a drop
Which means that you can't blame the things he did on alcohol
It's just so terrible, I don't want to relive it all
But do you want me to tell you?

[Zed:]
Spit it out! Spit it out!

[Tango:]
You really want me to tell you?

[Zed:]
Spit it out! Spit it out!

[Tango:]
I'll tell you 'cause you are my closest friend!

[Zed:]
No I'm not?

[Tango:]
Yeah, I know
But here's what happened at the party's end

Ren set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
Ren set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
I thought I was dreaming
Everybody was screaming!
When Ren set a fire and he burned down the house
When Ren set a fire and he burned down the house

[Zed:]
O-M-G Xisuma, answer me
Look, wait until I tell you what I saw!

[Xisuma:]
Ignore!

[Zed:]
Hmph! And also space and frowny face
I'm sorry that Python made out with me at the party
But it was totally his fault
And let's not let boys ever come between us ever again okay?
Smiley face, lipstick, kitty paw

[Xisuma:]
Hey

[Zed:]
We cool?

[Xisuma:]
We are

[Zed:]
Okay, so!
At the end of last night's party
Did you see Ren?

[Xisuma:]
No, I was crying

[Zed:]
So he's behaving weird and I was frightened
'Cause I feared his state was heightened

[Xisuma:]
He's gotta learn to not really smoke a lot
He shouldn't get so high for a tiny guy

[BOTH:]
He's gotta learn to not really smoke a lot
He shouldn't get so high for a tiny guy

[Zed:]
Right, but, he wasn't high!
So you can't blame the things he did on pot
It's just so awful, so I'll talk about it a lot

Ren set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
I thought I was dreaming
Everybody was screaming!
When Ren set a fire and he burned down the house
When Ren set a fire and he burned down the house

Hey, Everybody! Have you heard?
Ren set a fire, now go send the word!

[Zed (ENSEMBLE):]
Sending a text (Text!)
Sending a tweet (Tweet!)
Sending a text (Text!)

[Zed & Tango (ENSEMBLE):]
Tweet (Tweet!)
Release the information, step, and repeat!

[Xisuma (ENSEMBLE):]
I'll spread the word! (Woooord!)
That Ren is flecked (Flecked?)
No, I meant fucked
Did I say 'flecked'?
Sorry guys, that's just my auto-correct
(Always be aware of auto-correct!)

[ALL:]
R-E-N
Can't you see?
Just how much I care about your tragedy
Change my profile pic to you
Now I full understand what you're going through
R-E-N
It's a drag
I read, she read, they read you're in a body bag
R-E-N
Can't you see?
Just how much I love your tragedy

Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!
Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
Sup! Sup! Sup! Sup!
FIRE!

Hey! (Ha!)

Talk it, text it, pass it, talk it!
Woaaaaah...

Ready? Okay
Here we go!

Ren set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
Ren set a fire and he burned down the house!
It was so terribly gory
I got the whole bloody story
Yeah, I wasn't quite there
But I know what happened I swear!

[Tango, Zed & Xisuma:]
When Ren set a fire and he burned the house down
When Ren set a fire and he levelled the town

[ALL:]
When Ren set a fire and he fled to Bombay
When Ren set a fire 'cause he knew he was gay
When Ren set a fire and he melted his head
When Ren set a fire and he's totally dead
When Ren set a fire and he burned down the house!

Burned it down! (Woah)
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Did ya hear? Did ya hear?
Burned it down! (Woah)
Did ya hear? Did ya hear?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Burned it down! (Woah)
Did ya hear? Did ya hear?

That Ren set a fire and he burned down the..
Ren set a fire and he burned down the..
Ren set a fire and he burned down the house

[Tango, Zed & Xisuma:]
He told me cause he's my best friend!

[ALL:]
Ren set a fire and he burned down the house!
Send!
End!

Pitiful Children

[Biffa:]
You were always quite the loser, Tango
Then I invaded
And you upgraded
Ba-da-ba-ba
Whoa
Tango, it's true that I found you
But look around you
Whoa

All your peers are just so incomplete
You can't see it, but they're all in pain
Their operating system's obsolete
So let's complete the chains
And get inside those brains

Let's save the pitiful children

[STUDENTS:]
Whoa

[Biffa:]
Let's save the pitiful children

[STUDENTS:]
Whoa

[Biffa:]
Let's teach the pitiful children, who just haven't a clue
Just what to do
Help them to help you

[Tango:]
Ah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[Biffa:]
Can you see the vision clearly, Python?
Users embracing and interfacing
Beep boop beep boop
Shiny, happy people singing sweetly

[Tango:]
Yeah

[Biffa:]
Gone is human error and fear

[Tango:]
Beep bop boo beep bop boo beep bop boo beep

[Biffa:]
Every issue tucked away so neatly
If you feel a sob or tear
Just turn that knob, and switch that gear

[Biffa/Python:]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Tango:]
Yeah

[Biffa:]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Tango:]
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!

[Biffa:]
Let's teach the pitiful children

Who just haven't a clue
Just what to do
Help them and soon this will be you

[ALL:]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Biffa:]
Rap beep beep bop

[ALL:]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Biffa:]
Re bop bo beep bop bo beep bop bo

[ALL:]
Let's teach the pitiful children, who haven't a clue

[Biffa:]
If that's what we do
If that's what we do
Then

[ALL:]
Everything about us is going to be wonderful

[STUDENTS:]
We love everything about Squips

[ALL:]
Everything about us is going to be so alive

[STUDENTS:]
We could never live without Squips

[Biffa:]
You won't feel left out or unsure

[ALL:]
Not pitiful children anymore
'Cause
Everything about us is going to be cool
When... we... rule!

Pants Song

[TFC:]
Python
Is in big bad trouble right now
It's trouble that he can't see
And I gotta help him somehow
I don't know what he wants
But I know what he needs
He'll need a dad so strong
To help him not slip away
I haven't been a dad for so long
But I think I'm ready today
The situation is grave
Now's the time to be brave
I'm gonna finally make that climb
One leg at a time!

When you love somebody
You put your pants on for them!
When you love somebody
You take a chance just for them
Chance just for them!
If the road gets muddy
Focus on the goal 'till the rough stuff's gone
When you love somebody
You put your pants on!

I need you, 'cause I do not have the tools
To help with what he's going through
And I know you know all the rules

[Wels:]
But I'm not what he wants

[TFC:]
But you're just what he needs
And this might be hard, I know
You just suck it up and go!

When you love somebody
You put your pants on for them!
When you love somebody
You take a stance just for them
Stance just for them!
If the fight gets bloody
Just keep pushing through 'till the pain is gone
When you love somebody
You put your pants on!

I need you to reach out to him! Python won't listen to me and... can't blame him... but someone has to watch his back

[Wels:]
If I try harder to be his friend, you have to try harder to be his dad
There's a Kohl's right down the street, I don't care what kind: Jeans, khaki, leather.. You're not leaving that store until you buy a pair!

[TFC:]
You drive a hard bargain, son

[Wels:]
When you love somebody
You put your pants on for them

[TFC:]
Wear those pants

[Wels:]
Somewhat reluctantly

[TFC & Wels:]
Still, you gotta go!
When you love somebody
You put your pants on for them!
Metaphorically

[TFC:]
Or sometimes actual pants, real literal pants

[TFC & Wels:]
It's a classic study
Of the things we do for our best friend!
When you love somebody

[Wels:]
You see it 'till the end

[TFC & Wels:]
When you love somebody

[TFC:]
The conclusions forgone

[TFC & Wels:]
When you love somebody
You put your big boy pants right on
You put your pants on!

The Play

[Mr Hills:]
Places for scene two! People, remember: Once Puck gives you the pansy serum, you have to really sell that you're transforming into a zombie. Excellent work, Mr: Ender

[JEREMY:]
Excellent? But Zeds terrible, he never remembers his..
Mr. Hills? You can't let anyone drink from that beaker!

[Mr Hills:]
Don't be silly! It's more than safe! I should know, I tried it myself

[Biffa:]
Up, up, down, down, left, right, A

[Python:]
I have to get out there!

[Mr Hills:]
I can't let you do that, Python

[Python:]
Mr. Hills?

[Mr Hills:]
You needy, pathetic, self-centered students!
You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In NEW JERSEY?
My SQUIP says I can go all the way to Broadway!
I just have to keep you from ruining my big night!

[Python:]
You're going to SQUIP the whole cast!

[Biffa:]
That's just for starters!

[Python:]
That's not what I wanted!

[Biffa:]
It's the only way to achieve what you want!

[Python:]
I'll fight back! Alcohol messes you up, right? I'll get drunk!

[Biffa:]
And I'll be back when you're sober! Unless you plan on staying wasted forever?

[Python:]
You're a computer, there has to be a way to turn you off

[Biffa:]
I'd stop there. You don't want to end up like Ren

[Python:]
Ren..? What did he..?

[Ren:]
I need Mountain Dew Red!

[Python:]
That's it! Green Mountain Dew activates you, Red shuts you off!

[Biffa:]
Why do you think we had it discontinued? To get rid of me now, you'd need a time machine to the 1990's!

[Python:]
Or a friend who's so old-school he buys 90's soft drinks in the back room at Spencer's gifts!

[Biffa:]
Too bad you don't have one of those... anymore

[Python:]
Wels! Call Wels!

[Biffa:]
I'm going to improve your life, Python, if I have to take over the entire student body to do it!

[Wels:]
Wels makes an entrance!

[Python:]
Wels!

[Wels:]
I was just in the audience, thinking "This is pretty good for a school play!"
Then I was like... "This is way too good for a school play!!!" They've all been Squipped, right?

[Python:]
W-W-Wait, you came to see me in the play?

[Wels:]
Even brought my own refreshments!

[ENSEMBLE:]
Ah ah ah ah ah ah!

[Python:]
Is that?!

[Wels:]
Mountain Dew Red! Told you I did my research! Oh, hey, Doc? This is gonna sound weird, but if I hold down Python, can you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?

[Doc:]
Actually, that doesn't sound weird at all

[Biffa:]
Up, up, down, down, left, right, A

[Doc:]
Ow!

[Biffa:]
Ha ha ha

[Doc:]
I was already pretty boss before
Now I'm totally boss and then some more!
I'm livin' the upgrade!

[Zed AND Xisuma:]
There you are, Python

La la la...

[Xisuma:]
I just want you to know I'm not mad that you broke my heart and then slept with my best friend

[Zed:]
And I'm not mad you dated my best friend and didn't sleep with me

[Xisuma:]
He didn't sleep with you?

[Zed:]
No

[Xisuma:]
He didn't sleep with me!

[Zed:]
No!

[BOTH:]
Ohmygod, why was I so jealous of you? *gasp* You were jealous of me? That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me! Sisters forever! Jinx!

[Wels:]
Ugh...

[Python:]
Wels, the bottle! There's still a few drops left!

[Wels:]
How am I supposed to get past them?

[Python:]
Apocalypse of the Damned! Level Nine!

[BOTH:]
The Cafetorium!

[Wels:]
Got it!

[BOTH:]
Find the bad guy, push 'em aside
Then move on forward with your friend at your side!
It's a two player game, so when they make an attack
You know you got a brother gonna have your back!
Then you stay on track and.. Ah!.. remain on course
And if they give you a smack you.. Gah!.. you use your force
And if you leave your brother behind that's lame
'Cause it's an effed up world but it's a two player game!
Hey!

[Tango:]
I know what you're doing, Wels
I know what everyone's doing! All the time!

[THE CAST OF THE PLAY:]
I just feel soooo connected to you guys right now!

[Biffa:]
Ah! You don't want to drink that, Python!

[Python:]
Why not?

[Biffa:]
Because then you'll never be with him!

[Jevin:]
You are the person I want to be with every day
And this is something that I've been afraid to say

[Python:]
That is not Jevin

[Biffa:]
I assure you, it is! Only his fears and his insecurities have been removed!

[Jevin & ENSEMBLE:]
You're the guy I am so kinda into (into)
The guy I am totally into (into)
This feeling is new
Python
I love you

[Biffa:]
That's your cue!

[Python:]
He'll do whatever I want!

[Biffa:]
That's what I promised!

[Python:]
Great. Drink this

[Biffa:]
Wait..

[Jevin:]
Ah!

[ALL:]
Ah!

[Biffa:]
Python!
P-Py-Python?
Pyth-o-on
Ah
Woah
Ah
Woah
Ah
Woah
Woah!
Python!
Pyth
Ah!

Voices In My Head

[TFC:]
You gotta buy him a rose
Compliment him on his clothes

[Wels:]
Say you appreciate that he's smart

[Ren:]
Nah, man, you tell him that he
Excites you sexually

[TFC, Wels & Ren:]
And that's the way you get
To his m heart
Trust me, I know
How it's gonna go
Listen and oh!

[Python:]
And all there are voices in my ear
I guess these never disappear
I'll let 'em squeal and I will deal
And make up my own mind
Might still have voices in my head
But now, they're just the normal kind
Voices in my head, but now they're
The normal kind!

[Tango:]
Just summon strength from within

[Xisuma:]
Don't get hung up on your skin!

[Zed:]
He probably thinks
That acne is hot!

[Doc:]
I'll throw you a rope, home slice
If you need some dope advice

[Doc, Zed, Xisuma & Tango :]
Now march on over
And give him a shot
Buddy, you'll see
It'll go perfectly
If you listen to me, me, me!

[Python:]
And all there are voices all around
And you can never mute the sound
They scream and shout
I tune 'em out
And make up my own mind
Might still have voices in my head,
But now, they're just the normal kind
Voices in my head, but now they're
The normal kind!

[Jevin:]
I still remember how it felt...
It's embarrassing to find out, deep down I just want things to be easy

[Python:]
Yeah... but who wants things to be hard?...
Look, I almost destroyed the school... maybe all of human civilization...
I know that the last thing I deserve is another shot, but, um...

[Jevin:]
Just say what's on your mind, Python

[Python:]
Lunch? Just the two of us?

[Jevin:]
And any voices in our heads?

[Python:]
There might be voices in our heads
But I swear, the voices there
Will be the regular kind

[Jevin:]
Me and the voices in my head
Have made up our collective mind

[Python:]
What do they say we should do?

[Jevin:]
I think that all of us want
To go out with you

[ALL:]
And there are voices in my head
So many voices in my head
And they can yell and hurt like hell
But I know that I'll be fine

[Python:]
I still have

[ALL:]
Voices in my head

[Python:]
Yeah, there are

[ALL:]
Voices in my head

[Python:]
Of the voices in my head
The loudest one is mine!

[Biffa:]
Python...

[Python:]
Loudest one is mine!

[Biffa:]
You can't get rid of me that easily!..

[Python:]
Loudest one is mine!

[Biffa:]
Pythonnnn...

[ENSEMBLE:]
Na nananana nanana na nana na
Na nananana nanana na nana na
Na nananana nanana na nana na

[PYthon:]
Let's go!

[Jevin:]
C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, let's go!

[Python:]
C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, let's go!

[ALL:]
C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, let's go!
C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, let's go!
C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, let's go!
C-c-c-come on, c-c-c-come on, let's
Go!

7808 words ;-; hope you all enjoyed.