Author's notes
Hey. PsychA here.

This looked interesting, and AC recommended me doing so. But I'm not doing as many. I have neither the dedication nor the patience to do so.

Enjoy.

—————

EX: I DID SOMETHING GOOD!

Xisuma: Was it actually good?

EX: ... I DID SOMETHING!

———

Joe: Stressy, I need some... Assistance.

Stress: I'm busy! Sorry, Joe. Maybe Scar could help you?

Joe: ... Hard to kill, but fun to fight? Now that's a challenge.

Stress: Joe-

———

Doc: Your cat doesn't like me.

Scar: ... Nooo...?

———

Grian: What did you do.

Iskall: It wasn't me!

Grian: I believe you.

Mumbo: Wasn't me either!

Grian: I don't believe you.

———

Scar: Don't eat that, it's not an apple.

Scar: ... Don't eat that, it's not-

Scar: ISKALL-

———

Tango: That looks like a chicken!

Zed: ... No. Wait. It's just Impulse covered in feathers and being attacked by a swarm of angry chickens.

Impulse: HELP MEEEEE-

———

Etho: Gimme attention.

Beef: No.

Etho: Give mE ATTENTION-

Beef: ETHO-

———

Jevin: Hey Wels, how- woah, what happened here?

Wels: (-whilst being hugged by Biffa and somehow carrying Python on his back-) I honestly have no idea.

Python: Special.

Biffa: He's special, Jev. That's why.

———

Scar: I have more diamonds!

Cub: Aw, well done! How did you get them?

Scar: He'll never know.

Cub: What-

———

BDubs: (-trying to work out how high up he is-) ... What should I do?

Keralis: A flip!

———

False: I slay without killing~!

Ren: I kill without slaying.

Iskall: I-I... Have no clue...

Ren: ... Uh... Y-You just slay, don't worry.

Iskall: YES!

———

Wels: Oh, joy. Because I looove the boring rain. Totally.

Jevin: Really? I thought you didn't like the rain, Wels!

Wels: ... I-

———

Mumbo: Grian, I did something dumb that may or may not involve a teensy bit of mess.

Grian: What else is new?

———

Zed: This world is a desolate place. People are ignorant. No one-

Impulse: Heya, Zed!

Zed: ... Impulse, you're ruining my darkness.

Impulse: Oh, sorry! Carry on brooding!

Zed: I can't now, can I?! ... C'mere you ball of sunshine, you... (-ruffles Impulse's hair-)

Impulse: ... Thank you?

———

Scar: ... Cub... I need to go and start working-

Cub: (-latched onto Scar-) Noooooo...

Scar: ... Ten more minutes.

(-This has been going on more longer than ten minutes-)

———

(-Wandering trader pops up-)

Xisuma: Say goodb-

Doc: No, wait, can we take his llamas first?!

Xisuma: ... Sure?

Doc: X, you're amazing- (-starts stroking the llamas-) I'm going to make a llarmy-

———

Keralis: Yes.

BDubs: ... Ok then!

xB: Should I be concerned?

———

Iskall: Why do people ship me with an edgy wolf-man?

False: Because we happen to find both you and the edgy wolf-man endearing.

———

Zed: In all fairness, I could see EX singing one of Frozen's songs. One in particular, actually.

Tango: I would've said all of them, but now I'm intrigued. Do tell.

Impulse: Ooo! Which one? 'Let it go'? 'Love is an open door'? 'For the first time in fore-

Zed: 'Spare'.

(Author's note: Zed will scream if an 'owl' flies very quickly at his face. Just letting you know. Oh, and it's definitely... Y'know... Just a random thought. Definitely)

———

xB: (-hears zombie sounds-) Hey Cleo.

Cleo: (-slays the zombie-) Wasn't me.

———

Grian: I'm more mature than you.

Mumbo: ... But I'm taller.

Grian: ... Your point is?

Mumbo: People love funny, tall dorks like me!

Grian: ... R-Right...

———

Iskall: (-pets Ren-) You alright?

Ren: (-leans into his touch-) What... What are you doing?

Iskall: Well, you're a werewolf, so I th-

Ren: (-kisses him on the cheek-)

Iskall: ...

Ren: ...

(-Both become extremely red, and start screaming-)

———

False: (-puts a paper snowflake on Stress' head-) Snow Queen.

Stress: ... Thanks?

Cleo: (-puts a paper crown on Stress' head-) Ice Queen.

Stress: ... I like this. Continue.

———

(-After making... Something in the kitchen with a cake mix-)

Biffa: Thanks for making this with me, guys!

Cub: No problem! It was really fun!

Xisuma: We didn't really make anything. We just... Put stuff together.

Scar: That's what other big companies do, but they still get to say they 'made' it.

Xisuma: ... Hm. Good point.

Scar: Remember, boys. Think like the capitalist, not like the slaves beneath him.

———

Pixl: ZLOY ZLOY ZLOY ZLOY ZLOY-

Zloy: Oh my gosh- WHAT?!

Pixl: (-squooshing Zloy's face-) I love you.

Zloy: (-blushes-) O-Oh...

———

Jevin: (-walks into a 'pull' glass door, then tries his best to push it open-)

Wels: (-recording-) Push harder.

———

EX: (-after walking into his kitchen, tired-) ... Suma?

Xisuma: (-from a different room-) What is it?

EX: ... When did you learn how to bake?

Xisuma: I didn't. Why?

EX: (-taking a cupcake hesitantly-) ... No reason.

———

Doc: Who ate all the cookies?

Etho: Ninjas.

Doc: I didn't see any ninjas.

Etho: No one ever does.

———

BDubs: 'Short people stick together'. Uh, yeah, why don't we stack together? If enough of us combine, we could be the ultimate tall person.

Keralis: ... Was it Mumbo in heels or Doc on a platform this time?

BDubs: (-pouting-) Mumbo in heels.

———

EX: (-tries to jump onto a higher platform, but slips off instead-)

TFC: (-tries the exact same thing. Guess what happens-)

———

Iskall: Hey guys.

Mumbo: Hi! You're outta milk.

Iskall: Really? I'll go get some... Wait... What are you all doing here-

Stress: I came to see what they were doing.

Grian: I followed him (-points to Mumbo-)

Mumbo: I realised you were also out of milk, so helpfully informed you!

Iskall: ... I don't even...

———

Doc: It's so cute!

Stress: It's incredibly slow... Why would-

Doc: Buttercup.

———

EX: What does that sign over there say?

Joe: Yes, because asking the short-sighted person without their glasses to read a far-away sign is a good idea.

———

Scar: You know you've made it when you see your photos up everywhere.

Cub: ... Are those wanted posters?

(-Police sirens-)

Scar: Ah, the crazy fans are searching for me once again. We must make haste. Back to the server, Cubby!

Cub: Wait- what- Scar?!

———

Wels: Do you ever just want to gently place your hands on someone's cheeks and hold their head in your hands and look into their eyes and then violently jerk their head on a right angle and snap their neck?

Biffa: Well, that took an unexpected turn.

Wels: So did their neck.

Jevin: PFFT- I'M DYING-

Wels: So are they.

———

Ren: I hate you.

Iskall: ... Is it because I pretended-

Ren: YES IT'S BECAUSE YOU PRETENDED TO THROW A BALL BUT ACTUALLY HID IT BEHIND YOUR BACK!

———

Keralis: Hey, can you-

Scar: Sorry, I can't right now- I temporarily lay claim to a small town in Sweden to reap recently perished souls, and now I need to get there-

Keralis: Sorry, what-

Scar: I know! I know this was a bad idea! But Dan wanted to get the same plot, and he's a jerk, so it's totally worth it- I need to reap 25 Swedish souls before 6pm... Guess I'll need to start early! (-draws sword-)

Keralis: WHAT-

———

BDubs: This is absolutely TERRIBLE!

Doc: Aw, I don't know about that... I think it's pretty cute!

BDubs: That's because Xisuma doesn't know that you make goo-goo eyes at him.

Doc: Wh- hey!

(-Scrap escalates-)

Beef: (-enters the scene-) ... Hey Etho... Uh... What's going on?

Etho: BDubs has finally recognised his crush on Keralis, Doc is subtly rubbing it in.

Beef: Oh, cool. Next Wednesday, we'll start setting them up as well?

Etho: (-nods-) Next Wednesday.

———

EX: Ancient gods are pretty cool. Wonder what it'd be like if we had a god on our server...

Xisuma: We're admins. We are basically gods.

PsychA: Ah, yes. How could I forget:
(-Points to X-) Satan
(-Points to EX-) and his angel of doom.

Xisuma: I SWEAR-

PsychA: That's setting a bad example for the mortals.

———

Tango: Bees.

———

False: 'Don't waste diamonds on a hoe' is now outdated information. Let that sink in.

Cleo: ... Great, I hate it.

Stress: ... That's actually right and I don't like this.

———

EX: I think it's common courtesy for all the fanciest and most fabulous villains to wear heels.

Joe: Well, duh. Why do you think they go down so easily? You just kick them in a good place and watch as they do a bad rendition of freestyle.

EX: ... At least they look good in them!

Joe: It's one thing they can flex- it's one thing that they're better than the hero at doing: running away very quickly in heels.

———

Zloy: I cannot believe you would do something so stupid!

Pixl: Zloy, we all did. You're just being polite, and it's alright. You don't need to hide your true feelings from me-

Zloy: PIXLRIFFS-

———

Xisuma: Fahrenheit is used in other countries, but not ours.

TFC: Foreign-heit.

Xisuma: ... Why.

TFC: C'mon! That was the Fahren-height of my comedy-

———

BDubs: Has no one ever taught you 'please' and 'thank you'?

Keralis: ...

Keralis: Please give me fifty diamonds for free, thank you.

———

False: Ok, so imagine a pretzel, but really long.

Impulse: So... A baguette, but made with pretzel dough instead of baguette dough?

EX: Ooo, pretzels are bendy! Would long pretzels be bendy too?

Mumbo: What if they were wriggly?

Cub: What if you could mould them?!

Biffa: If you pulled it tight, could you tie a knot?

Doc: Could I tie my shoes with pretzels one day?

TFC: Wouldn't the sesame seeds fall off?

Joe: Y'all nasty-

———

Iskall: What's the best way someone's come out to you?

Ren: A girl told me once, 'what's my sexuality? Well, I guess you could say don't give any f-'

Iskall: ... What sexuality was she?

Ren: Ace.

———

Wels: What if snakes had legs?

Python: Then they'd be called lizards.

———

Impulse: Zed, why are you wearing a skirt?

Zed: ... Why? Do I need a reason to wear a skirt?

Impulse: What? No, no, of course not! You can wear what you want, I'm just... You were wearing pants five minutes ago, and I have no idea where you got a skirt from...

Zed: (-flashbacks to five minutes ago, when Tango 'accidentally' set him on fire while Impulse was gone. Tango lent him a 'convenient' skirt and fled the scene-)

Zed: ... Uh. I carried it around with me.

Impulse: Oh. Well, I think you look really pretty!

Zed: ... Th... Thanks... Impulse...

———

False: Joe and Cleo are like... Assassin-goals. Like, they're like the cute couple that are married but are also secret assassins.

Stress: Pfft, I'm surprised they're not married yet.

False: Eh, mostly Joe being shy with Cleo.

Stress: And Cleo being shy with Joe.

False: ... Hm. That's a problem...

———

(-While doing a maths test-)

Cub: (-he's been using a calculator for the entire test-)

Scar: Sir, is this a calculator symbol or a non-calculator symbol?

Zedaph: This entire paper's non-calculator, though I doubt one would help for these questions!

Cub: ...

———

Xisuma: PsychA's at the funny age where girls like her only think about one thing.

Doc: (-smirking-) Boys?

PsychA: Homicide.

———

Joe: You want Biffa... To take the lead?

Iskall: He has talent!

Joe: During rehearsals, he fell off the stage. That's not talent, that's gravity.

———

Mumbo: The first time I saw an angel was in a dream.

Grian: Oh, that's pretty cool.

Mumbo: The second time I saw an angel was right now.

Grian: ... YOU-

———

Cub: You see a dragon fall into a lake. When you go to investigate, you see a similar looking dragon, but smaller. What do you do?

Doc: The dragon shrunk?!

False: The water was too hot so the dragon shrunk.

Iskall: There's a definite difference between cotton clothing and dragons that you do not seem to understand.

Biffa: Multiplying water-

———

Tango: So... Who's the snack in this relationship?

Impulse: Excuse you. I'm a five course meal.

Zed: I'm the toffee stuck to the bottom of your grandma's handbag.

———

Xisuma: Alright, Doc. Shoot your shot.

Doc: ... What, like, right now...? O-Ok... (-kabedons Xisuma-) ... Hey there~... I-

Xisuma: (-blushing madly-) WITH THE TRIDENT-

Doc: (-steps back, staring at the trident innocently-) Ohhh!

———

Pixl: (-posting a picture of a melted spatula-) I ALMOST BURNT MY HOUSE DOWN!

Zloy: (-posting a separate picture of him finding thé handle-) I was wondering what happened to the spatula, when Pixl posts a picture of him accidentally melting the spatula into a frying pan.

———

(-airhorn sound-)

(-second airhorn sound-)

Hypno: This isn't deodorant.

———

Ren: My C.P.S.T keeps autocorrecting 'make' to 'male'.

Stress: A sign you need to get out the closet.

———

Biffa: (-holding up broccoli-) Look at this tiiiiny tree! Can you eat these?!

Cub: (-holding up cauliflower-) This one's dead...

Scar and Wels: ...

———

xB: I am a sea of feelings. I am an emocean.

———

Python: Wow, you look terrible.

Zed: (-yawns-) I tried using a ouija board at three a.m... Needless to say, the ghosts were not pleased.

(Author's note: Ghost and Seven rung me one hour after this, complaining about someone from the Shifted AU trying to talk to them at three a.m.)

———

Joe: You... Uh... You look... Pretty...

Cleo: Sorry, sweetie. I was taken.

Joe: Oh, sorry!

Joe: ... Wait.

———

EX: Spell 'excuse me' in the worst way possible.

Doc: Ex koes me

Etho: Itcolme

Beef: Exyou me

BDubs: Eixszmi

Doc: ... Xisuma-

———

XB: How many times do you think this egg will bounce? I bet two.

Wels: ... It won't?

XB: Let's check. (-lobs egg at Zed's head. It smashes-) Oh you were right-

(-Running montage-)

———

Iskall: What state do you live in?

Tango: Constant anxiety.

BDubs: Denial.

Mumbo: Perfection.

Jevin: Semi-solid.

Scar: Washington.

Doc: Germany!

Grian: Germany isn't a state.

Impulse: It's a state of mind.

———

Mumbo: What does a grape say when it gets squished?

Iskall: ... I'm not feeling too grape?

Mumbo: No! No, it says nothing: it just lets out a little wine!

Ren: No. It's inanimate.

Mumbo: ... That reception wasn't very animated.

———

Hypno: I've saved your life twice!

Jevin: That's because you put it in danger! Twice!

———

Iskall: You're like a rabid possum.

Mumbo: ... Thanks?

Iskall: I don't know why I'm so intrigued by the destruction you cause.

Mumbo: (-nodding solemnly-) Nice.

———

Impulse: No wonder the ice caps are melting... I'm hot!

Tango: I thought we globally agreed you were 'warming' at best.

———

Biffa: Centaurs are insects because they have six appendages.

Wels: ...Why would you make me hear that?

Jevin: The human horseflies are real?!

———

Joe: Everyone here is living in denial?

Cleo: Actually, I'm British!

Joe: You're proving my point.

———

Mumbo: (-waves at Tango through the window-)

Tango: (-waves back, before continuing with his work-)

Mumbo: (-to Cub-) And now we wait for him to remember he's five storeys up.

———

Joe: What, you egg? (-stabbing him-)

TFC: He has kill'd me, mother (-dies-)

———

Wels: Who are you?

Hels: I'm you but back in black.

———

Xisuma: WHO REPLACED ALL THE FOOD IN THE KITCHEN WITH CAKE?!

EX: (-eating said cake-) No clue.

PsychA: (-surreptitiously eating an apple-) Nope, none at all.

———

Grian: Like, high key, he do be kinda hot though.

Iskall: ... You're having a nosebleed

Grian: Like, high key, he do be kinda hot though.

———

Hypno: I don't like babies! They don't stand for human rights!

xB: THEY DON'T STAND AT ALL!

———

Cleo: ... This needs salt.

Stress: Sure. Hey, False?

False: Yeah, Stress?

Stress: Imagine that I hated you.

False: ... W-Why...? I... (-starts crying-)

Stress: ... Tada.

———

Tango: That's magical water. It makes you confident and feel good, but also makes you forget any sort of human decency you had before.

BDubs: ... Whiskey?

Tango: Tequila. That'll be five bucks, seven cents.

———

Beef: ... You're giving me a sticker?

Etho: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty going 'me-wow'!

Beef: I'm not in second grade.

Etho: Fine, I'll take it back-

Beef: No, I earned this, go away!

———

(-Texting-)

Jevin: Hey, can you talk?

Python: Not right now, I've lost my phone.

Jevin: Oh ok, tell me when you find it.

(-10 minutes later-)

Jevin: Python, I can't believe you've done this to me. I'm so offended. How dare you.

———

Mumbo: When life pushes you down, get into a comfortable position and take a nap.

———

Xisuma: What's your superpower?

Cleo: Hindsight.

Xisuma: ... That's a terrible superpower.

Cleo: Yeah, I see that now.

———

Scar: If you borrowed a load of money, just know that I'll find you. I have your full name and everything.

BDubs: ...Well what if your name was 'John Smith' or something?

Cub: (-bad British impression-) Oh excooose me, but arh yu John Smith? Yu owe me one 'undred pouhnds!

False: YOU HAVE THE WRONG JOHN-

———

Xisuma: Some of you are amazing. Some of you just like acting.

Doc: Yeah, but least I'm hot!

Xisuma: Exactly my point.

Doc: Now I know you meant to hurt my feelings with that comment... But aww, you think I'm hot~!

Xisuma: Wait- I- I don't- I didn't- ARGH- (-blushy breakdown-)

———

Etho: MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BEES TO MY CAR
I SPILLED
ALL OVER MY CAR
BEES ARE
INSIDE OF MY CAR
THEY COULD KILL ME
I DON'T WANNA GET STUNG

———

TFC: How's Hypno?

Wels: Bad news guys...

TFC: No...

Wels: ... He's still alive- OW-

———

'I can't read italics'

Mumbo: ... What does that say?

Grian: 'I can't read italics'

Well yeah, me neither, that's why I asked.

———

Doc: Wow, it's dark in here.

Xisuma: ...

Doc: Yeah this is totally fine.

Xisuma: ...?

Doc: Totally. Totally fine. Ha. It's just dark.

Xisuma: ... Do you want me to hold your hand?

Doc: Yes please-

———

Beef: Hey guys, I invented a new word: plagiarism.

———

Stress: Are you stupid?

Ren: If it were just me and you, yes. But since the rest of these imbeciles are here, I'm a freaking genius.

———

XB: Hi guys! Today, we're going to be doing a really good deed for the community!

XB: So first you get your five ton bag of glitter-

———

Keralis: (-demonic screeching-)

BDubs: ... You need to stop using this as a method to get hugs.

Keralis: (-latching onto BDubs-) How about no?

———

Mumbo: (-running into the scene-) Hey, we should run, Beef's coming.

False: But Beef isn't scary... Why?

Mumbo: I made him mad.

False: (-joins in on the running-)

———

Biffa: Good news! The spider's gone.

Biffa: Bad news! WHEREDIDITGO-

———

Tango: Zed! You got bit!

Zed: Yeah, it's alright. It doesn't hurt that much.

Impulse: What if a snake bit you, huh? How boa that?

Zed: ... That pun hurt more than the bite.

———-

Iskall: Sour is if sweet and spicy adopted a child. This is an applicable metaphor in real life circumstances!

Ren: ... Name one instance where that's an 'applicable metaphor'? WHEN IS THAT AN 'APPLICABLE METAPHOR'-

Stress: Iskall, that's so weird? Ugh... I had to listen to you for that?...

———

Keralis: I hate this.

BDubs: You hate everything.

Keralis: I like y-some things.

BDubs: Yeah? Like what?

Keralis: ... Fair enough.

———

Scar: Did you know that atoms never touch each other? And since we're made of atoms, we've never actually touched anything in our entire lives.

Scar: So to answer your question, no Cub, I did not punch that guy in the face-

———

Wels: How's this for a birthday card?

Biffa: ... You can't just put 'you've aged'... Add a 'well', and it'll be better!

Wels: Oh, alright then.

(-The card now reads 'well, you've aged'-)

———

Mumbo: I'm drunk. I've had too much apple juice. Grian, pick me up, I'm drunk.

———

Zed: What's the word for (-motions-) this?

Cleo: Poking.

Zed: No, I mean like... With a knife.

Cleo: Poking.

Zed: YOU CANNOT POKE SOMEONE TO DEATH!

Cleo: THAT'S WHAT STABBING ESSENTIALLY IS-

———

Cub: What are you drinking?

Scar: Milk from the carton.

Cub: Straight?

Scar: I don't know what just yet, but I'm definitely not that.

Cub: No I mean 'are you drinking milk straight from the carton', not 'are you straight'-

———

Beef: I guess I don't really socialise that much.

Etho: That's racist.

———

Doc: Where would you even get a priest around here?

PsychA: I mean, I was a priest once or twice.

Doc: ... WHAT?! When? How? Who-

PsychA: Hey, chill, I just acted as a witness to the marriage and happened to give the vows and rings, that's all.

Doc: WHAT?!

PsychA: ... Well, the first time was when AC-

———

Impulse: Hey there, cutie~

Zed: ... You what?

Impulse: ... I-I said you're... Cute?

Tango: I don't like this. Keep going.

Impulse: Wh-

Zed: (-blush-) He said keEP GOING-

———

Cleo: What's the definition of a will?

Cleo: C'mon guys, it's a dead giveaway!

———

Iskall: Basing off physical appearance, what do you think Grian is?

Grian: I don't see how any of this is releva-

Mumbo: ... One-

Iskall: WAIT-

Grian: HEY-

Mumbo: -Foot shorter than me and absolutely adorable!

Grian: ... I- Shut up!

———

Cleo: Joe, do you come from Tennessee?

Joe: Yes, I do? I don't know why you don't know this, we've been friends for a really long time so I'd assume that you'd know where (-continues-)

Cleo: ... I don't like you.

Joe: Tough, you're stuck with me for the rest of your unlife. You'll like me eventually.

Cleo: Pfft, over my fully-dead body!

———

Xisuma: How many times do I need to apologise for that?!

PsychA: OncE wOUlD Be NIcE.

Xisuma: ...

Xisuma: No.

———

Scar: Why are we rotating...?

Cub: Because none of us are straight.

———

(-It's raining. Keralis and Cleo are huddled under the same bit of shelter-)

Keralis: ...

Cleo: (-concerned-) ... Are you crying?

Keralis: What? No-

———

Tango: False, do you know how to spell 'cemetery'?

False: C-E-M-M-E-

Tango: Wait, hold on, where did you get the two 'm's from?

False: The alphabet.

———

Stress: What? Has chivalry honestly died?

Beef: No, it hasn't. It's just that princesses and Wels were so good at being chivalrous, most of us just gave up.

———

Cub: Scar, does Jellie approve of LGBTQ?

Scar: ... I think I would know if she didn't.

Cub: And you're shifty and not straight, right?

Scar: I have never been described in that particular set of terminology, but... I suppose so?

Cub: SO JELLIE IS YOUR ALLY-CAT?

Scar: ... Cub, sweetheart, why-

———

Xisuma: (-blushing-) Is it gay if I want to date Doc? And like... Give him little gifts, and cuddle him, and-

TFC: I'm not an expert, but that does sound kinda gay.

PsychA: I'm an expert. And congratulations! You figured out what we all already knew!

Xisuma: ... PSYCHA-

———

Tango: (-insert picture of a spider in his bedroom-)
SO UH?

Impulse: WHAT IS THAT AND WHY IS IT THAT BIG?! WHY IS IT SO CHONKY?!

Zed: That's... That's a big spider...

Tango: Good news: It's gone.

Tango: Bad news: WHEREDIDITGO-

Zed: F.

Tango: Update: THE LITTLE SNEAK CAME BACK-

Tango: Update 2: THERE'S TWO OF THEM NOW?!

Zed: Why does it look like a bee?

Impulse: It's wifey! They're married! She gotta look pretty!

Tango: 'Wifey' literally just bungee-jumped away?

———

Etho: Why do we learn how to write essays?

Keralis: So in the future, you can construct clear, well-balanced arguments.

BDubs: So we don't all become Karens typing atrocities on Facebook.

———

Mumbo: (-enters room, places a single slice of bread onto the table and leaves-)

Grian: ... What?

———

Ren: Tragic.

Iskall: Thicc.

Ren: Tricky.

Iskall: Thick?

Ren: Ruined. Disgraceful. Leave.

Iskall: Thanks.

———

Cleo: (-clenching her fists-) FIGHT ME!

Joe: (-standing behind her, sword drawn, mouthing-) Do not.

———

XB: I don't really like Doritos.

Hypno: That's racist.

XB: No, that's Bill Cipher.

Hypno: That's racist.

XB: FLYING MAGICAL DORITOS ARE NOT RACIST!

Hypno: But they could be-

———

EX: Gibt es noch Deutschland?

Doc: Ja.

EX: Danke!

———

Tango: Hey so uh did you poison me yesterday?

Tango: I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

———

(Author's note: Hey, irl AC here! I'm just going to say one thing: imagine what happens when EXy gets a crush on a guy. Keep in mind PsychA and Xisuma are his 'siblings')

———

Cub: What's your greatest strength?

Scar: ... Hm... I'm pretty good at flirting.

Cub: ... And your greatest weakness?

Scar: Those beautiful eyes of yours.

Cub: (-blushing-) SCAR-

———

Etho: I challenge you to an arm wrestling match!

Beef: Sure- bring it on!

Etho: ...

Beef: ...

Etho: ...

Beef: ... It would appear that we're holding hands now.

Etho: It would appear so.

———

EX: You took everything from me!

Hels: I don't even know who you are.

———

Mumbo: I think I'll do a live scream tonight.

Grian: Isn't it 'live stream'?

(-twelve hours later, at midnight-)

Mumbo: (-inhales-)

———

Joe: You are dead to me.

Cleo: ... Well I mean-

———

Zed: TANGO GIVE ME BACK MY GUMMIES OR I SWEAR YOU'RE DEAD TO ME-

Tango: HA- ONLY IF YOU CATCH ME!

Impulse: I cannot believe I am currently holding the brain cell.

———

Ren: AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH.

Ren: You smell like fish.

———

Cub: Just because you're intelligent doesn't mean you understand.

Joe: How dare you.

Cub: So now have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?

———

Mumbo: Why isn't eleven called onety-one?

False: Why isn't twenty-two twoty-two?

EX: Threety-three!

Jevin: Forty-four!

Jevin: ... I have realised my mistake.

———

BDubs: Good morning!

Keralis: Don't tell me what to do. No. Bad morning. I'm going to have a bad morning.

BDubs: You're not allowed to do that.

Keralis: Well, shoot!

———

Doc: I'm pescatarian.

Grian: No you're not.

———

Cub: I'm going to cook tonight.

Scar: ... Are you mad at me...?

———

Doc: I think it's nice Beef trusts us enough to sleep around us.

Etho: Aw, he looks so peaceful...

BDubs: (-takinging out a sharpie-) And vulnerable...

———

Cleo: Hey, you alright?

TFC: Yeah, my food's just too hot...

Cleo: Blow on it first, maybe?

TFC: Nah, I like doing hasafashafsas.

———

Impulse: 'You have the brain of a platypus?' What?

Zed: ... A platypus?

Tango: PERRY THE PLATYPUS-

———

Biffa: I have ascended to the fifth dimension.

Wels: Tell Anne I said hi.

Biffa: ... Who?

Wels: Anne. She's a friend of mine who just lost the game.

———

(-Keralis takes concrete out from the shop-)

Ren: If I dressed up as Keralis, d'you think X would be able to tell the difference? He wouldn't, right? And I could get away with it?

Doc: ... I don't understand?

Ren: ... Keralis owns that shop so he doesn't need to pay for stuff!

Doc: OHH- I thought he was just casually stealing and we were witnessing the heist-

———

False: Cub looks like Einstein.

Stress: I was going to say he looked like Greg from Masterchef, but to each their own, I guess...

———

Hypno: I like it when we pretend to be normal.

XB: Wait, we do that?

———

Wels: Frankenstein in a bodybuilding competition, saying he thinks there's been a misunderstanding.

Iskall: Isn't 'Frankenstein' is the doctor, not the creature?

Wels: ... Yeah, a doctor who builds bodies.

———

BDubs: (-jerks hand in front of Keralis' face-)

Keralis: WOAH- HEY DON'T-

BDubs: ...

Keralis: ...

BDubs: ...

Keralis: (-hesitantly moves back-)

BDubs: (-smacks him in the face-)

———

Ren: SO WHAT IF I CARE ABOUT YOU?!

Iskall: ...

Ren: SHUT UP!

Iskall: ...?

———

Xisuma: This server has one brain cell and I'm the one who has it.

Joe: Is that why everyone's always making terrible choices?

———

Cub: What is this piece of scientific equipment called?

Doc: Bunsen Burner

XB: Erlenmeyer flask

Stress: Its rubbish

BDubs: Gauze mat

———

Etho: We used coding and special algorithms to make sure the drones didn't crash into each other.

The coding:
if(GoingToCrashIntoEachOther)
{ don't() ; }

———

False: ... This needs salt.

Joe: Sure. Just hold on one sec.

Stress: ... Why are you getting up to-

Joe: (-yeets Ren onto the table-)

———

Impulse: Keralis and BDubs' first date will be the date of the century!

Zed: Took about that long to happen.

———

Zloy: Wh- HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

Pixl: (-you can guess how he looks-) I have no idea?

———

TFC: Justice is best served cold, because if it was served warm, it'd be justwater.

———

Wels: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Jevin: Not too much. Are you the angel that'll take me back?

Wels: I-

———

Grian: Congratulations on being old.

Mumbo: Thanks for letting me have the height you never gained.

———

Ren: Can you feel the love tonight?

Tango: THE NIGHT DON'T LOVE YOU?

Ren: SEE THAT'S WHY I'M FORCED TO BE NARCISSISTIC!

———

TFC: Guys, y'all haven't paid me attention for a hot minute, and that is a crime.

———

Wels: Ok, let's talk weaponry. What can you wield?

Biffa: I'm a knife-thrower!

Wels: Wait, seriously? I didn't take you as a-

Biffa: I'm really good a throwing knives away!

Wels: ...

———

Joe: Ready to go?

Cub: Wait, I forgot to put on some blusher-

Joe: Don't worry, Scar'll be there.

———

False: I'll give you a diamond if you can guess what number I'm thinking of!

Stress: Seven?

False: ... That's not fair, I always choose seven. Let's try again. I'm thinking of a new number.

Cleo: Three.

False: ... I don't like how you're getting all of these.

———

Beef: ...Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Etho: Nope! You caught me in your arms before I hit the ground!

———

Cub: How do wizard?

Scar: Magic. Illusion. Looking cool. Profit.

Cub: Ohhh, I see!

———

TFC: Hey, do you happen to know this person?

Xisuma: ... He looks like me, but he isn't. I don't really know.

TFC: Oh, that's because you haven't met him yet.

Xisuma: ... Then why-

———

Hypno: What is your opinion on kustard?

Jevin: ... I mean, I don't love it, but I guess it's alright.

Hypno: It's so good on hot dogs though-

Jevin: WHAT-

Hypno: Uh. Yeah. Kustard. Ketchup and mustard.

Jevin: I was about to be so scared. In that case, I like 'kustard'!

———

Tango: (-using a hoover to get rid of excess pepper-)

———

Iskall: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Ren: (-minor breakdown-) Yes.

———

Mumbo: What if the world flooded?

Grian: Well then, I guess we'd all have to be prepared to drown.

Iskall: Or become semi-aquatic. That works too.

———

Hypno: Oh he comin-

Hypno: OH HE COMIN-

———

Biffa: Squids doing gymnastics.

Wels: Tentacle tuck.

Jevin: Octo-splits.

Python: Squand stand.

Wels: Minecraft before 1.13 be like-

———

Doc: Y'know, Etho looks like-

BDubs: That guy from Naruto, yeah, we know.

Doc: ... Actually, I was gonna say Shoji from MHA/ BNHA... But with like... Minus four arms?

BDuvs: So like that guy from Naruto.

Doc: So like that guy from Naruto.

———

Author's note:
Hey. Still PsychA here. To the dedicated readers who read this far, may we present to you...

A (estimated, approximate and not 100% guaranteed to be accurate) hermit age list. This took longer than expected wow-

Keep in mind that:

1) We used the the old list I made before as a base, building off of, fixing and upgrading it as I went.
2) For a few of these, I had to do a bit of digging around. Feel free to correct/ update me if anything is announced, but I don't think I'll be doing another age list soon unless I need to (eg. S8 brings in a load of new people).
3) As you will see, Zed and Tango's ages and X's age and birthday have '??' next to them. This is because they have not publicly announced them, and they don't need to.
4) The date upon posting this age list is the 23rd July 2020, so ages may have changed slightly later down the line.
5) This is just for fun. Irl hermits aren't hermit personas/ minecraft characters, don't do anything really bad, etc. Other than that, have fun!

Youngest to oldest:

XB (20, bday: 16th February)
Mumbo (24, bday: 1st December)
Python (25, bday: 4th November)
Grian (26, bday: 9th August)
Zed (27, bday 8th December)
False (29, bday: 31st May)
Cub (29, bday: 20th August)
Wels (30, bday: 27th October)
Jevin (32, bday: 29th December)
Xisuma (??, 4th October??*)
Stress (33, bday: 10th April)
Etho (33, bday: 20th August)
Joe (34, bday: 20th July)
Iskall (34, bday: 31st December)
Ren (37, bday: 11th October)
BDubs (37, bday: 12th October)
Scar (37, bday: 19th August)
Beef (38, bday: 26th August)
Cleo (39, bday: 16th May)
Tango/ Impulse (Tango is ??, bday: 16th April* and Impulse is 39, bday: 9th March)
Hypno (39, bday: 3rd July)
Keralis (40, bday: 30th April)
Doc (43, bday: 5th July)
Biffa (44, bday: 29th February)
TFC (61, bday: 29th June)

*(The birthday you see listed is what someone else said. Tango and X have not personally released their birthday, and I put '16th April'/ '4th October' just to have something to put in.

I will say I'm more confident that Tango's birthday is actually the 16th April because several people have said that date is his birthday, but yeah.

On thé subject of Xisuma... The wiki says he's apparently 7 years younger than BDubs, and reddit says he's 11 years younger than Biffa. That would place him around 30-33 currently, so I put him in the middle of the 30-33 hermits.)

... I still don't really know how AC ends these things... Um... See y'all around...?