What the actual fuck (oneshot) [AU]

''Twas another day on the hermitcraft server, when a weird portal opened in the shopping district.

Etho, Grian, Scar, Tango and Zedaph were attending business as usual in the shopping district when they stumbled upon the weird portal.

Each one of them didn't quite know what to do.

Then Etho spoke up.
"Why don't we go through the portal, and see what happens."

Group of gremlins plus cinnamon roll nodded in agreement and the five headed through the portal.

In the Chat:

Etho joined the game
Grian joined the game
GoodTimeWithScar joined the game
Tango joined the game
Zedaph joined the game

<SharkBait> o/
<SharkBait> omfg TOAST THE HERMITS ARE HERE
<Toast> omg im on my way to the shopping district

"What is this place?" Scar asked

"Not sure." Grian added

"Should we wait till we see someone?" Etho questioned.

"Nah Let's explore, I see a castle ove-" Tango started to say before being interrupted by like 10 people teleporting in front of them.

"AHHHHH TANGO!" A girl with rainbow hair squealed.

"AHHHHH ETHO!" A drowned girl squealed.

"Cock and ball torture I must commit" I boy with brunette hair and a purple bear hoodie said.

The two girls that squealed were already clinging to Tango and Etho.

"So what is this place?" Zedaph asked.
"And who Are you People?"

"Uhhhh you can stop hugging me now..." Tango said in a confused tone.

"Same goes for you...." Etho added

"This is our sliver of paradise. We don't have a name for our group yet. Though. And your currently in our shopping district. Come on we'll show you around!" A boy with blond hair and brown overalls answered.

"Sure come on guys this could be fun!" Grian said excitedly.

"Shark my good friend, I stole your emeralds because we're best friends." Some one said from behind a wall of barrels

"KSL IF YOU DONT RETURN THEM RIGHT NOW I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD TO A FUCKING WALL! AND FOR THE LAST TIME WE ARE NOT FRIENDS! YOU ARE ON MY SHIT LIST DAMMIT!" SharkBait shouted.

"Well aren't you just overly positive." KSL said happily.

"So uhhh how about that tour?" Scar asked awkwardly.

"Ahhh yes right This way. We can start with the shopping district. Well start with my barge." Toast said walking along the sugar cane surrounded lake.

"What's with all this sugar cane wouldn't it be easier to automate it?" Tango asked.

The girl with rainbow hair started laughing.

"I placed it all. To mildly inconvenient others. That and you can never have too much sugar cane!" She said excitedly(Shark)

"Fuck the government!" The purple hoodie boy said(Cord)

"Yeah fuck the government" the drowned girl(Toast)  said.

"VIVA LA REBELION!" Shark shouted.

"Not now guys we have guests!" The blond boy said calmly(Iron)

"So what's that birch box?" Zedaph asked curiously.

"That's my shop. You write your name on an iron ingot i give you back a random item of random value that's renamed something funny" cord noted.

"Ok then." The five hermits said confused.

"Well this is my barge! Iron and Shark placed salmon all over it though....." toast said happily.

"Why is KSL Banner from it?" Scar asked

"He steals and griefs a lot he is not to be trusted." Shark said slightly annoyed.

"I see you have a sign saying iron ingots, why don't you have people pay on shiny blue rocks? Wouldn't that be better though?" Etho asked.

"Ahh none of actually have access diamonds to spend so we agreed to use iron like cavemen" Cord informed the group.

"Next up the castle of peace." Iron said excitedly.

"Is it in evil castle? It's kinda of intimidating if you ask me." Zed said looking up at the Blackstone castle with red windows.

"That's the point but it's harmless. No pvp or fighting allowed inside. It is a place of safety." Iron informed.

"Ahhh ok." The five all sighed.

"There's nothing actually inside it yet tho."

"Looks good. I like it. It's dark and spooky yet positive!" Scar said.
"Though could use some trees"

"We're working on it!" Shark added.

"Yeah...." iron dodged.

"Anyways on to my shop." Shark said almost nervously.

They walked the distance over to her shop. It was built out of white wool, warped stem, and black stone.

"So this is my banner shop...." Shark stuttered.
"The work shop is underneath."
"Not much to say about it." Shark nervously spoke.

"I gotta sleep!" She said placing down a purple bed.

She slept for five seconds and it was day again.

"You remind me of our friend Bdubs......" Etho laughed.

"Uhhhh why is Doc's Rens  Bdubs and Scars head on the platform....? That's a little erm how do I put this nicely uhhh creepy if you ask me." Zed nervously questioned.

"Thats none of your business." Shark dodged nervously.

A person flew through the air landing in front of the group.

"Ahhh yes scaryadmin meet the hermits." Iron chuckled.

"FUCK THE GOVERNMENT" cord shouted.

"What government we don't have a government you declared war on a non existent gov and I already removed  the economy thing."
"Also hello." The scary admin stated

"Fuck the government!" Cord, Shark and Toast all said the same time.

Scary admin just rolled his eyes along with Iron .

"This is why we need communism." KSL said.

"DAMMIT KSL NO COMMUNISM NO GOVERNMENT JUST ANARCHY AND CHAOS." Shark shouted at him.
"Anyways this is my bounty platform. I collect heads. Each day there is a bounty and whom ever delivers said head gets what's ever in the chest."

"Reminds of me of what Cleo did with the head games." Grian laughed.

"The tour is almost over just one place left my bank" iron announced proudly.

"Alrighty then." Scar smiled.

Time skip (brought to you by , "The lanky lads of Minecraft" -Scaryadmin)

They finished up their tour and Scaryadmin spoke to the hermits.

"You should probably get back to where you guys are supposed to be"

"Yeah your right." Tango agreed
And the other hermits nodded along.

"Ok but before y'all head back through the portal may I give you each a hug?" Shark asked

"I don't see why not." Scar answered

Her eyes lit up as she excitedly hugged each of the five hermits.
Toast joined in on the hugging.

"Bye hermits, come back soon." Iron said as the walked back through the weird portal in which they came from.

As soon as each one disappeared through the portal the portal vanished.

When they got back to their own world all of them minus scar quietly said.

"What the actual fuck just happened?"

" let's agree to never go through weird portals we find again." Tango said

They all agreed.

About 1100 words.
______________________________

Yes give me the weird ness.
Toasted_Mellows
It's complete
I've done it I've combined our group and hermitcraft fan fiction into one!

But for now, Keep swimming my little fishies!
     Much love,
     SharkBait.

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