First person

Tears streaking down Rens face, words coming out slurred and hic filled.

"D-doc? Wh-wha-what d-did I d-do?"

Cleo continued to walk, with Ren over her shoulders (think that one vine. Uh-Backstreets Back, drunk vine?)

"Ren, you are drunk."

Ren continued to drunkenly talk to himself, while Cleo carried him back to his base, she may or may not be planning to corner Doc and interrogate him. No wonder the cyborg had avoided everybody at the shopping district.

xB's base was nearby, and a firework went off as xB came towards him.

He landed nearby before jogging up. He had seen Cleo coming from his base, and at first thought that her elytra had broken.

Nope. She was carrying Ren. A very drunk Ren.

"Oh wow-where'd ya find him?"

She continued to walk in a straight line, and responded with a quick "In a tree. He apparently bought some Vodka somewhere, drunk it, then drunk him thought it would be a good idea to fly over to my base."

xB hummed softly to himself, trying to think of a way to cheer Ren up. He hit a deadend.

"So why is he crying?"

"Keeps saying something about Doc. No clue what happened, but I'm cornering Doc once I get Ren back."

He fished a bottle out of his inventory, more specifically a water bottle, and stopped Cleo so he could calm Ren down a bit before giving him some water.

"Lets swap. I have a bit more experience with drunks, and you can assault Doc."

Clumsily, they swapped Ren from around Cleos shoulders to over one of xB's. "Go get 'em Cleo."

He need say no more. She already had her elytra back on and had lifted off. A interrogation was about to happen, and it wasn't going to be pretty.

"So, Ren, how long have you been drunk for?"

"Idnoooo..."

"Fair enough."

---

Cleo found Doc outside of his base, completely wasted. Bdubs was leaned against the wall next to him, listening to Doc ramble on and on and ON with no discernible words.

She watched the spectacle in a mild confusion for at least a minute, when Bdubs waved her over. "I'm guessing you found Ren? Drunk?"

Nodding, Cleo knelt next to Doc. He was mildly less drunk then Ren, and that wasn't saying much.

He was a chatty drunk, she learned that a few years back. He was looking at her with a mild confusion, as if he was trying to figure out who she was.

"Doc-" Bdubs cut her off "Don't ask him what happened, he completely broke down last time I asked."

Cleo's eyes narrowed, and she stood up. "What did he drink?"

Bdubs deflated. "Liqueur. No clue what type."

Creepers, if given a alcoholic beverage, would be drunk at least three times longer then a person. So, it would take quite awhile for Doc to be sober. Ren could never talk for at least 18 hours after he gets sober, he's constantly throwing up.

The wolfish side never agrees with the alcohol.

Bdubs vocalized a thought that had been running through both of their heads. "What happened? To get them to get drunk, they both hate the after-effects. They broke up under good terms at least two years ago."

Looking over at Doc, who had somehow gotten back his liqueur and had taken another swig, Cleo pondered the question.

What's the mostly likely cause of both of them being extremely upset, and Ren seeming to think that he did something wrong?

Was there a fight? If there was, it had to be bad. Bad enough to possibly completely shatter their friendship.

That wouldn't be good. It had happened once before, with two unnamed hermits, and it did not end well.

She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking before settling on a response. "There's a high possibility that someone pressed the button while they where waiting, I saw them sitting there."

Bdubs smirked, agreeing with a murmur.

This is when Joe landed nearby, absolutely exhausted. "Doc's drunk to, aint he? That's uh... Grian... Etho... Tango... and Iskall..."

Cleo didn't react, but simply added "Ren to."

A portal opened, and Xisuma dragged a drunk Ex (Ex was complimenting X's helmet) through it before looking around, concluding it was the wrong portal entrance, and going back through the portal.

There was a long silence, then Bdubs stated "...Was there a drinking party or something?"

"Looks like it."

Joe sighed again, rubbing his nose "If you get any information, PM me, False, Mumbo, or Beef."

They watched as Joe lifted off again, vanishing into the night. Doc started to tell Bdubs about a dog he had when he was a kid, and Cleo started eating a loaf of bread that she had in her backpack.

They would wait.

---Two days later---

The gathering was in the shopping area. Everyone was there, including the drunkees.

Doc was still throwing up, Tango's thoughts where a wee bit scrambled, and Etho was still completely drunk. According to Beef, Etho had found some more Vodka and chugged it because, and he quotes 'I don't wanna havta deal with a angra Joeee or X...'

Fair enough Etho, fair enough. Nobody wants to deal with a angry Joe

-and X was still trying to figure out who gave Ex anything at all, everyone knew that Ex simply wasn't allowed any alcohol. Ex had a brain disorder that pretty much didn't allow him to sleep*, and alcohol caused him to go into a half awake stupor for a week or two.

*Fatal familial insomnia (FFI) is a rare genetic degenerative brain disorder. It is characterized by an inability to sleep (insomnia) that may be initially mild, but progressively worsens, leading to significant physical and mental deterioration.

X was on the warpath.

As far as he could figure out, Ex had actually gotten the alcohol himself. Who knows where he found it.

They all stood there, Joe simply stating in a irritated tone "What happene'?"

A long silence, then Iskall raised his hand. "Uh-I learned that Grian hasn't ever drank any alcohol and I had some in my house, so uh..."

"But how did y'all get drunk?"

Another awkward silence, and then Doc cut in. "Me and Ren where supposed to meet Iskall, so we went to go find him. Tango and False where already there, those two can smell alcohol from a mile away."

"And Etho?"

A confused silence. "Etho wasn't there."

"So what ya'll are trying to tell mah is that Etho gettin' drunk is completely separate from ya incident?"

"Yes?"

Beef raised his hand. "Etho's cat died yesterday three years ago. That could be it."

"Probably. And what 'bout Ex?"

X cut in. "He's been hallucinating a lot more lately, I think he thought it was a water bottle."

"Why were Doc and Ren both cryin'?"

"Got into a fight about what sport channel to turn on and Doc won it."

Joe shook his head at this, and waved his hand.

"Meeting adorned."

As the people dispersed, Beef dragged Etho off while Ren tried to help Doc. Xisuma was tiredly staring at his admin coding, and Grian was chatting with Mumbo.

Just another week in Hermitcraft.

This was supposed to be angst but I hit a deadend.

What has this turned into. But seriously, refer to the title, and please, please tell me.

1235=Oneshot