Originally this was gonna be something completely different- (Spoiler: It was on how Joe knew all these big words, but he learned them to conquer his own thoughts about himself and what everyone else thinks, but becuase he was learning big words, the thoughts sounded worse and all that fun stuff.)

Anyways, this is Xisuma/Ex angst, because uhm.. screw fluff it's a holiday! (Merry Christmas!) But this one is different? Anyways, there is mention and action of taking your own life, so uhm, yeah. I'll do something happy next don't worry- (Gingerbread house-making gone wrong?)

Word Count: 1,551
__________________________________

The moment Ex got called from the hospital about his brother, Xisuma, trying to commit suicide was the moment his favorite teacup got shattered alongside just about every law for speeding.

What should've been a three to five hour trip took only an hour as the brother slammed through the doors, slamming his hands onto the reception and cutting the line. "Where is he!?"

The receptionist looked up, smiling calmly, becuase in the sad truth, this happened a lot. "I'm taking it you're here for Xisuma?"

Ex nodded frantically as she looked down a small sticky note. "Floor number three, room one-oh-eight, should be on the left side of the hall. The elevator would land you closer-"

Ex took off at that, not waiting to hear her explain that he's alive- Like it would've reassured him though, because it wouldn't. The only pause was to debate the elevator and stairs. The lady said the elevator would get him closer, but stairs, albeit having a varying travel time, had the assurance of no pauses.

A nurse held open the stair door and he heard someone faintly yelling. "You're doing amazing Ms. Myers! Soon enough you'll be running races!" A small, older and kind laugh rang out. "Not with this ol' cane-" The nurse muttered a curse as this 'Ms. Myers' started coughing and wheezing

He decided to take the elevator.

It barely took a moment to open, which was a moment too many. He quickly got in and pressed the '3.'

The red numbers turned from 'L' to '1.' Good progress so far. Then it stopped. Why was it stopping?! Who the ever-living-end would stop this elevator at this moment, huh?! Like, what the actual-

"C'mon momma!"

A little boy, something either 4 or 5 held his mothers hand and pulled her in. "Daddies on the number poo floor right??" He looked at his mother energetically, who nodded as he pressed the '2'.

Ex went to leave, but the door shut tight. He huffed and began to drum his fingers on his thigh, the lady and son oblivious to him. Especially as he became cramped into the corner due to the hyperactivity of a simple kid.

Kids were dumb.

The machine stopped at the second floor, but wouldn't open. Ex groaned and the mother jumped, seeming to notice him for the first time. Without a thought, he looked at the child, who was holding the 'close door' button.

"Let go of that kid."

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh-huh!"

"Nuh! Uh!"

Ex slammed a hand against the door. "Now you listen here! I need to get to that third floor and your stopping me! My brother just tried to commit suicide, so I'd appreciate it if you let go of the button you little piece of-"

The door opened as the mom pulled her son back. Ex took off, done with people and the rest of humanity as he pushed away anything in his way, taking the stairs three at a time to get to his goal- The third floor.

What he didn't expect though, was a parking garage and five different flights to actually get there.

But nonetheless, he did it. He also shoved a cart of medical supplies out of the way. But that didn't matter, because eventually he got to the room.

And there he was, Xisuma, in a hospital bed, hooked up to a machine. He had a purple/red ring around his neck, and his wrists- Oh dear.. The red shone through, and stained part of his arm, which was wrapped up tight. The machine beeped and the heart monitor seemed steady. But still, here Xisuma was, in a hospital bed, hooked up to a machine.

Awake. At least he was awake.

The brother wasted no time in occupying the seat, grabbing the others hands. "Xisuma! Oh thank god you're ok, I was worried! What happened?! Are you ok?" Ex paused a moment and looked at his brother, asking in a quieter, pained tone. "Xisuma, what happened..?"

Xisuma meekly smiled. "I went to.." He motioned to his neck, his voice raspy, "But that was taking too long and didn't work.. So I-" The doctor popped in. "Oh, uhm, apologies-"

"Who called 911?" Ex stated, almost as if it was a threat- But it wasn't. He owed everything to the person, maybe it was a dropping-by hermit? They all did live rather close, unlike Ex. The doctor shrugged. "They said he called himself," He motioned to Xisuma, "I have no idea why-"

"Ok thanks get out." Ex glared, sending the person out of the room and even shutting his door on the way out. Ex winced, remembering a bunch of childhood fights about shutting the door on the way out.

He looked at Xisuma. "Why did you call in..?"

Xisuma looked at him for a few moments, giving the others hand a gentle squeeze. "Because I wanted to tell you goodbye one last time.." Was what he answered with in a quiet, raspy, hoarse and weak voice.

Ex shook his head, not wanting that to ever be the case. "Nono, it'll get better Xisuma, you just gotta open up. We can both have happy lives, it'll be ok. You don't have to say goodbye X, it'll be ok, we can fix this..!"

Ex tried to smile, but he just.. He couldn't. The situation just hurt too much. Brother or not, Xisuma did matter to him. And he couldn't lose him- Not now, not ever.

Xisuma looked up at him, his face absent of a helmet. Not that it mattered, Ex saw his face all the time. The corners of his eyes crinkled a bit, similar to a kind old mans.

That tore Ex apart even more though, his brother was young and healthy. He shouldn't have all the stress lines and be in this situation! They should grow old together, maybe not in the same house, but still. Both growing old and living happy lives as brothers.

Not.. this.

"I was just trying to make things right.."

Ex shook his head again. This wasn't right! This! Was! Not! Right! Xisuma deserved a good life! He was a good person, a good friend. He worked hard and did amazing things! It wasn't fair that it was him in this situation, and it took everything and more that Ex had to not cry right then and there.

Xisuma took notice of the look. "Aren't you happy...?" He asked.

It took awhile to respond. A good, long while. The answer was short- No. But the answer also meant a lot.

No, he wasn't happy. And the sole reason for that was because of what Xisuma had done. All he wanted was to take away that pain and relive him from this. But he couldn't. So, no, Ex was not happy.

He drew a shaky breath as he shook his head, feeling the tears prick around in the corners of his eyes as his stomach began doing loop-de-loops. "Do you know why I'm not happy, Xisuma?"

A tear fell as Xisuma pulled his hand back, Ex quickly folding his own hands in his lap, tight and stiff. The injured reciprocated the silence and the pause, gently pushing his closed hand back into his brothers before saying his words- The same words that broke down the floodgates and tore away at Exs' heart- They would also be his last words.

"Because I'm still here..."

A beeping noise became more evident as Ex looked down and Xisumas' limp-going fingers. He looked at what they held;

A plug.

The plug that went into the machine that kept him alive. Then it hit Ex- Xisuma basically unplugged his own life.

He began to yell for help, then shook Xisuma, crying out in wretched sobs and pleas, "No- No Xisuma, c'mon stay with me ok?! I- I need you..! Xisuma, Xisuma, w-wake u-up! Xisuma, Xisuma! Xisuma it's ok! I-I still love-" The machine went dead as people- Doctors, nurses, and so many others began to flood the room, and not one taking notice of Ex.

Ex let out a sob and squeezed the deceased's hands, finishing his sentence; "-you."

At least Xisuma died with a smile, but he was wronger than ever. Wronger than all their fights and all of the mistakes. He was wrong and for once Ex wished he had tried harder to make it clear.

Because, as Ex sat there, Xisuma gone,  his world and heart both broken and bitter. Words wouldn't be able to truly describe what he was feeling. Xisuma was gone, and he was sad- Sadder than he had ever been before.