Ren: *is being carried everywhere*
Etho: Dude, ok! What's your secret???
Ren: I'm just that awesome-
Doc: Yeaaahh no. That's not how it works.
Also Doc: *clears his throat* Everyone! GET OVER HERE AND PICK UP THE TRASH YOU LEFT BEHIND!!
Hermits: *all scrambling to pick up Ren*
Ren: *smiles while subtly crying*

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Xisuma: Someone pass the salt...?
The hermits: Which one?
Grian, in an announcer voice with spotlights and confetti: Heeeerrreee on Salty Salt we have two contestants! Number one! BiffaPlays, a tad bit salty with a side 'o salt! Number two! Docm-sevennttyy- seveeennn! Pretty salty dude, sometimes with a hint of sour salt!
Biffa and Doc: ....

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EX: I've come to kidnap you!
Grian: Cool
EX: Your supposed to be scared.....?
Grian: Nah, the last couple times I've been kidnapped I get the same result
EX: I-I'm sorry, that last couple times?!
Grian: Yep. Last couple times, same result!
EX: And the result...?
Grian: They quit and give me back withing the hour.
EX: ......

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Mumbo: So Grian, tell me again how many times you've set the oven on fire when cooking?
Grian: None!
Mumbo: Sorry. How many times have you set the oven on fire when cooking, but nothing can confirm that since there is no evidence of that?
Grian: We're getting close to 17, but that's my count. I'd ask the ovens but well... ya know..

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Kidnapper: I have your friend! Give me 1K if you care for his life!
Iskall: Depends. Which one is it?
Kidnapper: Are you seriously asking that questi-
Ren: HEY! I am worth WAAYYY more than 1K! Demand 1 million!
Iskall: You have Ren, don't you?
Kidnapper: Yes, please take him back!
Iskall: How about I pay you to not give him back?

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Joe: Thanks for the gift Cub, I really needed it!
Cub: Yeah of course!
Joe: I really was getting tired of sharing a Netflix account with Cleo, but now I have my own!
Cub: Wait..... you just wanted an account...?
Joe: Yeah.... wait what did you get me..?
Cub: ...Netflix......?

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Grian: It takes great skill to posses the ability to choke on air, fall up the stairs, and trip over nothing.
Also Grian: I, in which, have all these capabilities!
Mumbo: It takes great skill to watch over a........ a Grian... live, and keep your sanity.
Also Mumbo: I have one of those skills. Watching over him. My sanity left a long time ago, and I really am not sure how I'm alive.
Joe: It takes great skill to take care of over 20 children that are all grown up and aren't even yours.
Also Joe: I got cursed with that burden, alongside unnatural grey streaks from the Stress.

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Evil X: *holds up knife*
Xisuma: Oh no...
Evil X: *uses the knife to open a box*
Xisuma: Thank go-
Evil X: *pulls gun out of the box*
Xisuma: OH NO

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Xisuma: Are you all telling me you didn't hear anything I said..?....!
Grian: *just now arriving*
Biffa: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours
Zed: I got distracted halfway through
Doc: Choosing not to listen to you was a conscious decision

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Xisuma, pointing to a massive crater: DID YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!?
Grian: Oddly no, but I wish I did...

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Impulse: *trying to have a normal day*
Zed, causally: Hand sanitizer tastes good, especially the blueberry one.

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Etho: Hey X! I found an old picture of all of the hermits together and happy!
Also Etho: *shows picture*
Xisuma: *turns it down*
Also Xisuma: Don't. I already have the picture without Grian in it framed. Such good days those were... Such good days...

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Cleo: I'm dead!
Biffa: Great! That means you can't die!
Also Biffa: Wait so technically I can kill you relentlessly....

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Any new hermit to Cleo: How'd you die?
Cleo: Depends.
Hermit: On..?
Cleo: We talking physically or mentally. Because these people have mentally SLAUGHTERED me.
Hermit: And physically...?
Cleo: Depends.
Hermit: On?
Cleo: Which hermit we're talking about.
Hermit: Grian....?
Cleo: Well. That depends.
Hermit: On....!?
Cleo: The month.
Hermit: January.....?
Cleo, smiling: Ahh... fun times.
Also Cleo: So we talking time one or time.... three hundred fifty seven?

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Biffa: Xisuma look! A photo of you!
Xisuma: Why's it my grave.......?
Also Xisuma, after looking closer: WAIT WHY'S THE DATE TODAY?!
Biffa: Sorry dude. Your brother pays well for your assassination. So I'll just take your head real quick alright?

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Tango, proudly: Guys! I just ghosted!
Zed: Who?
Impulse: Ya know how rude that is right?
Tango: Whaddya mean who? And it isn't rude!
Zed: What do you mean, 'what do you mean who?'
Impulse: Tango, you realize what ghosting is right?
Tango: Yeah! I just did it!
Zed: To who?
Tango: I'm confused...
Impulse: What's your definition of ghosting?
Tango: Ya know! When your pooping and you go to look to see what it looks like but the poop isn't there and you realize you turned to quick then you turn back around and realize you shot poop down the hall!
Zed: I-I've never been prouder....!
Impulse: yoU WHAT?!

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Ex: *smiles*
Everyone: *running in fear*

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Ren: If you want something done in life, you yell and whine until someone does it for you.

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Ren: If you want something done in life, you yell and whine until someone does it for you.
Biffa: If you want something done in life, you blackmail people until they do it.
Cub: I don't know what I want done in life, my servants tell me what I want after I tell them.
Joe: If you want something done in life, you work for it...?
Xisuma: If you want something done in life, you do it away from you people.
Grian: You guys get things done???

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"I rage quit life awhile ago, but I'm to pretty to die."
-Ren

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