Xisuma: I'm mad at both of you, but I'm currently more mad at you so I'm siding with Iskall.

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Zed, appearing out of thin air: Surprised to see me?

Impulse: Well I don't remember chanting in Latin, so yes, I am.

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Doc: You're so full of it! Can you just shut up and stop being obnoxious because you need to realize the world doesn't revolve around you.

Ren:

Ren: wanna bet-

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Hermits backstories: The Hermitcraft fandom just went "is anyone else going to exploit our childhood trauma for their own benefit" and then didn't wait for an answer.

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Mumbo: I'm going to go cry in the bathroom, peace out homies.

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Ex, crossing his arms: Fine fine, fine! I guess that maybe possibly you may have been right!

Xisuma, putting on shades: To quote Han Solo; "I know."

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False: Y'know sometimes I really [bleeping] hate Grian.

Cleo: Hey watch your language there are kids around!

False: My bad.

False: I [bleeping] hate-

False: *Covers Stress's ears*

False: Grian.

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Impulse: What country has the most birds?

Grian: Portu-geese.

Wels: That's a language.

Grian: Portu-gull.

Etho: Nice recovery dude. Or should I say, nice re-dove-ry?

[later]

Grian: Turkey. How did we miss Turkey?

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Scar: I just did the math. I'm about 100 kilograms. I just ate 800 grams of ravioli. That means I'm about 0.8% ravioli.

Cub: Never call me at four in the morning with an 'important discovery' again.

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Joe: GO TO YOUR ROOM!

False: That's not fair! You never make Cleo go to her room when she's in trouble!

Joe: Well that's because she's always in her room. If she was in trouble I'd make her go outside or at least make some decent friends.

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Ren: It costs $100 to see a therapist. But it costs $0 to tell myself "life be like that sometimes."

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Xisuma, to a new hermit: Here I'll show you around.

Xisuma: Well, right this way is the exit, you'll thank me later.

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Mumbo: We need to talk-

Grian: The kitchen was on fire when I got there.

Mumbo: What?

Grian: ..what?

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Stress: Always be positive!

Stress: *Falls down a flight of stairs*

Stress: Wow, I sure got down those stairs fast!

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Zed: In my defense, Xisuma, I was the one who told them to stop arguing.

Zed, earlier, yelling at Doc and Bdubs: Stop fighting! Kicking hurts worse!

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Doc: Google, how do I get revenge on those who have forsaken me?

Google: The best revenge is to forget and live happy.

Doc: Yahoo, how do I-

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Iskall: Don't worry, it's fine!

Ren: How are you still saying that?!

Iskall: I have to be right eventually!

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Joe: Are you actually letting Zed keep an ender dragon??!

Xisuma: We kept Grian.

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Scar, texting: Don't worry, you will machete through this!

Scar: *make it

Scar: Please don't machete your way through this.

Cub, ten minutes later: Too late.

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Stress: Do penguins have knees?

False: I mean yeah, you just don't see them.

Cleo: Well not anymore.

Stress: What do you mean, not anymore?

Cleo:

Stress: wHAT DO YOU MEAN-

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Doc: Your ex accidentally transfers you $800 to your bank account and then texts you saying it was an accident and to send it back. You have three words to reply, what do you say?

Etho: Sorry wrong number.

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Mumbo: It's been a tough year.

Grian: It's a week into February..

Mumbo: Your point?

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Doc: I love disasters.

Ren: Self-love is a good habit to practice!

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Impulse: When are you going to take down your Christmas tree?

Zed: What Christmas tree?

Impulse: That one. Right there.

Zed: Oh. That used to be a Christmas tree. Now it's a Presidents Day tree.

Impulse:

Impulse: If this becomes a Fourth Of July tree we're gonna have a problem.

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Cleo: *Wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Joe: Ah, I see you've brought out the spring colors, Cleo.

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Person: You're only twelve?

Grian: Yup.

Person: You're very mature for your age.

Grian: Thanks, it's the trauma.

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Etho: I would take a bullet for garlic bread.

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Doc: Why's Etho crying?

Keralis: Well he thought he adopted a llama but really he just donated forty dollars to help the llamas.

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Hels: Happiness is nonexistent.

Wels: I said I'd buy you more goldfish tomorrow!

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Joe: If you can name five Kardashians but can't name the first human to slap himself to a giant missile and get shot into space AND make it back alive then I'm not saying you're a bad person but you should probably reevaluate your internet and reading habits.

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Grian: If you tell me not to do something and I'll do it twice.

Grian: And I'll take pictures.

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Mumbo, internally: Gee I hope Scar didn't lose my deed.

Scar: Today, we will be forging illegal documents.

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Cub: 987365. That's your PIN number.

Zed: No, that's my social security. My PIN number is 3640.

Cub, pulling out a pen: Bingo.

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Doc: Are you making fun of old, innocent people?

Bdubs:

Bdubs: Maybe..

Doc, teary-eyed: I've never been prouder..

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Mumbo: I told you not to wear it in the shower.

Grian, holding a soggy Burger King crown: I don't need a lecture right now.

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Xisuma: Do you talk walk-ins?

The morgue: What-?

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