(December 29, 2019)

(as you can tell, updates are slowing down. i may take an unexpected break sooner or later so i dont get burnt out. i enjoy writing these one-shots, but lately ive been lacking the inspiration to write them. im sorry)

(i... dont know what this is. i just let my fingers type this and i didnt stop them.)

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Who was I? I used to be a child, like everyone else. I used to be unknowing. I used to be learning. I used to be one who would always soak up all the knowledge that I could. I used to be young. Hopeful. Joyous. I used to be innocent.

It was a prime time. I didn't have to worry about anything. I didn't have to worry about money problems, lost relationships, uncontrollable emotions.

I used to be a teen, an emotional wreck. I used to not be able to make the right decisions. I used to be confused... unknowing.

School was a main factor in my confusion and was a complete nightmare. It usually is, according to every single kid out there. Problems with no solution. None in sight.

Who am I? I'm an adult-child who causes problems. Who destroys relationships with just a few words. Who still doesn't know how to manage emotions. Who doesn't know how to control them.

Emotions are a powerful weapon. Under control, you might seem unstoppable. Unbreakable. Not under control, you can harm others. You can harm yourself. And you won't be able to fix it.

I try to control them, but sometimes they get the best of me. I literally blew something up. I learned my lesson from that, though.

Who will I be? That's a good question. I want to be someone who doesn't have to worry about. I want to be someone who doesn't have to worry about losing friends. I want to be someone who can put a real smile on my face.

I want to be someone who is genuinely happy.

In all honesty, I think I'll be the opposite. No friends. No one to lean on. No one to support, or to support me. No one to love, and no one to love me.

No genuine smile. No happy emotions. No relationships. No happiness.

What's my name? Surely someone who opened up to you this much should know each other's names, right?

Well, that's for you to choose. However, just know that I'm here for you. Know that I'm watching and looking out for you.

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(and that comes from me also, not just the narrator. know that there is always someone out there for you. if you cant go to anyone in your personal life, know that you can talk to me. 

you have no idea how much i enjoy talking with you guys. <3)