(September 22, 2020)

DaughterOfApollo2019, hope you enjoy!

(Midnight Thoughts, by Set if Off.)

Watch me just blow though the seven Ex related drafts because y e s-

Summary: Xisuma knows Ex is out there somewhere, he just doesn't know where.
Word Count: 1426
Category: Request. Song fic. Angst. Hurt without comfort.
Warnings: Like always, I will cut out the repetitive parts.

I just wanted to say, Xisuma posted his things of what he did for the week in his community tab on Youtube and holy cow dude. I mean, there was one point in time where I did daily updates for a bit but it didn't last- how the heck does that man do that all the time and claims it'S HIS NORMAL PRODUCTIVITY RATE-

So yes when everyone writes him as always busy and productive and what not itS mOsT dEfiNetlY cAnoN-

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Here I am, 12AM
Sunken deep into my bed
Kept alive by the light of the moon

It was one of those rare times when Xisuma forced himself to sleep instead of doing admin work. He sat in his bed, waiting for the clutches of sleep to grasp him, but it never came. By the time he gave up, the moon was directly over his head, reaching the path's apex. It was midnight, and he showed no sign of tiring.

The admin grasped the blanket tighter, pulling it closer around his body. With no energy or reason to move, he just laid there, awaiting the moment his eyes would slip close and it would be morning. Unfortunately for him, he knew it would not come any time soon.

There was only one thing keeping him awake; a tug in the back of his mind, a sensation of another presence begging for attention. It was as if a soul were trying to return to it's body. Xisuma had a vague idea of what--of who it was.

The dancing moonlight only laughed at him, almost as if it were confirming his suspicions.

Close my eyes, but my mind's got its own plan tonight
And it keeps rubbing salt in the wound

The admin tried closing his eyes and pulling the blanket over his head to block the light out. No such luck; the little pull in a corner of his mind returned, as noticeable as the dark bags under Xisuma's eyes (even thought the tinted visor of his helmet).

Xisuma finally sat up again. He took in the slanted walls of his storage/bed room, the quartz silhouetted by the shadows of the window frame. He took in the dark ceiling, where just above it was the floor to his true storage. He took in the pillars and the redstone of his little cheaty room before turning his gaze back to his bedsheets.

Just by seeing his surroundings was taunting his lack of ability to sleep.

I know it's too late
As night turns to day
Now there's no escaping the ghost

The Hermit drummed his fingers on the blanket, running his other hand though his hair. It was... difficult to move, the smallest of things taking the most energy to do. Though, seeing the moon already half way done with it's journey made him think it was too late to sleep unless he wanted to wake up at four in the afternoon.

No, that thing in his mind would not let him sleep tonight.

The moon started to sink down the sky from it's apex. Xisuma didn't know what to think about it. Maybe relief to know time does indeed move. Perhaps dread at another all-nighter. Quite possibly confusion at the sleepless nights because of that one pull in his brain.

Whatever it was, it didn't invalidate the fact that odd presence in his mind existed.

I can't shake these midnight thoughts when I'm alone
Latching to my brain and never letting go

Speaking of the presence, it was always there. Not just at midnight, but every single day that Xisuma breathed. When the Hermit had company, the presence left him for the most part. Alone and in venerable times like this? That was when the presence bothered Xisuma.

The admin knew the presence. He knew who it was, because after all, the two were related. But no matter how much he tried to ignore him--how much he tried to push him away... he always stayed.

Ex always stayed.

Why, Xisuma didn't know. Maybe his brother wanted to spite him. Maybe he was trying to tell X something. Maybe he was trying to get himself unbanned. Maybe-

'No Xisuma, geez,' the admin berated himself. 'These midnight thoughts are what keep you awake. Just sleep, for goodness sake.'

So I'll start making friends with the noise in my head
And all these midnight thoughts when I'm alone

Someone that sounded chillingly familiar to X laughed in the back of his head. The grating sound of his own laugh but distorted and deeper send a chill down his spine, and Xisuma had to squeeze his eyes shut to stop it. The admin looked to the side, trying his best to mute it.

Thankfully and luckily for him, Ex didn't come back. Maybe he was in a good mood or Xisuma actually managed to mute him.

It didn't matter, though. Ex was the reason he couldn't sleep. He was the reason phantoms camped his storage tower at night. His brother was the reason his health is trash.

Is a couple hours of sleep too much to ask for?

Dim the lights, shut the blinds
But I'm counting the time
Am I nervous or am I insane?

Xisuma pulled the blanket over his head again, squeezing his eyes shut for the umpteenth time that night.

Nothing.

Seemed.

To work.

Not even a minute passed and X sat up again. Geez, resorted to counting the passing ticks, aye?

No response, as always. It was just the white silence with his heart beat pounding in his ears-

Wait.

That's not right.

Why is his heart rate spiking-

And that was when his head exploded in pain.

Try to turn off the sound, but I can't shut it out
'Cause I'm hearing the pulse in my veins

Xisuma held his head in his hands, curling into himself. His brain was pounding, almost as if a migraine had started. His muscles cramped with every movement, and every movement made his vision swim. Every beat of his heart shook his entire body. Each inhale too too much effort and every exhale seemed incredibly loud. The twitches were sharp and jarring, almost startling the admin with shakes in his limbs.

It seemed to drag on forever without an ending in sight. What did Ex want? What could be so needed that this pain was inflicted on him? Did the banished player know what he was doing to Xisuma?

Was it even Evil X doing this?

At that thought, each pain in his body increased by a tenfold, and the admin finally allowed a yelp to escape his throat after being so determined to not make a single sound.

"Stop," Xisuma finally whispered, his nails painfully digging into his scalp. "Stop, I know you're there." He took a few moments to collect his thoughts, which were barely coherent through the almost unbearable pain. "I know you're there... I know. Please."

A pause.

A beat.

A moment of silence.

And his senses returned to normal, no longer overwhelming his brain.

I know it's too late (know it's too late)
As night turns to day (night turns to day)
Now there's no escaping the ghost

Is attention all he wanted? He could have just asked. It was possible, Xisuma knew, but for some reason, Ex never spoke.

But he was there. Xisuma just didn't know where.

A flash in his eyes snapped him out of his thoughts. Xisuma looked out the window, squinting as the sun's first rays shone over the jungle's canopy and into his eyes. With a heavy sigh, he pushed the sheets off his body, almost tripping after the first few steps. Xisuma clumsily patted around for his helmet which was placed somewhere on the night stand... which was also somewhere.

After taking way too long to find it, he pulled it over his head, his vision filling with code, binary and Galactic combined. The sleep-deprived admin shrugged the tension away from his shoulders and activated his elytra, shooting away and leaving the entire scene behind as if it never happened.

It was only another night wasted, and nothing else.

With all these midnight thoughts when I'm alone

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Thank you for reading and have an fantastic day! <3