(January 2, 2021)

Quill did an art thing.

I originally did it on paper and messed up the background so digital go brr

The song is Fade to Black by Metallica.

Word Count: 1724
Category: song fic but lyrics aren't included, angst, and 'pacing go brrr' :)
Warnings: permadeath

Sorry, Evil X.

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When he'd been banned to the Void, he thought it wasn't so bad. He only floated in the dark abyss, his wrists bound by these weird Void ropes to some place he couldn't see. Odd, he admitted, but nothing unbearable. He could survive this. Xisuma would unban him. He could hold off until then.

Some time at the year and a half mark, he found himself staring into the Void without thinking, and had become normal over the past year of doing nothing. One would think his mind would be filled with memories, fresh ideas, fantasizing about his release from the Void, or anything if he stared at a black space of nothing. And true, that kept him occupied for a while.

Eventually though, the mere action of thinking occasionally took too much energy to do, and it was obviously easier to not strain his mind. That was the Void's doing. Sapping him of energy until simple things like thinking and breathing was difficult to do, even automatically. Lost to his own mind and unable to do anything of use, he was basically a floating sack of potatoes.

Yes, this was his penalty for wandering in a grassy field, apparently too close for Xisuma's comfort. A rather over-the-top punishment for walking around, but he couldn't complain. And though Evil X knew to not hope, he hoped the loss of his mental skills was the first and only part of his punishment.

EX didn't know if he jinxed himself, or if it would have happened anyways.

After so long in the dark abyss that haunted every player's nightmares, far after deciding to not think... Evil X couldn't feel his legs from the knee down. From his bone to his skin, and even his armor's plates, he slowly faded away starting at his toes, and would continue to do so unless he was saved.

That development took ages to see (unlike the mental deterioration). It was when he realized he didn't have half either feet that he knew he was doomed to the depths of the Void, and not just mentally.

Evil X absently pulled at the restraints that circled his wrists for what would have been about the millionth time. He did that occasionally to make sure he hadn't missed an escape opportunity, so maybe he would be able to save himself from the effects of lingering in the Void for too long. Maybe he could save his legs and his unreliable mind. Maybe he could see Xisuma again.

But that wouldn't happen. Like his empty mind, there was nothing he could do about the fading or the restraints, though he hoped and prayed to whatever higher powers that listened to his pleas.

EX knew it was useless to have false hope or to rely on some other worldly power. In the past three years of trying and failing to pull himself loose, never once had the restraints broken, nor was he released from the Void. His hope would have gotten him somewhere in this amount of time, right?

Evil X sluggishly turned his head to the side, glancing far into the endless Void, an empty snarl and silent mutters on his lips.

Curse his restraints made of Void and Xisuma for forgetting about him.

Why do Voidly restraints even exist, and how in the name of Minecraft does one forget a half of himself? The latter greatly puzzled EX's cottoned mind. Despite all the things he did on his brother's- no, his clone's server, not once was he remembered for more than a few days after the incident, whatever it may be.

It seemed like it was easy to be forgotten, left in the Void for the rest of his sad existence. Left down in the deep oblivion to rot until nothing remained. Left down there for a reason, a form of punishment for his wrongdoings.

Though, where he ended up in the Void didn't hurt, and he would have thought eternal pain would have been a fit punishment. It was completely painless, in fact. The only pain was one he accidentally inflicted on himself--one that he meant to keep in his head, but stabbed at his heart anyways. Not even he knew what he felt, but it relentlessly tore through his chest, and the pain that throbbed there became unbearable after a long amount of time.

Xisuma surely didn't mean to put him through this, right? He was too kind, too gentle, and too caring to consciously put any player in the Void's clutch. EX knew the Admin was aware of the Void's harsh tendencies, the two lived relatively close to it after all. The End was their childhood, just as they had been to each other.

Maybe Xisuma didn't realize banning him would send him to the Void. Maybe he didn't realize EX hadn't yet made another world or joined another server. Maybe it was just a mistake...?

But he understood why Xisuma threw him into the Void, which might be the main reason for emotional hurting. Back then, he was just a... a bad person in general. He wasn't pleasant in the slightest and brought down every single person he spoke to. There was a reason Xisuma banned him, condemning him to this cold hell of a dimension.

However, that person who first appeared in the Void, that version of EX was long gone. Evil Xisuma? Whatever his name was before that? No, he was torn away by the Void, and all that remained was a shell of a person, an empty vessel for a glitch in the code.

Sure, he was still aware of his surroundings, he still moved and breathed, he still (sometimes) thought and was present, but everything that made Evil X him... had been stripped away, little by little, either by himself and his occasional wandering (demeaning) thoughts or with the help of the Void.

Evil X knew he could hold off the identity loss if he kept being stubborn, but even if he stopped succumbing to the Void, the Void itself would continue to eat away at his very essence, mentally and physically.

And even then, it was too late for him. It didn't matter if he wanted to or not. He couldn't. His mind--too far gone--didn't have the capacity to do so.

So even if he was saved, even if that slim chance of rescue happened, he would still be... a sack of potatoes, but this time, not floating in the Void. EX reckoned he would still only stare at a wall, mind blank and eyes dead. He would probably flinch at a small sound or the lightest touch. He definitely wouldn't be able to wear his helmet again and return himself to the closed off space with the shaded tint of his black visor. He didn't even know where his helmet was anymore, except that it was long gone.

Evil X still pathetically floated there, most of his thoughts, his knees, and everything lower than them gone. What was the point of remaining when he proved to be useless, nothing to do and nowhere to go?

The hands of death came closer, and he could almost feel its warmth, a vast difference from the cold Void. He could almost imagine himself slipping away quietly, closing his eyes for the last time. It would almost be a relief.

EX inhaled a deep breath, one that satisfied his lungs. He could tell this one would be his last if he had the mindset of permadeath lingering in his head. He could tell if he didn't change his mind, this would be the last one, and he would leave the world behind. He could tell his body wanted to rest finally, after three years of imprisonment and doing nothing to pass the time faster.

So why would he stay? Nothing was left for him on Hermitcraft. The last time he came close to a Hermit, a sword got pulled on him. Nothing was left for him in any private worlds. He didn't have any. Nothing was left for him at his original home. No one who now resided there knew of his name.

But what about Xisuma?

Xisuma, the player he originated from when he foolishly played around with over powered Admin commands when he was young. The player who realized he was just a glitch in the code but welcomed him into the small family nonetheless while his parents were skeptical and denied him at first. The player who called him his brother despite technically being the same person. The player who treated him like a player when everyone else who knew his status treated him like the chorus fruit on the bottom of their shoes.

What would Xisuma think if he found out EX was moments away from letting his last breath go? What would Xisuma do if he knew what happened to his brother? What would Xisuma say if the two could speak for one last time?

Would Xisuma convince EX to stop, or would he let him go? Would Xisuma regret sending him here, or would he say he deserved it? Would Xisuma apologize, or would he ask for an apology?

Unfortunately, none of those answers mattered.

He wouldn't rescue him.

Xisuma, the Admin who was there for him every single time when he was in trouble, would not rescue him from the Void, one of the few things he himself was scared of. The Admin who looked at him like family and used to include him in whatever he did would not be his saving grace. Xisuma, his only friend, his only family, the only reason he existed in the first place, wouldn't save him now.

Because EX had waited three years for that dream to come true.

But Xisuma had never reached out once.

Evil X made his decision right then and there without another moment of hesitation.

He breathed out, the sound of his final exhale echoing through the vast abyss. The Void ropes around his wrists slowly uncoiled, floating away like they were retracting back to where they originated. It was almost as if the Void accepted his surrender, smugly claiming another soul, adding it to the permadeath counter.

And Evil X slipped away silently and alone, closing his eyes for the last time, never to wake up again.

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Thank you for reading and have a great rest of your day <3