Warning: Swearing (like two times)

A girl lay on her bed, staring at her phone. She opened Wattpad, and scrolled to create a new story part.

She looked completely calm, but she was having a major debate.

Should she really post this?

Lately the girl has been feeling like shit. She didn't even have a reason. The world around her was falling apart, there was so much pressure from her mother and she could barely stay focused on one task! She wanted to scream and cry but she couldn't, no one would hear her. She's cried for so many nights in a row, wondering why she isn't good enough, why the world denied her a true smile. She hides in her online life, her stories, her AUS, her art, just to get away from the world. It's her own escape, but even her escape isn't helpful. Don't get me wrong, the many friends she's made over the years has been amazing, she loved everyone she's ever met. But she struggles with one thing.

Attention.

She loves it. She thought she didn't care but she does. She wants to be the main character, she can't help it! She's been wanting to be noticed, and every small praise makes her day. She wants that feeling every day. She hasn't said anything in fear of sounding like an attention seeker. Heck, she would do anything for the smallest amount of praise! Always looking up at people to ask if she's doing things right, always looking for reassurance! She can't help not feeling validated. She realises she sounds pathetic. She's just a spoiled kid ranting about her feelings!

Yeah. Spoiled was the way to describe her.

She had almost everything she ever wanted! She was so lucky to have what she does! Classic rich kid complaining... She never asks for much, sure, but when she does get something she asks for, she feels guilt. She can't find the words to explain but when she gets a gift, she doesn't know how to thank them, because they spent money on her, of all things!

Going back to her online life, she loves all her friends.

That's the problem.

She's gotten close to lots of people. However, she's lost too many. A girl called Lily back in her first fandom, who died due to a heart disease when I took a one week break. Maddie, aka DarkMoon, who was arguably one of my best friends for the longest time, who disappeared one day and said she would come back, almost a year ago. We lost someone in the WattPad community as well. I didn't know them as well, but it still shocked me to hear about their loss, and hit me quite hard.

She realised the world was awful.

Hiding away in her little world of minecraft characters running around pulling pranks was her solution.

All her books, The Lost Hermit, Caught in the Crossfire, all of her oneshots, The Clock Is Ticking, Brothers by Blood, all of them! They're all the result of a teenage girl hiding up in her room, escaping reality, wanting to be noticed by people online she barely knows for validation, proof that she's not entirely useless, with her cat often sitting by her side as she cries, remembering that she's a spoiled kid realising she's lost so many friends! But, she knows Maddie has to come back. She has to. She wouldn't lie to her. She will not give up hope that Maddie isn't coming back.

Speaking of which.

She hit publish.

Hi.

My name is Savi. I'm a 13 year old girl, with everything she's ever wanted. A loving family, two cats she loves more than anything, lots of technology and entertainment, and amazing online friends. I like to draw, am a hermitcraft and truly Bedrock fanatic, love spending my time playing minecraft and playing with my cats, and I can't handle it anymore.

I'm going to straight up say it.

I'm scared.

I want to live but I don't.

Do I stay or go.

No.

I have to stay.

For many reasons.

My family. My dad, mum and sister would be sad.
My cats. Who would take care of them if I was gone?
Meeting my online friends. It's a dream I want more than anything.
Finishing my stories. Because I can't keep an update schedule.
My friends. I'd miss those idiots.
And finally....

All of you reading this long winded rant.

Thank you for keeping me going all this time. You're the reason I'm staying.

I'm sorry for all the nonsense, sometimes you gotta get things of your chest, you know?

Love you all. <3