Okay. Here's the thing. The whole monarchy bit? It may have going straight to Ren's head. Just a little bit.

It was fine, though! Really! Ren could manage a bit of power-hunger! He could manage a bit of avarice! He could manage the urge to go just a little more apeshit!

He could not, however, manage all three at once. Something had to give, and, figuring that it would be the least harmful to his friends, Ren decided to indulge in just a little bit of greed. For fun, you know! Besides, the royal vault did look kinda sad when it was empty. Maybe, just maybe, he could try and hoard things a little more; it could be fun! You never know!

So, Ren actually put effort in to get the diamonds flowing. He opened the shiny blue floodgates, and soon enough, his reservoir was full to the brim of diamond blocks. They twinkled brightly in the lights, and Ren smiled. This? This felt good. This tickled the part of his brain that hungered for more from his position of power as king, with the added benefit of not actually hurting anyone! Sure, maybe there were fewer diamonds in circulation in the shopping district, but that was fine! People could just lower their prices, and then everyone would be happy!

Except, right, Ren wasn't happy. Apparently, the hungry little part of his brain that had driven him to do this, now that he'd tried to sate it, had responded by developing a much more voracious appetite. It festered in his mind, no matter how much Ren wanted to push it away. He wanted more, Vex-be-damned. He wanted more money, more power, more strength. He mined for diamonds until it felt like he'd bled the server dry, and it still didn't feel like enough.

So, Ren decided, if he'd bled the caves dry of diamonds, then he needed to find another source of the shiny blues.

But what other sources were there? He could go exploring in the End, he supposed, but even then, the diamonds out there were few and far between, even if one took into account Xisuma's constant restocking and reshuffling of the outer end islands to ensure that the server never ran out of Elytra. He could strike a deal with the Vex, like Cub and Scar had, but that seemed ill-advised.

...Did it, though?

Pausing to think, Ren considered the pros and cons of striking a deal with the Vex. Cub and Scar hadn't had to pay much, after all, just a few hours of their time apiece. And the opportunity to scratch the itch in Ren's brain or, better yet, get rid of it entirely? Now, that was an offer far too tempting for Ren to just pass up.

So, Ren got his belongings together, along with a suitable offering, and he set off for the nearest Woodland Mansion.

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As he landed in front of the mansion, Ren searched his memory for the instructions he'd overheard from Cub, back in the days of the corporate rivalry between the Logfellas and the Birchfellas (Void, season four felt like an eternity ago!). What he needed to do, if the recalled correctly, was approach one of the evokers with a vex mask in hand. That, Cub had said, would convince the evoker to allow him an audience with the Vex. Then, he would need to say his piece.

If the Vex judged him worthy, then, or if they found him amusing, (Ren sincerely hoped that it would be the former option, if any) they would accept his petition, and offer him a deal he was magically disallowed from refusing. He could haggle, but once he stepped into the mansion, there was no going back.

Did Ren really want to do this? This was his last chance to turn back, if he suddenly got cold feet.

Yes, he decided. He did want this. In his boots, stolen from a king of winter, Ren's feet were perfectly warm. He took out his Vex mask, and crossed the threshold of the mansion.

He made a beeline for the upstairs, the place where evokers could usually be found. On the stairway to the top floor, he finally crossed paths with one. They raised their arms, preparing to cast a spell, but Ren held out the Vex mask in front of him like the desperate white flag that it was. The evoker paused for a second, smiled, and then cast another spell, sending Ren to the court of the Vex.

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Five Vex sat before Ren, their faces set in determination. The Just, The Kind, The Balance, The Cruel, and The Wild all looked down upon him in judgement.

"A king?" The Just asked, regarding Ren's crown. "We don't usually go in for the monarchy."

Ren decided to ignore the fact that The Just himself wore a paper crown, like that from a Christmas cracker.

"Say your piece," The Wild commanded.

"Right, um, hello?" Ren greeted, giving a small nod of respect. "You may call me, uh, King Ren, of Hermitcraft. I come here because – because I know I'm greedy. I – can't control it, I just, there's this itch, in my brain, you know? I want more and I can't have any more. I have everything already. So... I've come to ask for your help. Either find a way to scratch the itch, or get rid of it entirely, I don't – I don't care. I just need your help."

"A greedy king," The Cruel remarked. "What else is new?"

"A greedy king who wants to change," The Kind replied.

"But he doesn't, not really," The Just argued. "He's perfectly fine with us feeding it."

"Feeding it is easy, too!" The Wild added, allowing sparks of magic to burst from her clawed fingertips.

"Very well, then." The Cruel smiled, all sharp teeth and bad intentions. "Let's feed the flames."

The Balance smiled, and handed Ren a contract.

Ren's eyes scanned over it, looking through the legalese for any catches. The contract promised him infinite wealth at his fingertips, and all he had to do in exchange was give the Vex 12 total hours of his time, to be redeemed whenever they saw fit?

The deal seemed too good to be true.

But Ren couldn't refuse it. He took the quill that The Balance offered him, and signed his name.

"Pleasure doing business with you," The Kind nodded. "If you ever want to give up the wealth you received from this bargain, please speak to our emissaries in your world."

"Awwww, you told him?" The Wild pouted. "Spoilsport."

With that, Ren was sent tumbling back to his reality. He woke up in his bed with a pounding headache, and clumsily threw off his blanket. It fell to the floor with a clinking sound.

It fell to the floor with a what sound?

Ren turned around, and saw that his blanket had turned into a sheet of diamond, frozen in the rippled form it had taken when Ren had discarded it. If anyone had been in the room with Ren, he was certain they would have describe his eyes as literally shining.

That, then, was what the Vex had meant by wealth 'at his fingertips'.

Ren grinned, throwing open his bedroom door, marvelling as it turned to solid diamond. He ran down the stairs, hand ghosting over a newly-crystalline bannister. In the banquet hall of his castle, Ren found himself surrounded by the drab and mundane. Thankfully, that wouldn't last much longer. The table, the chairs, the dishes, everything was soon cast in shining blue rock.

"Ren?" BDubs stuck his head in the room as Ren was turning a shrub into a diamond shrub. "What brings you back so – oh. Oh, wow."

"Do you like it?" Ren asked, grinning. "I made a deal with the Vex!"

BDubs' expression went from delighted to crestfallen in a matter of milliseconds.

"You did. What now."

"I made a deal with the Vex!"

"Ren," BDubs facepalmed, "Unless you are actually Cub or Scar, those have a nasty habit of backfiring horribly!"

"Nah, I looked at the terms and conditions," Ren patted BDubs' shoulder reassuringly, "And everything's fine!"

BDubs, who was a diamond statue, did not say anything. Ren stared at him in mute disbelief.

"Everything's not fine!"

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"Yeah, um." Scar regarded the diamond statue of BDubs. "That's not good."

"I can see that, Scar!"

"Have you tried turning the magic off and on again?"

"Part of the problem is that I can't turn the magic off, my guy."

"Ah," Scar paused to think. "Are you sure there wasn't anything in the deal about undoing the diamond-ness?"

"Just a clause to talk to you or Cub if I wanted to forsake my wealth."

Scar paused for a moment, thinking.

"Oh!" he grinned. "Eud taught me a new spell, recently! It was meant to be for the whole, uh, pillar-measuring contest!"

"...Eud?"

"The Kind."

"Oh, I see. What does the spell do?"

"It removes every diamond in the radius, and turns all transmuted diamonds back to their original form," Scar explained. "I'm guessing it probably also takes away your powers."

"...Oh." Ren was torn. This spell... it was going to make Ren lose everything, not just what he'd made today. However, looking at the horrified expression on BDubs' frozen face... Ren let out a sigh. "Do what you have to, dude."

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"...And that's why the royal coffers are, uh, completely empty!" Ren explained.

There was a shocked silence, before Grian exploded.

"HOLD ME BACK, SCAR! I'M GOING TO START A RESISTANCE!"

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We love the Vex in this household

I've been Entropy, peace out from the present!