"Aw man," Tango commented, leaning over Etho's shoulder, as they peered into the strange timeline-window Doc had accidentally ripped open in an attempt to reopen the rift, "I can't believe that it takes selling your soul for you to finally beat the washed-up allegations."

"I can beat the washed-up allegations any time," Etho insisted.

"Sure, buddy, keep telling yourself that."

"Well, it seems like it took you selling your soul to get some actual friends, in that world," Etho teased.

"I–" Tango protested, his shoulders tensing, "Maybe other-Tango knew her some other way. Maybe I know her in this reality. You don't know me. I could be 600 years old and eat souls for a living! You know nothing about my life!"

"Yeah, that's about as likely as me ever losing my reputation as a washed-up old man."

"Well, at least you admit it," Tango huffed, crossing his arms.

❄︎✶❀❁❀✶❄︎

"That's torture!" Iskall gestured at the hole in reality, "Your bird-poop tower is torturing that poor alternate version of myself!"

"Hey! My tower is perfectly pretty!" BDubs protested, "And clearly, you secretly like my builds, if your very soul latched onto one of my trees!"

"I hope the world's BDubs changes the palette of his base just to prove you wrong."

"I hope that Iskall learns to love diorite, just to prove you wrong."

"Yeah, no, that's not happening in a million timelines," Cleo commented, "Just change the channel so Iskall stops looking like they're about to explode."

❦❆☞✿☜❆❦

"Hey, Zed, you alright?" Impulse asked, gently tapping Zed on the shoulder. Zed gave a start, turning to look at Impulse, from where he'd been staring at the other world, fascinated.

"Better than alright!" he grinned, "As long as, you know, I was given the opportunity to agree to it first, I would love to have my chest all... contraptionized! It looks so cool! If you, uh ignore the fact that other-Zedaph was technically tortured to make it happen."

"...If you're sure," Impulse still gave Zed a worried look. He had no idea why Impulse was so concerned, he was perfectly fine! Just like always!

⚙︎❇︎♞✥♞❇︎⚙︎

"...I don't like the implication that that universe has had to deal with multiple cursed artefacts," False ultimately decided.

"Well, I mean, it makes sense if you think about it," Gem considered, "Since, in order for that world to have one weird cursed artefact, there has to be, like, a mechanism for making that happen."

"We've had a couple weird cursed artefacts crop up in our reality, though," Tango pointed out. At some point, he had obtained popcorn. Impulse suddenly looked nervous.

"Promise me that if you find a cursed axe, you won't attack me with it?" he asked, giving False a pleading look.

"It's okay!" Gem grinned, "I would just body-slam her here, too!"

"I don't think I would go down that easily," False argued, before being knocked over by a grinning GeminiSlay.

♕♡☺︎☞☜☺︎♡♕

"Gem, False, stop fighting," Cleo chided, "This one features Gem."

Gem and False continued wrestling, until Cleo scruffed Gem like a rowdy kitten and turned her to face the window.

"Wow," Gem commented, "I wanna be like that Gem."

Meanwhile, in the little seating area that was being set up, xB and Hypno were having a minor disagreement between friends.

"I would not scream like that," xB argued.

"You would. That scream sounds like your scream."

"I would not scream if someone stole my name– wait, how do you know what my scream sounds like?"

"Scream," Hypno commanded, his eyes glowing.

"Aaaaaaghagh," screamed xBCrafted, as Hypno started cackling.

𐂂☀︎❁♊︎❁☀︎𐂂

"This is giving me ideas," Doc grinned, his metal fangs gleaming in the light. Doc and Grian scuttled away slightly.

"Now, Doc," Scar tried to reason, "I don't think that such, ah, nuclear forms of revenge would be entirely necessary, now, would they?"

Doc smiled. Scar grinned in return, although it was more of a nervous grimace. He tried to lean on Grian for moral, physical, and emotional support, but Grian had already skedaddled off to Vex-knows-where. Scar, reasonably, did not enjoy the situation that he found himself in.

☇◎✮⚙︎✮◎☇

"Imagine being vulnerable like that," xB commented, crunching down on his popcorn, his guardian tail swinging through the back of his chair, "Couldn't be me."

"Princess," Keralis chided, "You're allowed to talk about your emotions, you know that."

"Aww, K," xB softened slightly, "You know I'm always vulnerable for you."

"Stripping off that thorny exterior, no?"

"If you two don't get a room," Cleo cautioned, "I will throw you out of here at similar speeds as Zed reached when he was launched at the other xB."

"I wonder if I could replicate those speeds," Zedaph wondered.

"I think that would qualify as 'bad for your everything'," Impulse informed him, laughing.

"Yeah, well maybe breaking your everything is fun!" Zedaph protested, "You've never done it!"

♓︎♞♠︎☔︎♠︎♞♓︎

"Okay," Mumbo took a deep breath, "But what does–"

"No!" several hermits yelled in unison.

"Yes!" Grian argued, "I wanna know, too!"

"It tastes like strawberry," Scar informed them. Everyone turned to look at him, confused. He facepalmed, like they were all like missing something. "Vex eat crystals, remember?"

"How did you eat it without it blowing up in your face?" Mumbo asked.

"If you keep it in item form, you can extract the juicy interior and discard the shell!" Scar explained, glaring at Cub with the end of his sentence.

"The shell tastes nice!" Cub protested.

"It tastes like three-year-old bitter chocolate," Scar retorted.

The other hermits backed away. They clearly had awakened an old debate here, and none of them wanted any part in it.

✪⚙︎✺✿✺⚙︎✪

"You know," Stress commented, "I think I deserve to start biting people, werewolf or not."

"YEAH!" Iskall cheered, "WOOO! GO STRESS!"

Doc inched away from both of them, absolutely terrified. Stress grinned at him, giving him an ever-so-slightly sharp-toothed grin. Doc let out a squeaking sound. Grian flew down from where he'd been hanging from the rafters, and perched on the back of Stress' chair. If Doc was afraid of Stress, then that meant that, at least for now, being near her meant being relatively safe.

Well, at least, until Stress turned around and gave Grian the same look. He got the message, and returned to the safety of the rafters.

☕︎♡♥︎⚔︎♥︎♡☕︎

"Zedaph," Impulse turned back to his friend, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah," Zed's voice was a lot more muted, and he was shaking slightly, "I'm... generally fine. I'm... a bit shaken by that, but... I promise I don't feel that way in this reality, okay?"

"You want a hug?" Impulse asked.

"Yeah," Zedaph admitted, eyes shining with tears, "I could do with a hug."

Impulse wrapped his arms around Zedaph, and Zed leaned into the touch, still trembling.

"Promise you'll tell us, if you ever feel that way?"

"Yeah," Zedaph whispered, terrified, "I promise."

⚙︎❇︎♞✥♞❇︎⚙︎

"Why was that one just an academic dissertation-thing?" Scar asked, "Why don't I get the cool chase sequences or emotional heart-to-hearts like the rest of you?"

"I dunno," Cub argued, "I think it would be pretty cool to be the example in an academic dissertation."

"I'm not listening to your opinions right now, Cub," Scar huffed.

"I dunno," Etho repeated Cub's words verbatim, "I think it would be pretty cool to be the example in an academic dissertation."

"You are so correct, Etho!" Scar grinned, "And handsome, too!"

"Thanks, I try," Etho replied, utterly nonchalant. Scar stuck his vex-blue tongue out at Cub, who pointedly looked away from Scar.

✓✷✪❀✪✷✓

"Next channel, please," Cleo interrupted, cutting the scene short.

"...Cleo?" Joe asked.

"I don't want to think about how I'm gonna outlive most of you guys, thank you very much," Cleo reported. If they'd had functional tear ducts or the tendency to express emotions in any way other than her dry sense of humour, they probably would have been crying.

"That's fair," Joe nodded.

"It better be," Cleo huffed, sitting back down. Joe leaned slightly on their shoulder, wordlessly offering support. Cleo leaned back, smiling ever-so-slightly. They really did have the greatest friends.

☠✁♛⚘☘︎⚘♛✁☠

"Well gee," Tango commented, "Thank you, alternate reality, for the existential dread! Just what I needed as part of my balanced diet, actually!"

"You're not secretly a nanite network possessing that body, are you?" Gem asked.

"No, I'm, uh, I'm as human as they come!" Tango informed her, his voice jumping an octave at the mention of being human. Gem raised an eyebrow, but let it be, noting the knowing look that Impulse gave Tango. If Impulse knew what was going on, then there was a decreased likelihood of any incidents like the one they'd just witnessed, so it was probably fine.

"What about you, Iskall?" Stress asked, "Any dark and troubled backstories?"

"Nope," Iskall replied, entirely sincere.

❍⚙︎❉⚱︎❉⚙︎❍

"Oh, I want shapeshifting powers so bad," Zed commented, rooted to the edge of his seat, "It would open possibilities for so many hijinks! And shenanigans! And you know I love hijinks and shenanigans!"

"Yeah, you'd steal my face and cause so much trouble," Tango teased.

"Maybe," Zed batted his eyelashes at Tango all innocent-like, as if that wasn't the first plan that had popped into his head (Well. After the final plan that the other Zedaph had executed, but he was keeping all of those emotions locked away in his heart place where they couldn't hurt anyone, thank you very much.)

"Is... is our squabbling bothering you that much?" Impulse asked. Generally, he looked deeply uncomfortable about all these revelations about variations on Zedaph's character.

"No," Zedaph lied.

⚙︎❇︎♞✥♞❇︎⚙︎

"Impulse," Gem began to ask.

"Yes." Impulse agreed, almost instantly. Gem grinned, and charged over to Impulse, bashing her skull into his. Zedaph and Doc soon followed suit, being alarmingly affectionate for a hardened-gruff creeper hybrid and a guy who'd just had a piece of his heart ripped out of his chest and thrown on the table for all to see.

"Ow, okay," Impulse pushed them away after a moment, "You guys are gonna give me a concussion.

"But it's a love concussion," Zedaph argued.

"I don't wanna pass out just yet, it feels like movie night's only just started!" Impulse protested.

"Alright, we'll back off," Gem agreed.

☄︎⚱︎♈︎☇♈︎⚱︎☄︎

"What is a cicada?" Cleo asked Joe.

"I think they're a Tennessee thing," Joe answered.

"Oh my god," Grian groaned, "Stop trying to convince us that Tennessee is real!"

"Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, you're the only Ten I See," Ren chimed in. Mere moments later, Cleo and False simultaneously hit him over the head with a piece of sheet metal.

ᨒ➻⥁⇡⥁➻ᨒ

Everyone simultaneously turned to stare at Grian. Nervously, he fluttered out of the rafters, down to ground level.

"I don't have fungus in my brain."

"Yeah, that would require having a brain," Iskall teased. Grian let out an indignant cry, fluffing up his feathers.

"He does have a brain," Cleo argued, "But it's so shrivelled and small that no fungus would want to take root."

"Guys. Stop." Grian groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"Hey, it's ok," Scar patted Grian's shoulder soothingly, "I don't have a brain either!"

"AUGH!" Grian cried, staring up at the ceiling like it would help him.

⚓︎☍☼☀︎☼☍⚓︎

"Aw man," Keralis commented, "I've never been able to do that." He shook his head sadly. "I think – thisisthegermancoastguardwhatareyousinkingabout – that it would be really cool."

"The way that you phrased that implies that you used to be able to do other things," Cleo pointed out, curious.

"Ah, well, that would be telling." Keralis winked at Tango, who gave a start, confused and concerned as to why he was suddenly being brought into this.

"I KNOW NOTHING!" Tango protested, putting his hands up.

◎◉◎◉◎◉◎◉◎◉◎

"I miss Biffa and Jess," Jevin whispered, experiencing a secret emotion that none of the others were supposed to overhear.

"I do, too," Hypno responded, hearing it nonetheless. "And trust me, if I had the power to do that? I would have held on to them as tightly as I could."

⦼☾◉⚘◉☽⦼

Xisuma quietly left the room.

"Shashwam?" Keralis asked, following after, looking slightly concerned. Everyone turned away from the hole in reality, watching for any sign of return. An agonising amount of time passed, before, eventually, Keralis returned alone.

"He wanted some time for himself," Keralis informed the others, "He'll be back once he's feeling better."

Jevin nodded, sharing a knowing glance with Beef and Wels. From what they knew of the situation, Xisuma's response to what they'd just seen was perfectly reasonable, and, in fact, rather on the calm side of ways to handle that.

✧☠🎼◉🎼☠✧

"REN!" Tango, of all people, chided, "You don't just make deals with the Vex like that! Other-you was lucky that BDubs made it out alive!"

"Aw, come on, they're not that bad," Cub protested.

"...Actually," Keralis commented, "I think, in that universe? They were better than here."

Scar, Cub and Tango all turned to look at him, but he was staring into the middle distance, oddly conflicted. Xisuma's sudden exit must have left him rattled.

"Still," Ren held his hand over his heart, "I've learned my lesson."

"Uh, yeah, I sure hope you have!" Gem piped up.

♔🐾✪❁✪🐾♔

"Oh, we should absolutely do that challenge at some point," Cub grinned, "It would be so much fun."

"Count me in!" Zed called from the back of the room.

"And me!" Grian agreed.

"So we're just... not gonna talk about the elephant in, uh, the other guy's room?" Jevin asked.

"What?" Impulse asked, genuinely confused.

"Why was I a magma cube in that reality!?"

"Oh, that," Impulse shrugged, "Is that really the weirdest thing you've seen today?"

Jevin schlorped over to Impulse at high velocity, holding Impulse's face still and putting his speech-organ-thing right next to Impulse's ear.

"Yes."

✏︎⚄☽☾⚄✏︎

"Aw man," Cub sighed, teleporting right behind Scar, "I wish I could teleport."

Scar let out the most dignified scream known to man. It was so dignified that everyone nodded and said 'wow, that's dignified!'. Scar received a prize for how dignified his scream was.

...At least, if you asked him.

If you asked anyone else, the scream Scar let out was more akin to:

"OooooohhhhhhHhHHH! Cubfan135! You can't do that! That's illegal! I'm revoking your rights to opinions again!"

Cub, for his part, did nothing but cackle.

26. Welsknight

Somewhat self-consciously, Wels flared his wings. They weren't exactly those of an angel – rather, they were those of a barn owl – but the sentiment still stood. With a previously-unknown fervour, he carded his fingers through the feathers, desperately looking for any damage or corruption, ruffling them up from their previously-perfectly-preened state, until Beef gently rested his hand on Wels' shoulder, shaking his head.

Grian fluttered down from the rafters and, after a silent nod from Wels, started fixing the damage.

Doc, seeing this all go down, quickly changed the channel.

✶⚘⚔︎♞♘⚔︎⚘✶

"Joe," Cleo asked, "What the–"

They were cut off by a rather obnoxious beeping sound being emitted from False's mouth.

"Thank you, False." Cleo nodded. "What the hell, Joe?"

"I believe that that was the first verse to REM's It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine), but some of the words were obfuscated through a sesquipedalian filter. I can't tell you why an alternate version of myself would choose to do that, but in my defense, I also cannot tell you why I chose to have breakfast this morning," Joe explained.

"Ah. It's a you thing," Cleo nodded, "I understand now."

✘✓✮⦿✮✓✘

"So wait," Gem realised, "If we just circled back to a universe we'd already seen–"

"I made a mistake with the inputs," Doc explained. "The multiverse is still infinite, don't worry."

"That implies that you could delete most of the multiverse," Pearl pointed out.

"Uh, well..." Doc trailed off, looking nervous.

"So!" Impulse interrupted, "If Gem in that universe is Speak No Evil, and Pearl in that universe is See No Evil, then who's Hear No Evil?"

"You, presumably?" Gem guessed.

"Maybe you have sonic mind-control powers or something," Pearl shrugged.

"Food for thought, I guess."

☽★✬✸✰✸✬★☾

"Haha," BDubs laughed, "Imagine being perceived."

"I will beat up the unknowable horrors, BDubs!" Scar declared, "Just say the word!"

"For what it's worth," Grian added, "I think the horrors in this reality are very knowable. But I think you should still punch them."

"I'm in on punching the horrors!" Tango agreed.

"Wooo!" Impulse cheered, "Punching the horrors!"

◉☽☼⚘☼☾◉

"Oh," Ren gasped quietly, "Oh."

The hermits remained silent for a while, a vigil in memoriam of those they had lost.

"He would have loved it," Scar broke the silence, eventually.

"He would have," Pearl agreed.

With that, Doc turned off the device, and one by one, the Hermits flew home.

–––

Dear god i actually finished a thing i must be a fake Entropy!!!!!!

aaaaa i go eepysleepy now

I've been Entropy, peace out from the present!