December 8th 1996

We decided to take a road trip to the beach, and Brian seemed the most excited. We got a private car and Malcolm wanted to drive.

The car was filled with food, some instruments, and a lot of blankets. We were going to a beach near the woods so we could sleep there too without getting washed away. And since it was December in Oregon, we were not getting in the water. Of course that probably wouldn't stop the boys.

"Alright, everyone in?" Malcolm asked.

"Yes."

"Seatbelts?"

"Yes."

"Potty break?"

"No."

"Well..." Angus said.

"Too bad we're off," Malcolm said driving toward the beach.

"Does anyone have a napkin?" Phil asked as he wiped crumbs off his lap.

"Damn it Phil, this is a rental," Malcolm said glaring through the mirror.

"Glad it ain't yours."

"Me too, you wouldn't have teeth to chew with."

"Watch the road Mal."

"Hey now Williams, who's driving?"

"You are, so keep your eyes on the road."

"What's up your grill?"

"Nothing, you just almost drilled down a cyclist."

"He should have seen me coming."

"No one can see any of us coming Mal, they're all heads taller than us," Angus said.

"With this car coming...a car covered with food-Phil, you're a slob!"

"Give me a napkin!"

"You need a broom for that," I said.

"Didn't spill any drinks did you?" Malcolm asked.

"No."

"With Mal's crazy driving you will," Cliff muttered.

"Uh, Mal? About that potty break..." Angus said.

"Oh shit Ang!"

"No, just piss." I've never laughed so hard in my life at these guys.

"I'm not pulling over!"

"Well your rental here's about to have a spill then."

"Bloody hell...is Brian dead back there?"

"Nah, just asleep," Phil said.

"Course. Wasn't this his idea in the first place?"

"Mal..."

"Not now, Ang."

"Stop distractin' him Angus!" Cliff scolded. "He nearly hit that tree!"

"I was nowhere near that tree!"

"Need to use the little boys' room..."

"Should have gone before we left."

"You didn't let me!"

"I meant before we got in the car!"

"But I didn't have to go then!"

"What the hell's you lot shoutin' about?" Brian stirred.

"Great vacation here Johnno, havin' a blast," Malcolm sighed.

"We haven't even gotten there yet." Angus and I started laughing at everything.

"Now what?"

"Nothing Mal, you wouldn't find it funny," I said. Malcolm made a face in the mirror and I started laughing again.

"Watch it mate, there's a cop right there!" Cliff yelled.

"Where?"

"There!"

"He didn't see me!"

"How long's this gonna take Mal, I'm starving," Phil said.

"You just ate."

"Yeah...so?"

"I'm not letting you have anymore!"

"Can I have a beer then?"

"Please don't talk about liquids," Angus sighed.

"What's wrong Angus? Can't handle the icy wet rain and puddles and beer-"

"Make him stop Mal!"

"Watch the road Mal!"

"Let a man sleep will ya'?"

"Still thirsty over here..."

"One more word, I'm throwing you all out of this car! Now shut the hell up!"

Best road trip ever.