The second time Jaehan meets Charlie Yoon, it's from a stranger's fire escape.

"How and why..." Jaehan manages to get out, staring up at the man who's rapidly becoming his most unforgettable passenger.

From where he's hanging onto a fifth-floor railing that looks like it'll snap any second, Charlie waves. If he'd been on any of the steps, this would have been a slightly more normal situation. Except Charlie's not on the steps. He's gripping the outside of the handrail for dear life, legs dangling in mid-air.

Jaehan's heart falls out of his throat.

(The address is unfamiliar. The chaos is the same.)

"You got me at a bad time!" Charlie laughs. "Hold on a second!"

"Don't you dare jump!"

"I won't!"

With some effort, Charlie manages to swing himself over the railing, back to the safety of the steps (Jaehan kind of envies his arm strength), rushing down five floors as fast as he can before stumbling to a halt right in front of Jaehan. He's limping slightly. Jaehan's not sure if he wants to know why.

"Hi," Charlie greets breathlessly. Up close, he's at least two inches shorter, a difference that has Jaehan peering down his nose at him. His eyes are brighter from this distance, somehow, twin suns in his flushed face. They spark wildfires where they carve a home for themselves in Jaehan's line of sight, flickering flames that dance with amusement as they devour him alive.

"Next time, can you save the parkour for another day? I have places to be," Jaehan remarks flatly.

Charlie lowers his head in embarrassment. If he had actual dog ears, they'd probably be drooping right now. "Sorry. I'll pay the waiting fee."

"You'd better." Jaehan turns on his heel, stalking back to the cab. He can feel Charlie practically bouncing as he follows him, far too chipper for so early in the morning. As Jaehan slides into his seat, hearing the click of the back door opening behind him, he massages his temples tiredly. Sleep hadn't come easy the night before. He'd been plagued by nightmares the whole time, and the Soojin that had greeted him in the morning had been horrifyingly skeletal---ribs a sharp jut, collarbones tearing her neck away, elbows practically poking through her skin.

So Jaehan is a little more than just tired today, and he really does not have enough energy to deal with the natural disaster that is Charlie Yoon. Still, money is money, so he'd accepted the booking he'd received at six a.m. (And maybe he'd clicked on it a bit too eagerly, but Jaehan's lonely as hell. Any chance of decent human interaction is appreciated, no matter how tiring it is.)

"So, what? Let me guess---another ex you had to shrimp-ify?" Jaehan questions as he cruises out of the parking lot. This particular apartment's a lot more run-down than the one he'd basically rescued Charlie from the first time, but definitely still nicer than Jaehan's own. Then again, Jaehan's apartment is a wreck. The only thing that had made it less shitty had been Soojin, and with her gone, it's shittier than ever.

Charlie shakes his head vigorously, buckling himself in surprisingly carefully. "Oh, no! Of course not! That's Eli, my friend from uni. We hook up once in a while. And by once in a while I mean three times in the past two weeks, because I'm not a cheater. Unlike my ex-boyfriend." In the gleam of his rear-view mirror, Jaehan catches the frown that flashes across Charlie's face before it's gone again, like it was never there. "But I always have to leave by morning, though, because Eli has a huge crush on his roommate. Like, massive. Even bigger than my dick. So since Eli doesn't want his roommate to think that he's taken, I head out with the help of the fire escape. Which I normally don't fall off, I swear."

Jaehan winces. If Charlie catches the barely-concealed grimace at his dick joke, he doesn't comment on it.

"Sounds rough," Jaehan mumbles non-committedly, trying to keep his attention on the road.

"Nah. Of course not." Charlie smiles, but it's dimmer than usual---strained at the edges, as if he's forcing it across his mouth and stretching it thin. "Who am I to stand in the way of true love? I'm just a booty call, after all."

Jaehan doesn't miss the mumbled At least, that's what Justin seems to think that Charlie grumbles under his breath, but he doesn't bring it up. No point in reopening the wound, especially when Charlie seems pretty contented with using petty revenge to stitch it up.

"Going back home?" For good measures, Jaehan checks the address that Charlie's given him this time---same as the last. He thinks. He goes through over a dozen addresses each day---no way to really be sure unless he bothers to memorise it, and even though Charlie Yoon is a lot more interesting than Jaehan's usual company of grumpy old housewives, phone-glued businessmen, and me, myself, and I, he doesn't feel the urge to show up at his house anytime soon.

"Yeah. Eli's dick is way too big for me to go anywhere else immediately after we hook up, so I always have to schedule fuck sessions with him on days where I only have afternoon classes. That's why I nearly fell off the fire escape. I can never walk properly the morning after."

"TMI, dude," Jaehan groans. "I'm literally your taxi driver. I really don't need to hear about your sex life." Some part of him---a very, very, microscopically small one---is slightly jealous that Charlie, a gay man in the heart of South Korea, has a sex life while Jaehan's stuck talking to the wall, mainly because the only person he'd ever consider having sex with is dead.

Charlie's mouth twists into a fake pout. "Aw, but I haven't even gotten to the best part yet!" he teases, waving his hands around exaggeratedly. "Like when he's going real deep and he hits all the right spots because he's just so big and---"

"I'm going to throw you out of the car."

Charlie laughs. He's got a nice laugh---as easy as the rest of him is, all ringing bells and innocent glee. Jaehan can't remember the last time he'd laughed. Smiling and laughing---those had been things that his past self had done. When he'd had Soojin with him. When he'd been actually capable of feeling happy.

The thought makes him sad all over again, but somehow, Jaehan feels like he owes it to Charlie to keep it together. To not be sad, at least until he's dropped Charlie off with his Aussie boys. And he knows that he owes Charlie nothing, that they're virtually complete strangers who talk like they've known each other forever, but---Charlie makes him feel just a little bit less shitty. Jaehan kind of wants to return the favour. Or to not make Charlie's day any shittier, at least.

He presses his foot to the pedal. "Are your roommates waiting for you?"

"Kind of. I think." Charlie wrinkles his nose. "At least, that's judging by the text Leo sent me. He said it was more of a wine and dine kind of night. Usually, it's fast food, cheap booze, and a lot of sex with our other roommate---who Leo keeps claiming is not his boyfriend---so I'd say he's definitely upgraded enough to be not hungover today."

"Then why couldn't he be your getaway driver this time?"

In the mirror, Charlie's eyes almost seem to sparkle. "Maybe I just wanted to see you again."

Jaehan isn't sure what to make of Charlie's words. In fact, he isn't sure what to make of Charlie as a whole, who freely talks about his sex life with strangers, climbs down fire escapes in the name of true love, and (kind of, probably, definitely) flirts with his taxi driver. He's reckless. Careless. Overly chatty. Everything Jaehan should avoid.

"Trust me, that's a mistake." Jaehan forces his eyes back to the road, white black yellow all blurring together as he stares out at a picture he's seen a million times before. That's the routine. It's always been.

Charlie Yoon is not just a break in the routine. He's a completely different route.

"I beg to differ," Charlie chirps, and Jaehan doesn't miss the teasing lilt high in his throat. "You're nice to look at."

"I'm not."

"You are." There's a smile lodged deep in Charlie's voice, the same brilliant grin that seems to hold the entire universe in it, stretched across every molar. Stars tattooed across his tongue. "And you better accept it, because I'm always right."

٩( ᐛ )و

The second Jaehan opens his eyes, he knows it's going to be a bad day.

Today, there's no sun streaming through the translucent pink curtains, no baby blue cosmos to chase all the bad thoughts away. The skies are black as sin, slate-streaked clouds blotting out the heavens and turning Jaehan's room grey. He cranes his neck, staring at the curtains as the streaming raindrops cast ebony shadows over their coral innocence. Every inaudible plop on the windowsill wraps a fist around his heart and squeezes.

On days like this, the routine is more important than ever. Get out of bed. Brush your teeth. Change into a jacket that'll keep the rain and wind out. Move until the tires squeal, kicking mud over the demons in your head and tamping them down. The windows will be waterlogged, wipers blocking the world from view until the horizon's just a black blip on the radar of your mind. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters as long as you drive, drive, drive.

Jaehan knows he'll be okay as long as he follows the routine to a T and keeps his eyes on the road. Like he always did before he'd met Charlie Yoon. Like he always has to. Because that's the only way to live, nowadays. By following the book, counting every day that slips by even though they're all the same. By reminding himself who he is each time his feet step off the trail: the former skating prodigy with the burned-out future, the epitome of some twisted version of the beautiful elite---university dropout, disappointed parents, dead girlfriend. By living his life like he wants to die, Mondays and Tuesdays and Saturdays blurring into a haze of hallucinations until he can't tell fantasy apart from reality anymore.

He manages to drag himself out of bed, tossing the covers aside haphazardly. Everything is grey, from the curtain to the sheets to his skin. Every bone in Jaehan's body wants to crawl back under the threadbare sheets and shut his eyes again, but it's not a good day for that. It's not a good day for breaks in the routine. Dark days like this are when Jaehan's nightmares merge into his daydreams, bleeding and festering and rooting their choking path in his chest until he's gasping for air. He has to keep moving forward. Keep looking straight. Keep following the routine.

Jae.

He turns.

Soojin stretches out on the sheets, languid as a cat, slender arms raised above her head. She's dressed in a translucent slip that leaves nothing to the imagination, splayed across the mattress like one of Michelangelo's angels, carved from the finest marble and the interpretation of broken dreams. Her petticoat rides up her thigh, revealing a long swath of smooth, milky skin stained grey by the pouring rain.

Fucking Charlie and his stupid fucking sex life, Jaehan thinks, doing his best to tear his gaze away from his girlfriend's legs. Messing with my hallucinations too.

"Not now, Soojin," he mutters, feeling incredibly stupid the moment the words leave his mouth---she's a creation of his imagination, after all. "I have to go to work."

Come back to bed, Jae. Her dark eyes stare up at him pleadingly, big and wet and unnervingly real. Jaehan shouldn't wonder about these kind of things, especially when the sky's darker than his grief and the routine is his only lifeline, but he does. He wonders if she'd come back to life if he reaches out and touches her the way he'd never gotten to. She seems like she would. And Jaehan, despite his natural cynicism, is not beyond hoping for miracles.

But he knows he shouldn't. Knows he can't. Knows she isn't real.

"I can't." He shakes his head vigorously, then repeats, more for himself than for the mirage in his bed, "I can't, Soojin."

I can't keep doing this.

He forces himself to head to the cupboard, gaze quickly skipping over the silky dresses and satin tops that he's never had the heart to throw out. His fingers gloss over one of the few button-ups he'd kept after he'd started working, before abandoning it in favour of a plain black t-shirt.

Don't I look pretty, Jae? Soojin whirls around on her tiptoes, now giggling delightedly as she presses a rose-pink dress to her chest. It melds into her skinny figure seamlessly, smoothly replacing her slip like she's been wearing the dress instead all along. Jaehan averts his eyes as she reaches for a fashionable black belt, buckling it around her slim waist. He knows it's just another illusion, a trick of the light---when he glances over at her things later on, that same belt will be sitting on the second shelf like it's never been touched---but he can't help the tears that threaten to rise to the surface.

Jae? Jae? Look at me, Jae. Her gentle footsteps pad across the pockmarked floor as Jaehan makes his way into the bathroom, spitting out toothpaste that tastes more like death. Don't I look pretty?

Something in Jaehan's chest shatters. He chokes back a sob. "You do, Soojin. You always did." Even in death, you were still the prettiest girl I've ever seen.

Then why won't you look at me, Jae? As he shrugs on his jeans, saltwater blooming over his tongue and strangling him alive, Soojin's hand stops just shy of his back. She can't touch him, and even if she did, it would feel like nothing but the cool air she is. Nothing more than a hallucination now. He knows that. He's always known that. Why won't you look at me?

"I can't," Jaehan whimpers pathetically, stumbling out of the bedroom and reaching for his phone. "I need to go to work. I need to follow the routine."

Jaehan. Look at me. Please? Even out of the slate-stained clutches of what had once been their bedroom, Soojin's skin is still grey. In the corner of Jaehan's eye, her face is paler than it's ever been, and the bright, snowy grin curving across her lips only makes her look more sickly. Against the wisps of her ashen figure, her coral dress is a stark blot of colour, the calm before the storm.

"I can't!" Jaehan yells, hot tears stabbing through his vision as he snatches his keys out of his pocket and shoves them in the lock. He's never shouted at Soojin before---never been able to bring himself to do so---and he knows that if she were real, she'd flinch. But she doesn't. She just smiles. She keeps smiling, that same, eerily beautiful smile plastered across her flawless face, even as Jaehan flings himself at the door until it opens, sobbing desperately and gasping for air.

He lands on all fours in front of the door, managing to collect his bearings enough to give the empty hallway a quick once-over before pulling himself to his feet and locking the door. It should be okay. It has to be. Soojin rarely follows him past the confines of their shitty flat---it's as if even his fragile mind can't bear seeing her anywhere else.

But not today.

Today, Soojin's stick-thin form stands before the door he's just locked, staring at him with that dead grin and those even more dead eyes, filled with a million questions Jaehan can't answer.

Jaehan bites back a sob. "Please---not today---" he begs, knees turning to jelly.

Don't go to work today, Jae. Stay with me. She tilts her head to the side, grinning up at him prettily. Along the curve of her jaw, a shred of skin flakes off, blood trickling down her neck.

"No!" Jaehan runs down the corridor and down the stairs that always creak like they're about to fall apart any second, patting his pockets to make sure he's got his phone and keys along the way. He shouldn't have talked to her. He shouldn't have looked at her. He shouldn't have broken the routine. But he did, and now, as he sprints across the overgrown courtyard, the rain beats its displeasure into his head, lashing his ears with icy droplets that freeze the moment they kiss his skin.

Jaehan hurls himself into his car, dripping slush over the seats. His tears blend with the rainwater streaming down his face, a mariage d'amour of grief and pain. The clouds hang dark and low over his head, bellowing their inner agony. He's forgotten to bring a jacket. He's too sad to care.

Jae, look at me. Just like that, Soojin's in the passenger seat. Jaehan's cry gets stuck in his throat as more skin flakes off Soojin's face, scarlet twisting her gorgeous features into something darker. Something evil. Something dead. Flashes of ivory crop up over her nose and chin as she smiles, lips already peeling off to reveal the slick call of bone. Thick, red saliva drips down her chin, the snap of her jaw breaking in two barely audible to Jaehan's tear-clogged ears. Look at me look at me lookatme.

Her hair spills over her shoulders like the black claws of death, mingling with the crimson waterfalls that burst free from her neck in grotesque patches. As Jaehan stares in horror, her lipless head snaps to the side with a loud crack, purple-blue already dotting itself over her throat as it knots itself in ways no human neck should ever be able to, nothing but a distended lump separating her chin from her collarbones now. When she raises her arm, her shoulder ends in a tangle of ravaged nerves and snapped tendons, muscle wrapping itself around the mess like a rubber band. But through it all, her glassy eyes never leave him, even as blood rushes down her face in a macabre river and pools in her lap.

She's still smiling.

Jaehan slams his head down on the dashboard and screams.

i actually almost didn't finish editing this in time but GUESS WHAT I DID!!! everyone clap for me mwah mwah (jkjk but omg i legit thought i would have to postpone this week's update like,,,)

life has been hella wild recently like ya boy has YET ANOTHER RESEARCH PAPER and this one's due on monday...plus i've been cooking up a few things that you'll probably know about if you follow my twitter haha, i cry about all my writing projects there everyday LMAO (it's Nicoismysenpai, btw ;P just letting y'alls know)

i really hope this chapter didn't disappoint, since it's probably my favourite one so far! (yk i love love love my descriptions haha) please do leave some comments if you can (i reply to almost all comments) because i am a SLUT for comments, and as always, constructive criticism is always appreciated! don't forget to vote too if you can, i really really appreciate the support <333

thank you so so much for sticking around with HTE, and i hope you're enjoying it so far! make sure to take care of yourselves and stay hydrated, and i'll see you in next Saturday's update! lots of love <333

xoxo, Alex