Gerard sunk down with his back pressed against the door to his apartment as a soft sigh escaped his throat without his permission, and even though he was fully aware that he was acting like a teenage girl that had just received her first kiss, he didn't really give a shit, it wasn't like anyone could see him anyway.

Touching the pads of his fingers against his lips that only seconds ago had been pressed against Frank's in a scorching kiss, Gerard smiled to himself as he replayed the sensation in his head, trying to remember exactly how Frank's mouth had felt against his own, and the soft sounds he had made while Gerard plundered his mouth.

Frank...even just thinking his name had Gerard's cheeks heating up and his heart fluttering in his chest like a caged bird that ached to spread its wings and fly, which was a fitting analogy for Gerard's situation, because until last night, he had been trapped, and even though it was in a device of his own making, Gerard had forgotten that he could free himself until Frank had shown him that he had possessed the key to his prison all along.

Ever since he had moved back home, even before that actually, Gerard had kept his emotions locked away, never allowing himself to get close to anyone in the fear of being hurt like he had in the past, but something about Frank made him want to throw all caution to the wind and dive into this head first, and it wouldn't matter if he shattered against the hard pavement waiting for him at the bottom, because maybe Frank would catch him before that happened, and Gerard wanted to take that chance.

This was a complete one-eighty for Gerard, who was usually terrified of reaching out to anyone, especially strangers, and he was honestly surprised that he had managed to work up the courage to initiate anything with Frank at all, but the large amounts of alcohol he had consumed that day had definitely helped with that, and the fact that Frank had been so willing had left little time for Gerard to doubt himself, or the connection he felt between him and Frank.

Because there was something there, something real, something tangible, something that Gerard wasn't sure he would ever feel with another person. Gerard couldn't produce the exact word for what he was feeling was; it was more than simple lust, that was for sure, and it was much to earlier to call it anything more seriously, like love, but it was something, and whatever it was, Gerard wanted more of it.

Frank was the first person Gerard had been with in months, and the ones before him had been random hookups for the most part, and even though Frank could technically be classified as another one-night stand, he wasn't, Gerard knew that for certain.

Gerard was still in awe over how eager Frank had been, how much he needed Gerard, how easily they had melded together as if they had been lovers for ages. There was none of the awkwardness Gerard usually associated with his typical sexual encounters, and now that Gerard had a taste of Frank, he wanted more - he wanted to see how far Frank would let him go, how much pleasure they could find in each other's bodies once they became better acquainted.

But even though the sex had been mind blowing, that wasn't the only thing Gerard wanted from Frank. He had truly enjoyed Frank's company, and coming from Gerard, who wanted to be left alone ninety percent of the time, that meant a hell of a lot. Just watching a movie with Frank had been exciting, and Gerard couldn't remember the last time he had actually desired someone else's presence, but it had been far too long, that was for sure.

Gerard honestly couldn't believe that Frank had just waltzed into his life last night, and it made him wonder if someone was looking down on him for above, and they had taken pity on Gerard's sad state and driven Frank into his path in an attempt to bring Gerard some happiness. Gerard would like to think that things like that could happen, that maybe Elena could still see Gerard wherever she was, and she had somehow had something to do with Frank appearing on his doorstep last night.

The whole notion was sort of ridiculous, especially since Gerard really didn't believe in God, or angels, but it made sense in a way. Mikey had needed someone to bring him home, and Frank had just so happened to be there, and Gerard had needed someone too, even though he hadn't admitted it to himself before last night, but now he wasn't ashamed at all to say that he wanted Frank in his life.

Gerard hadn't been ready to let Frank walk out his door this morning, and he missed him already, even though he had barely been gone for two minutes. Gerard was always like this when he was interested in someone though; he wanted to be around them every second of every day, and only the knowledge that most people didn't appreciate that much attention made Gerard constrain himself from begging Frank to blow off his mother and stay here with him, he didn't want to scare him off after all.

Still, Gerard couldn't resist the urge to send Frank a quick text, so he got up from his position on the floor and hurried into his bedroom to grab the device. Gerard was well aware that he was probably being a bit too clingy, especially with someone he had only met last night, but he really liked Frank, and he wanted to make sure he knew that.

Once the text was sent, Gerard began to get dressed so he wouldn't sit there waiting for a reply, which was what he truly wanted to be doing, but it was much too earlier to be obsessing over Frank just yet, even though avoiding doing just that was starting to become a difficult task already.

As Gerard pulled on some probably clean clothes, he wondered if Frank was truly going to see his mother, or if it had all been a clever lie to escape Gerard's company. Gerard didn't sense any falseness radiating off of Frank this morning, but he had seemed nervous, uncomfortable even, and Gerard was beginning to wonder if he had been much to forward with Frank last night after all.

But no, Frank had seemed to want Gerard, and he hadn't seemed scared or overwhelmed at all while they were having sex, not even when Gerard got a bit rough with him - really, it was only afterward when Frank began to get skittish, which led Gerard to believe that Frank might not be used to cuddles, or goodbye kisses, or morning afters.

Gerard knew he was over analyzing the situation, and the best way to find out what Frank had truly been feeling was just to ask him, but Gerard had a very observant personality, and his deductions were usually correct, not to mention he was more likely to find out the truth from Frank's body language than his words, because a tongue could lie, but mannerisms were much more honest.

Gerard wanted to know more about Frank, because the quick glimpse he had gotten into his life last night hadn't been nearly enough to satisfy Gerard's curiosity. Gerard wanted to read a novel focusing soley on Frank, he wanted to soak up every word until he knew what made Frank the person he was today, the person that interested Gerard so much.

Gerard hadn't felt this urge in years; the burning desire to get close to another person was something that Gerard had been convinced had died ages ago, but Frank had stoked the small spark back to life, and honestly, Gerard had missed this feeling.

Until last night, Gerard had been perfectly content hiding in his apartment for the rest of his life, drowning in his sorrows with no one else but Mikey for company until one of his self descructive habits ended up killing him, but now the world was filled with color again, and Gerard actually wanted to go out and experience it, as long as Frank was involved.

But Gerard knew this spike of happiness wouldn't last, it never did anymore, but that didn't make it any less enjoyable, quite the opposite actually. Knowing he would inevitably crash made this brief burst of joy even more precious, and if spending time with Frank evoked these sensations in Gerard, he was going to make sure that happened much more often.

It was amazing how quickly Gerard had gone for the sobbing drunken mess he had been two days ago to the giddy love struck person he was now, but it didn't phase Gerard anymore, this was his life, and for years now, he had been dealing with dramatic ups and downs, and he had stopped questioning them, because it didn't do any good.

Somewhere in his head, Gerard knew that this wasn't natural, and he probably had bipolar disorder, or something similar to that, but he just didn't care. He didn't want to go to a shrink he would tell him all the things wrong with his life; Gerard already knew he was fucked up, and he definitely didn't want to be put on any more mind numbing medications. He had stopped taking his depression pills months ago, and even though he was sure they would help him level out a bit, the trade off just wasn't worth it, and he refused to go around feeling like a zombie for the rest of his life.

Gerard didn't want to worry about whatever mental illness he may or may not have though, not right now when he could be thinking of Frank. Picturing the small smile Frank had graced him with before he had left this morning had Gerard's lips tugging upward unconsciously, and Gerard couldn't remember the last time he had smiled this much - not since the days in the band, that was for sure, and Gerard refused to acknowledge those memories anymore.

This thing with Frank had all happened so fast, Gerard should have been slightly worried about how attached he had become to him in less than twenty four hours, but it had been so long since Gerard had felt the way he had last night, he didn't even care about the odd way they had met, or how fast their acquaintanceship had progressed into sex, because Gerard needed someone who made him feel again, he needed someone like Frank, and he wasn't afraid to admit that.

If anyone knew life was short, it was Gerard, and he wasn't one for waiting, or taking it slow, not when today might be his last, so he didn't regret anything that had happened with Frank last night, and he could barely wait until tomorrow, when it would hopefully happen again.

Gerard was itching to return to his phone to see if Frank had texted him back, but he knew he needed to check up on Mikey before he got too caught up in Frank, so he forced his feet towards his brother's room, pushing the door open gently just in case Mikey was still asleep.

As soon as Gerard's gaze feel on Mikey, his previous good mood deflated, and he was hit with the reminded of why Frank had come over in the first place. Gerard had almost managed to forget about Mikey's drug problem while Frank had been distracting him, but now it was returning to him full force, and his smile fell into a grimace as he entered the small room.

Mikey peered at Gerard with bleary eyes as he walked over to his bed, and Gerard graced him with a sad smile in way of greeting. Mikey looked terrible - not as bad as last night, but still pretty fucking bad, and Gerard hated seeing his once vibrant brother decaying before his very eyes.

Mikey was too thin lately, not that he hadn't always been lanky and bony, but now he was borderline emaciated; Gerard could count his ribs easily when he sat up in bed, and even his skin tone was sallow and unhealthy looking, and Gerard couldn't help but feel like it was his fault this his brother was this way.

If Gerard had never wanted to start a band, Mikey would never have joined, he would never have fallen into cocaine so heavily, and he would still be happy. He would have graduated college, maybe even have settled down with someone by this point, but Gerard had ruined Mikey's life with his stupid idea, and he was reminded of that every time he laid eyes on his baby brother.

"Hey Mikes...how you feeling?" Gerard asked, placing a hand on Mikey's forehead to make sure he wasn't running a fever.

"Better now, just kinda out of it," Mikey shrugged sheepishly, moving out from under Gerard's touch with an irritated sigh.

"Where is it?" Gerard demanded once he had ascertained that Mikey was decently healthy, for the moment at least, and Mikey rolled his eyes in response, pointing to his dresser when Gerard continued to glare at him.

"I'm not an idiot Gerard, I was going to throw it away once I got up," Mikey sighed when Gerard began rifling through the top drawer, emerging with the bag of coke that Mikey had hidden there.

"Were you Mikes - really?" Gerard scoffed, stuffing the ziplock into his pocket so he could dispose of it as soon as this conversation was over. He wasn't taking any chances leaving the drugs with Mikey, and even though he most definitely had more hidden away somewhere, at least Gerard could make sure he didn't use this bad batch again.

"Yes - I wasn't going to take shitty coke twice." Mikey crossed his arms over his chest defensively, and Gerard recognized that stubborn glint in his brother's eyes, so he decided to stop pushing him before this turned into a full blown argument.

"Okay, you know I'm just worried about you. I wish you would quit this..." Gerard sat back down on the edge of Mikey's bed, sending him an apologetic look in the hopes of mollifying Mikey's irritated posture.

"I did try Gee, but it's hard...and I just - I don't know. I guess I forgot what it is like to live without it," Mikey shrugged uncomfortably, shifting slightly in the bed to make more room for Gerard to spread out next to him.

"I know Mikes, but it isn't impossible - I did it, remember? You just need to keep yourself distracted...get a job or something - you know? Stop hanging around the people who give it to you." Gerard cringed at his words, because he sounded like a parent lecturing a child, but in a way, he did feel like Mikey's father more than his brother half the time, and he couldn't just sit silently by while Mikey spiraled even further into his addiction.

"Yeah sure, but you are forgetting that I dropped out of college for the band Gee, and it's pretty fucking hard to find a job without a degree, and don't tell me to go work at McDonald's or some shit, because I swear, I will slap you."

"But you can go back to school Mikes...finish up where you left off - hell, start something new. I don't know, just find something to help you get over this," Gerard pleaded, and even though they had this argument at least once a month, Gerard wasn't ready to give up on his brother yet.

"You just don't fucking get it - do you Gee? I don't want to go back to fucking college, or getting a fucking job - I want the band back, I want our old lives back, and the only way I can forget about how much I hate the fact that you broke it up is the drugs okay? That's why I can't quit, and I don't want to make you feel bad, or guilty, but its the truth," Mikey sighed heavily, refusing to meet Gerard's eyes once he was finished speaking.

"Don't fucking talk about the band," Gerard growled, trying to push back his anger over Mikey's statement.

"No Gerard - I'm going to talk about it, because you need to fucking own up to what happened, because it did - we were in a band, a fucking good band, and we were going places until you freaked out and ended everything before it began."

"Shut up Mikey -"

"That's what you want, but I'm not going to Gerard, not this time. You need to stop pretending that My Chem didn't happen - okay? It's not healthy, and it's stupid, and I'm your own brother, and I don't even understand why you ended it. Three Cheers was a great album, people were loving us...and - I just don't understand Gee..." Mikey choked out, and Gerard found himself fighting back his own wave of unexpected tears.

"Mikes...I just had to. The band was killing us, and it - it was too much, and I just couldn't...none of us could keep it up," Gerard mumbled quietly, but he was cut off by a loud scoff from his brother.

"Don't feed me those bullshit excuses, I have heard them one thousand times before," Mikey sighed wearily, turning away from Gerard angrily.

"It's true Mikes...I don't know what else to say." Gerard's stomach twisted uncomfortably as he spoke, but he couldn't tell Mikey the whole truth, he couldn't tell anyone, but it wasn't like the rest of it was a lie.

The band had been killing them, and one of them would have overdosed or died of alcohol poisoning sooner or later with the way they were going. Their last tour had nearly destroyed all of them, and even though Gerard had already been working on their next album, he couldn't bring himself to live that life any longer, not after everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry - I'm just angry, and tired, but we don't have to talk about it right now. I just wish you would fucking open up to me. I used to know everything about you...but now you are like a stranger to me," Mikey sniffled softly, turning back to Gerard with a weak smile.

"I'm sorry Mikes." Gerard hung his head in shame, not knowing what else to say, because Mikey was right, but Gerard didn't even know what was going on in his head half the time, and if he could explain it to his brother, he would, but not yet.

"So...you fucked Frank last night?" Mikey changed the subject abruptly, leaving Gerard sputtering for air as his cheeks flamed bright red.

"What...how did you - did you hear us?" Gerard choked out, trying to hide his blush from Mikey before he caught sight of it.

"No - thank fuck for that," Mikey chortled softly.

"Then...how did you know?" Gerard asked sheepishly.

"Because you were actually smiling when you walked in here, and I saw the way you two were eye fucking each other last night, so it wasn't too hard to guess."

"Oh - well uh...yeah..." Gerard blushed again as he admitted it. It was slightly awkward talking to Mikey about this, especially since he had been at the bar with Frank in the first place, which meant Mikey had most likely been interested in Frank before Gerard even knew he existed, but it was too late for Gerard to try and cover up what had happened.

"Did he see them?" Mikey questioned, and Gerard instantly knew that Mikey was talking about the scars that littered his thighs and arms.

"I don't think so...he didn't say anything at least." Gerard glanced down at his wrists as he spoke; the light marks there had almost completely faded away, but they were still visible, and every day Gerard had to live with the scars he had made on himself in his times of weakness.

Gerard hated the fact that he did this to himself, and even though it was a rare occurrence for him to take a blade to his skin anymore, he had already ruined himself beyond repair, and he was terrified of what Frank would think when he finally noticed them.

Gerard had done his best to keep them hidden from Frank last night, and he had made sure not to remove his pants until the last possible moment - the marks on his thighs were much worse than anywhere else, but if he continued to see Frank, he was going to catch sight of them eventually, but Gerard would cross that hurdle when it happened.

"That's good - he was probably distracted by your giant dick," Mikey grinned.

"What the hell Mikey - you are my brother, you aren't allowed to talk about my dick," Gerard squeaked, slapping Mikey weakly on the shoulder as he tried not to die of embarrassment.

"What - I lived on a bus with you for years Gee, everyone in the band saw your dick," Mikey giggled, but the sound quickly cut off when he caught sight of Gerard's face.

"Stop talking about the fucking band Mikey...and my dick too for that matter." Gerard scoffed angrily.

"Sorry...so - are you going to see Frank again?" Mikey asked, still chuckling quietly to himself.

"Yeah - I hope so, maybe tomorrow if he follows through. I texted him earlier, so I will see if he responds." Gerard felt a smile breaking out on his face again now that he was speaking of Frank, and by Mikey's raised eyebrow, he saw it too.

"Good, I think you need someone like him in your life."

"Oh yeah - why?" Gerard pressed, because even though he knew why he wanted to keep Frank around, he was curious to hear Mikey's reasoning.

"Because he is different - more caring than most people, or something like that. I think he could make you love yourself again, or at least help you. I just get a good vibe off of that guy," Mikey shrugged.

"Yeah - he is different," Gerard agreed, scooting over slightly when Mikey shoved him to the side so he could get out of bed.

Frank was different - special even, and the fact that Mikey saw it too just solidified Gerard's attraction to him, because Gerard trusted his brother's judgment more than his own, more than anyone's actually. It was rare that Mikey ever approved of Gerard's love interests, but he liked Frank, and that meant a hell of a lot to Gerard.

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm fucking starving. You want to go to iHop or something?" Mikey asked as he rifled around his room for some clothes, obviously done with their current conversation.

"Yeah that sounds good," Gerard agreed, regaining his feet easily while avoiding the clutter Mikey had littered around his room.

"Cool - just give me a minute and I'll be ready," Mikey mumbled out, his head halfway buried in his closet as he searched for fuck knows what.

"Okay," Gerard answered, already halfway toward his room, or more importantly, his phone.

Gerard was embarrassed of how nervous he was when he approached the innocent looking device, but he knew he would be crushed if Frank hadn't responded, even though it was perfectly understandable if he hadn't, but Gerard couldn't help how quickly he got attached to people.

Gerard tried to prepare himself for disappointment, telling himself that Frank was busy, and he might already be at his mother's house by now, so it was possible that he wouldn't even check his phone until later, but his mental pep talk wasn't making his hands any more stable, or his breathing slow down at all.

Luckily for Gerard though, he had one new message when he finally unlocked his phone, so he didn't have to deal with what would have happened if Frank hadn't texted him back, because the outcome wouldn't have been pretty, but thank fuck that wasn't the case.

And when Gerard read Frank's response, he felt an unfamiliar warmth bubbling in his stomach, something he could only describe as pure joy, and fuck - this was better than any drug, any drink, and Gerard would do whatever it took to make this sensation last forever.

"Yeah - it's Frank. I would say you are cute in the morning too, but you are pretty fucking cute all of the time."

Gerard quickly typed out a response, smiling to himself as he did so, because Mikey was right; Frank was doing wonders for Gerard already, and tomorrow night really couldn't come fast enough.

Yay update ^_^

I know I probably should be working on some of my other neglected stories, but I got inspiration for this one, so yeah...

I know I am taking ages to get to the teacher/student part of this book, but that is going to be a major conflict point in the story, and I want to add some cute fluff before it gets all serious, so just put up with me for a bit longer.

This chapter is dedicated to xoxogerard because your comments are so freaking sweet, and you always make my day, and I am really happy that you are enjoying this story so much.

((((updating vibes))))

<3 starr