Gerard left the school premises as quickly as he could without breaking into a full-blown sprint, heading toward his car which was one of the few left in the mostly empty parking lot. His parent conference had taken him much longer than he had hoped; usually, he could reassure the worried mother or father by explaining that their student could always do extra credit to get their grade up, but this woman hadn't been mollified by that explanation. She seemed to have good intentions for her son, but she also didn't understand that Gerard was not solely in control of his GPA.

He had eventually calmed her by outlining the rest of the years' curriculum, as well as showing her that her son would basically have to fail his final exam to lower his B grade to a C. The process has taken over an hour in all, when typically his conferences lasted 15-30 minutes tops. He was sure Frank was wondering where he was. He had meant to text him when it was obvious that he would be running late, but his phone had died, and he assumed it would be rude to pull out his charger in the middle of the parent's tirade about her student's college applications.

He would be home soon though, but more importantly, he would be reunited with Frank. A part of Gerard still felt guilty for allowing their relationship to continue, but he was too weak to push Frank away. He made him happy, he gave him something to look forward to every day, and Gerard wasn't a saint. He only hoped that Frank felt the same for him, he seemed to at least, and as long as he did, Gerard shifted the blame from himself to the universe for making their age gap such a large one.

Gerard drove home quickly; most of the school traffic had already dissipated, allowing him to arrive at his apartment complex in record time. Luckily for him, the speedy journey cut down on the time his mind had to run away on him, so when he arrived at his door, he was in a pleasant mood. He was trying to be better lately, to ignore the negative half of his brain that attempted to tear him down on a daily basis, and he had been improving thanks to Frank. He couldn't wait to spend the rest of the day with him outside of school hours, his presence always quieted all of the awful parts of himself that Gerard struggled with, but when he opened the door to his apartment, he didn't immediately see his boyfriend inside.

"Frank?" Gerard called, wondering if he had taken his parting words literally and he was actually waiting for him on the bed. "Are you in here?"

When Gerard received no answer, he searched the small amount of floor space, peeking into his room as well as Mikey's before coming to the conclusion that Frank wasn't inside. He didn't let himself worry though, something had most likely come up with his mother and he had to leave. Frank had probably texted him about it, which Gerard hadn't seen since his phone's battery was unable to last for eight hours anymore. So he fished his charger out from his bag, plugging it into the first available socket he saw that happened to be the one near the coffee maker. Knowing that he had a few minutes to kill before his phone would turn on, he decided to make himself a cup of coffee since he now had the idea in his head. It had been a long day, and in his opinion, it was never too late for another dose of caffeine.

Gerard hummed under his breath as the water came to a boil, attempting to wash a few dishes that had been piling up in the sink for much too long. By the time he had sorted out the dirty bowls and plates, his coffee was brewed and his phone was on. He grabbed a mug that had been sitting on the counter to pour his drink into, stirring in a bit of sugar as he waited for his phone to finish rebooting so he could view his notifications. He saw that he had a missed call from Frank from about an hour ago, but it was the text message that he had received afterward that ground his world to a halt.

Gerard wasn't aware that he had dropped his mug until it hit the ground, spraying hot liquid across his trousers as well as shards of glass. He didn't even flinch though, in fact, the commotion hardly registered in his head at all, he couldn't focus on anything else besides the message that Frank had sent to him.

"Mikey overdosed. Someone dropped him off at your place before disappearing. He's unconscious, and I couldn't get a hold of you, so I had to call an ambulance. We are headed to the hospital now. Meet me there as soon as you get this."

Gerard was unsure how many minutes ticked by as he stared down at his phone blankly. He was no longer reading the message, the words were already seared into his mind, blurring everything else until he had no awareness of himself or the world outside of the fact that he had to get to the hospital, but he couldn't seem to move. Mikey had done it, he had truly overdosed. Gerard knew this would happen, or at least, he had feared it ever since Mikey's cocaine addiction had begun spiraling out of control, but yet, he had also hoped that this day would never come.

He should have done more to stop this, but he hadn't. He had been a coward, hiding behind a shield of ignorance, telling himself that Mikey could take care of himself, or that Ray would, and look where that had gotten him. Ray had warned him about this, he had begged Gerard to intervene, and he had meant to soon, but now it was too late, and they were both paying the price.

Why hadn't Gerard stepped in earlier? He knew how dangerous cocaine was, it had almost killed him as well, even if it was in a different way. That was what had ended the band in all reality, but Gerard had never told Mikey the truth, he had never explained how close he had come to death before finally making the decision to break them up, hell - he rarely let himself think on it. He was ashamed of what had happened back then, he was afraid that it might happen again, that he would fall so hard he felt that he had no other choice but to erase himself from existence in any way that he could. He didn't want his brother to know the extent of his weakness, but in an effort to pretend he was a better person than he was, he very well might have lost the person he was trying to impress.

Gerard turned around rapidly when his body remembered how to move again. He meant to head back to his car so he could get to Mikey as soon as possible, but instead, he found himself retching weakly into the sink. The sudden motion had upset his stomach, or perhaps it was just the shock of this whole situation; whatever it was, Gerard was left dizzy and ill, but since he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, he had nothing to throw up besides bile.

And then all at once, Gerard felt nothing - no nausea, no panic, no hope. His insides went numb, as if a black hole had formed in his abdomen, sucking away everything including his sensations and emotions, leaving him a hollow shell. Gerard wiped his mouth slowly, inhaling deeply as he straightened his spine, forcing himself to at least act like a composed human being instead of the internal wreck he currently was.

Somehow, Gerard exited his apartment building without incident. Fuck knows if he actually locked up or not, or even closed the door, but he was outside now and headed toward his car, which was the direction he needed to be heading in. He refused to think, to ponder on the future, he simply had to act. He could let the guilt rip him to shreds later, there would be plenty of time for that once he had seen Mikey.

Gerard had no idea how he made it to the hospital, or if he was even heading toward the correct one. Frank hadn't specified, or if he did, Gerard had already forgotten what he had said. His phone was still on the kitchen counter though, so he had no way to double check, and logically, they would have taken Mikey to the closest hospital, which is the where he was going as well.

He didn't allow himself to think, he just acted. That was all he could do without mentally shattering. His brother had overdosed, his brother could die, and Gerard had done nothing to stop it. If Frank hadn't been there, god knows what would have happened. He couldn't dwell on the what if's though, he refused to let his mind run away with anything. He just drove, trying to avoid getting into an accident as he sped down the street as quickly as he dared.

By some matter of luck, or maybe divine intervention, not that Gerard believed in that, he managed to park his car unscathed. His body was running on autopilot while his mind shut down. He trusted his limbs to follow their usual pattern of unbuckling his seat belt and turning the key into the off position, but if someone had asked him if he had completed those tasks, he couldn't have answered with one hundred percent certainty.

Gerard strode inside at an unsteady pace, his vision blurring at the edges when he entered the artificial smelling interior of the hospital. He feared that he was on the verge of passing out as his eyes danced around erratically, searching for someone who could direct him to Mikey, or at least let him know how he was. He couldn't see though, couldn't focus, not with the panic clawing its way up his spinal cord. His emotionless veneer was quickly chipping away, allowing everything he was feeling to return with a vengeance. He had to force himself to sit down before things got any worse, his teeth clicking together sharply as he all but fell into the nearest plastic seat.

"Sir, are you all right?" a strange voice floated toward his ear. Gerard couldn't answer - god - he could barely breathe. He had to speak though, he needed to find out where Mikey was.

"M-my brother," Gerard gasped out, "is he okay?" he asked the mousy nurse who hovered in his left peripheral, even if he was fully aware that the odds of her knowing anything about Mikey's current condition was slim to none. Still, there was no way he was going to find him on his own in this state, so this was the best he was going to get.

"I can find out for you, but first, you need to calm down. Can you take a deep breath for me?"

Gerard wasn't sure if he could, but he did his best to comply. His brain turned her tone into that of his brother's, he recalled how Mikey always knew how to soothe him when he was on the verge of falling apart. God - what if Mikey was already dead? How could he live with that, how was he supposed to make it through life without his brother's constant presence? He couldn't think like that now though, Mikey might still be alive, but he would never find out if he didn't pull himself together.

"I - I'm fine," Gerard lied, well - more like pretended. "I just need to find my brother, his name is Way - Mikey Way. He arrived by ambulance not too long ago."

"You'd have to check at the desk up there," the nurse pointed off to her left. "They can help you, but are you sure you don't need me to get you some water or anything..."

Gerard didn't hear the rest of her sentence, he was already moving in the direction she had gestured, muttering a quick thank you under his breath as he hurried over to the counter which was thankfully free of anyone else at the moment. Ignoring his persistent dizziness, Gerard resisted the urge to slump over as he cleared his throat loudly in an attempt to get the attention of the woman wearing tan scrubs who was currently typing away on an outdated computer.

"Give me a second hun," she held up her hand just when Gerard was about to speak. He was tempted to groan in annoyance, but he realized that pissing her off wouldn't help him at all, it might even hinder his search, so he stayed silent, using his time to try and compose himself the best that he could. "Okay," the nurse spoke up again, "now, what can I do for you?"

"I am looking for Mikey Way, he should have been admitted within the last hour or so."

"Let me see...ah yes okay, Michael I assume you mean. And you are?"

"I'm his brother," Gerard answered impatiently, "how is he?"

"As of right now they haven't updated his file, so I can't tell you that. He's in urgent care, so if you want to head up there with his other visitor, it's on the third floor. The waiting room is just to the right when you get off the elevator, you can't miss it."

Fuck - Frank had come to the hospital with Mikey.

Somehow, Gerard had almost forgotten. In any other situation, he would love to have his boyfriend's support, but this was a public hospital where anyone could see them. Gerard wasn't sure if he could handle that along with everything else. It was difficult enough to act indifferent toward the younger man at school, so he doubted that he could manage to pretend that Frank was just another student in his distressed state.

He was more grateful than he could ever explain that Frank had brought Mikey here, that he had potentially saved his life, but now he wished he was gone, at least momentarily. Even if no one saw them together, word of this would get out. They lived in a relatively small town, and he could try his best to spin it so it seemed that Frank was only there for Mikey, but it would still cast suspicion on him, and he couldn't afford that right now, neither of them could.

"Thank you," Gerard nodded distractedly, trying to memorize her instruction while also mentally debating what to do about Frank.

By the time the elevator had arrived at the correct floor, Gerard still hadn't decided what he was going to say to Frank. They couldn't be here together, he knew that much, but his mind was still entirely too scrambled to think of how to word that delicately. He knew Frank would want to stay with him, fuck - he wanted Frank to stay with him, but he couldn't allow it.

Gerard hesitated in the hallway after exiting the elevator, his gaze scanning for Frank among the throng of distressed looking people who littered the waiting room. Finally, he spotted the younger man in the far corner, although he was surprised he noticed him since he was slumped over and barely visible. Gerard watched as Frank checked his phone dejectedly, most likely waiting for a text from Gerard that would never come. Just seeing his boyfriend evaporated some of the terror that was still swimming through his bloodstream, and he was so tempted to run to him, to hold him, to kiss him like he was dying to.

He couldn't though, that was the choice he had made. Being with Frank meant he had to sacrifice certain things, they both did, and as much as Gerard hated that, he refused to let his feelings ruin Frank's life. He had to get him out of here before anyone noticed him, that was the only way to guarantee that he wouldn't slip up and their relationship would remain a secret. So Gerard steeled himself as he crossed the crowded room, every muscle in his body tensing when Frank lifted his head, his eyes all but sparkling when they locked onto Gerard's stiff figure.

"Gerard," Frank whispered, his knees shaking as he rose halfway to his feet, stopping in an odd sort of crouch that was most likely very uncomfortable, but Frank stayed in that position without seeming to be bothered by it.

Gerard could see Frank's own internal struggle playing out on his features; he was fighting against the same desires Gerard felt, and he also knew that he couldn't act on them. Maybe this would make things easier, Frank had to understand, and Gerard would make it up to him later once he made sure Mikey was going to be okay.

"How is he?" Gerard asked first, his voice trembling almost as badly as his hands which he had clenched into fists at his sides to calm their shakes.

"They won't tell me yet, he's still with the doctors. They said they would let me know when he was stable or if anything changed," Frank replied tiredly. The younger man looked as if he had aged five years during the few hours that they had been separated, and that fact had Gerard's gut twisting uncomfortably.

Frank suffered so much because of him, and now it was spreading to things outside of their relationship. Frank already had enough on his plate, and now he was dealing with not only Gerard's, but Mikey's problems as well. He shouldn't be here, but once again, Gerard was dragging him down. That realization was what helped him find the words he had been searching for; Frank had to leave, Gerard refused to selfishly keep the other man here any longer than he already had.

"Thank you...for all of this," Gerard started, not wanting Frank to think that he was ungrateful for what he had done, because honestly, he owed him a debt that he could never pay back, "but I think you should go home."

"W-what?" Frank questioned, "why?"

Gerard sighed under his breathe at his query, but he knew that Frank deserved an explanation. He had been hoping that Frank would agree instantly, that perhaps he might even read his mind and be able to see why he had to leave without any verbal discussion, but no - once again that was simply him being selfish.

"You know why," Gerard whispered quietly while glancing around, making sure that no one was close enough to overhear. "We can't be seen together like this, it's too suspicious."

"I can say I'm here for Mikey, which I am. I'm his friend too after all," Frank protested stubbornly.

"And when people ask how you know him, when they make the connection that he is my brother and I'm your teacher, that you spend time with me outside of school, what then? Even if this was all entirely innocent, people would still think it was odd. Believe me Frank, I would love to let you stay, but I can't. You have to trust me, I'm only trying to protect you."

"But -"

"You've done more than enough Frank," Gerard cut him off before his arguments could begin to persuade him. "Please...go home."

Gerard immediately wished he could take his words back when he saw Frank flinch, but it was too late. He was hurting him again, that's all he ever did, he tore people down despite his best intentions, he left only destruction in his wake wherever he went, but retracting his statement would only confuse the younger man more. He did need him to leave, and he would apologize later when his head wasn't as fucked up, he just hoped Frank would give him the chance.

"Fine - yeah," Frank sniffed sharply as he moved away from Gerard a few paces. "Just let me know how he is."

"I will," Gerard promised.

"And uh...I'll see you around." Frank waved weakly before turning his back, his shoulders shaking slightly as he exited the waiting room.

Gerard wanted to call after him, to assure Frank that he wasn't upset, to make him smile on last time before he walked away, but he couldn't. The distance between them was growing rapidly, he'd have to shout to be heard, that would draw attention to them both, which was the last thing he wanted.

Gerard's heart ached in his chest as he watched his boyfriend go, but he knew it was for the best. Frank was away from all of this now, and later on, he could mend the damage he had done here, but for now, he had to focus on Mikey. Frank didn't need to be a part of this situation, it was toxic, or he was, probably both. Frank seemed to be immune to the poison they carried in their system so far, but eventually, it would infect him as well if Gerard didn't shield him for it, and he would, even if it killed him.

Now if only Mikey could survive this too, he had to - Gerard couldn't live without him. He wanted to rush to his side, to help him in some way, but he couldn't. There was nothing he could do but wait and let his thoughts consume him, their cast growing ever darker as the minutes ticked by with no news and nothing to distract Gerard from the tortures of his own mind.

Hello again. I return with another chapter.

I am going to keep this author's note short since I really want to play Skyrim so I hope you all are doing well and you enjoyed this.

Votes and comments are always lovely to see if you feel like leaving them.

I'm sending you lots of love xxx

Chapter dedicated to bohemianwatermelon

I'd rather kiss the ground than kiss a starless sky

- starr