Time passed in that fleeting fashion it has, proving the old saying true since it only seemed to fly by when Frank was actually enjoying himself, which he was now that he had Gerard in his life. It seemed like just yesterday that Frank had turned eighteen, but now months had slipped by, Christmas had gone, and January was quickly coming to a close as well.

This was the first time in years that Frank had been looking forward to the holidays. Typically he spent the day with his mother playing happy family until he could escape to Pete's home for a real Christmas celebration, which he still did, but then he headed over to Gerard's for the evening. He had helped him and Mikey make dinner, or attempted anyway, and although the turkey had been borderline inedible, falling asleep in Gerard's arms was the best gift Frank could have asked for.

The holidays had been a lovely blur to Frank, most of his days were lately, and for once, he wasn't just surviving, but living. The bad occurrences were drowned out by the good, mostly Gerard if Frank was being honest, even if they still had to be careful with their relationship.

It was hard at times to keep their secret, but Frank was becoming adjusted to it. The most important people in his life knew anyway, mainly Pete, Ryan, and Brendon. Gerard even came with Frank to spend time with his friends at the bar, not just to drink. His efforts to interject himself into Frank's life meant the world to him, although Pete wasn't willing to hang out with Gerard yet, he still didn't like when he was mentioned all that much, but that was fine, Frank didn't expect his friend to instantly accept the man again, if ever, although he hoped that one day he would.

Sometimes Frank wished that he and Gerard had a more traditional relationship, one that his best friend would approve of, one that he could flaunt proudly whenever he wanted, but Gerard was worth all of the worries, and the bouts of fear, and the hiding, because he made Frank happy, so he would do everything he could to keep their status just between them and the people he trusted. He wasn't going to fuck this up, because they deserved this joy, and Frank refused to lose it by slipping up in any way.

And Frank was determined to do just that. They had made it so far already, and now his graduation date was in sight, so they could do this, and then they could truly be together - hopefully. Frank knew all of their problems wouldn't magically disappear once he was finished with high school, he would always have his mother to deal with after all, not to mention Gerard could still get in trouble if anyone discovered that they had been dating while Frank was his student, but Frank was going to think positively for once until he was given a reason not to.

Frank had no idea what was going to happen once May came and went, when he would be officially considered an adult in society's eye, he never had actually, even before Gerard came into his life, but at least now he had hope. He always assumed he'd simply start working full time at the restaurant, that he'd take care of his mother until she became too much for him to handle, but he had no goals, no aspirations for himself, not really.

How could he when he always had his mother to worry about, and yes - she was vaguely functioning now, but Frank knew she would get worse, she was already declining, which meant that college was iffy, if not out of the question entirely.

Frank wasn't even sure if he could afford a higher education, they weren't exactly well off, but he could probably swing the local community college, especially if he got a scholarship or two, but so far he hadn't been approached by any colleges.

He was a good student, but he wasn't especially driven, he couldn't even pick what degree he'd like to pursue if he was asked, so continuing on with school always seemed pointless to Frank. Maybe he would at least complete his basics though, inspiration might hit him later on if he did, and Frank had a feeling that once he stopped going to school, it would be difficult to get back into it if he changed his mind later.

But now he at least he had other things to look forward to, he had a boyfriend, and motivation to change his life if the path he was traveling down ended up not working out for him. Things had already changed for the better for him, and Frank wasn't going to forget that, even if thinking of the future left him feeling nervous and unsure about what he was doing with himself.

And there was so much to be thankful for in the present, at least to Frank there was, so thoughts of what was coming next could wait until those events drew nearer. Gerard had continued to improve, he hadn't had a mental break in quite some time, and Frank loved seeing the older man slowly healing as he did the same. His relationship with Pete continued to repair itself as well, and now most of the awkward tension that had plagued the air when they had gotten together before had leeched away.

In fact, Frank was just returning from Pete's house. He had dropped by on his way home from school to help Pete with some homework he was struggling with, but now he had to hurry back to his own place before his mother got home, leaving him with no time to see Gerard, but that was okay. Frank had begun to accept that he would never be able to spend as many hours as he wished with his boyfriend, but he knew Gerard would call him later, and perhaps he might even be able to sneak by for a quick visit if his mother fell asleep early enough.

Frank hoisted his backpack higher up on his shoulder as he approached his front door, waving to the mailman who had apparently just finished putting their mail in the slot. Frank picked up the small pile of letters once he was inside, intending to toss them into the box they used to store such things until he had time to go through it and search out the important bills that his mother would surely forget to pay if he didn't do so himself.

But as Frank deposited the envelopes in their appointed place, a familiar name caught his eye, causing his heart to stutter in his chest and his breath to hitch in his lungs as he read over the small line of handwritten text once more just to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

But no, Frank's eyes hadn't been playing tricks on him, because the letter which was addressed to both him and his mother had a return address on it, and the name above it was none other than his father's, which was the last person he ever expected to receive any mail from, but now that he had, he had no idea how to feel about it.

Frank's hands shook as he fished the envelope out of the stack of others, his mind churning and his stomach flipping over as he tried to process that his father was finally trying to get in contact with him after years of silence.

Frank almost didn't want to read what he had chosen to say, because he was finally moving on, he was recovering from the loss of his father, or at least pretending it didn't bother him as much as it did, but fuck - this felt like a slap in the face, and the muted pain that Frank had buried deep inside himself returned with a sudden resurgence of agony, leaving Frank winded and aching as his fingers tore through the thin paper without him making a conscious decision to open the letter.

But it was too late now, his curiosity had gotten the better of him, and Frank knew he had to see what his father had decided to pen down, even if it hurt. Frank couldn't forget about it now, so it would be better to face this all at once instead of letting it fester inside of him.

So he blinked his eyes numerous times, forcing his vision to focus on his father's scrawl which was once something he saw often, but now it was a foreign thing that evoked painful memories. Frank pressed on though, struggling to decipher the meaning of the words instead of simply the shape of the letters.

I guess I should address this to Linda since Frank never reads these although it is him that they are intended for.

I'm not sure why I keep writing either way, but I don't want to give up on our son, even if he hates me.

Not much has changed since Christmas, so I will keep this short, and most of what I would like to talk about involves my husband, who you don't care about.

I wish I could talk to you about these things, but I know I don't deserve that. I hate that I hurt you the way that I did, that I lost you as my family, but I still want you and Frank to be a part of my life, I promise, even if you won't believe me.

I just wanted to tell you that I've switched my cell number, so if Frank has a change of heart, or by some miracle you do, you can now reach me at 213-5556.

Can you please ask Frank to call me?

I doubt you will, but I miss him.

I won't expect a reply, but I hope you both are doing well.

- Frank

Frank couldn't accurately explain the emotions he was experiencing as he finished skimming his father's brief letter, but if he had to pick one term to describe it, he would go with shock, or maybe confusion, because what the actual fuck did this all mean?

Frank's father didn't care about him, he left without a word, he hadn't tried to contact Frank since that terrible day, except apparently he had, and Frank was left shaken and unsure of what to believe as he read over the note again, just to make sure that he wasn't dreaming this up.

But this seemed real, and after pinching himself harshly, Frank had to accept that everything he thought he knew about his father might very well be a lie. He'd been writing to him, he'd apparently sent a letter around Christmas time, and he missed Frank - he actually wanted to talk to him, so why hadn't Frank known about this before?

Frank flipped the envelope back over just to make sure that it was indeed from his father, which it was, but Frank also noticed the return address, which was somewhere in New York. That meant his father was only a train ride away, or a short car trip if he could get the vehicle from his mother, and for some reason, that also surprised Frank. In his head, it was almost as if his father had fallen off the face of the earth, or moved to another country, but no - he'd been within reach this entire time, Frank had just been unaware of that fact.

Frank couldn't understand how this had happened, he had tried to reach out to his father when he left so many times, and all of his attempts had been ignored. Frank usually went through the mail too, so he would have seen any previous letters - unless - fucking hell, Frank's mother must have hidden them from him.

Frank didn't want to believe it of her, but it was the only logical explanation. He typically did as he had today with the mail, he tossed it into the bin or on the table and dealt with it later, leaving his mother with ample opportunities to search through it if she so wished. Frank hated to assume that she would do something so cruel, but he knew her, he was aware of her hatred for his father and his lifestyle, but would she really stoop this low?

Frank was filled with a hot spike of anger for his mother if she had indeed done this, but she didn't deserve all the blame either. She was unwell, Frank knew this, and his father wasn't a saint in this either. They hadn't moved, he knew where they lived, so if he really missed Frank, he could have visited, or maybe called Frank back after all the times he had tried to reach out to him.

Frank didn't like jumping to conclusions, so he attempted to calm down even as his fury continued to increase, but just then, he heard keys in the door, which meant his mother was home, and he was determined to receive some answers to the numerous questions that were bouncing around angrily in his head.

"Hey Frank, how was school?" his mother asked in a tired tone of voice when she made her way into the kitchen, not seeming to notice the letter Frank had clenched in his fist or his stiff posture as she wandered further inside.

Usually, Frank would be ecstatic that his mother had remembered his name, or that she was inquiring after his well-being at all, but not today. At least her lucidity would most likely work in his favor, because if she didn't know who he was, pushing her for information on his father would most likely not end well for either of them.

"What is this?" Frank hissed coldly, trying and failing to stop the trembling of his limbs as he thrust his father's letter in his mother's direction, making sure to tilt the envelope upward so she would able to read who it was from.

Frank watched as a look of horror tinged with guilt crossed over his mother's face, her eyes widening in fear as they darted away quickly, but it was too late to hide her visceral reaction, and Frank was now convinced that his mother had known about these all along, that she had been hiding them from him, which fucking stung knowing that both of his parents had wounded him so harshly, not just his father.

"Where did you get that?" his mother finally replied, but not with the apology Frank had been hoping for, earning her a hateful roll of his eyes as he chased after her retreating figure.

"It was in the mail mom, where else would it be?"

"You shouldn't have opened that," was his mother's response, and that was it, Frank was done playing nice now, so he stepped in front of his mother, stopping her retreating footsteps as he crossed his arms over his chest angrily.

"No - you shouldn't have kept this from me, because I know there are other letters, which you probably have somewhere if you didn't throw them away already," Frank scoffed spitefully. "I can't believe you Mom, how could you do this to me?"

"Frank, I'm tired, can we do this later?" his mother tried a different escape route, but Frank ignored the soft tug of pity that filled his chest, because he couldn't put this off, he had to understand, and his mother owed him an explanation for her deception, even if nothing she could say would make this any better.

"We are doing this now, so I am going to ask you again, why did you think it was a good idea to keep these from me, why didn't you tell me Dad was trying to get in contact with us?"

"Because I was trying to protect you Frank!" his mother yelled back, her loud tone startling him with its sudden intensity. "Your father isn't a good person, he's sick, and I can't have him infecting you. So yes - I made sure to hide the letters away, but it's for the best. He left, he doesn't care about us, only his sins, and you don't need to be exposed to that sort of person."

"How dare you," Frank whispered, his words dripping with venom as he backed away from his mother slowly, "I know you carry those stupid beliefs, but you had no right to push them on me, or to keep me from my father, and you know what, you're the sick one. You'd be lost without me, but instead of thanking me for everything I do for you, you pull shit like this."

"You can't speak to me that way young man," his mother tried to interject, but Frank wasn't finished speaking just yet.

"Actually, I can, because I am an adult now, I've been one for years, you're just too blind to see it, and you need to hear this. I pay the bills here, I make sure we stay afloat, I'm the one who gets you up in the morning so you won't miss work, and you still have the audacity to treat me like a child."

"Frank -"

"Just shut up okay - leave me alone," Frank screeched, his vision swimming with tears as the implications of everything his mother had done truly began to sink in.

Who knows what else she had kept from him, or what other attempts his father had made to be a part of his life she had thwarted. Frank was so furious he was literally shaking, and he knew he had to get away from his mother before he did something he would later on regret.

Frank was so tempted to spill everything to her, to shout that he was gay as well, that he had known he was even before his father announced his own sexuality, that he had a boyfriend that he loved, and that nothing she said or did could change the way he was, but Frank knew it wouldn't help, that she wouldn't understand, and as much as he hated that fact, it was his reality, and he would only be shooting himself in the foot if he let the information out, so he bit his tongue just like always.

"I'm sorry," his mother spoke up meekly, but Frank had no idea if that was another lie or not, and he highly doubted she meant it, if anything she was only saying it to get Frank to calm down.

"Yeah, so am I," Frank mumbled, "I need to go, make sure you eat dinner okay?"

Frank exited the room without another word, grabbing his backpack on the way out before slamming the door loudly behind him, the immature action bringing him the slightest sense of relief as his feet carried him far away from his home which felt more toxic now than it ever had.

Frank was well aware that he couldn't leave forever, because as much as he despised his mother for what she had done, he wouldn't truly abandon her. She needed him, whether she admitted it or not, and Frank wasn't that heartless to let her flounder on her own.

But for today, he needed space, he needed to forget about all of this until he could process it better. He had no idea if he should try to find his father, or how he was going to deal with his mother after this betrayal, but if he tried to sort through the mess in his brain right now, he was going to break.

So Frank turned his feet toward the one place that would offer him comfort, which was Gerard's of course. He ached to lose himself in the other man's touch, to let his calming presence erase the cloud of confusion that was threatening to smother him.

Frank debated calling Gerard to let him know he was on his way, but he was already halfway there by the time the thought crossed his mind, and he doubted Gerard needed a warning. He was always willing to drop everything for Frank, even if he was busy grading papers or something like that, he made sure Frank knew he came first, and that meant the world to Frank.

Frank knew Gerard couldn't fix everything, he wasn't a permanent bandage, but Frank didn't need that, he was just searching for a distraction from the shit storm that he had found himself in, which Gerard always provided, and maybe later he would mend things, but right now, he only wanted to forget.

Hey there long time no see.

So this was a bit shorter than the usual chapters for this book but I am trying to ease myself back into this and it set up the next plot point which was my intention for it.

I hope some of you are still here and if you are I am very grateful for your patience.

I am attempting to get myself vaguely back on track writing wise which includes making this story a priority again. I can't promise consistent updates because when do I ever manage that but this is no longer on hold and I truly intend to keep it that way.

I'm a bit out of touch with this story and its characters so if anyone notices any plot holes or things I mess up either now or in the future please let me know so I can fix them.

Also please don't call the number in the chapter I just made it up and I have no idea if it's real or not.

Votes and comments are always appreciated if you feel like leaving one.

I love you xx

Chapter dedicated to joshuaduninme

You're caught between a dream and a movie scene

- starr