As soon as Frank snapped back into consciousness, courtesy of his phone alarm which he was quickly growing to despise, he was hit with the painful realization of how badly he had fucked up.

It was early still, Frank had purposely made sure he would awaken with enough time to return his mother's car before she realized that he was gone, having chosen to spend the night at Pete's place after his emotional breakdown which had ended in sex, but Frank regretted that decision now - fuck, he regretted everything.

Pete was still fast asleep, the harsh ringing hadn't fazed him at all, for which Frank was thankful for. He didn't think he could face his best friend right now, even the simple pressure of his arm which was lightly lying over Frank's stomach had his skin crawling with disgust, and not because of Pete, he hadn't done anything wrong - no, Frank was the guilty party here, and once again, he had managed to ruin any chance that remained of reconciling with Gerard all because of a pointless fuck.

Moving as little as possible in an attempt to make sure that Pete didn't stir, Frank slipped off of the mattress, needing to get as far away from his friend as possible, his knees shaking and his insides burning as the weight of his impromptu actions crashed down around his already overburdened shoulders.

Feeling suddenly nauseous, Frank swallowed thickly, begging his body not to get sick all over Pete's carpet, but it didn't seem to want to comply. He was overcome with a sudden wave of heat, his throat filling with bile as he allowed himself to curl up on the floor, his hands clutching at his middle weakly as he did his best not to throw up or cry like he so desperately needed to.

Frank deserved to suffer this way though, he welcomed it even, because he had to pay for his mistakes, and if this was the universe's way of telling Frank that he was the world's biggest idiot, than he was receiving the message loud and clear.

Frank didn't know why he had slept with Pete, or what inspired him to think that it would be a good idea, because it wasn't - it very well might have been the worst thing he had ever done, and if he could go back in time, he would slap his former self so hard he would be seeing stars for days, but he was stuck in the present, which meant he was also unable to escape the shame and regret that was quickly suffocating him.

Frank cursed his weakness that had made him search out physical affection in the hopes of easing his pain, because no matter how much better he had felt in the moment, it wasn't worth this agony - nothing was, but worst of all, he had betrayed Gerard, because they were still technically together, and Frank had shredded his trust into a thousand tiny pieces, not only with his lie about being nineteen, but now with this unforgivable sin.

Gerard would hate him as soon as he found out, it was inevitable. Frank had personally witnessed how badly he had reacted to Frank's earlier deception regarding Frank's age, but what he had done last night had shrunken that falsity down to the size of a candle compared to a roaring bonfire.

And really - Frank accepted the fact that Gerard would despise him once his infidelity became know, because actions had consequences, and he was ready to deal with his no matter how horrendous they were, but what he couldn't live with was the fact that this would hurt Gerard, which seemed to be Frank's specialty lately.

Frank couldn't believe that none of this had crossed his mind last night before he all but threw himself at Pete, and he had no convenient excuse like excessive drunkenness to explain away some of his poor decision making, not that it would have made his actions any more forgivable, but still - if he had been wasted, Frank might feel the slightest bit better about what he had done.

But the fact of the matter was that Frank hadn't been inebriated, not in the slightest, he had just been desperate, and hurting, and acting like the slut he never truly wanted to admit it himself that he was, but now he had proven to everyone that he was indeed incapable of dealing with his emotions in a healthy way, not that he wasn't aware of this before.

He had promised Gerard though - he had sworn that he would wait for him, and now barely two days later, he was in bed with another man doing his best to pretend that Gerard didn't exist in his selfish field of vision. Gerard was already struggling with the decision of trusting Frank again after his initial deception, but now Frank had broken down any and all hope of that ever happening again, because Gerard wouldn't be able to move past this - at least, Frank didn't think he would, and even if he somehow did, he shouldn't - god knows Frank would only do something else to wound him further down the line if he was given a second chance.

Bitter tears fueled by an overwhelming wave of self-loathing erupted behind Frank's shut lids, but he couldn't shed them - not here, not with Pete slumbering peaceful two feet away and his parents in the house as well. Needing to escape before he lost the last shreds of his composure, Frank forced his body to unfurl from the small ball he had tucked himself into, hurriedly shoving on his shoes before sneaking downstairs and out the door, thankfully making it all the way to his car without being noticed.

Once Frank was safely secured within the metal body of his vehicle, he dug his phone out of his pocket, intending to check the time, but instead, he was greeted with a notification that caused his heart to seize in his chest and his hands to shake erratically.

Gerard had called him - Gerard had fucking called him and Frank hadn't heard, either because he had been asleep, or because he had been lost in Pete's body, Frank couldn't remember when exactly any of the events of last night had occurred. Frank almost laughed at the extreme irony that had done this to him, but what was supposed to be a humorous sound quickly morphed into an ugly sob that seemed to rip its way out of the bottom of Frank's ribcage.

As Frank continued to cry harshly, he swore he could feel the path his tears were taking as they left his body, but instead of being formed of excess water, they were based in acid, searing his insides as they traveled out of his eyes, burning his internal organs on the way, leaving Frank hunched over the steering wheel with his face in his hands, his shoulders pulling downward in a futile attempt at protecting himself from the internal pain he was in, even though he knew there was no defense against this.

Frank wondered what Gerard would have said if Frank had picked up; maybe they would have worked something out, maybe he was going to tell Frank that he wanted him back, or maybe it was the breakup that Frank had been expecting for the past few days and Gerard had simply been going to drive in the final nail on the coffin that contained their short relationship.

Acting on sheer desperation, Frank hit redial with a trembling finger, begging to anyone that would listen that Gerard would somehow be awake and that he would chose to answer. Frank was clueless over what he would say if he did - in fact, he would probably start crying even harder the second he heard Gerard's voice, but that didn't matter, because the call quickly went to voicemail anyway, leaving Frank alone to try and stifle his sobs on his own.

A few minutes passed before Frank managed to lift his aching neck out of its cramped position, wiping his eyes harshly before stubbornly shoving his keys into the ignition. As much as he wanted to spend the entire day drowning in self-pity, he had other responsibilities, and he couldn't ignore his mother, or school, so with a deep grimace marring his features, Frank managed to hold himself together for long enough to back out of Pete's driveway and make his way down the empty streets at a slow speed.

Frank's stomach churned with guilt the entire way home, the fact that he would have to see Gerard today intensifying the suffocating feeling until Frank honestly thought he might have to pull over in order to empty his stomach of its contents. How was he going to be able to look Gerard in the eye without breaking down in sobs, how could he make it through an entire hour in such close proximity with the man he might be beginning to love, but who he had also thrown aside last night like he meant nothing at all to him?

Frank didn't know what he was feeling anymore, maybe he had simply inflated his feelings for Gerard in a desperate bid to pretend that he could still feel something positive, or maybe he really did care that intensely for him, but if that were so, how could he have slept with Pete so easily?

None of this made sense to Frank anymore, he wasn't conditioned for these extreme amounts of emotional turmoil, but Gerard had unearthed a plethora of both good and bad sensations with his presence, and Frank couldn't discover how to return to the uncaring person he had been not too long ago.

As Frank pulled to a stop in front of his home, the breaking light of dawn casting a glow of warmth about the building that contained anything but, Frank concluded that he had to tell Gerard what he had done. Gerard had been lied to enough by him, and even if revealing his tryst with Pete destroyed any chance Frank had of winning Gerard back, it was something that needed to be done. Gerard deserved the truth, and Frank was going to give it to him, no matter how much the thought of voicing his infidelities aloud pained him.

~~~

Gerard chewed on his pen idly as the clock behind him ticked loudly, what was supposed to be a soft cadence was resonating harshly in his ears, stiffening his already locked up muscles to the point in which they were two seconds away from seizing up, but no matter how often Gerard tried to relax, he couldn't - not with Frank seated in this lesson.

Gerard had been upset last night when Frank hadn't answered his call, but now that anger had become muted, dampened down by a night of tears and a few hours of sleep. Gerard didn't blame Frank for not picking up, and it helped that he woke up to a notification telling him that Frank had tried to reach him earlier that morning, but Gerard had already been late for work, so he had chosen not to ring him up just yet, knowing he would never make it to the high school if he got involved in a conversation with the younger man.

Gerard was considering holding Frank after class let out today, and not only so they could discuss what he had originally wanted to yesterday, but because Frank looked awful, and Gerard couldn't deny the fact that his heart had stuttered in his chest when Frank had walked past his desk with his head down and obvious tear tracks streaking his face.

Gerard had been spending entirely too much time trying to decipher the cause of Frank's sorrow, ignoring the rest of his students as they struggled through the worksheet he had handed out to them. Was it simply remnants of his sorrow from the fallout between the two of them - no, Gerard didn't think so. Whatever had happened to Frank seemed fresh, and it was obviously still tearing him apart, leading Gerard to believe that his misery had another source. Maybe it had something to do with his home life, or bullies, or maybe it wasn't, but Gerard liked those options more than the alternative, because he didn't want to find out that he had been the one who had placed such a desolate expression on Frank's face.

Gerard was well aware that it was idiotic of him to try and speak with Frank on school grounds, even if this was the last period of the day, but he knew he wouldn't be able to resist this time. His initial decision to ignore Frank was already proving much too trying for him to follow through with, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let Frank leave thinking that Gerard didn't care about his distress, because he did - hell, he probably always would, no matter what happened.

The bell announcing the students freedom chimed suddenly, startling Gerard out of his silent contemplation, but Frank seemed even more unaware than Gerard was of the passing minutes if the way he physically jumped meant anything at all, and although there was a large amount of distance separating their two desks, Gerard swore that Frank looked completely petrified, making Gerard lean toward his earlier hypothesis that maybe some classmates had threatened him with a beating after school - god knows Gerard had suffered through enough of those in his teenage years.

"Your homework is due on Friday," Gerard called out after the mass horde of escaping bodies, not entirely caring if they had heard him or not. "If you get stuck, you can stop by and see me after school tomorrow, I'll be here until five."

Frank didn't join the exodus, choosing instead to huddle down in his seat with the sleeves of his white shirt pulled over his hands, making Gerard's plan of talking with him alone that much easier. No one even noticed the fact that Frank had stayed behind, so as soon as the last straggler was out of the room, Gerard stood up swiftly, locking the door and making sure the poster covering the window was still firmly in place before turning around to face the younger man.

"Frankie?" Gerard spoke softly when Frank showed no sign of movement, even after Gerard began to head in his direction, hoping that the pet name would soothe the obviously distressed boy slightly, but apparently it had the opposite effect. Frank's face literally fell as Gerard's words floated across the room, his eyes welled up with tears, and now that Gerard was closer to him, he noticed that Frank was visibly trembling.

All of Gerard's doubts and wariness involving opening himself back up to Frank disappeared in that moment when Gerard realized how close to breaking Frank truly was, and although Gerard still wasn't sure what he wanted to do regarding Frank's age, or even where they stood, he couldn't stand by and let Frank suffer alone, it was physically paining him to witness it, but he was sure that was nothing compared to the agony Frank was experiencing.

Gerard was actually slightly afraid to discover what had Frank on the verge of tears, because Frank was strong, and yes - Gerard had seen him cry before, but this was different somehow. Frank looked shattered, emotional bruised and beaten down until there was hardly anything left of the Frank he adored, and all Gerard wanted to do was to hold him in his arms and promise him that everything was going to be okay, but he settled for sliding his body into the seat adjacent to Frank, placing one hand on his quivering shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture.

"Don't touch me - please," Frank spoke for the first time, his voice cracking heavily halfway through his sentence as he pulled away from Gerard reluctantly. "I don't deserve it."

"What do you mean?" Gerard asked warily, flexing his fingers which seemed to be tingling just from the small amount of contact they had received, highlighting how much he had truly missed being able to be close to Frank whenever he wanted. "Are you okay?"

"No..." Frank sniffled softly, his eyes darting around wildly as if he were looking for a way out. "Fuck Gerard - I'm so sorry, I never meant to...oh god." Frank's spiral of nonsense was cut off by a quiet whimper, his adam's apple working up and down as he tried to swallow back the tears that were obviously threatening to overwhelm him.

"Oh sugar," Gerard murmured, the endearment slipping out before he could stop it, an answering sting resonating at the corners of his eyes as a single tear slipped down Frank's cheek, the droplet of salt water dragging over the lips that Gerard ached to feel pressed against his own just one more time. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I - I have to," Frank stuttered out, his words emerging in an almost indecipherable fashion as he continued to fight against the urge to sob.

"Did someone hurt you?" Gerard questioned sharply, worry clipping his tone into a harsher cadence than he meant for it to have, but he couldn't help himself. Frank's hysterics were terrifying him, and the only thing he could think of that would be at the root of this that didn't have to do with him was that he was experiencing some form of abuse.

"No...it was me, I did something bad."

"Fuck - did you hurt yourself?" Gerard gasped, heaving out a sigh of relief when Frank shook his head no. Gerard should have known that Frank wouldn't resort to such coping methods, he wasn't like Gerard, which was a very good thing.

Unable to handle seeing Frank so upset without at least trying to help him, Gerard gave in to his unconscious desires and wrapped his arms around Frank, rocking the distraught boy slowly as his whispered whatever calming words popped into his head, some of the heaviness that had been surrounding his chest since Monday evaporating as Frank leaned into his chest instead of flinching away, a few more tears falling against Gerard's button up shirt as Frank exhaled deeply as if gathering himself for a never ending plunge into an imaginary abyss.

"I - Gerard...I slept with someone else," Frank spat out suddenly, the cries he had been struggling to contain breaking free as soon as the words left his lips, leaving Frank shaking under their assault as he burrowed deeper into Gerard's touch, clutching tightly to the older man as he sputtered and hiccupped loudly.

"Oh..." Gerard didn't know what else to say, because despite his numerous assumptions, that hadn't factored into any of his musings.

"I'm so sorry...I just had to tell you, I can't - I feel so awful," Frank rambled quietly, his sentiments muffled by the fabric that was covering his mouth, but Gerard wasn't really listening anymore, he was too lost in his own head at the moment.

Gerard kept Frank trapped in his embrace as he tried to sift through his thoughts, and although he was hurt by Frank's actions, he wasn't going to try and pretend that the thought of Frank underneath another man didn't release bolts of agony throughout his lymph nodes, he wasn't as upset as he thought he would be. Maybe he was just numb after everything he had been put through this past week, but really - Gerard simply found it impossible to be furious with Frank while he cried against him like the world was ending, even though their story very well might be.

"You're okay though right?" Gerard found himself asking, needing to make sure that Frank's misery wasn't caused by anything his partner may have done to him.

"I guess - technically yes, even though I hate myself for what I did. I wasn't thinking, and I know that doesn't matter at all. I still fucked up, that's all I seem to do lately. I'm not even sure why I did it, he's just a friend, nothing more, but I was so upset, and I...I don't - I just wish I could take it all back."

Gerard couldn't deny that hearing Frank say that this other person wasn't a potential love interest was a relief, because it was, but the fact of the matter was that Frank had still been unfaithful, and that stung, but it seemed that Frank was even more bothered by his actions than Gerard was. Maybe it was the way that Frank was so obviously regretful of what he had done, or maybe Gerard simply cared for Frank so much that he was willing to look past his infidelity, but whatever the case was, Gerard categorized this transgression much lower compared to Frank's original lie.

A figurative lightbulb went off in Gerard's head at his last thought, because that was the root of this - lies. He had been furious with Frank over his initial deception, even if it hadn't been made with ill intentions, and although most people would rather be deceived in other things than cheated on, Gerard hated falsities with a burning passion, and the fact that Frank had immediately come clean about this was why he wasn't shaking with rage.

Maybe Gerard could trust Frank after all, he had no reason to tell Gerard what had transpired last night, he simply could have kept quiet about the entire thing - hell, they were barely even in a relationship right now given Gerard's ignorance of Frank and his status as his teacher, so Frank could have easily made the argument that they weren't truly together, but he hadn't. He had poured his heart out to Gerard and left it bleeding at his feet, giving Gerard the option to pick it back up and place it in Frank's chest or to stomp on it as he saw fit, and Gerard didn't even need to spend time debating which path he was going to take.

"I'm not upset with you Frank, I promise," Gerard whispered softly, stroking Frank's tangled hair back from his face gently as Frank gazed up at him a confused expression.

"What - why not?" Frank queried, his nails digging into Gerard's sides roughly as if he expected something to tear the two of them apart at any moment.

"Because you came and told me the truth right away, and honestly - I've been where you are right now. I am no stranger to burying my problems in someone else's body, and yes - I don't like the fact that you did that, but it's partially my fault for avoiding you and driving you to it."

"No - don't say that. I understand that you need your space, and I shouldn't have been so weak to give in to my usual habits, but I just - fuck Gerard, I don't want to lose you...I miss you so much already," Frank whimpered quietly, his eyes shining with unshed tears and a spark of hope that Gerard both loved and hated to see.

Because no matter how much he related to Frank's statements, he wasn't ready to jump back into this, and neither was Frank - even if he thought he was. This entire situation was doomed from the start, and as long as Frank was seventeen, Gerard couldn't give Frank the security he wanted, he knew that all along, but he hadn't been willing to admit it to himself until just now.

If they attempted to pick up where they left off, they would be risking everything, and as much as Gerard wanted to believe that Frank might be worth that, he just wasn't sure. What they both needed was space, and time to think, and most of all - honesty, which Gerard was finally going to give to Frank so they could both attempt to work out something that wouldn't leave the other on the edge of insanity.

"I don't want to lose you either," Gerard began slowly, cursing the way Frank's lips turned upward into a small smile that Gerard was about to erase, "but I also think we need to break this off - not forever, just for a little while. I care about you a hell of a lot, but this is killing us already, and maybe taking a step back will be the best thing. If you still want me when you are eighteen, then I'll be here - I promise, but I'm not asking you to be faithful until then, because we can't be together right now. I'll still be here for you as a friend, and I don't want you to be afraid to speak to me about anything, but I'm not going to let you ruin your life by clinging to me until I drag you down."

Gerard forced himself to ignore the burning sensation in his throat that was left behind by his words, locking away all of the negative emotions that were threatening to well up from inside him in favor of appearing cool and collected, knowing that was the only way he would be able to make it through this conversation without devolving into the wreck of a person he truly was.

"But...you aren't - I mean, I don't want anyone else, and I know my actions aren't showing that, but it's true, I meant it the first time I said it, and it hasn't changed," Frank argued back, his torso pulling away from Gerard's slightly, putting a small space between them that Gerard loathed, even though he refused to close it.

"I know you feel that way now, and I'm not trying to doubt you, but I'm also being logical. We can't do this Frank - it's illegal, it's wrong, and it can destroy the both of us. I'm willing to risk my career if you are still dead set on this in a few months, but until then, I can't be with you. I'm sorry for leading you on, or making you think we had a chance when we talked the other day, and believe me - I want to say 'fuck it all' and take you back right now, but you have hurt me Frank, and I'm really confused about pretty much everything right now."

Frank opened and closed his mouth numerous times, but nothing emerged. Gerard was so tempted so lean over and press a soft kiss to his temple to ease his agitation, but he didn't, knowing it would only make Frank's struggles worse in the end, although he had still failed to remove his arm from around Frank's shoulder.

"Okay," Frank finally said, his expression transforming into a blank canvas that had Gerard shifting nervously in his seat. "I respect that, even if I don't like it, but I - you will still answer my calls and stuff right? I swear I won't phone you up every night or anything like that, I just - I miss your voice a lot, and...never mind," Frank choked out softly.

"I swear I will, and you can ring me up as much you as like okay? I don't want to cut you out of my life - hell, I don't think I can handle that," Gerard tried to smile down at Frank's reassuringly, but it came out as more of grimace instead, the stalwart front he was putting on for Frank's sake was beginning to crumble down the longer he spent in the younger boy's presence.

"Yeah...me either," Frank mumbled imperceptibly before suddenly standing up, his abrupt movement removing all contact between him and Gerard, leaving Gerard feeling bereft and chilly without Frank's familiar heat next to him. "I'm sorry - I need to go, but I guess I'll see you Friday."

"Wait - I can drive you home, I'm pretty sure you missed the bus by this point," Gerard offered, but Frank was already hefting his bag over his back and heading to the door, his sudden desire to escape confusing Gerard and also wounding him more than it should have.

"I'll be fine, the late shuttle should still be there."

"Are you sure?" Gerard asked one final time, following behind Frank pathetically, trying to think of something else to say to prolong their time together for just a few more minutes.

"Yeah I'm good."

"Frank...I'm not doing this to hurt you - you know that right?" Gerard questioned, a soft spike of agony flaring up when Frank refused to look in his direction as he fumbled with the lock clumsily.

"I do...I'm just - I'm tired of crying in front of you today, and I guess I wasn't expecting you to...uh - leave me, but it makes sense, I'm not upset, well - I am, but I'll be fine," Frank stammered out.

"You don't have to take off just because we broke up," Gerard pleaded one last time, but he knew he was fighting a losing battle when Frank's head began shaking back and forth erratically.

"I shouldn't be here anyway, someone might wonder why you are still here, and my mom will be home soon."

"Okay...can you text me when you get home safe?" Gerard dared to ask, because he was truly fearful about Frank's wellbeing right now. He of all people knew that being in this state drove oneself to doing idiotic things, he was the prime example of that after all, and he had to make sure that Frank knew that Gerard still cared for him.

"I will," Frank nodded once, something that might have been a trace of a smile gracing his mouth for one second before he stepped into the hallway. "Goodbye Gerard."

And even though Frank's farewell felt much to final for Gerard to be comfortable with, he found himself waving to the younger boy, resisting the urge to chase after him to try and fix the injuries he had created, which was something he didn't have the power to do even if he wanted to.

As Gerard watched Frank's retreating figure disappear down the titled corridor, he allowed the veneer he had encased himself in to shatter now that Frank wasn't there to witness his torment, the realization of what he had just done finally settling in - he had broken up with Frank, and yes - it was necessary, and he really should have done it as soon as he discovered Frank's age, but fuck - it hurt so much more than Gerard had been expecting it to, even more than learning that Frank had cheated on him last night had.

So although Mikey was most likely starting to worry about why Gerard was staying at work so late, he didn't immediately head home - instead, he locked the door once more before sinking down behind his large desk, curling his knees up into his chest as he finally allowed himself to cry over the loss of the best boyfriend he would most likely ever have, because no matter how positive Gerard tried to be, he knew that there was no feasible way that Frank was going to still want him when he was eighteen, and the fact that he would never be privileged enough to call Frank his ever again was shredding him into a million irreparable pieces, but Gerard had been the one to put it all in motion, so this agony was his penance that he would accept without question.

So - that happened.

I swear idk what to say in these author notes anymore, but I am curious to see the reactions to this chapter. I actually really liked this one, but I have a feeling that you guys won't.

The more I listen to I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it the more I fall in love with it and I already loved it a hell of a lot the first time around I think I am going to explode soon.

Sorry that was my daily rant about The 1975 that I have to include in everything.

Anyways, let me know what you thought of this update, and as always, votes and comments are my best friends.

Chapter dedicated to alecisnotastalker

((((I still haven't thought of a suitable replacement for my vibes))))

<3 starr