Frank had resigned himself to spending the rest of the afternoon in the dingy bathroom he had secreted himself away in, because any other option was unthinkable right now; if he moved, he would have to face reality once more, he would have to accept that Gerard was gone, that Gerard had left him here alone, with only his stinging words that seemed to still be hanging in the muggy air as a goodbye.

And honestly, Frank didn't know if he could physically get up, much less make the walk home in his current condition. His muscles had turned to jelly as soon as he had allowed himself to collapse, his entire body seemed drained and weak, as if all of his vitality had been tied up in his relationship with Gerard, and now that he had removed himself from Frank's life, he had nothing left, not even his motor functions.

And really - Frank knew he was overreacting, and it was borderline pathetic that he was this despondent over the loss of someone he had only been dating for two weeks, and he had barely known for a month in total, but Gerard wasn't just a good fuck, or a boyfriend, at least not to Frank.

No - Gerard was so much more than that, he was special, he was important, hell - he was everything to Frank right now, he was literally a pivotal point in Frank's pathetic timeline, he embodied happiness, and hope, and all the good things that had been absent from Frank's world for far too long.

Frank hadn't even realized how miserable his existence had been until Gerard shed light onto his current situation, because Frank thought he had been fine before, he hadn't been fantastic, but he was alive, and he was coping, but now that Frank was aware of what he was missing out on, his old habits and routines seemed abhorrent to him, and without his usual coping methods for his melancholy, Frank was left with nothing to numb the agony that was slowly tearing him apart.

Frank couldn't go fuck this pain away, not this time, it would only remind him of Gerard, of his lips, his arms wrapped around him, his tender touches as his hands trailed down Frank's body, and fuck - the images filling his head had unleashed a second round of tears that Frank didn't believe his dehydrated body was capable of producing, but obviously it had found a hidden storeroom of the salty liquid somewhere, much to Frank's dismay.

Frank didn't even want to drink, not when he felt this awful, and he truly didn't think that alcohol would do him any good right now; the buzz was how he allowed himself to break down his self-imposed walls and release the emotions caged up inside of him before they burst, but the eruption had already happened, Frank was cracked wide open, spewing his sorrow out in a heavy torrent that seemed never ending, and adding liquor to his sensitive stomach could only end badly.

Frank began to wonder how Gerard was dealing with his newfound knowledge of Frank, and if he truly intended to leave Frank for good, or if he just needed some time to process the fact that Frank wasn't the age he thought he was, fuck - Frank desperately hoped that Gerard was at least considering the second option, because if he wasn't - oh god - Frank wasn't able to finish the train of thought, not even in his head.

Gerard couldn't just leave Frank like that, not without a more definite form of closure, a last farewell, something - anything. Frank knew Gerard cared about him, and yes - Frank had lied, but Gerard wouldn't be so cruel as to ignore Frank indefinitely as punishment for his actions - would he?

No - Frank didn't think that he would; Gerard had been upset earlier as well as angry, maybe even on the verge of tears, and he probably hadn't wanted Frank around while he broke down, but that thought did nothing to make Frank feel any better - in fact, his chest ached at the thought of Gerard experiencing the same pain Frank was currently suffering through.

And Frank now had firsthand experience of what Gerard was like when he let his emotions bleed through, and although Frank had never discovered the cause of Gerard's meltdown last night, Frank could only imagine that the bombshell he had dropped on Gerard would produce a similar scenario, but this time he wouldn't have Frank there to tell him that everything would be okay, and fuck - that scared Frank more than anything else had so far, even more than the dismal pictures flickering across his brain featuring his future without Gerard in it.

Frank's breathing began to hitch in his throat as he tried to imagine where Gerard was right now, and what he was doing at this moment in time; he could still be in his classroom, trying to compose himself before heading home, but what if he wasn't, what if was drinking, or driving recklessly, or worse - what if he hurt himself when he got back to his apartment, and Mikey wasn't there to stop him.

Frank slammed his head against the stall door in frustration, trying to force his mind to alter directions before Frank began seeing Gerard bleeding and alone behind his closed eyelids, because it wasn't helping anything, hell - it was just making everything worse, and Gerard was probably fine - he had to be, Frank didn't want to consider any other option.

As Frank continued to cry softly, he was struck with how dismal of a picture he presented right now, it was almost embarrassing actually, even though it was a scene that probably happened often in high school bathrooms, but most students wouldn't be mourning the loss of an illegal relationship with their teacher, which is what Frank had been involved in, regardless of the fact that he hadn't been aware of Gerard's occupation at the time.

It was only when the door leading into the facilities creaked open that Frank found the motivation to pull himself together, a shaky hand quickly wiping at his wet face in a half assed attempt to erase the tear stains coating his skin, because regardless of how abysmal Frank felt, he didn't want a witness to his personal breakdown, and the possible mortification of being caught in such a wretched position inspired him to regain his feet, ignoring the way he swayed unsteadily from side to side in the process.

And for one moment, Frank's heart began to beat again for the first time since Gerard had ripped it out with his callous words, because Frank was allowing himself to entertain the idea that it might be Gerard himself entering the small restroom, maybe he had come looking for Frank, maybe he regretted everything already, maybe he was here to apologize.

But no - it wasn't Gerard, which Frank ascertained when he finally managed to move his aching body across the moldy floor, his neck craning to the left so he could get a visual of the person who had intruded upon Frank's sorrowful solitude, only to be met with the figure of an older gentleman that Frank vaguely recognized as one of the chemistry teachers, his name slipped his mind, but Frank had never taken a class with him, so he quite possibly had never learned it.

And when Frank became aware of the fact that it wasn't Gerard sharing the room with him, it was as if all of the emotions he had poured out over the past hour - or however long he had been in here renewed themselves all at once, the crushing sensation threatening to break Frank's knees with the force of them, and fuck - it was all Frank could do to keep his feet, and much to his chagrin, a strangled sob escaped past his chapped lips before he could halt it.

"Son...are you okay?" the nameless teacher spoke up, a look of concern crossing his wrinkled face as he peered down at Frank curiously.

"Fine - just uh...sick," Frank stammered out, his throat burning with each word, and even the simple act of speaking began to drain the small amount of energy that Frank had managed to amass from somewhere when the risk of discovery had become prevalent.

"Oh...well do you have a ride home, the buses have already left," the man continued to pry, and even though Frank wanted to scream at him, to beg him to leave him alone, he knew better than to draw that much attention to himself, not unless he wanted to end up in the office with the principle trying to play therapist with him.

"Yeah - my mom's coming, I was just about to go meet her," Frank lied through his teeth, stumbling over to the sink as the teacher nodded in approval, cupping as much water in his joined hands as he could before bringing it to his mouth, swishing the lukewarm liquid around in an attempt to erase the bitter taste of bile from his tongue.

Frank exited the bathroom after sending a halfhearted wave to the unnamed teacher, his legs trembling as he shuffled down the hallway like an invalid instead of a perfectly healthy teenager, but in all reality, Frank felt seventy instead of seventeen, the sharp spikes of nausea that were still welling in his gut forcing him to walk slowly and half hunched over in the hopes of avoiding another round of pointless dry heaves.

Frank had originally been intending on vacating the premises, but the unusual lightness of his shoulders reminded him that he had left his backpack on the floor next to his desk, and as much as he loathed the thought of returning to the room that had been the site of his complete annihilation, Frank had to retrieve his things, his mother would be furious if she discovered that he had misplaced his school books on the first day, and Frank didn't want to count on luck being on his side, because with the route today was taking, she would be in one of those moods where she wouldn't let Frank out of her sight, noticing every strange nuisance of his behavior instead of ignoring him for once.

So with reluctant steps, Frank approached the music theory classroom in which Gerard had recently crushed Frank's most vital organ, and even though Frank didn't think he was physically capable of dealing with another confrontation with his ex-boyfriend right now, a part of him was also craving it, even if Gerard was only going to scream at him again, Frank needed to see him, to hear his voice just one more time, anything to erase his scathing words from earlier, because nothing could possibly hurt as much as the constant repetition of Gerard's short outburst that was stuck on an endless loop inside his head did.

But when Frank gently cracked open the closed door, he found the room deserted, all signs pointing to the fact that Gerard had exited the building for the day, leaving Frank filled with another crushing sense of disappointment, and really, he didn't think he could handle any more pain without suffering some sort of massive heart failure, but the gun Gerard had shot him with continued to fire a seemingly endless supply of bullets, even after he was gone, and although Frank was still alive, he almost wished he wasn't if it provided an escape from this emotional torture.

Choking back the cry of despair that was threatening to tear its way out of his chest, he leaned down to where he had left his pack, hefting the heavy item over his arm weakly, even though the effort left Frank lightheaded and dizzy once more, his eyes scanning the area to make sure that he hadn't left anything behind.

And that was when Frank noticed that his assignment that he had poured his heart and soul into was missing, he knew he had dropped it onto Gerard's desk after his initial outburst, but the wooden surface had been wiped clean, and after a quick glance into the waste bin situated next to Gerard's chair, Frank was certain that Gerard had taken it with him, which meant that he might read Frank's attempt at an apology after all, and maybe - just maybe it would change his mind.

But that was a far reaching assumption, and Frank knew it; he wasn't the type of person to place faith in unrealistic expectations, but right now, he needed something - anything to hold onto, because if he didn't, Frank was convinced that he would disintegrate, maybe not his physical body, but his soul would, his heart would, everything inside of him that Gerard had awoken would scatter like smoke in a hurricane, and the Frank that Gerard had helped form with his kind words and caring gestures would not survive that event, leaving nothing but an empty shell in its place.

~~~

Frank had meant to go home, he truly had, but somehow he found his feet treading the familiar path to Gerard's apartment without his consent, and despite arguing with himself over how this was a terrible idea for the past twenty minutes, Frank knew he needed to do this, because if he didn't, he would regret not pursuing Gerard for the rest of his life.

So even though Frank knew he needed to check in with his mother before she began to worry, or did something irrational, because she hadn't been at her best this morning, and Frank really should make sure that she had made it to work, and that she had food in the house at the very least, but Gerard was more important right now, and as callous as that made Frank sound, it was the truth, and Frank couldn't focus on anything else - not even his mother until he did everything in his power to rectify this horrible situation that Frank had caused with his lies.

Frank had made this mistake once before, and it still haunted him to this day; he hadn't done anything to prevent his father from leaving, in fact - he hadn't said a word, and even though Frank had long ago rationalized his paralysis - he had been young, and confused, he hadn't even understood what was truly going on until after the fact, but still - Frank couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he had spoken up, if maybe he could have convinced his father to stay, or at least to keep in contact with Frank, but now all Frank was left with was what ifs and an absent father that seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth, and he would never know if a few words would have been able to change that.

It had been two years since then, and Frank had only just now begun to heal, mostly thanks to Gerard, so Frank wasn't going to repeat his actions - not this time. Gerard had been perfectly clear earlier when he told Frank to get out of his life, but Frank couldn't - not yet, not without trying one more time.

And maybe Gerard had just panicked, they had been at school after all, so it was possible that he had simply wanted to avoid having a conversation about this while on dangerous grounds, because it most likely was going to get emotional, and if anyone had spied a teacher arguing with a student he shouldn't know, it would have looked suspicious at the least, damning at the worst.

So it wasn't too insane to believe that maybe Gerard would be more open to hearing Frank out in the privacy of his own home, it was worth a shot at least, and it didn't really matter anyway, because Frank was already here, despite the fact that he hadn't believed his weary muscles would be able to make the long journey without giving out, but his farfetched hopes had lent him a surprising burst of strength that had made the trek pass by quickly.

But now that Frank had stopped moving, his previous buoyancy was rapidly slipping away from him, and it took a ridiculously long time before Frank managed to raise his hand and knock gently against the door, which suddenly appeared menacing to Frank's bleary eyes, when before it had always been nothing but inviting.

Frank waited for a few minutes, but when nothing happened, he rapped his knuckles against the faded wood with more force, splaying his palm open once he was finished, as if Gerard could somehow see him from the other side, and he would return Frank's gesture, his hand would slide through the barrier and grip Frank's in his own, but no - Frank was losing himself in a dangerous fantasy, and he couldn't entertain those thoughts when Gerard hadn't even shown his face yet.

But when the door was finally yanked open, causing Frank to stumble heavily since he had been leaning most of his weight against it, it was Mikey's fingers that gripped his shoulders, stopping his downward descent with his strong hold, not Gerard's, and that was all the disappointment that Frank could handle in one day, so much to his horror, his found himself falling into Mikey's spindly body as hot tears spilled down his stinging cheeks with a sudden fierceness.

"Frank - what the hell...are you okay?" Mikey exclaimed, his arms tightening around Frank when he began to slump forward, his burning legs no longer willing to support his frame for any longer.

"Is - is Gerard here?" Frank choked out, trying his best to regain control of his limbs, but he was fighting a losing battle, and it was only with Mikey's assistance that he managed to cross the small hallway, collapsing entirely when Mikey led him to the couch where he and Gerard had shared their first kiss, his bag slipping free from its previous perch before landing on the floor with a muted thump.

"No...he texted me a little while ago, said he would be home after he cleared his head," Mikey answered warily, his eyes raking over Frank's shaking form as if he could determine the cause of Frank's distress by examining his physical appearance. "Do I even want to ask what happened?"

Frank lifted his head slowly, trying to gain a few more seconds to compose himself before answering Mikey's inquiry, but when he met his friend's gaze, he recognized the signs of intoxication that had been present the first time he had met Mikey: the dilated pupils, the unusual passionate quality to his usually monotone voice, the runny nose, which meant that Mikey was high, and Frank had just interrupted him when he most likely wanted to be left alone to enjoy whatever sensation the drug gave him in peace.

"I'm sorry...I can go, I just wanted to see Gerard, I - it doesn't matter," Frank shrugged wearily, pushing off from the scratchy material with the best intentions, but the sudden head rush had him quickly seated again, his temples clutched in his palms as he waited for the dizziness to subside.

"You are crazy if you think I'm letting you go anywhere right now - fucking hell Frank, you can barely stand up...have you been drinking?" Mikey actually sniffed Frank before plopping down onto the adjacent cushion, his long legs coming to rest on the coffee table haphazardly as he made himself comfortable.

"No - I wish, but not today..." Frank trailed off awkwardly, unsure of what to do now that his grand plan to beg Gerard for a second chance had fallen through, leaving him with a not entirely there Mikey instead.

"Talk to me Frank, because I'm really fucking confused honestly, and don't be afraid to say shit about Gerard - I know he can be an ass...he is the reason you're upset right?"

"I - it's complicated," Frank chuckled under his breath, because now he truly sounded like a heartbroken teenager who was updating his Facebook status, and although that was an accurate representation of his current state, he wasn't acting like the adult he needed to prove to Gerard that he was. "I fucked up basically."

"Okay...care to elaborate on that," Mikey giggled - actually giggled as he nudged Frank in the shoulder, and even though the gesture was intended to be an affectionate one, it almost knocked Frank over entirely in his weakened condition. "Shit - I'm sorry," Mikey gasped, "let me get you some water or something, you look like death warmed over."

Mikey quickly vacated the couch, almost tripping over a discarded pair of shoes in the process, but he managed to make it to the kitchen unscathed, returning with a condensation covered glass and a bag of half opened chips clutched under his arm.

"Are you hungry?" Mikey held out the bag enticingly, but even though Frank knew he probably did need to eat something, just the smell of the greasy snack had his stomach churning uncomfortably, causing Frank to swallow heavily numerous times before he was convinced that he wasn't going to vomit again. "I have some takeout in the fridge too," Mikey kept talking, ignoring the shaking of Frank's head as he started to turn back in the direction he had come.

"No - thank you, I'm okay," Frank finally managed to get a word in edgewise, accepting the water when Mikey placed it in his clammy hands.

"Don't lie to me Frank, you aren't okay," Mikey scoffed, his eyes rolling in an obnoxious manner that looked borderline eerie with his enlarged pupils.

"Fine - I'm not, but this isn't your problem, I'll figure it out, but - uh...can you just ask Gerard to call me whenever he gets back," Frank whispered, burying his face into the cup directly afterwards in the hopes of hiding his betraying tears from his friend's prying gaze.

"Frank...whatever Gerard did, it's going to work itself out, I promise, but I can help you if you just tell me, I have had plenty of practice with pulling Gerard's head out of his ass," Mikey chuckled under his breath, eliciting a half smile from Frank in the process.

"That's the problem..." Frank exhaled heavily, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to brace himself for the pain that would surely accompany his next words, "Gerard didn't do anything wrong - I did, and he is furious with me, he basically told me to fuck off earlier, and I just need to try and explain to him why I lied, but he -"

"Wait a second - earlier, as in today, I thought you had to work, so did Gerard...oh god, Frank - how did you see Gerard if he was in class all morning?" Mikey questioned nervously, but it was obvious by the expression on his face that he already knew the answer, and Frank had to give him credit for coming to the correct conclusion in his drugged state.

"I'm seventeen Mikey, and I know I should have told Gerard earlier, I was going to once my birthday passed, it's only a few months away, but he's my fucking teacher, and now he is furious with me," Frank choked out, his vision blurring as his apparently infinite tear ducts began welling up again. "I didn't mean for this to happen, but he would never have given me a chance in the first place if he knew the truth, and I - I need him Mikey, but he doesn't even seem to care...oh fuck - I just want to tell him I'm sorry," Frank wailed, a rasping sob preventing him from continuing with his explanation, but he had expelled most of the story by that point anyway.

"Shit Frank - this isn't good," Mikey flailed his hands around aimlessly, finally wrapping one arm around Frank in an attempt at comforting him.

"I know, it's fucked up, and I don't blame Gerard for the way he reacted, but he was the one who said age was just a number when we met, and I - I thought he would understand, or at least talk it out with me," Frank mumbled in-between his cries, his words coming out choppy and broken up by large gasps for air.

"Well...I obviously don't know exactly what happened, and the fact that this is illegal is probably freaking my brother out, but I doubt that's why he snapped at you," Mikey murmured thoughtfully, enticing Frank to wipe his eyes roughly so he could get a better look at Mikey's current expression.

"What do you mean?" Frank whimpered, his sobs ebbing as he waited impatiently for Mikey's response, his fingers knotting together in anticipation as Mikey gathered his thoughts, the period of silence seeming to extended for ages in Frank's mind.

"Well - Gerard probably wouldn't care about you age knowing him, especially if he wasn't your teacher, but you lied to him, and Gerard trusted you - a hell of a lot. You are the first person he has let into his life besides for Bert and I since we moved back here, and that is a big fucking deal for him. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, but Gerard has been fucked over a lot in the past, and the fact that you kept this from him is most likely the reason he is so upset."

"What can I do to get him back?" Frank borderline begged, desperately hanging onto each word that fell from Mikey's lips in the hopes of finding the key to the barrier Gerard had placed around himself within them.

"I don't know, Gerard can be a stubborn fucker when he wants to be, but you have to do your best to convince him that you aren't like everyone else, that you still care, and that is the only lie you have ever told to him." Mikey eyed Frank suspiciously when he was finished speaking, causing Frank to cower under his stare, because Mikey's protective brother side was in full effect right now, and Frank didn't doubt that Mikey would throw him out if he discovered that Frank had been playing with Gerard's emotions.

"It is - I swear, well, I mean, I haven't told him some things, personal things, but he hasn't asked, and I - I would never do anything to hurt him, I really care about him Mikey, and I just want to make things right."

"Okay...I believe you, and I'll do my best to help you if I can. You are good for Gerard, he has changed since you came around, and in a way, I think he needs you more than you need him, or someone like you at least, so hopefully he will listen to reason," Mikey sighed, one of his hands coming up to wipe at his nose as he leaned back into the cushions tiredly. "You can stay here until he comes home, hopefully he will have blown off some steam and he will be ready to talk, but in the meantime, maybe you should try to get some rest or something, you seriously look like shit," Mikey smiled, his words holding no venom, and really, Frank was certain that Mikey's comment was an understatement, because he felt as if he had been dragged behind a eighteen wheeler for five miles instead of simply been yelled at by his possibly now ex-boyfriend.

"Yeah - okay...I'll try," Frank sniffled softly, finishing off the remaining water in his glass before resting his head against the armrest wearily.

"Do you want to use Gerard's bed?" Frank flinched at the offer, because just the thought of lying in the sheets where he and Gerard had done so much while their relationship was hanging by a thread had Frank choking back sobs all over again, and Mikey immediately noticed the effect his words had on him, "or mine - its probably more comfortable than the couch," Mikey added quickly, trying to smooth over his mistake before Frank lost control of himself once more.

"No - 'm okay, I probably won't be able to sleep anyway."

"Just relax Frank, I promise I will wake you up when he is on his way home." Mikey's words were reassuring, but Frank knew it was a pointless effort, he couldn't even close his eyes without feeling unstable and nauseated, and with all of the fears and worries that were bouncing around in his aching head, Frank would never be able to shut his mind up for long enough to be able to drift off. "At least let me get you a blanket," Mikey pressed, to which Frank nodded in acquiescence, even though his skin felt hot and itchy, and he knew he would toss off the fabric in a matter of minutes, if not sooner.

But when Mikey returned with a patterned quilt that thankfully didn't come from Gerard's room, Frank accepted it gratefully, finding comfort in the feeling of being surrounding by something, even though what he really wanted was Gerard's arms wrapped around him, but burying his face in the cushion that smelled slightly like him and pretending was doing wonders for Frank's anxious state, and before he even realized what was happening, the stress of the day morphed into a sudden wave of exhaustion, and Frank found himself surrendering to the welcomed oblivion of unconsciousness, the pulsating ache that originated from his damaged heart fading into nothingness as Frank went willingly into the peaceful darkness.

Oh god - it's 7am, and I am so fucking tired, but I just had to finish this update tonight before I went back to work.

I'm sorry I didn't get to any Frank and Gerard interaction yet, I really planned to, but this got way too long, so I will have to save that for the next chapter.

Btw, did you guys notice the cover change? I finally gave in and made my profile aesthetically pleasing, and I am very proud of it ^_^

And wow - the stats on this story continue to blow me away. Thank you all so much for the 33k reads and 2.3k votes.

I really need to get to bed, so maybe leave me a vote or a comment to wake up to, it will make me a very happy person in the morning - well afternoon I guess, it is already morning.

Chapter dedicated to moffatsapprentice

((((feelsy vibes))))

<3 starr