Frank awoke to the muffled sound of the alarm on his phone, his numb fingers fumbling to shut it off before the harsh ringtone disturbed Gerard, who was still in the same position he had been last night, curled around Frank like an affectionate octopus, all of their limbs entangled together in one way or another, and although Frank adored how Gerard always wanted to be touching him, even in his sleep, it did make it very difficult to reach his phone, much less get out of bed.

And really, the last thing Frank wanted to do right now was leave Gerard's side, all of his muscles were screaming at him to close his eyes and lay his head back down on Gerard's chest, the temptation to forget about school for just one day almost winning out over the responsible side of Frank, and for a few minutes, he truly considered saying 'fuck everything' and wasting away the morning with Gerard.

Frank would never get tired of this simple act, of having Gerard's warm body pressed snugly against his side, of feeling his soft breath caressing his skin, of the way he looked so innocent - so young when he slept, and for a little while, Frank could pretend that they were a typical couple, and there was no lies or deceit hanging in-between them, that they were the same age, and Frank had parents who accepted him for who he was, people he could bring Gerard home to and show off his new boyfriend proudly.

As Frank's mind spun through this ridiculous fantasy, he found his eyes drifting shut again, the hand that he had painstakingly freed from under Gerard's spine making its way to Gerard's hair, stroking it slowly, but as close as Frank was to surrendering to oblivion once more, Frank's conscience wouldn't let him, the soft voice continuing to hassle him until he had no choice but to give in, because despite how much Frank would love to ignore all of his other responsibilities in favor of Gerard, he needed to break this dependent habit if he ever had a chance to pass his senior year.

But even the matter of graduating wasn't quite enough to get Frank in motion, no - it took the thought of his mother to finally have Frank slowly attempting to remove himself from Gerard's tight hold without waking him up, because Frank couldn't stand to face her disappointment if she discovered he had missed out on his first day, and she would find out; his school was not very lenient with unexplained absences, and they did more than just leave a message on the answering machine to inform the parents that their child hadn't attended school that day.

And no matter what mood Frank's mother was in, he knew that his truancy would hurt her, because education was very important to Frank's mother, that was why she enrolled him in a private school in the first place, and Frank didn't want to find out what her reaction would be if he skipped for the first time ever, not to mention he would have to think of an excuse for where he had decided to spend his day that didn't involve Gerard, and he couldn't keep using Pete as he scapegoat, it wasn't fair, and it would be too easy for her to call up Pete's parents and find out that he had been in class all day and Frank hadn't come by at all.

So with a heavy sigh that seemed to come from his toes, Frank finished extricating himself from Gerard, pausing for a moment once he was free to make sure that Gerard wasn't going to stir; Gerard needed his rest after his breakdown last night, and Frank hoped he slept late enough that Frank could sneak back to his apartment once classes were over and they could pick up where they left off before Gerard ever realized he was gone.

Frank stomach twisted at he gazed down at his oblivious boyfriend, because honestly, Frank felt guilty about leaving Gerard like this, even though he had a good reason, there was still school, and his mother to think of, no matter the fact that Gerard consumed ninety-nine percent of his mind, and as much as Frank wished that his world consisted of only Gerard - it didn't, and Frank knew that, but he also felt terrible for skipping out on Gerard without making sure he was going to be okay.

Because yes - Gerard had seemed better last night once Frank had calmed him down, but that could have just been exhaustion overtaking him; it wasn't as if Frank had discovered the source of what had truly caused Gerard to fall apart in the first place, and what if he awoke feeling just as awful as he had last night - or worse, what if Mikey wasn't there to console him, what if Gerard hurt himself when he found himself alone once again?

Frank wasn't used to this foreign feeling, he had never had someone to care about before - not like this, and he was so terrified of fucking things up and losing Gerard because he hadn't done the right thing, because fuck - what if Gerard wasn't here when Frank got back; Frank had no true reason to think that would be the case, because yes - Gerard had been in a bad state last night, and he had taken pills, but he hadn't hurt himself, and he had reached out to Frank, so if Frank was thinking rationally, he would come to the conclusion that Gerard would be fine for the next eight hours or so.

But Frank didn't think when Gerard was concerned, he felt - he felt so many things all at once, and Frank was never one to let emotions rule his decisions, he always kept everything carefully tucked away, only allowing them to bubble to the surface when he had downed a bottle of alcohol and he was completely secluded from everyone and everything, but then Gerard had reminded Frank that it was okay to let things out, because Gerard would fix it better than any brand of liquor ever could, and he didn't just bandage up Frank's internal wounds, he stitched them back together again, giving Frank a chance to heal as long as the delicate thread was allowed to do its job.

And Frank wanted to be that cure for Gerard, and last night, he had thought he was, but now he was doubting himself - he was doubting everything, even his decision to go to school, because hadn't he said last night that Gerard was the most important thing in the world, and shouldn't that mean that his mental health came before Frank's education, but at the same time, could Frank really be so careless as to risk everything, could he place his meticulously constructed tower of lies on such a shaky foundation by blowing off the one thing his mother was certain to notice if he didn't attend?

Frank didn't know what to do, because Gerard did come first - always, but Frank could be overreacting again; Gerard could wake up and be fine, and he would tease Frank for skipping what he thought was work to stay with him, or maybe he would even react negatively to all the attention, maybe he was similar to Frank in that aspect, and he wouldn't want someone to hover over him when he was upset, maybe he would want to pretend like last night had never happened, which would leave Frank filled with regret if he did choose to abandon school just to have Gerard act in that fashion.

Fuck - Frank's brain was twisted up in knots now, and it all came down to the fact that he was clueless about how Gerard would feel when he woke up, tempting Frank to shake him into consciousness so he could try to gauge his mood before making his decision, but Frank had just told himself earlier that Gerard needed his sleep, and honestly - Gerard had probably suffered through numerous nights like this before alone, and even though Frank never wanted him to experience that again, Gerard was strong, and he would be okay - right?

So as much as it hurt Frank to admit it, he had to accept that he couldn't be with Gerard every hour of every day, and he had to trust Gerard to pull through on his own when Frank wasn't there, but still - Frank was scared, so fucking scared of losing Gerard; the fear had been growing in his chest ever since he discovered the fact that Gerard used to self-harm, and the emotional evening they had spent together had only fed his gnawing worry, because yes - nothing bad had happened this time, but what if Frank hadn't heard Mikey's phone call, how would the night have ended up if Gerard didn't let him in - god, there was so many what ifs that Frank really didn't want to know the answer to.

But in the end, Frank knew he had to leave, because as much as he cared for Gerard, he couldn't constantly keep one eye on him like an overprotective mother, that wasn't healthy for either of them, and Frank highly doubted that Gerard would appreciate being placed on unofficial suicide watch by his boyfriend; that wouldn't be fair to him, even if it would ease the gnawing pit of dread churning in Frank's gut like an out of control serpent.

If Gerard began spiraling again, hopefully he or Mikey would call him; Frank even left a note on Gerard's dressing asking him to do just that if he needed anything, explaining that he had to go to 'work', but he would be back sometime after four in the afternoon if Gerard wanted him to be.

So after pressing a feather light kiss to Gerard's forehead, Frank forced himself to turn away, quietly slipping his shoes on before exiting the apartment on silent feet, breaking into a light jog as soon as the fresh air hit his face in the hopes of arriving home before his mother woke up and noticed the fact that Frank wasn't in his room like he was supposed to be.

~~~

By the time Frank made his way to school, his lack of sleep had already caught up with him, rendering the three cups of coffee he had consumed earlier absolutely useless, his eyes burning and his steps dragging, as if his body was trying to convince him to just give up and lay down on the sidewalk instead of attempting to make it through what would most likely be a day of pointless introductions and no actual work, but Frank pushed onward, running a hand through his hair as he entered the doorway of the large building to begin his final year at this hated place.

Frank had made it home before his mother was up and about, actually - he ended up having to gently shake her awake so she could start getting ready for work; she hadn't stirred by the time he had finished preparing himself for school, but once he got her out of bed, she seemed relatively fine, hugging him goodbye before Frank began the long walk he chose to make instead of waiting for the bus, and if Frank ignored his mother's vacant expression, he could almost pretend like everything was normal, and in the case of his mother's oddities, it actually was a relatively good day for her.

And maybe Frank was just looking too hard to try and find a problem, because just because his mother had been in a daze didn't mean anything; she was probably just tired - god knows what Frank looked like after his mere three hours of sleep, so he had forced himself to shrug off the lingering worry that ate at his heart while he practically led his mother through her morning routine, because it was nothing, at least, that was what Frank was trying his hardest to convince himself of, and he considered any day a win when his mother recognized him.

Frank shook his head groggily, trying to dispel his lingering worries about his mother, and Gerard, and if he was going to be able to maintain consciousness long enough to be counted present in all of his classes, because Frank had dealt with worse than this before, and in a few hopefully short hours, he could return to Gerard's side, where all of his problems instantly seemed to melt away like ice presented with a blazing flame.

Everyone else clogging up the hallways seemed to be in a similar state as Frank, groggy and delirious as they did their best to open the metal lockers that seemed just as reluctant to face the day as their human owners, the early hour agreeing with no one except for the chipper teachers that Frank was half convinced were on drugs, because there was no other feasible explanation for how someone could be so damn happy at seven-thirty in the morning.

Frank made his way to his own locker unmolested much to his relief, giving him some hope that maybe his fellow classmates had finally gotten tired of teasing the short boy with the gay father who had abandoned his family in such a scandalous way, or maybe everyone was just too tired to put in the energy involved to throw a few hurtful insults his way.

Whatever the case, Frank enjoyed the respite, because as much as he told himself that he didn't care what people said, or thought, or what rumors they spread behind his back - he did, and it really fucking hurt, so he was relieved that he didn't have to try and present a strong facade while he was literally half dead on his feet from exhaustion.

Frank was correct in his guess about the material they would cover in his lessons, which was the typical first day 'let's get to know you' bullshit that Frank thought would have been retired by his senior year - seriously, they had been in this hell hole for long enough now to know all of the teachers and most of the students, so was it really necessary to start his English period with a fucking worksheet about himself?

Reverting to his usual coping method for making it through things he absolutely detested, Frank let his mind wander for most of the morning, halfheartedly participating whenever he happened to be called on by a teacher, then instantly zoning out whenever the attention was removed from him, pulling out his phone at random intervals to see if Gerard had texted him, but he had received nothing so far, and he hoped that meant that his boyfriend was still fast asleep.

There was only one incident when Frank's economics teacher forced them to work in pairs for their pointless activity of the day, causing a stir when his classmates realized that someone would have to be partners with Frank, one person even shouting out that 'Frank should work alone so no one will be at risk of catching the gay off of him', and even though Frank had heard similar slurs numerous times before, it still stung, his fists clenching underneath the desk as he did his best to ignore everyone and pretend like it didn't matter to him either way.

The teacher eventually forced a transfer student to work with Frank, a kind dark haired girl with a unique name that Frank couldn't quite remember, something that sounded like Jamie maybe, and even though she was initially nervous as she took the empty seat next to Frank, she didn't hurl gay jokes at him, and they quickly finished their work without any trouble.

Somehow, Frank made it to his last class of the day without falling asleep, which he felt like he deserved a medal for - actually, more like a fucking parade, with a marching band, and fireworks, and everything for this accomplishment, but in forty minutes, Frank would hopefully be back in Gerard's arms, which was a better reward than all of the previously mentioned prizes by far.

Frank got lost more than once on the way to his final period, which happened to be music theory, partially because his eyelids refused to stay open for more than five seconds at a time, but also because Frank hadn't had the opportunity to explore the fine arts department before; he was only taking this class because he was required to have at least one credit in a creative area for his transcript to meet the graduation requirements, and band wasn't something you just jumped into, choir was out as well since Frank wouldn't sing in front of people even if you payed him, so music theory was his only option, and it didn't sound so bad.

Frank was interested in music, he just didn't have the time to explore or pursue it, even though he and Pete had harbored dreams of being in a band about a year ago before reality had sunk in, and they realized that their efforts were pointless and would get them nowhere in the long run.

After endless minutes of wandering, during which Frank was shoved into the wall of lockers once or twice, mutters involving things like 'move out of the way gay', or 'homos out of the hallway' stinging his ear occasionally until Frank reached the correct room, a sigh of relief escaping his lips as he pushed open the wooden door, the prospect of his day at school being so close to its finale filling his body with a much welcomed surge of energy.

But his casual exhale quickly turned into a startled exclamation of shock when his eyes fell on the teacher who was standing up by the blackboard; he had been attempting to take roll before Frank interrupted him, which meant that Frank was later than he thought, but he didn't really give a flying fuck about that at the moment, because Gerard was here - Gerard was calling students name's with an exhausted expression on his face, his typical casual attire replaced by slim trousers and a fitted waist coat that did wonders for Gerard's body, not that Frank could focus on how hot his boyfriend looked right now when he was too busy having a mental breakdown trying to figure out why he was at his school in the first place.

"Frank?" Gerard whispered, Frank only knowing he had spoken because of the familiar movement of his lips, the word not reaching Frank's ear over the chatter of the other students who were completely ignoring Gerard and Frank at the moment in favor of their mind numbing conversations about how their summer break had been, which was a very good thing, or someone might have been able to sense the awkward tension bubbling up between the two like a frothing sea.

Frank remained frozen in the doorway, his heart beating out of his chest as his mouth hung open unattractively, his mind trying to catch hold of one of the thousands of questions that were currently pricking at his brain painfully, each new inquiry stinging like a white hot needle, but he couldn't seem to get past the fact that this was Gerard standing in front of him - Gerard was apparently his teacher, and fuck - this was the worst possible event that could ever happen to Frank, or so it seemed to the distraught teenager at the moment, and it most certainly had been the last thing he had expected to occur when he left Gerard sleeping so peacefully this morning.

This couldn't be real, this had to be a hallucination, or a vivid dream, one of those 'holy shit - I turned up to school in my underwear' nightmares that every child had at least once in their life, except this one had the mature twist of 'I'm fucking an older man, which was already pretty messed up, but now he is my teacher', which was much more unique, but also extremely mortifying, and Frank would gladly have walked into class naked if it meant that Gerard wouldn't have been here.

Seriously - how did Frank not know that Gerard was a teacher, he was sure he would have remembered that major detail if it was ever mentioned, and yes - Frank had never specifically asked what Gerard did for a living, but he assumed that he was surviving off his funds from the band given the way Gerard never seemed busy, and he was always available at all times of the night or day, but now Frank knew the truth, but even so - why did Gerard pick this school, this stupid, private, Catholic school that would probably bathe Gerard in holy water if they knew he was gay, fuck knows what they would resort to if they discovered that he was fucking a minor as well, and it wasn't as if this was the only school in the area, the main public school was much closer to his apartment, so why couldn't Gerard have searched for employment there?

None of these questions were helping Frank understand Gerard's presence though, and he would never get any answers until he actually spoke with Gerard, but he had to make it through this class first before he was able to get his boyfriend alone; still - that knowledge didn't stop Frank from repeating the endless mantra of inquires over and over again in his fucked up head, his skull aching as if the new information was causing his grey matter to swell, pushing against the hard bone surrounding it in search of some relief, of a way out, or something - anything.

Frank's emotions were going haywire as his eyes trailed up and down Gerard's stiff body; he hadn't felt this powerful cocktail of hurt and confusion since his father had left him so long ago, but now he was reminded of exactly how horrendous that experience had been, and in a convoluted way, Frank related this moment to that old memory he rarely drug up, because his father wasn't supposed to abandon his family, he wasn't supposed to vanish without a trace, but he had, and now Gerard was betraying Frank's trust in a similar fashion.

Not that Frank truly believed that Gerard had meant to hurt Frank when he took this job, that was just ridiculous, and Frank could tell by the expression on Gerard's face that he had been clueless about the fact that Frank attended this school, but still - Gerard was supposed to be the embodiment of all things good in Frank's life, he was supposed to be the one person that Frank could turn to when he needed to get away, and now that facade was ruined because of Gerard's involvement in Frank's scholastic career, and Frank wasn't sure if things could ever go back to the way they were before, no matter how badly he desired them to.

Frank wasn't sure how long he stood there, his limbs frozen in horror as his brain scrambled to process how truly fucked Frank was, attempting to think of a logical way to explain his presence in this class to his boyfriend, but it was too late, there was nothing Frank could do to save himself now, it was all up to Gerard, and his reaction to this newfound information about his boyfriend.

And Frank knew this was going to happen eventually, it was inevitable that Gerard would discover Frank's age one way or another, either by Frank finally telling him, which honestly wasn't likely, or by some unfortunate slip of the tongue that Frank wouldn't be able to pass off, but it wasn't supposed to be like this: not this sudden, not in such an unfair manner, not with such an impossible chance of ever making things right again.

Frank swayed unsteadily as the full weight of Gerard being his teacher and everything that entailed crashed down onto his shoulders, his stomach roiling violently as his body physically reacted to the stress, and despair, and terror that Frank was currently experiencing, but Frank couldn't fall apart here, making a scene would only bring more eyes to him, turning his private melt down into a public affair; people were already beginning to shoot him questioning glances out of the corner of their eyes, and Frank wasn't quite sure how he would explain his adverse reaction to seeing Gerard without giving everything away if people started inquiring about it.

For one moment, Gerard appeared just as flabbergasted as Frank felt, but he quickly pulled his teacher persona back into place, hiding his shock, and his confusion, and worst of all - his pain behind that glassy eyed expression that Frank had grown to hate, his body turning away from where Frank still stood like an idiot in the doorway before rapping his knuckles against the desk, a surprisingly loud sound emitting from the faded wood, instantly causing the class to shut their mouths and slap on their most innocent faces as if that would make Gerard forgot about their loud conversations that had been taking place not five seconds ago.

"If you would all please sit down and kindly shut up so I can finish taking roll," Gerard spoke up loudly, his voice shaking slightly, but Frank was probably the only one who noticed, drawing the attention of the class back to him, leaving Frank to awkwardly scuttle into a seat in the back row despite the strong desire to bolt that rose up within him, keeping his head down, but his eyes remained discreetly glued to Gerard the entire time.

As Gerard continued to call out names, Frank did his best to regulate his erratic breathing, but it wasn't working - fuck, Frank felt as if he was on the verge of a panic attack, which was not something he had experienced very often, but he still remembered the horrors of the few he had been through directly after his father had disappeared from his life.

"Frank Iero." Gerard's voice brought Frank's head up from where it had been leaning against his chest, his hand raising into the air halfheartedly to let Gerard - no - Mr. Way know that he was here, and even though Gerard immediately looked away after giving Frank a curt nod, just the small glimpse of his hazel eyes had Frank sucking in a deep breath, his mind automatically associating Gerard with calmness, even though he was the cause of Frank's distress at the moment.

"Hey - someone finally said the fag's name right," a student chuckled cruelly; Frank didn't even bother to look up to ascertain who had spoken, and it was true, every teacher so far had botched the way his last name was supposed to be pronounced, but of course Gerard wouldn't, because he knew so much more about Frank than he should have.

"Why yes I did - I happen to have Italian roots, which is where the name Iero comes from, and I also have a strong hatred for the word fag," Gerard shuddered slightly to exhibit his disgust for being forced to voice the term as he spoke, "so if you don't want to spend the rest of the school year serving detentions with me every afternoon, I suggest that you erase that particular slur from your vocabulary entirely," Gerard remarked calmly, startling the entire class by calling out whoever had decided to tease Frank for the day, because even though teachers had stepped in before, it was usually just a unenthusiastic 'quiet down', not a full scale defense.

Frank found himself smiling weakly despite the horrendous situation he found himself in, because Gerard was doing his best to protect him, even though it would probably backfire in the end, earning Frank the name of 'teacher's pet', which he really needed to avoid, especially given the fact that he was quite a bit more than that to Gerard, but still - Gerard's willingness to ruin his reputation with his class on the first day had Frank relaxing slightly, his eyes trying to meet Gerard's so he could convey a silent thank you to his boyfriend, but Gerard refused to meet his gaze.

Frank's positive outlook quickly dissipated as Gerard continued roll call where he had left off, leaving Frank with nothing to do but try and think of a way to salvage his relationship with Gerard, because this was bad - really fucking bad, illegal actually, even though their situation had already been classified as that before given Frank's age, but now that Gerard was his teacher, it made this entire mess a thousand times worse.

Gerard might be willing to look past the fact that Frank was seventeen - if Frank ever got around to telling him that is, but this - this wasn't something that was so easily ignored; Gerard could get fired if his relationship with Frank was ever brought to light, he could go to jail, or worse - at least in Frank's fucked up mind, Gerard could break up with him, he could cut Frank off before anyone found out that he had been dating a minor, minimizing the damage their short dalliance might cause to his life, destroying Frank's in the process, because even though Frank hadn't been with Gerard for very long, Gerard was already everything to him, and his loss would leave Frank with nothing left, it would push him down the last few steps of the rickety staircase that Frank had been balancing himself on for years with nothing but endless despair awaiting him at the bottom.

"Okay - so now that I know all of your names, let's get on with the class," Gerard smiled weakly, rubbing his hands together in a way that Frank knew meant he was nervous as he stared out over the slightly bored looking sea of students, his eyes skipping over Frank as he continued to take in the room. "I've been informed by the other teachers that today is usually an easy day, so I have a little activity for you guys to keep yourself busy with while I try to figure out how to pretend to be a teacher," Gerard chuckled wryly.

Gerard grabbed a stack of papers from his desk, handing them to the person in the front of each row before returning to his previous position, steepling his fingers in front of his torso as he waited for the worksheets to reach the students in the back, still ignoring Frank's pleading gaze, no matter how long Frank stared at him.

Frank wasn't sure exactly why he was trying so hard to get Gerard's attention, because it wasn't like they could talk this out with twenty-five other people in the room, that would have to wait until after class, but maybe if Gerard just looked Frank's way, maybe if Frank didn't glimpse any anger in his eyes, then he would know that everything would be okay, he would have hope that he and Gerard could work through this somehow, but Gerard didn't seem to want to give Frank the reassurance he so desperately needed.

"So I know you are probably tired of this boring 'get to know each other' crap that everyone is forcing you to do, but I'm new at this, so I'm following the crowd for today, and you basically get a free period, so I don't want to hear any complaints." Gerard earned a few stifled giggles from the class for his statement; apparently his laid back attitude was much appreciated, and if Frank hadn't been fucking Gerard, he might have enjoyed this lesson too. "This shouldn't take too long, but I want you to actually put some thought into it. All you need to do is write down three songs lyrics - titles works too if you want - that describe you, but you also have to add a few paragraphs under each one explaining why you chose them. It can be any song, so try and use up the whole period doing that so I don't have to pull something else out of my sleeve."

Frank forced himself to look down at the paper that had been carelessly tossed on his table by the girl in front of him, trying to let the words penetrate his foggy brain, and even though the assignment was generally simple, Frank didn't see it that way, because this was his chance, he could apologize to Gerard in the form of coursework, he could put down lyrics that showed his inner torment and regret so much better than his own paltry words ever could.

Now all Frank had to do was find the proper lines with which to express himself, which was easier said than done when all Frank could think about was Gerard, and why he still hasn't looked at him, and if Gerard was still his boyfriend, or if everything was ending before they hardly had a chance to begin - fuck, Frank couldn't handle this, it was already taking all the willpower he possessed not to run out of the room and hide somewhere until he had gotten better control of his unruly emotions, so adding anything else to that, even a menial assignment was bringing Frank to his breaking point.

But Frank forced himself to stay, because despite the possibly unhealthy way his heart was pounding in his chest, and the faint taste of bile that had begun to fill his mouth when he considered the conversation he and Gerard would have after this class was over, and how many of the outcomes for said conversation would end up decimating Frank completely, he pushed all of his terror away, picking up his pencil with a shaky hand and wracking his brain for the perfect lyrics to pen down that would explain to Gerard why he had lied, and how much he cared, and how much he wanted - no - needed Gerard to forgive him.

School has finally started seventeen chapters in to my teacher/student fic lol, smh @ my ridiculous story line.

But yeah - shit is going to go down now *giggles evilly*

I'm not really happy with this chapter, but it was mostly just a lead up to the next one, and hopefully it isn't as bad as I feel like it was.

So if you liked this, maybe leave me a comment or a vote, it would make me very happy.

Chapter dedicated to stephiero

((((updating vibes))))

<3 starr