Frank was currently bundled up in Pete's bed, a box of pizza squeezed between the two of them, the heat from the cardboard making Frank's thigh slightly uncomfortable, but not so much that he felt bothered to move, that involved effort after all, and Frank was more than content to sit there and watch Pete fumble with the remote to his crappy DVD player, trying his best to get the movie to start playing - something called V for Vendetta, and apparently Frank hadn't lived until he had experienced this masterpiece - Pete's words, not Frank's.

As Pete stuck his tongue out, his face set in a mask of concentration, Frank reclined back onto the pillow he had placed behind his back, reaching for a slice of pizza idly as he did so. After a few more minutes of buttons being pushed, and Pete getting increasingly more frustrated, ending in him finally getting up and turning on the device manually, Pete flopped back down onto the bed, smiling triumphantly as if he had just discovered the cure for cancer, instead of simply successfully powering up a DVD player.

"You are going to love this, believe me," Pete assured Frank before grabbing his own slice of pizza, silence following his statement since Pete's mouth was otherwise occupied, and Frank didn't feel the need to respond with words, letting a soft hum suffice for an answer instead.

Frank truly tried to relax and pay attention to movie, but a nagging sense of unease at the back of his mind refused to let him unwind completely, which was a strange occurrence, especially here. Pete's house had always been like home to Frank, it was the only place he could be himself, and even though that hadn't changed, something had, and Frank had a feeling that something was named Gerard.

Because as much as Frank loved being here, a part of his heart was now trapped within the walls of Gerard's apartment, or wherever Gerard currently was, and even though Frank would never voice it aloud, he couldn't help but wonder what he would be doing if he was with Gerard instead of Pete, and even though Frank felt like a terrible friend for thinking this way, he would be lying if he said he didn't want to be at Gerard's place right now instead of with Pete.

It had been a week since Frank had met Gerard, even though sometimes it seemed as if Frank had known Gerard forever, yet at the same time, seven days had never passed so quickly in Frank's life. He hadn't even realized that he had been avoiding Pete's house in the favor of Gerard's company, because that hadn't been his intention - not at all, but when Pete had borderline begged Frank to come over today, Frank couldn't refuse him.

And it wasn't as if Frank didn't want to be here, because he did; he loved spending time with Pete, and he didn't want to become one of those people who ignored their friends as soon as they got in a relationship, not that Frank and Gerard were actually together, they hadn't discussed any sort of status anyway, and Frank was too much of a coward to bring that topic up any time soon.

Frank was assured that Gerard wanted him in his life though, because they hadn't gone a day without seeing each other since that first night, and Frank hadn't even been the one to initiate most of it; actually, it was Gerard who was constantly inviting Frank over, and even though Frank was finding it difficult to juggle work, and his mother, and Gerard, he managed, and now he just needed to remember to include Pete into that equation.

Frank felt guilty for his sudden absence from Pete's life, mostly because he hadn't explained the reason yet. Pete had texted Frank quite a few times over the past week, asking if everything was all right, because Frank's random disappearing act had obviously thrown him, but Frank couldn't bring himself to mention Gerard just yet, instead, he made up some flippant excuse, citing work and little sleep as justification for his distant attitude, and Pete had been buying it - until today that is.

A part of Frank wanted to tell Pete all about Gerard; he wanted to gush like a schoolgirl whose crush had finally asked them out, he wanted to go into explicit detail about every moment of their time together - minus the sex of course, which, now that Frank thought about it, was a large majority of their activities, but Frank hadn't yet, and he wasn't one hundred percent sure why.

Frank trusted Pete, and he knew that he would never tell anyone about his tryst with an older man; Pete already knew about Frank's perchance for hookups, and it wasn't as if Pete could truly cause any damage with the information, even if his mother found out, she would probably forget within days, so that wasn't the reason for Frank's reluctance, but it was hard to put his finger on exactly what was making him stay silent on the subject of Gerard.

Maybe it was the fact that Pete was always bemoaning the fact that he hadn't found a boyfriend yet, and he would usually end those tirades with a soft smile, coupled by "at least I always have you Frank", and Frank wasn't entirely sure how Pete would react to the fact that Frank was seeing someone, instead of just having one night stands, and Frank didn't want to do anything to drive his best friend away.

But in all honesty, it was because Gerard seemed too good to be real, like a ghost that would disappear if anyone else knew of his existence, or a dream that Frank was living in, and telling Pete - or anyone really - would shatter the illusion. Gerard was Frank's secret, the only thing he had in the world that not one person knew about, and even though Frank wasn't in the habit of obscuring parts of his life from his best friend, Gerard was changing that.

Gerard was changing everything actually, most of all Frank, because Frank was actually happy lately; he was walking into work with a smile on his face, caused by the fact that he knew he would see Gerard after, and even his mother's ever increasing oddities had ceased to bother him as much now that he had Gerard there to support him.

Not that Gerard knew anything about his mother, or his personal life; Frank had managed to keep the topic of their conversations away from all things relating to that, and distracting Gerard was almost too easy of a task; all Frank had to do was mention anything that Gerard was remotely interested in, and the older man would go off on a tangent, completely forgetting their previous discussion in favor of the new one.

Gerard had ranted for almost an hour about the color black the other day, pointing out how it was so strange that both Frank and his shirts were technically black, but they weren't the same color, so that should be impossible, before proceeding to try and rename all of the shades of black, ranging from ebony to faded dusk, and Frank had listened raptly the entire time.

Frank loved hearing Gerard talk, and he almost looked forward to the quiet times in which they both rambled about nothing at all even more than the sex that usually came before or after, not that Frank didn't love the sex, it got better every time, and Frank was actually in awe over how good Gerard was in bed, but he really needed to stop thinking about that before he got hard, so Frank forcibly turned his mind away from that train of thought.

Shaking his head groggily, Frank took a bite of his now cooling pizza, trying his best to tune back into the movie, which was proving a difficult task since he had missed most of the opening sequence thanks to his Gerard based daydreams. Frank really couldn't help himself though, because if he wasn't with Gerard, he was thinking about him, or texting him, and Frank would have been worried about coming of as clingy if Gerard didn't act the exact same way.

Gerard seemed almost more attached to Frank than Frank was to him, which was impossible of course, Frank simply tried to hide his burning desire to be around the man twenty-four/seven, but still - it felt so fucking good to be wanted, and Gerard made Frank feel that in spades, which was better than the sex, better than the time away from home, and Frank was beginning to realize that this was what he had been searching for his entire life.

Every hookup, every drunken night had been Frank looking for this, for someone who wanted Frank around for more than one evening, for someone who didn't know anything about Frank's past, or his future, and who didn't really care, or pry, they simply wanted Frank in their life, and Gerard did exactly that, as if he knew just what Frank needed, and he was determined to be there for Frank no matter what.

Frank wondered if Gerard felt the same way, and if he was using Frank in a similar fashion, because it was obvious that Gerard wasn't living the perfect life, and he had some demons that Frank could only guess at, the heavy drinking was a dead giveaway to that, not to mention the look Frank saw in his eyes at times which so closely mirrored Frank's own internal sorrow.

Frank might just be imaging it, but Gerard seemed so tortured, especially when Frank witnessed his conversations with Mikey, and Frank wanted to soothe away the stress lines that would appear over his eyes whenever some unhappy thought passed through his head, but Frank didn't know how, because he was clueless as to what was wrong, and he had no idea what plagued Gerard so deeply that even an almost stranger like Frank noticed.

It didn't help that Gerard maintained a cheerful disposition around Frank most of the time, and it was almost flawless, so much so that Frank could nearly convince himself that he had fabricated Gerard's internal turmoil, but it slipped every so often, and even though Frank pretended not to notice, he did.

It was always only for a second, but Frank was beginning to see a pattern; certain words set him off, especially any mentions of the band he and Mikey had once been in, which Frank had learned early on to avoid that particular topic, thanks to a nasty argument he had walked into between the brothers one day, but it wasn't just that.

Mikey himself was a sensitive subject for Gerard, and any allusion to his addiction had Gerard flinching slightly, but as with the band, those were all understandable, and easily explained, but there were some triggers which Frank had a harder time deciphering.

The word perfect for example, but only when directed at him; Gerard could whisper into Frank's ear how flawless, and wonderful, and yes - perfect he was for hours, but the second Frank said it back, Gerard shut down, his face immediately falling into a stony mask, and it had only taken Frank a few slips up to discover the fact that the supposed compliment only hurt Gerard, and he did his best to diversify his vocabulary for Gerard's sake.

But Frank hadn't asked why - not once, because that wouldn't have been fair at all; Gerard never pushed Frank to open up about his issues, so Frank refused to do the same, even though the curiosity was already eating him up inside, and they had only been seeing each other for a week, so Frank could only imagine how much more intense the desire to know was going to grow over time, but he was determined to continue ignoring it for as long as possible.

Frank couldn't help it though, he wanted to know every last minute detail about Gerard, from his shoe size to his darkest secret, because everything Frank did learn about the man was fascinating, even if they were only small tidbits or hinted at events, Frank drank everything in, but he was never satisfied with the knowledge he managed to glean, and he was left wanting more.

But Frank couldn't pry, because then he might be expected to reciprocate with information of his own, and then Gerard might uncover the lie Frank was so desperately trying to pass off as the truth, which was his age of course, because if Gerard discovered that fact, this could all be over before it even began, and Frank refused to take that risk.

And now that Frank really thought about it, their relationship - or whatever this was - was built on falsehoods, and evasions, and sex, and even though that fact should have bothered him, it didn't, because Frank liked Gerard, really liked Gerard, and he would do anything to keep him in his life, no matter the consequences in the end, because that was in the future, and Gerard made Frank want to live in the now.

"Frank - are you even paying attention?" Pete sighed in annoyance, causing Frank to jump slightly in a manner that clearly proved that no - he had not been, but he still decided to try and save face before Pete got even more irritated with him.

"Yeah - sorry, you just startled me," Frank nodded, taking a bite out of his pizza so he would have an excuse not to say anything else.

"Really - then what is the main girl's name." Pete cocked on eyebrow in Frank's direction, and even though Frank knew he was fucked, he took his best shot in the dark anyway.

"Uhh - V?" Frank shrugged, and the accompanying eye roll he received from Pete told Frank that he had missed spectacularly.

"Ugh..." Pete sighed, reaching for the remote before pausing the movie angrily. "This movie is fucking amazing Frank - how can you not be into it?" Pete asked, the genuine distress in his voice making Frank stifle a giggle, because it seemed as if Pete would be crushed if Frank didn't end up enjoying this film, as if he had spent his entire life producing it, instead of just stumbling across it last week.

"I am - I'm sorry...I was just thinking," Frank apologized, mentally chastising himself for letting Gerard take over his mind when he should have been focused on spending time with Pete, he had already ignored his best friend enough for one week after all.

"Just thinking..." Pete scoffed, turning his body toward Frank's suddenly. "Frank - are you okay? Seriously, you have seemed really off lately, and I'm trying not to be worried, but I am, and I just want to help - you know?" Pete pleaded, and Frank sighed heavily, because having Pete ask him if he was okay had the opposite effect of when Gerard did it, and Frank found himself growing slightly defensive, instead of wanting to open up like he knew Pete wanted him to.

"Nothing is wrong Pete, I just zoned out - okay?" Frank whined, trying to avoid Pete's gaze so he wouldn't feel even worse than he already did, because - yes - nothing was wrong, but Frank was hiding something, and he didn't want Pete to see the truth in his eyes.

"Bullshit Frank - fucking bullshit. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, you can just say so," Pete sulked, leaving Frank fighting back another wave of guilt as Pete turned his back angrily.

"Pete...it's not like that, I promise. I'm fine actually, better than I have been in a long time." Frank placed his hand softy on Pete's shoulder, trying to ignore the way Pete attempted to shrug off his kind touch.

And Frank knew he had fucked himself here, and it was either tell Pete about Gerard, or risk losing his best friend over a stupid secret that he didn't have any reason for keeping, and really - the choice shouldn't have been a difficult one at all, but Frank found himself biting his tongue, holding the treasure that was Gerard to his chest for one moment longer before he revealed it to the world.

"I - I'm seeing someone Pete," Frank mumbled softly, holding his breath as Pete turned around with an incredulous look on his face, and Frank couldn't decipher if Pete's expression was happy, or crushed, or anything in between.

"What...like a person - an actual person?" Pete asked curiously, his eyes raking Frank up and down as if he would find proof of Frank's words somewhere upon his person.

"No Pete, he's a fucking horse - of course he's a person...his name is Gerard," Frank ended on a whisper, as if Gerard's name was something precious that needed to be voiced with care.

"Gerard...do I know him - how did you meet - can I meet him?" Pete began bombarding Frank with questions, and Frank had to hold up both hands in a gesture of surrender before Pete snapped his mouth closed and waited for Frank to continue.

"Okay, first off - no, you don't know him, he only recently moved back to Jersey, even though he was born here, and how we met is a long story, basically, I dragged his high brother home, and he was there, and no - you can't meet him," Frank huffed out, hoping that his pathetic explanation would be enough for Pete to shut up and turn the movie back on, but Frank really should had known Pete better by now.

"Wait - you what, and I - I have so many questions to ask I don't even know where to start," Pete chuckled, angling his body toward Frank's with an eager look on his face.

"Pete...I don't want this to turn into a interrogation - please. He's a cute guy I met one night, and we fucked, and now we are something, not together - not really, just a thing, that's all," Frank sighed, and really, all of that was the truth, even though Gerard was so much more to Frank then that, he just didn't know how to put it into words.

"When did this happen?" Pete fired off before Frank was even finished speaking.

"A week ago, last Tuesday actually."

"A week...what the hell Frank - why didn't you tell me sooner? This is why you have been acting so off isn't it, because of this guy, is he upsetting you?" Pete's face took on an angry cast, and even though Frank loved the fact that Pete was so protective over him, he didn't expect Pete to immediately jump to ill formed conclusions involving Gerard, and Frank found himself stammering over his own words in an attempt to clear Gerard's name.

"No - fuck no, he's perfect Pete, like genuinely perfect, and he makes me really happy, and I'm so sorry I have been distant lately, I have no excuse, I just got caught up in him, but I won't do it again - I promise." Frank wrapped his arm around his friend, hoping the physical affection would soften up Pete more than his words.

"Oh...well that's great then, I just don't understand why you hid him from me," Pete mumbled against Frank's shoulder.

"I didn't do it on purpose, I just - I was scared to say anything at first in case it ended, because I still don't understand what the fuck he sees in me, but then...it just didn't seem like something I could type out in a text, and I was going to tell you..." Frank shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how else to explain the crazy mess that resided in his head, with Gerard at the center of it of course.

"It's okay Frank...I just - it doesn't matter, I'm really happy for you okay?" Frank peered down at Pete curiously, because Pete sounded anything but happy, but he was smiling up at Frank when their eyes met, and Pete was probably just upset about not being told the second this happened. Frank knew he had some making up to do, so he brushed it off; calling Pete out on his tone wouldn't be helpful in the slightest, and Frank was content with the fact that Pete wasn't pushing Frank away from the embracing he was holding Pete in.

"Are you sure I can't meet him?" Pete mumbled sullenly a few minutes later.

"No Pete - that's just weird, we aren't even really dating, or whatever..." Frank chuckled, trying to lessen the sting of his rejection with a laugh.

"Well why aren't you together - it sort of sounds like you are, maybe you should ask him where you guys stand...or something like that?"

"Because he's an adult Pete, and this isn't like a high school relationship, and I don't want to go all 'so are we official' on him - I barely known the guy yet," Frank tried to explain, because really, he felt stupid even thinking of having that conversation with Gerard, he wasn't even sure if that's how things went when you got older - hell - Frank honestly didn't know the first thing about relationships, and Gerard was the last person he wanted to make aware of that fact.

"Oh - okay," Pete sighed, staying silent after that for a few moments before he spoke again. "So...I know you don't like a lot of questions, but I have to ask this one...how old is he? I know most of your hookups are borderline ancient," Pete giggled quietly, sitting up so he could grab another slice of pizza before turning back to Frank was an inquisitive stare.

"Fuck you Pete - they aren't that old, and Gerard, he's twenty-six," Frank admitted, but Pete did have a point, and Frank had hooked up with men twice Gerard's age, so Pete's curiosity was validated.

"And he's okay with the fact that you are still technically a minor?"

"Uh - he doesn't actually know, he thinks I'm nineteen." Frank tried to act casual, shrugging slightly as his insides twisted uncomfortably, because voicing his lie aloud made it all the more real, and Frank didn't want to face his mistakes, not yet anyway.

"Do I even need to point out how stupid of an idea that was, because it was really fucking stupid," Pete scoffed, his eyebrows scrunched down in an expression of disbelief.

"It doesn't matter Pete, because he's never going to find out, and it's not like we are together, or in love, or anything like that. We are just fucking, and we enjoy each other's company, so he doesn't need to know my age," Frank retorted, perhaps a bit harsher than he had originally intended to, but he was done with this conversation, and he needed to make sure that Pete understood that as well.

"Okay...but what happens when he does fall in love with you, because honestly Frank - he will, unless he's crazy, or you will, and it will be a mess, and you know that," Pete argued back, but his tone was soft, soothing almost, because Pete knew he was walking a fine line, and Frank could snap at any moment.

"It won't Pete, or he won't at least, because he is so far out of my league, and okay - maybe I could see myself falling for him one day, but even if I do, it won't matter..." Frank exhaled heavily, not willingly to explain any more, but he knew that Pete understood what Frank was trying and failing to voice.

"Frank - I hate when you do this, because people can love you - okay, and you deserve love, more than anyone, and I don't know this Gerard, but he likes you, and if you let him in, he could love you one day...I just wish you could see how amazing you are," Pete trailed off awkwardly, his gaze fixed on the paused movie instead of at Frank.

"I want to believe you Pete - I do, but I can't. Even if someone loved me, I would only bring them down, and I can't get my hopes up - okay...I just want to enjoy whatever we have while it lasts, so please stop," Frank whispered, trying to curl in on himself as if that would stop his fears from rising to the surface, even though they had already awoken and were swimming around inside of his stomach lazily.

"I'm sorry Frank, I didn't mean to make you upset...it's just - I've never heard you talk this way about a guy before, and I don't want you to get hurt, but now I've fucked up, and I'm so fucking sorry." Pete did sound truly sorry, and it wasn't Pete's fault that Frank was so fucked up, so he leaned into Pete's side gently, trying to use his touch to let his friend know that everything was okay, even though it wasn't, but Frank refused to show how much Pete's words had shaken him.

This was why Frank hadn't wanted to talk about Gerard, because Pete's insights had Frank terrified of everything again, and he didn't want to question Gerard's intentions, or how they might feel about each other in a few weeks, or months, or whatever, because it didn't help anything, and it only made Frank even more apprehensive and nervous then he already was naturally.

It had been only last night when Frank had been perfectly content living in the moment, but now that was all shattered thanks to a few words, and Frank both loved and hated how Pete knew him so well, because even though he needed to face the harsh reality of his situation, he didn't want to, but Pete stripped everything away; he ruined the perfect illusion that being with Gerard conjured in Frank's mind, and Frank wanted that back, no matter how false it was.

Frank knew he had fucked up this relationship with Gerard from the start, but now that he was reminded of it, he couldn't help but regret his lie, but it's not like telling the truth would have done any good; Gerard would have simply thrown Frank out his front door without a second glance, and Frank couldn't live with that - he just couldn't.

But Gerard had said that age was just a number, and maybe he meant it, because Frank may not know Gerard very well, but he didn't seem like the sort of person to spout words without any true belief in them, and Frank would be eighteen in a few months. He would tell him then, Frank decided, because if Gerard still wanted Frank in his life by that point, he deserved the truth, but only time would tell if this would last long enough for Frank to let Gerard in.

"It's okay Pete, I'll tell him eventually...just not right now," Frank smiled softly, a genuine smile, because even though looking ahead was terrifying, imagining a future with Gerard in it was anything but, and maybe Pete was right, maybe this was something, and maybe one day, this could turn into a real relationship - into love even, and for once, Frank wanted to look at all the things that could go right, instead of everything that most likely would go wrong.

Yay for unexpected updates ^_^

Once again, I didn't plan on posting this tonight, but once I started writing, I couldn't stop.

Btw, I have had a ton of people asking me how this is a teacher/student fic, and I know I'm taking ages, but please be patient, I am getting there, and it will get to that part of the story eventually.

This chapter is dedicated to tragician_child because I promised her an update if she posted one, and she did, so I actually managed to knock this out for you, and I am so happy that you are enjoying this story.

But seriously, thank you to everyone that has gotten this story to 10k+ reads and over 900 votes. I love each and every one of you, and the response on this fic continues to blow me away.

((((hella good vibes))))

<3 starr