Things might have just taken a turn for the worst.

It feels like I always say this, because each time something bad happens, I conclude it to be the worst ever. And each time, I'm proven wrong. It always does get worse. I don't know how, but the universe always has something in store for me. Think that was bad? Wait until you see this.

Colt wasn't kidding about taking Jenny out. Apparently, they went out for drinks last night, which ended with a short stroll around campus. The conversation was even better, the best she'd ever had. I had to hear it all from Jenny herself.

I wonder if he's doing this to torment me. I wonder if he loves seeing me this way, restless. He did say he had no plans to hurt Jenny, but that has done absolutely nothing to put my mind at ease. What does he want? Unless he really is trying to make himself feel better. In that case, why not turn to Savannah, or his other list of girls? Why Jenny?

This is wearing me out. It's draining. Maybe I'm worrying too much. Maybe there's nothing to worry about at all. If Colt isn't planning on hurting Jenny, then it should be fine, shouldn't it? Plus, I doubt they'll start a relationship anyway. They're both too anti-commitment to do so.

I should be focusing on homework, not this stupid melodrama. That is, if Jenny allows me study in peace. She's on her phone again, swiping through pictures of her little outing with Colt last night. At least she's in a good mood.

"I'm telling you, he's perfect." Jenny says to me. "We really hit it off yesterday. I mean, not only is he hot, but he's smart too. Did you know he learned to speak two other languages?"

I have to admit that's impressive, but I'm not at all surprised. Perfect Colt Bradshaw. If only Jenny knew that he wasn't so perfect.

The student lounge isn't that packed today. They must be at the basketball game this afternoon, the biggest since the semester began.

Frankly, I'm surprised Jenny didn't go. I'm actually surprised she's here with me. But I figure she wants someone to talk about last night with. It's the same with all her dates. I'm the best candidate for that.

"I think he might actually like me." Jenny continues, smile wide.

I look up from my computer. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, he laughed a lot. And also, he said, 'let's do this again'."

I didn't know Colt enjoyed himself that much. I guess he really is trying to move on, which means I don't have to worry much about him any longer.

But his relationship with Jenny means he'll remain a variable. A part of my life. And the fact that he's hitting it off with her doesn't negate the fact that he's a murderer. How do I effectively chase him away?

Jenny is beyond giddy. She's playing with her straw, all smiles, while scrolling through her phone. I haven't seen her this excited in a while. "I think I'll invite him over this Friday if he isn't busy."

Again, I look up from my computer. "But we're supposed to hang out that day. Remember, the movie?"

"I know, but there's a high chance Colt will come over. I really want this to work. You understand, don't you?"

I want to tell her that I don't. I want to tell her that she's being unfair. But even if I could get that off my chest, there's no way the words can travel up my throat with how lumpy it's become. And the way Jenny looks at me, with that smile and glee in her eyes. I end up nodding my head.

She squeals so loud, I'm sure it damaged my eardrums somehow. "This is going to be perfect. He might actually end up falling for me."

I give her a smile, all to show my support. And yet there's some part of me, some little part of me that hopes she fails.

___

Friday comes with a gray cloud over my head. It's like I'm back where I started, before I discovered the truth about living for my own desires. At least back then, I knew how to fix the issue. Do what makes you happy. Well, I've done it all. And yet, here I am still full of gloom.

I can't help reminiscing about the times when things were still fine, when Shane was still around and the days were still warm. It tasted good, that happiness. It felt like a scene plucked right out of a movie.

I lost it all in the blink of an eye.

Maybe I'm destined to be alone. Now that I think about it, this isn't really my first failed relationship. Freshmen year of college, I'd somehow worked up the courage to ask a guy out. Michael was his name. We were lab partners in Chemistry, and I thought I might as well go for it. And it worked. He agreed to go out with me.

That was until he learned of Jenny's existence, and he wanted all to do with her and nothing to do with me. Jenny turned him down, of course. As for my hurt feelings, well, I buried them and moved on.

I guess that's when I began relying on Jenny when it came to my crushes. She seemed to attract others without even trying. Yet, not one of them wanted anything to do with me. So I guess the issue really does lie with me.

Work today isn't any easy. The line isn't as long since it's Friday, but the problems are still the same. "This coffee doesn't taste right", "This drink is too cold", "Isn't that a bit too expensive?"

My salary here is sixteen dollars an hour. Do they think I own the store?

I receive a couple more customers, a team of guys dressed in jeans and snapback hats. I'm guessing fraternity. Yay.

"Welcome, what would you like today?" I ask them, no smile.

One of the guys, oversized T-shirt and narrow nose, takes a step forward. "I'll have a medium cup of dark roast coffee and uh . . ." he stops and begins studying me — and as he does so, his eyes grow wide. "No way. You're that girl." He turns to the rest of his troop members. "It's the girl from that video."

They all then follow, parroting and repeating some variations of "No way", "For real?", "Dude, you're right"

I release a labored breath. When will this end?

"Is it true you beat him up?" One guy asks.

I ignore him. "Would you like cream or sugar with that?"

"Careful before she starts swinging on you." Says another guy.

They all laugh, loud enough for the entire staff to hear. I'm so sick of this. It's been well over three weeks since that incident, and yet everyday I'm reminded of that moment. The worst day of my life.

I try keeping my calm until this horde of monkeys are done hollering. And it takes them a while. It can't possibly be that funny.

Then finally, one of them says, "You must have been crazy as hell for him to dump you that way."

"You gotta stay away from chicks like that." Another follows, reporting to his buddy.

This is where the ridicule truly gets to me. Somehow, it's all been turned into my fault, and now I've become an example of girls to stay away from. And what does Shane get? Sympathy. Sympathy for humiliating me.

How is this fair?

I think I've about had enough. I go to the back in search of the manager, so he can manage the situation. Then I head for the restroom hastily, where I don't come out for another while.

___

Saturday is the same story. No news from Jenny or her day with Colt. I give it till Monday before she starts blasting my phone trying to share details. I don't think I have any energy left for that.

Now I'm just wasting away on my bed, staring at a wall that's been worn down by age. I wonder if I can repaint it. Something brighter maybe. But I think my landlord will have me booted out.

I should try doing something for myself today. Practice more make-up techniques, a walk by the park, or a movie by the theater. But it feels like the energy has been drained free from my body, and all I know now is lethargy. Plus, the last thing I want today is someone reminding me of that Godforsaken video.

So I lay there on my bed, completely still, until a knock comes from the door. A rapid sound of pure agony. I groan into my pillow. I really didn't want to deal with her today.

My mother is no better looking than the last time I saw her. She's not any worse either. The treatment must be working.

There goes that same air of entitlement around her, like she owns the place. I think she feels entitled to my things because she raised me. In fact, she told me to my face. Which is why she's here today. For her rent money. She says it's the least I can do for her raising me.

"Just be glad I didn't stuff you in a trash can." She used to tell me.

And I followed her advice, because there were kids who had it worse than me.

Now she's here to collect her reward for keeping me around. Her rent must be due soon.

"You could at least brighten the lights in here." She says, with that permanent scowl on her face.

She has no idea it's to cut back on electricity usage, so I can have enough money at the end of the day to share with her. I suspect even if I did tell her, she'd find some other argument to use against me. So I let it be.

"Here," I hand her the money. "Eight hundred this time."

Her frown deepens. "Where's the other four hundred?"

"I have my own bills to take care of. The least you can do is at least try to make up the balance."

"Right, because you paid bills when I was taking care of you?" She tells me. "You know what you are? Selfish. Ungrateful and selfish. After all I did for you, you have the balls to stand there and use that tone with me?"

After all she did for me? What did she do for me? Besides remind me every single day that I was never supposed to be born.

I don't have the energy to go into another argument. I take a deep breath in. "That's all I have for you this month. Take it or leave it."

She takes it, of course. What choice does she really have? But it comes with another dose of venom. "Why do you think your father left after I gave birth to you?" she asks. "Because you were a burden, a mistake. You drove him out. Do you think there's anyone out there who wants anything to do with you?"

These words shouldn't hurt so much. I should be used to them. But each time she says it, it serves as a dreadful reminder. Because she isn't at all wrong.

"I'm the only person you have. Don't forget that." Then she leaves, slamming the door on her way out. As always.

I don't have it in me to lash out or even scream. I head back for my bed and tuck myself under the covers, ready for tears that don't come. Because I'm all out.