A/N: The next few chapters are dedicated to my amazing friend/wife @NiallsharrysOlivia She leaves such sweet comments and votes on this book! Also, she's the sweetest person I've ever met and she doesn't deserve any of the things she says about herself or other people say to her. Love you Desirée❤❤
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I thought I'd been hurt before. But no one has ever left me quite this sore.
Your words cut deeper then a knife,
Now I need someone to breathe me back to life.
-Stiches by Shawn Mendes
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"Where the hell were you?" My mother yelled as soon as Nathan and I came in the house.
Like my dad, she didn't look much like me. Her once beautiful wavy brown hair was dirty and tangled, and her brown eyes were rimmed with red.
"We were at Rose's." I said softly.
"Why did you go out without my permission?! You and Nathan could easily have been kidnapped!" Mom yelled.
"You were asleep." I said softly. The drugs made were making her paranoid again, and she was always saying that we would be kidnapped. The fact that we lived in a quiet neighborhood and Rose was just across the street meant nothing to her.
"You idiot!" Mom shouted. "And what did you do with my meds? I need them!"
"I - I threw them out." I meant to sound brave, but my voice shook.
"You stupid, stupid girl! How dare you! You have no respect for me, or you wouldn't have done that!"
Ouch. That hit home. Something snapped inside of me.
"I do have respect for you, that's why I did that! You're going to kill yourself one day with the amount of drugs you're taking! And then where will Nathan and I be?"
"Don't raise your voice to me, you disrespectful little brat!" Mom was red with anger.
"Oh now you're trying to be a mother. Why should I respect you when you do pretty much nothing for us? You're always high or sleeping! What would you care if we got kidnapped? You probably wouldn't even notice!" I was yelling now too.
It felt was good to get everything out. I was tired of everything, tired of my mother bringing me down, tired of my life.
"Shut up, you ungrateful little bitch!" Mom yelled. "I raised you!"
I tried to stay calm and not show how much those words hurt.
"Well you didn't do a very good job. Come on, Mom. You don't have to be like this. Dad's gone. He's never coming back. I know he hurt you, he hurt all of us. But it's time to pull yourself together and get over it. If you don't want to do it for yourself or me, do it for Nathan. He needs his mother."
Mom just glared at me and pushed past me. "I'm leaving."
"You're becoming just like dad!" I called after her.
She turned around and slapped me. Tears filled my eyes from the sting, but I blinked them back. I wasn't about to show how weak I am.
"No, I think you're the one who's just like her father." She slammed the door behind her.
If I wasn't already broken, I'd be in a million pieces now.
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My mother returned home late that evening and went straight to bed without saying anything. No surprise there, she was stoned. As usual.
I picked up one of the bottles of pills that were laying around and turned it over in my hand. Mom's words from earlier haunted me.
Just like her father.
It was true, I thought with disgust. I was weak, like him. He was too weak to get himself out of his drinking problem. I was too weak to get Nathan and I out of this situation. But more than that, I was too weak to not let my mother's words get to me. Every word she said about me was true. I was too weak to fight the depression that had started when my father left and buried me deeper every day.
The negative thoughts swirled around in my mind.
Weak. Pathetic. Disgusting. Piece of shit.
I hated my life. I hated myself. I was sick of everything. All I wanted was out.
It would be easy. Open the bottle of pills in my hand and swallow the whole thing. My mom did it for an escape. I would do it for an out.
No one would really miss me. Rose would be sad, but she would get over it. My parents would probably not even care. Or maybe they would finally regret everything.
"Bev! Will you play with me?" Nathan asked, startling me out of my depressing thoughts.
What would Nathan do without me? He would be devastated, and there would be no one to care for him.
I couldn't do that to Nathan. I have to be strong, for him.
I put the pills down and forced a smile.
"Sure, Nathan."
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A/N: This was a short chapter but some very important things happened in it. The next chapter will be longer. This chapter was hard to write because of personal reasons, but I wanted to get it out on paper. I'm sorry if it was depressing but it will get better, just stay with me. Do you guys think I should do a Narry chapter next or wait until the 5th chapter? And what do you think of Beverly's mom and Bev's depression? Comment what you think and please vote it means alot to me!
xx Grace