"Ruru!"

"Captain!"

"Ruru!"

"Captain!"

"RURU!"

"CAPTAIN!"

Rukia and I embraced in her cell. I had morphed my body to that of an average-sized woman so I could pick her up and swing her around and nuzzle her. While we were having our reunion, my kaleidoscope carried blankets, pillows, games, books, and so on into her cell. By the time I was satisfied with my Rukia-cuddles, my kaleidoscope had finished carrying all the comforts Rukia would need.

"Ruru," I cooed, "are you okay?"

"I'm okay," she assured me, her face creased with worry. "I'm... sorry. I brought shame—"

"Shhh, no, no. You did perfectly, my dearest lieutenant," I assured. "Please do not worry. Everything is going according to plan."

"To plan?" Rukia asked.

I smiled. "Yes. A scheme is afoot."

Rukia beamed, her large stormy-blue eyes shined. "One of yours?"

"No, but one that needs to happen. Do you trust me, Ruru?"

"With my life."

"Good. First, please rest assured—you will not die. I will not let it happen. But I need you to play along until the day of—no, right up until the moment. Can you be my damsel in distress?"

Rukia stepped away from me and kneeled. "By your orders, my captain."

A wide grin stretched over my face. "Thank you, my lieutenant."

'Fufufufu.'

(◕▾◕✿)

Orihime

Upon finally reaching the Soul Society, Gremmy started taking many pictures. Orihime glanced around. They had arrived at a part of society that looked... old. Decrepit, really.

"This isn't supposed to be a tour, Gremmy," Yoruichi mildly chided him, still in her black cat form.

"Look, if I'm going to get grounded regardless, I might as well make the most of the situation," he dismissed flippantly. "Sis, pose?"

Orihime dutifully turned to face Gremmy with a big smile. She curtsied for his first picture, and then made a heart sign for his second picture. Gremmy made a thumbs-up sign, satisfied with the first round.

"First Shinigami we k—defeat, I mean, we'll do a victory shot," he smirked, tossing his camera up and down.

"Stop treating this like a game, Gremmy," Ichigo said.

"Make me, old fart."

"Gremmy," Orihime warned.

"Ugh."

"Come on," said Yoruichi. "The gate into Seireitei is this way." The black cat flicked her tail, and led the way down a stone-paved road. She was clearly at ease in the surroundings. Gremmy and Orihime wouldn't be surprised if their aunt had visited Soul Society before.

The Seireitei was obstructed by a massive white wall. None of the group could see over it, and as they followed Yoruichi the wall only grew closer.

Yoruichi stopped at the end of a street, nodding in the direction to an opening. "There."

It was a gate, of sorts, and before it stood a massive figure.

"That is Jidanbō," said Yoruichi. "A Shinigami chosen from amongst his peers to guard this particular gate. In the 300 years he's been on duty, he has not failed."

"Cool, who wants first dibs on the boss fight?" Gremmy asked. "Rock-paper-scissors?"

"Ooo," went Orihime.

"Or, or," said Ichigo, "hear me out—" Ichigo turned and sprinted past everyone.

"Wow what a dick," said Gremmy.

Orihime covered her mouth to refrain from reprimanding Gremmy. 'Not the place. Not the place.'

Neither of the Suzuran children felt concerned for Ichigo's safety. Comparing Ichigo's reiatsu to Jidanbō's gave them confidence in their friend. Yoruichi's nonchalance also encouraged their faith. If their aunt wasn't panicking, then they had no reason to either.

Uryū pursed his lips. "Running into a battle without careful assessment is foolish."

"Mm-hmm." Yoruichi sat down, her tail curled around her paws. "It's also one of the best ways to learn through experience. How you can assess your opponent to determine if you'll win or not—what better way to find out than trial and error?"

"Seems liable to get you needlessly killed," Uryū rebuked.

Yoruichi purred. "For some. Relax, Quincy. Or do you not have faith in your friend?"

Uryū flushed. "Kurosaki and I are not friends—"

"What a tsundere," Gremmy teased.

Yoruichi and Orihime exchanged knowing glances at the audacity of Gremmy saying that.

"Ichigo will win," said Chad. "He always does."

Orihime smiled at that. Chad's confidence in Ichigo was endearing. She had a soft spot for friendships in general, and people who supported one another? Sign her up.

She knew her appreciation came from her mother and watching her interact with Uncle Kisuke, Auntie Yoruichi, and Uncle Tessai. No matter the situation, the four of them had absolute faith in one another to take care of it. Even when things got scary and Gremmy would accidentally open up a little wormhole and they had to (literally) fight off his nightmares, they would always stay confident.

She remembered one time Gremmy accidentally went to hell and Mother had to go bring him back. She dropped Sora and Orihime off at Kisuke's shop and without batting an eye told him she was going to hell to grab her other son and could he pretty please watch these two kiddos?

Uncle Kisuke gave her two thumbs up and said, "If you bring me back something fun I'll let you name my next original candy."

No questions asked. No doubt given. No hesitation.

He trusted her to do exactly that.

And so Orihime wanted to replicate that level of trust with her own friends.

If Ichigo felt okay to fight, then who was she to doubt him?

Even if he did lose–which she did not believe would happen–it was okay. She was there. She would support him.

A scarce five minutes later, Ichigo had single-handedly defeated the guardian of the gate, even going so far as to destroy his weapons. Orihime clapped. "Good job, Ichigo!"

The Shinigami, Jidanbō, accepted his defeat with honor and proceeded to lift the gate up. The group could tell it was a struggle for the gatekeeper, which wasn't surprising given how massive the gate was. It was impressive he did it entirely with his muscles and not an ounce of reiatsu.

The group moved forward, and on the otherside was a young man with white hair, narrow eyes, and a sly smile.

"Captain of the 3rd Division... Gin Ichimaru," Jidanbō stammered in greeting.

"Oh this isn't good," Gin cooed. He drew his blade quickly and slashed Jidanbō's left arm, forcing the guardian to drop to his knees. He sheathed his blade shortly after. All of that was done in barely a second.

'He's strong,' Orihime thought, sensing his reiatsu. 'Strong and fast. Gosh.'

"Aren't you supposed to guard the gate against intruders? Why are you opening the door for them? Going to invite them for tea next?" Gin clicked his tongue.

"Fuck off," said Gremmy.

'That's it.'

Orihime swatted the back of Gremmy's head. "Don't use that language!"

"Damn it," Gremmy griped, clutching the back of his head. At Orihime's glower, he quickly corrected, "I mean dang it."

"Rude guests on top of it all," the man probably named Gin said. "It's time for you to leave. Shinso, impale them."

Orihime acted on reflex, creating a pale orange shield between them and that captain. The captain's zanpakutō crashed against Orihime's shield, but it did not pierce it.

Orihime calmly stepped around Ichigo and Jidanbō. She smiled coyly and without warmth. "Ara, ara, that wasn't terribly nice of you, was it?"

The man's smile stretched. "I didn't expect that to be blocked. Your name?"

Orihime curtsied. She had worn shorts instead of her usual skirt—she had anticipated moving around a lot and didn't want to risk accidental panty shots. She knew Ichigo and Gremmy wouldn't care, but Uryū struck her as prude-ish, and she had a feeling Chad was uncomfortable with those kind of things. "Orihime Suzuran."

"Suzuran? That's not a common last name," commented the man. "I like it."

"Why thank you! Our mother picked it, actually." Orihime tilted her head. "It's bad manners to ask for a name without giving one yourself. On top of attacking an unarmed man... you're a bit naughty, aren't you?"

"Heh-heh," he chuckled, then bowed briefly. "Gin Ichimaru, Captain of the 3rd Division. I wasn't aware humans had gained such an ability."

Orihime continued to smile coldly. "And when's the last time you visited the World of the Living?"

"A fair point." Gin retracted his zanpakutō. "You all... you're here to try and save Lieutenant Kuchiki?"

"No, a bunch of non-Shinigami show up for a tour," Gremmy sarcastically drawled. "Are you our guide?"

The man laughed. "You're cheeky. Ah~ It feels like such a waste. Intruders are meant to be killed right away, you know? No exceptions."

"Well that doesn't sound very fun," said Orihime, eyes sparkling with mirth. "Wouldn't it be far better for us to reach the center and then have a climactic battle? Oh, but only after progressing steadily through. We can pretend your... attack... caused us to retreat, if you'd like?"

"I don't want to retreat," Gremmy protested. "Can't we just–"

Gremmy imagined the man was standing underneath a powerful catapult and would be sent hurtling away. The man clearly had not been expecting anything–or was perhaps compelled by Gremmy's imagination ability–and was promptly thrown far, far away.

"What was that?" Uryū squawked.

"My ability," answered Gremmy. "Alice in Wonderland."

Ichigo tentatively sheathed his zanpakutō. "What's it do?"

"Whatever I imagine becomes a reality," said Gremmy. "That's the gist of it, at least."

"... Isn't that the ability of a god?"

"If you want to worship me, I won't say no." Gremmy put his hands in his hoodie pocket. "Let's go. I'd like to get Rukia rescued before my chess tournament. If I miss it, Mama'll ground me."

"Couldn't you just imagine yourself not grounded?" Ichigo shrewdly asked. "Or Rukia rescued?"

Gremmy shook his head. "Mama sealed away my concept thoughts. I can create objects or certain rules, but I can't change the laws already set in place. That includes free will." Gremmy grimaced. "And Mama's harder to use it against or on. She's... not all there, you know? Like trying to paint on smoke."

"Plus Gremmy is a good boy and wouldn't do anything so bad," Orihime added with an adoring smile.

"Yeah," he lied. "I definitely wouldn't do that."

"Well," said Yoruichi. "Let's keep moving."

"Mm-hmm," said Orihime. "Thank you, Mr. Jidanbō. Let me heal you as thanks."

She rejected his injured arm, and he mumbled a flustered thank you. He closed the gate behind them, and after a solid fifteen minutes of being in the Soul Society the group had finally entered the Seireitei.

Gosh. What a journey! It might actually take them a couple of hours to rescue Rukia at that rate.

Of course things couldn't get that easy. As soon as the gate shut behind them an alarm was sounded throughout the Seireitei. Immediately, dozens of Shinigami rushed to them.

Gremmy squinted at all the gathered Shinigami who loosely stood around them, many drawing their weapons. Ichigo, Chad, and Uryū positioned themselves for a fight.

"Lame," said Gremmy. "Everyone here... their pressure is so laughably weak. I don't want to be stuck fighting mobs. F—I mean, super lame."

Orihime smiled at how he corrected his language.

"I think..." Gremmy started to slowly grin, "I want to be the final boss, not the hero. Let's do some clearing, yeah? How about... Zombies in the Mist?"

At once, a thick fog fell onto the Sereitei, enveloping nearly every inch of the city. Within seconds, it grew so dense and thick that the Shinigami inside could not even see their own feet. The fog only covered the lower portion of the Seireitei, the upper barracks were left untouched.

And from that fog, groans and moans could be heard. Human corpses emerged from the fog, latching onto the nearest Shinigami.

"Except these zombies don't go for brains or blood," Gremmy continued, fueling his imagination as he willed everything to life. "They eat reiatsu to fuel the fog."

Orihime clapped her hands. "My~ the Shinigami are in for a fun time."

"You can create sentient beings?" Uryū warily asked Gremmy.

"Not really," said Gremmy. "I can give something the shape of a human, but it can only really act on command, you know? It can't learn, it can't do complex commands, and it can't exist for more than a few days." Gremmy cackled. "Zombies are pretty mindless! I can spawn those things for days."

Ichigo patted Gremmy's head, whistling. "That's pretty sick, Gremmy."

"I know right?"

Gremmy didn't mention his limit. Nothing he created in reality could stay in reality, and using his ability for a prolonged period of time taxed him mentally and physically. He could keep small things going for a week, but complex conjurations could only last a couple of days at max before he would faint.

Orihime still thought it was a good call. That way they wouldn't have to waste the group's energy fighting off hundreds of Shinigami.

It was a shame—

Orihime's gaze drifted to the towers above the fog.

She could feel powerful signatures there. They were too far away for her to make out the specifics, but strong enough to take note. That previous Shinigami, Gin, had underestimated them which boded well in their favor. However, Orihime doubted the next captain they came across would do such a thing.

Gremmy would handle the small fry, but he would likely be out of commission when it was time to fight the captains.

Orihime would have to handle them on her own... somehow.

'I'll do my best,' she thought. 'Who knows, maybe we can reach a peaceful solution?'

(◕▾◕✿)

"This is boring," Ichigo idly commented. Gremmy had covered the top of their group in thick fog so they couldn't be pinpointed for an aerial attack. The group of them had taken a seat near the gate, listening to the Shinigami scream seemingly random battle cries inside the fog, along with the zombies' restless moans.

It had already been a few hours since Gremmy started his zombie invasion.

Gremmy made a face at Ichigo. "Seriously? I'm practically carrying this mission right now and you're complaining?"

"Boring is boring," Ichigo said with a shrug.

"What, you'd rather fight?"

"Yeah."

"Ugh. Stupid delinquents. Does anyone else feel the same?" Gremmy snapped, glaring at Uryū and Chad.

Chad shook his head at the same time Uryū said, "No, thank you for clearing the masses out."

Gremmy sighed and laid back, resting his head on Orihime's lap. "Good. I'll let one through for you to fight, dummy Ichigo."

"Nice," said Ichigo. He hopped up from where he had been sitting and stretched his arms.

(◕▾◕✿)

Meanwhile with Rirī

Genryūsai had called for a meeting a scarce few minutes after the alarm sounded throughout the Seiretei. All the captains were ordered to attend. The last one to show up was Gin, who entered with that adorable sly grin on his face.

"Captain Ichimaru," coolly greeted Genryūsai. "Take your place."

"Yes, sir," said Gin, moving to stand opposite of me.

"As you all can hear the alarms, no doubt you understand the situation," said Genryūsai. "Captain Ichimaru, you encountered the intruders first and let them live, did you not?"

"Let them live is a bit too strong of a phrase. I was going to kill them but then one of them surprised me. One moment I was drawing my blade and the next I was soaring through the air," he said. "Surprisingly pleasant experience. Up in the air, I had some time to do some self-reflection–"

Genryūsai waved Gin off impatiently, his bullshit senses tingling.

"There are... actual people invading Soul Society?" Shunsui sought to clarify.

"Yes."

Suddenly all eyes were on me.

"What?" I asked.

"Rirī," Genryūsai said carefully. "What is this about?"

"Wha—why do you assume I would know?" I demanded, acting offended.

They stared at me.

"Teacher," Jushirio said softly. "This does feel like something you would do."

"It does not! So-So, defend me."

"I don't believe Captain Rirī is behind this," Sōsuke loyally defended my honor.

"I—I—I'm having a hard time swallowing that," Genryūsai admitted. "This screams one of her schemes."

"It does not! Blasphemy! Slander!"

"Okay, fine. If you have nothing to do with these people invading, then you can go bring me their heads," he retorted.

I stared at him.

He stared back at me.

I coughed, then dramatically fell to my knees. I sniffled loudly. "Oh, woes. My heart. I'm too distraught over my precious Ruru being accused of treason and sentenced to death. Oh woes. I have lost all strength."

"Uh-huh," said Genryūsai, continuing to stare suspiciously at me. "Someone escort the poor woman out of here. I swear, Rirī, if I find out this is another scheme to traumatize the Central 46 or nobles again..."

I started to giggle nervously. "Oh, no. No, no, no. I have planned no such thing. Right, So-So?"

"Captain Rirī has not planned any such event," he said with such a shit-eating smile it was hard not to cackle.

"See! We all trust Sōsuke, right?"

"Rirī," Tōshirō said in a reproachful tone. "What are you up to?"

"Ahh... oh woes me... I'm... so... depressed?"

"Why does that sound more like a question?!"

Running out of ideas, I decided it was best to faint. So I did. No one can question an unconscious person!

(◕▾◕✿)

The captains stared at the unconscious Rirī who had been caught by Sōsuke Aizen when she fainted. Rirī was not someone who showed her unconscious side often, mostly because it was hard for her to be in that state while retaining her Shinigami form.

Only her oldest friends knew that truth. The fact that Rirī was not technically a Shinigami was a secret zealously protected.

"Okay," Genryūsai said slowly, staring at Rirī with a level of exhaustion that made Tōshirō pity the man. "I think we can all agree something is going on here."

"Yep."

"Yeah."

"Most definitely."

"She is really up to something."

"And it would appear," Genryūsai went on to say, "that she does not want these intruders killed."

"Should we kill them straight away then and stop whatever she is up to?" Retsu shrewdly asked.

"We could," said Genryūsai, "but if she's going this far to avoid killing them—" he gestured to how she was unconscious and currently being held bridal-style in Sōsuke's arms. "—then it might be best to capture them instead. If they turn out to be some of her friends and we kill them, she might open up hell again."

"Again?" Tōshirō whispered. "She did what?"

Retsu smiled. "You say that like it was a bad thing."

"It was a bad thing, Unohana. It was a very bad thing."

"For you," Retsu smoothly retorted.

Shunsui's eyes narrowed. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I don't know, I was unconscious when she did that so I missed everything. Might be fun to see it in person."

Genryūsai used his zanpakutō to hit Shunsui hard in the gut, causing the man to double over and wheeze in pain. He followed it up with a hard smack on the back of the head. Genryūsai's gaze was colder than steel outside in winter.

Tōshirō glanced over at Sōsuke. Sōsuke Aizen was Rirī's previous lieutenant and was a kindly man. Tōshirō asked Sōsuke, "When did she open hell?"

"Shortly after an invasion on Soul Society. It was before my time so I'm not sure about the details," Sōsuke admitted. "I think it was a training exercise?"

"It was," said Genryūsai, glaring sourly at Shunsui who was rubbing the back of his head. "For me. She made me keep back the guardians and demons of hell for thirteen days straight because I didn't kill some pompous Quincy she wanted dead when he invaded Soul Society."

"She only did that because she wanted you to get stronger—" Shunsui had been expecting the stomp so he dodged, but Genryūsai followed it up with hitting Shunsui with his sheathed zanpakutō again, only that time he hit the captain hard enough to knock him out.

"Unless someone else wants to volunteer fighting literal hoards of demons, do not kill—"

"I volunteer," Kenpachi immediately said before racing off to try and kill the intruders so he could do literally that.

"Fucking save me from arrogant dumbasses," Genryūsai whispered morosely as he stared up at the ceiling. "... Chōjirō, how exactly are the intruders invading?"

Genryūsai's lieutenant cleared his throat. "It would appear they have summoned an impenetrable fog that has covered the lower portion of the Seireitei."

"Uh-huh?"

"And zombies are coming out of it."

"Zombies?" Jūshirō echoed, dumbfounded. "Literal zombies? Like from those horrible movies Captain Rirī would make us watch?"

"Yes," Chōjirō confirmed. "Except they seem to be eating reiatsu instead of brains."

"How did she do this?" Sōsuke wondered, looking genuinely perplexed by this.

"Why is she doing this?" Byakuya tiredly asked.

"Why else?" Gin laughed. "Because it'll be fun."

Groans of despair, coupled with exhausted sighs escaped many of the captains.

"Ichimaru, if you're in on this plan you're sharing the same punishment," Genryūsai warned.

"I assure you, I am not involved in Captain Rirī's scheme," Gin said confidently, never losing his grin.

(◕▾◕✿)

I'm so tired but escapism makes it just a wee better, so happy Bleach is coming back.

Wattpad struggling to let me upload pictures, apologies. 

Answer: Byakuya's zanpakutō is literally so dang pretty. But Sōsuke's has so much potential for fun.

Question: If you wanted to prank the captains (and could get away with it), what would you do?

Reviews are love!