I finished up work and headed home. I was over that week. Cam and I did go out on Saturday but it was just another ordinary date. And I was getting sick of ordinary. At the end of the night he walked me to my front porch and we sat in the chairs talking.  I was debating whether I should try kissing him again.

   I stood up  taking a seat in his lap. He squirmed and got really anxious. "You okay there?" I asked. "Um yea, i guess so..." He said obviously not okay. "What's the first thing you think of me when I walk into the room?" I asked because I needed answers. "Your shoes." He said. What is with this boy and shoes!? "Look so on our last date. I tried to kiss you. Is there any reason you don't want to kiss me?" I asked. 

     "Look I'm shy. I'm not used to all of this. Your dad hooked us up and I didn't have to find the date it's just easy." He said shrugging. That was exactly what Dylan had said. But Nobody was making Dylan like me, he just did. But Cam only liked me because he didn't have to find me. And apparently I have nice shoes. "You know your uh brother said the same thing." I said. 

     "Oh? Well...he reads people well. All this about a kiss?" He asked confused. I nodded. "I just wanna feel the magic." I said. "Okay, if you want me to kiss you again I can try I'm just new." He said. "Okay fine." I sighed. I leaned in to kiss him. He lips didn't move again. There was no passion. He pulled back. "Shoot I was supposed to put my hands on you. Okay step one. Lips touch step two touch you. Any thing else?" Was he seriously naming the steps of a kiss!? "Move your lips." "Okay I got it." He leaned in moving his lips like a fish. This wasn't working. If he didn't 'know' how to kiss I couldn't teach him. He'd have to learn. And if he loved kissing the person it would come natural to him.

"Woah." he said. "Really? You thought that was a good kiss?" I asked. "Yea I may need practice to get better. But thanks for understanding." Did I understand? I mean look kissing is not the important thing here. It's if he and I meshed. If we had stuff in common. If we had natural chemistry and we didn't. But Dylan and I certainly did. Now I was even MORE confused.

     "I should get going." He said. "Sure thing, thanks again." I said. "No problem see you Monday girlfriend." He said. Cheesy. I again couldn't sleep. But at least this time I didn't dream of abs so there was that.

     Monday I worked hard so I wouldn't have to think about the Cam stuff but I knew deep down I wasn't happy. But honestly I had no way of knowing if things with Dylan and I would be any better.

     On my lunch break I headed outside. Maybe I could get some clarity. I stepped out the back door calling out. "Can you come here?" I asked. "What?" Dylan asked. "Can you come sit on the ledge?" I asked. "Sure." He set his board down and took a seat. "What?" He asked. "If I sit in your lap what's gonna happen?" I asked. "I'm confused." "Look I just need to know okay." "Then come on." He said giving me a sexy smirk. I set in his lap. 

     "Now what's gonna happen?" I asked. "What do I want to happen or what's gonna happen?" He asked smirking. "What do you want to happen?" I asked. "If we were dating I'd push your hair behind your ear. Kiss you slowly...." Which thankfully he didn't. "Then I'd turn you around." He said. "I'm wearing a skirt." I said. "I know." He said raising his eyebrows. He slid one leg on either side of him and my skirt rode up. "Then I'd place my hands on either side of your legs." To which he did. He slid his hands up higher. "Then I'd turn your neck to me." He placed his lips on my neck. "Okay okay...." I pulled back. That's closer to what Cam should've done. "And if we were going to kiss, where would you put your hands?" I asked. "Everywhere." He said his eyes blazing. But I'd start with your face and work them down your back and up your legs...I uh really like your legs..."He said. I blushed so hard.

      I turned back around fixing my skirt in the process. I took a seat next to him. "What's the first thing you notice about me when I walk into a room?" I ask. "Your smile, your lips, your eyes, your legs....why?" He asked. "Not my shoes?" I asked. "Your shoes? I mean I guess they're nice but...I don't know...that just seems weird" He said. I nodded. "It is weird." I said not looking at him.

"Why are you asking me all of these things?" He asked. "Because these are things that are broken that I am trying to fix." I said. "With me?" He asked. "No, you currently don't need fixing in there area." I said sighing. I stood up. "I need to get back to work." I said. "Wait, don't you uh need me to answer some more questions?" He asked. "Not at the moment. Besides don't you have an album to make? Or are you training to be a pro skate boarder now?" I joked. "I can do both." he said. "Unlike you, you can't have both me and my brother so don't get any ideas." He said wagging his finger at me. "I wouldn't dream of it." I smirked waving at him as I headed back inside.

     I smacked my forehead against the wall. There was no going back to talk to Cam. He wasn't going to change his answers. That's just who he was. But maybe I'd ask him what he liked about me. Maybe that would help. I walked down the hallway to see if I could find him. I poked my head into the studio. 

     He wasn't in there. But Ethan was tweaking with some track on the computer. I tapped on the glass. He smiled and waved me in. "Hey I'm looking for your brother." I said. "Which one?" He asked an edge to his voice. Was he mad at me? "C-Cam..." I said sounding afraid. "Well he's not here but I'm sure if you go out back you can find Dylan. There apparently interchangeable." He said.

     "Woah, what's with the third degree?" I asked. "Look I'm sorry, it's just I don't think it's right okay?" He said. "It's not right and that's the problem!! I'm here trying to do the right thing by Cam since he and I are dating but I cannot deny the feelings I have for Dylan. I want to, but I can't!" I said.

     "And that's hard? If you like Dylan then dump Cam and go out with Dylan he will understand you know. He's slow not stupid. He's eventually going to catch on." He said. "That's why I'm trying to protect him from." He said. "So I am. I don't want to hurt him." I said. Ethan sighed.

     "It sounds to me like you want to be with Dylan but you don't want to hurt Cam. If that's what you're worried about, don't worry you won't. Since he moves slow his feelings do as well. Look Cam liked you because he didn't have to do anything. He's shy and getting girls is hard for him. But don't baby him. He'll find somebody and he'll be fine. Dylan has always been a go getter. He knows what he wants and he doesn't play around. So you just have to figure out what you really want. Who did you feel more of a connection with? I mean you know." He said patting my arm. "Thanks, that was actually really helpful." I said. "Why? I didn't tell you anything you didn't already know. You know if you don't like Cam you shouldn't be with him. You know if you like Dylan you should. Cam is a nice guy, he will understand." I stood up. "I know you're right but it's nice hearing you say it. You know what, everyone is right about you. You are the smart one." I said. "Duh." Ethan said laughing.

      I left. Back in my office I texted Dylan. "When you get done today can you come see me." He texted back "Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Anytime I'm alone with you it's almost trouble and don't get me wrong I like trouble..." "You will be fine you big baby." I said.

     Once i had put the finishing touches on a few things there was a knock on my door. I walked around the desk and pulled the door open. "Hey thanks for coming to see me." I said. "Sure thing, what's up?" he asked. "I need you to do something for me." I said. "Anything, what is it?" He asked. "I need you to kiss me." 

     "Anything but that, come on you're dating my brother I'm not gonna do that to him." He said. "No I know that, I'm not saying I'm gonna date him and make out with you behind his back. I'm saying. I'm really confused. It feels like we have something good. But it's hard to tell. And until you kiss me, really kiss me I won't know. Y'know Cam is nice and if it weren't for you I'd be fine..." "Would you?" "I don't know." I said sighing. "Look, please. I just need you to kiss me." I said biting my lip.

He groaned. "Don't beg me in that sexy way, look alright if you need me to kiss you I will. But for the record I think you already know what you need to do, but since I can't resist those lips of yours. I'll do it." He said coming over. He pushed me back onto the desk and pushed my legs apart so he could stand close to me. 

     He put his hands on either side of my legs and leaned in. The kiss started out slow but with the passion we always seemed to find it picked up and he pushed his hands in my hair. I put my hands under his shirt and caressed his abs. He bit my lip gently. I could not get enough of him. He pulled back out of breath. "Does that answer your question?" He asked. "Oh boy." I said. He chuckled. "Glad I could help but if you wanna do that again. You'd better be single." He said winking and walking out of my office. He didn't utter another word. He didn't really need to.

     Oh my gosh I was going to have to break up with Cam, break his heart. I just hopped Ethan was right and this wouldn't crush him. I pulled out my phone and dialed cams number. "Hey where are you?" I asked once he picked up. "Well I was about to leave, where are you?" "In my office, can you come by?" I asked. "Sure thing." We hung up and minutes later he was knocking on my door. "Hey you." He said coming in.

     "Hey um look I need to talk to you." I said. "What's up?" He asked. "Look I think we should break up." I said in a rush. "What? Is this about the kissing because I'll get better I swear. I'll even practice on my pillow or whatever." I tried not to laugh. "It's not about the kissing It's about everything. It just doesn't feel right. It feels like were having to try too hard to make this work and it shouldn't be this hard. It should be easy." I said.  "Things with you and I aren't easy. They never have been. You need a girl who is just as new to this as you are. So that you can figure it out together. I need somebody who's on the same speed as I am." I said.

     "Somebody like Dylan?" He asked. "How did you know?" I asked. "I'm slow not stupid. I've seen the way he looks at you. I've even seen the way you look at him. I didn't want to admit that things weren't good. I was just hopping they would get better." He shrugged. "I'm really sorry." I said. "You don't have to apologize it's something we both should've just done. And if you like Dylan than go for it, and I hope you're happy." He said. "Thank you." I said giving him a hug. He jerked back. "This right here man. We're gonna be good friends." I chuckled. "Sorry, it's the whole boobs in the hug thing." He said. "I happen to know plenty of guys who would like that hug!" I said. "Probably." He laughed. "Let's go home." He said leading me out of my office.

     I went home that day feeling defeated and somewhat confused. I don't know why. I had made my decision now I just had to tell Dylan. Shouldn't that be the easy part? I mean I knew he liked me. I liked him. Nothing should be confusing. I needed a hot bath and that would sort anything.