Growing up in my house was what i could only describe as normal. It was just my mom and me. I didn't really realize I guess that most people in fact had two parents. I had a friend who's parents divorced but she at least went to her dad's on the weekend.
         Once I realized people had two parents that worked, it  felt like something was missing. For instance. We weren't rich by any means. And as soon as i could work i got a job to help my mom out. Had my dad stuck around or helped out we might've been better off.

It wasn't easy. I missed dances, football games and parties. My friends got to have a great high school experience. And i often wondered what had my dad done that was so horrible that we couldn't at the least get child support. My mom always said "We can't do that, he'll want to come see you and i'm trying to protect you." But wasn't that my choice to make? Or his at best? Maybe he wouldn't even want to see me. But most dad's cared enough to at least come around! Why couldn't mine?

But that i learned to live with that, I had too. He didn't care and she told him no he couldn't see me. Which let me tell you I was mad about, but she wouldn't even tell me ONE thing about him. And i was done. I had thought about this for a long time and now that i was seventeen i had come up with a three part plan. One Talk to my mom and demand answers. If that didn't work i'd move on to step two which is dig through the house until i found SOMETHING about my dad. If that failed then i would google him or look into some public records. I was GOING to find out who he was. And then i was going to see him.

Why? Because i want to tell that jerk what we went through. How hard we had it. How i had to give up EVERYTHING just to help my mom put food on the table. That he didn't care enough about me to come see me or even want to get to know me. And now i'm seventeen it's practically to late!

"Mom, hey can i ask you a question?" I asked. "Huh? Well i'm almost done with dinner." She said holding up the spoon. "Okay well it won't take long." I said. She sat the spoon down and took a seat at the bar. "Shoot." She said giving me her full attention. "I want you to tell me about my father. And before you tell me 'you are protecting me' No, i'm having none of it. I want to know something about him!" I said.

"Honey, look you need to just let it go. It's been so long and there's no point in knowing anything about him. It's just going to hurt you and your just going to want to know more. Then it'll lead to you wanting to meet him and it's just going to hurt you. Please trust me on this." She said. "Why because he hurt you? Because he left you?" I asked. "News flash he left both of us." She said sounding hurt. "Look i'm sorry, but if he at least met me maybe he would like me and..." "Oh honey i'm so sorry. I never meant for this to hurt you so. It's why i didn't want to talk about it. Look you go on and finish your homework while i finish dinner." She said dropping and changing the subject at the same time. I sighed standing up. Phase two.

My mom would be preoccupied with dinner for a bit. I don't know if my mom even has anything at all but it couldn't hurt to try. First i dug in her dresser drawer. Nothing. Then in the jewelry box on her dresser. No dice. I then opened her closet door and started rummaging around. My hand caught on a cardboard box. Yes. I dug around and found tons of mementos. Then i found a picture. It was of a man. I stared at the photo in shock. He had my same light brown hair and green eyes and my dimples. The ones i wondered where they came from.

I didn't look a thing like my mom. I never thought anything of it. But now that i see this photo i know why. I take after my dad. I flipped the photo over. Richard Dawson 2001. A year before i was born. I slipped the photo into my back pocket and put everything back. I came back to the kitchen just in time to see my mom putting bowls of warm spaghetti on the table. "Looks great mom." I said taking a seat.

I might've eaten really fast because i wanted to research Richard Dawson. I finished and put my bowl into the sink. "More homework, sorry to rush." I said. "No problem, getting good grades is important." She said. I stopped in my tracks. "Is it?" I asked. "Well of course." She said looking at me confused. I was kind of angry. I made a C on a big project because i didn't have time to finish it because i was working. Another problem for another day.

I booted up the computer but it was old and slow so it took a while. Once it was loaded i typed his name and our city into the search bar. I scrolled through the results until i saw his face. Bam you've been found. It looks like my dad was kind of famous. He owned his own record studio and i had actually heard of some of the bands and singers that were on his label. I checked the calendar and was elated to see i had the day off tomorrow. I wrote down the address and set it next to the picture.
        Glad my dad was semi famous or I might not have found him. Then I got angry, you own a record label. So you're not exactly broke, couldn't you I don't know send something?!