I took a walk outside. I had met with so many different people this week my head was swimming with questions I knew there was a chance if I went outside I'd run into Dylan but so what. We could be friends couldn't we? I pushed the door open and stopped dead in my tracks. Dylan was skateboarding shirtless. Oh my. He stopped and turned to look at me. "Yea my brother doesn't look like this!" He called. Oh I was staring. "What are you talking about?" I said trying to play it dumb. "You know all this." He said motioning to his abs. "It was one date you perv nobody cares." I said.     "Oh please they care, my brother might not because he doesn't know what he's doing. Hope you don't mind holding his hand." He kicked the skate board into his hand and walked over to the ledge. I walked all the way out now taking a seat. He joined me kicking his feet against the wall. "He's doing just fine." I said. "So he let you kiss him on your date?" He asked. "Well it was a cheek thing..." I said. "Oh, and he let you do that?" He asked. "Okay so no maybe he didn't. But he's learning."  I said. "If you say so." We sat in silence for a minute and he turned to me.

      "So you and Cam? Really?" He asked. "Why is that so shocking?" I asked. "I dunno I always thought it'd be you and me..." He said shrugging. "Stop playing." I said. "I'm not. I thought it was obvious there was something going on...." He said.

     "Oh." I said shocked by this. "Look my bother is a super great guy, he's also super slow. You don't seem like the type to take it slow." He said. He was right of course. "Maybe that's why Cam and I will be good for each other? Maybe what I've been doing hasn't worked. Why do you think I was single?" I asked. "I don't think that has anything to do with it. You can date people that are your type and just not find the right one." He said. "Also true." "Look if you had no interest in me before that's fine. It is what it is. But I needed to let you know I felt something. That's all. I'm gonna sit over here and keep my hands to myself like a good little boy." He said.

     "I think you and I both know you're not a good boy." I said. His eyes lit up. "I know, but for you. I will be. For my brother I will be." He said. "Good then. With that I'm gonna get back to work." I said. "Yes mam, see you around." He said. I had an interview that day with Spark Goodard. He was some eccentric who had a following. He was like weird al and lady gaga with a splash of Katy Perry.

     I finished up and  was heading back to my office when I bumped into Cam. "Hey I was hoping to bump into you, I wanted to see about going out. I'm all done with recording." He said. "Right now?" I asked. I had more work I wanted to do. On top of that I was wearing work clothes and I would've liked to shower and fix my hair and makeup. I sighed. "Okay let me just drop this off and we can go." I said.

     "Let me walk with you." He said. I dropped the stuff off and we walked out to his car. He pulled a piece of paper off his dash. "I wrote down some questions on paper so I don't screw this up." He said. He. Did. Not. Who does that? Shouldn't the conversation just flow naturally?

     He pulled out onto the street. "Okay, what's your favorite movie?" He asked setting the paper in his lap. "That's easy the sound of music." I said. "Oh a girly movie okay." He said. "I'm a girl..." I said deadpan. "Oh right no of course you are. Mines The matrix. Favorite song?" He asked. "I don't know if I have one honestly. I mean there are so many good ones coming out all the time I think it changes constantly." I said. "Hm I guess I could see that." He nodded. "Mine is Easy by Ro and Baskins." "Never heard of it." I shrugged. "Oh no." He gasped. "It's not you it's me, I prefer country." I shrugged. "Oh." He said almost disgusted.

     "Something wrong with that?" I asked. "Not at all, you know my brother Dylan likes country. I just don't get the appeal. Sorry." "No, it's fine. You like what you like." I shrugged. Of course freaking Dylan liked country. He pulled into a hole in the wall diner. We walked inside and took our seats. Once we ordered he went through the whole entire list of questions. Which was fine. What better way to get to know someone? But I'd be glad when the connection we were supposed to feel would come. I'd wait.

     After we ate we headed back to my house. He hopped out and walked me to the door. "This time I'm going to kiss you." I said. "What!?" His eyes grew big. "Is that okay?" I asked. "I dunno." He said. "You're a cute guy why haven't you kissed a girl yet come on. Don't be a baby." I said leaning into him. He let me put my lips on his but he didn't move them or his hands. I put my hands on his face and he jerked back.

     "You okay?" I asked. "Are we supposed to put our hands on each other?" He whispered. "Yes." You big dummy. "Where do I put them?" He asked. "Anywhere you want." I said putting my hands out getting a little annoyed. He looked down at my chest and gulped. "Anywhere?" He asked. "Yes anywhere." I said as he looked down again.

     "Oh for the love of Pete would you just touch me!?" I asked taking his hands and setting them on my boobs. "Woah." He said. I leaned in to kiss him. Again he didn't move his lips. But he dropped his hands rather quickly. Again he didn't touch me. I threw my hands up and pulled back. "That was nice." He said. "It was!? What kiss where you a part of!?" I shrieked. "Oh, no sorry. That wasn't good?" He asked. "No, not really." I said. "We can try again." He said. "No, no really that's not necessary. I'll see you at work tomorrow." I said.

     What was with that boy? He put a new meaning to the world slow. I swear! I tossed and turned all night. I was in a panic. What if this was how our whole entire relationship was going to go? I couldn't hold his hand forever. If kissing didn't come naturally how was I going to teach him? Put your hands here. Let me put mine here. And the one thing I hated was that Dylan was right. When I pressed up against him for that all to brief kiss I felt no abs . I like abs...

     So I fell asleep dreaming of abs. But what a way to go.

     The next day at work I was taking a much needed break from the site and I arranging some stuff in the top of a closet. Why? No the question is: why not? My brain just needed a break. I started to drop a cup of pens and a folder then I started to fall. "Woah woah I got you." Said Dylan running up to catch me. "I was wondering what all that noise was out here." He said smiling down at me as he had me in a fireman's carry. 

     "It was just me." I said breathlessly. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Yea, that just scared me." His eyes went to my lips. I bet he'd be a great kisser. No why was I thinking that? Stop it stupid. He realized he was still holding me and set me gently on the ground. "There you go." He said to close. But just close enough. There was chemistry that you could feel. That pulls you to each other and you know you're about to kiss. Except we weren't about to kiss. But you could just feel it.

     He leaned in. "Shoot, I'm sorry." He said. "It's okay." I said. "It's not, you...It's me. Well I'd better get back in there." He said motioning. And the rest of the week was exactly the same. I was on the phone and texting Cam but at work Dylan an I kept having these moments that were so confusing. I could tell he wanted more but I didn't know what I could do about it.

     Friday I headed outside to see Dylan. I was going to try this friends thing. I really think we could do it. I took a seat next to him. "Hey buddy." I said. "Buddy, yea you know I don't like the sound of that." He said. "Oh? Well then what do you like the sound of?" I asked giggling. "Baby..." He said in this sexy way that made my knees go weak. He was so close to me.

     "I can't do this." I said leaning my head against his. "But it feels so right, and I can't help feeling like this." Dylan said. "I know." I whispered. "But your brother is a great guy and we can't do this to him. Your family is in a band together. It would ruin things." I said. "Yea but what about you, what about how you feel? Are you really going to keep dating a guy you don't really like just to spare his feelings." 

     I started to cry. I just wanted us to be friends. "I don't know what to do. I do like Cam" "Hey, no I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look I know I'm putting you into an awkward situation. I'm sorry I didn't mean to. I shouldn't have said anything. Of course you like Cam. I was just hopping you liked me too." "If I admitted that I did it makes me cruel." I said. "It makes you human. You just can't like two people forever. You eventually have to choose." He said.

      "You're not making it very easy." I said. "Okay what do you need me to do?" He asked. "Well maybe stop using that cologne and body wash. Just stop smelling like you. Maybe stop working out. Because those muscles...stop being so flirty, and charming and funny and cute I need you to stop being so...you." I said. "It's getting hot in here." He said still holding me to him. I leaned my head back. "It is." His lips fell down to my neck and I gripped his hair in my fingers. "We can't I just need to...." I said breathlessly. "I know." He said letting me go. "I don't want to hurt Cam this isn't right." I said. "What about me? This is killing me Marny." He said putting his hands out. "I'm not trying to hurt you, it's just that Cam's my boyfriend." I said.

     "You've made that clear." He said frowning and standing up from the ledge. He pulled his shirt over his head and picked up his board. "What are you doing?" I asked. "What I do best, avoiding my problems." He said. "You should know something about that, let me know how it works out for you because I'm thinking there has to be a better way." He said. "Look you have to understand where I'm coming from. When my dad set me up with Cam I didn't have anybody interested in me so why not go on a harmless date? Then when he started to like me. I still didn't have anybody telling me they were interested and I was single and he's nice enough okay. So now you suddenly want me to break up with him? I can't just do that." I said. "I know that and i hate that I even said it. But I thought you knew how I felt. I thought you felt the same way." He said. "Why we never said...." I said. "Because we didn't need to. I felt it...we kept almost...kissing...and we talk and laugh and we just get it." He said.

     "I know, you're right I'm just scared." "Scared of what? To hurt my brother? Look he likes you because your easy." He said. "What did you just say to me!?" His eyes got big. "No! NO! Not like that. I mean, he's shy. He's scared. He didn't have to work hard to get you because your dad set you two up on a date. And going out of his way scares him. But I need you to know. That I'd work for you. Hard. And if you need me to stop being me, well I don't think I can do that. But while were at it. You stop being so you. You need to stop wearing the shirts with a hint of cleavage because I notice. Stop wearing the skirts and shorts and dresses because your legs I definitely notice. Stop smelling so good. Stop biting your lip and giving me that sexy smile of yours. Stop coming to see me...." 

     "We can't even be friends?" I sobbed. "I want to I really do but it's hard. Like when you lay your head on my shoulder because you want comfort from a long day I want to push your hair out of your face and kiss your head. And I can't do that because you're freaking dating my brother!" He said his voice pained. "And when you want to come talk to me about things with my brother it hurts me. Because I can't do anything! I can't tell you to break up with him if you're not happy because as much as I like you he's also my brother and I'm in a hard place."

     "I understand that, and I know things have been building between us. But I don't want to hurt your brother. But if I decide to stay with Cam then you won't have to see me okay?" I said. "Unless you get married then I'll see you making out with my brother at family dinner? No thanks. Look you just do what you need to do. You know I'd wait for you forever. But at the same time you gotta know that's not fair to me either." He said. "You're right and I promise to sort it soon, okay?" "Thanks. See ya Marny." He said waving as I headed inside. But as I left he looked hurt. Really hurt.

     I had never intended to get into a mess like this. It was supposed to be easy. Go to the dance with this guy and move on. Or like him so much we keep dating. I had done neither. And I couldn't hurt Cam. I just knew this would crush him. I also knew that maybe this would get better? Oh well time to work on another interview.