Chapter 15: You're Allowed To Love Who You Want


Nothing could describe what Amanda was feeling the moment she woke up. The pain throughout her body was excruciating. From her head, which felt like she had been hit with a hammer, all the way down to her legs, which was covered with bruises. Amanda was lying on the hard floor, and she couldn't move. She was staring at the bottle of water that she had dropped when the man grabbed her. She couldn't move to reach it, but it was the only thing that she wanted right then. Her mouth felt so dry, like she hadn't drunken anything in days. She actually didn't know whether or not it had been days. She had lost track of time – there was no way she would know how long she had been captured for. Two times now she had woken up after being knocked out due to being hit in the head, and drugged. The first time didn't hurt as bad, but now it felt like her whole body was broken. The smell in the room wasn't just her own vomit now. There was the smell of blood too. She knew that she was covered in it – especially her legs, as she could still feel the effects of the man's abuse between them. At least he had the dignity to cover her up again – Amanda couldn't even think about what it would have been like if he had left her on the cold, hard floor, half naked. A tear fell down her cheek, as she wished she was back in the arms of Olivia – which was when she remembered that she was nothing to her. Because of this, and the fact that her aching body was overwhelming her, Amanda burst into tears, unable to control them any longer.

It had been twenty four hours since Olivia last saw Amanda, and there still weren't any leads. Even though the building's owner had seen Olivia at Amanda's apartment more than once, he wouldn't get her the tapes to the entrance and any exits without a search warrant. Amanda had only been there for a few months, so apparently she wasn't worth the risk. Olivia had expressed her opinion to the man so openly, that Amaro had to drag her away, before she could do anything stupid. Olivia was pacing around the precinct, trying to remember any details about Amanda's apartment that had been different, other than the blood on her bed, which could help with finding her, but there was nothing out of the ordinary that she could recall. It wasn't until Alex Cabot walked into the room, holding a folded, blue paper in hands, that Olivia snapped out of her trance, and snatched it from her hands. "Finally!" She snapped, feeling rather angry at Alex for taking so long. She had asked for it over an hour ago – what took her so long? Alex raised her eyebrow curiously at Olivia, and folded her arms. "They were all in court! I practically had to follow Petrovsky into the ladies room – she wasn't impressed, but she understood the fact that we have an officer missing, so she signed it without question. We have access to the tapes, as well as access to fingerprint in the elevators and staircases," Alex explained, as Olivia began walking towards the exit. Nick, Fin and John were all following Olivia, knowing that she was going to need as much help as she could. The previous case that they had could wait – Amanda needed more attention.

Amanda could tell that another day was ending – it was getting very cold. It was getting harder for her to move even a muscle anymore, due to it being so chilly. But she knew she had to move, or otherwise she was sure her muscles were going to stop working completely and leave her stiff. She forced herself to move from the spot that she was in, willing everything inside of her to ignore the pain that overtook her. She let out a small grown as she moved, pausing on all fours so she could breathe slightly before trying again. With another deep breath, she forced herself up from the floor, leaning against the wall to remain upright. She was lucky that, that particular spot didn't have any nails – so she didn't have to worry about being stabbed in the back. She closed her eyes, breathing in and out slowly. She froze the moment the door opened. She forced her eyes open, and forced her body to not move, even though all she wanted to do was run. The man had come back – did he want to have another go? Amanda almost screamed as he came closer, but he merely just smirked at her and threw her a blanket and a couple of bars so she could eat. "Would rather have you starve and die of the cold – but the boss said we had to be good 'hosts'," He told her, looking her up and down. "God, you bleed like a pig," He muttered, before slamming the door behind him as he left. Amanda let out a small cry, and sunk down to the ground. She gathered the blanket in her arms and pulled it over her. She also grabbed her bottle of water and the two bars he had thrown at her. It felt like she hadn't eaten in days – it was better than nothing. She opened it, and closed her eyes satisfyingly as she took the first bite. She wanted nothing but to get out of there – nothing more than be in her own apartment, nothing more to be in the arms of Olivia, nothing more to be safe. But she knew that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so this bar was going to be the best that she got.

Olivia reviewed every tape like it was going to kill her if she missed any detail. She had already watched two, with her nose almost touching the screen. She couldn't believe how much time it took to get to this point – she had to review them in the security room of the building. It was ridiculous – she couldn't take any tape back to the precinct, unless it was prudent to the case. She couldn't believe how uncooperative the super was being. Amanda was his tenant! Olivia replaced the second tape with the third tape. It was the one that covered Amanda's floor. It showed the elevator, and the first couple of apartment doors on that floor. Olivia saw herself leaving the floor, looking like she was about to burst into tears. It made Olivia feel that way at that very moment, remembering what she had just done before leaving Amanda's apartment. She saw the two men she had seen before entering the elevator, then nothing. She fast forwarded it for a couple of minutes, where she almost fell out of her seat when she saw the back of the two men holding onto a women with blond hair, which was soaked in blood. "Amanda," She breathed, cursing herself mentally at the realisation that those two men that were holding her, and taking her out of her building injured was the men that she smiled at. Olivia watched as they entered the elevator, and saw that Amanda was unconscious as they turned around, and the fact that the doors had begun to close before she could get a good look at Amanda's kidnappers' faces. Olivia turned off that tape, and put it in the box that was labelled 'evidence', before putting the fourth tape in, which was hopefully going to show them exiting the building. When she reviewed it over, twice, she groaned loudly, as she did not see them exit the building from any of the exits that had a video camera operating, which meant that they had either exited through the back exit, which only maintenance used, or they fixed the camera which cut out them leaving. Olivia stared at the blank screen of the TV set for a moment, before a sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind her.

Tutuola had gained her attention, which made Olivia realise that they had to get back to the precinct with the new evidence. She wondered if they had figured out why Olivia was so keen on finding Amanda yet – had they seen how upset Olivia had been when she left Amanda's apartment? The look of the detectives' faces said yes, but their silence made it quite clear. "We'll find her, Olivia. She's strong, and it looks like you got a good look at these bastards – just think about it, and we'll get the best sketch artist out there," Amaro commented, standing up, as he gave her a reassuring smile. "Yeah – if anyone is going to nail these bastards, Liv, it'll be you," Munch stated, standing up as well. Olivia just nodded her head, grateful that they hadn't said anything about what else they saw. The four of them left the security room, Tutuola stopping to talk to the super, as he had refused to speak to Olivia due to her treats earlier. He was telling him about the tape that they were taking, and that if he tried to stop them, he would arrest him for obstruction. He handed it over without a fight, probably glad to get rid of Olivia. She was sure that he wouldn't let her into the building anymore, Amanda lover or not.

"So how long have you two, been... er... seeing each other?" Tutuola questioned Olivia as he caught up with her. She was walking behind Munch and Amaro, as she wanted to clear her head, so she didn't need the distraction. Olivia cleared her throat with a slight surprised look upon her face. "I assure you, I have no idea what you're talking about, Fin," Olivia mumbled, folding her arms across her chest. Tutuola looked at her curiously, before shoving his hands into his pockets. "It's cool, Liv. I've seen the way you've looked at each other, the way you reacted when she didn't turn up to work this morning, and the way you're acting now, knowing that she's been hurt. You're allowed to love who you want Olivia, who is anyone to judge? Especially me? My son his getting married to his boyfriend, remember?" Fin commented, like it was no big deal. "You can be happy with anyone you want, no one is going to care," He finished, which led Olivia to finally let out the tears that she had been holding back since the moment she saw the blood on Amanda's bed. "I love her so much Fin, and now she's gone. She could be dead for all I know, and the last thing I said to her was that I didn't love her, and there was nothing between us," she cried, standing outside the building, in the middle of the street for everyone to see a cop breaking down. "I just want to see her again, hold her, and tell her how much I love her. I don't know where she is and I don't know if she's alright. What if she's dead Fin? What if she's been seriously hurt?" Olivia asked which caused Fin to curse himself mentally as he pulled her into his arms to comfort her. Olivia cried on his shoulder, unable to hold back the tears. Munch and Amaro sat awkwardly in the car, not knowing what to say or do. They just pretended they couldn't hear anything, even though they were hearing everything she was saying. Fin was right though – they didn't care that her and Amanda were seeing each other. It was their business. "Amanda is a strong woman. She knows how to take care of herself in this kind of situation, I am sure – besides, if she was dead, you would know wouldn't you? Have a gut feeling or something?" Fin questioned her, pulling Olivia back so he could look at her. Olivia merely nodded her head. "I g-guess," She choked out, wiping her eyes. "I'm so god damn scared that I'm going to lose her – I only just got her," She whispered, biting her lip ever so slightly. Fin rubbed her shoulders gently. "She's strong, Olivia," He repeated, reminding her of what she already knew. Olivia nodded her head, agreeing. "Yes, I know. Let's go back to the precinct, so I can nail these bastards to the wall," She stated, venom almost seeping through her voice as she thought about the two men that she had smiled at, the men who had kidnapped her girlfriend. Both Olivia and Fin got into the car, leaving the building behind them, with CSU checking for fingerprints in the elevator, Amanda's apartment, and stairwells.

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