Hello. 

Spoiler Alert: this entry is named after me. I'm my own muse. I'm the single, hopeless romantic that is referred to in the title. 

Do you want to know how I came to give myself that title?

Well, it started when I watched "The Notebook" for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I honestly can't believe I was missing out on that movie for nineteen and a half years of life. I won't put any spoilers, but I highly suggest watching it. Upon the completion of the rollercoaster of emotions that is "The Notebook", my friend told me that I would be thinking about it for months. Guess what? She was right. 

I unconsciously decided to think about this movie tonight; about the beautiful romance, the occasional heartbreak, and every other emotion in between that comes with having a relationship. It was already a pretty low self-esteem day to begin with, so thinking about this movie was definitely the wrong thing to think about. I began hating myself for still being single at nineteen and a half years of age even though there are plenty of people my age that are single. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, and yet I still found myself resenting myself for it. 

After I was questioning myself about being single, I began to critique every other part of myself and attributed normal things as the reason why I'm still single. "No guy will look at me like that with scars and psoriasis on my face", "Yeah I don't have the body to wear clothes that guys like seeing", stuff along those lines that is normal and perfectly acceptable. And then I started to cry. I'm an expert at making myself cry over what seems like nothing to other people. 

I really want a "Notebook" type of romance. I want someone to love me forever, but I'm truly a hopeless romantic. Usually, the term "hopeless romantic" connotes a person is in love with the idea of being loved. For me, the term "hopeless romantic" connotes a lonely girl who wants romantic gestures but has lost all hope of ever receiving them. 

I know that this feeling will be temporary, that I will eventually believe that someone will love me enough to do little romantic gestures for me. I know it is normal to be single. I'm only nineteen for f*cks sake; I can barely remember to cook myself enough food to live so the last thing right now I need is a boy to have to think about and put effort into. 

But I can't help it. I want to be the usual term of "hopeless romantic" that is genuinely in love with the idea of being loved; let me just love you and love being with you. I'm sick of being a person who has given up on the idea of romance altogether.

After a brief period of reflection, I have decided that a better phrase to describe me is a "romantic that has lost all hope". It's not that I don't believe in love, it's just that I've lost hope of anyone loving me in return. 

If you're also a romantic that has lost all hope, I'm with you.